Selling family "heirlooms" - ok or regret or ??

[Koolau]

The older I get, the less I care about stuff - even heirlooms. I have boxes of family pictures and I haven't looked through them in years - not quite certain where they are. I hear of folks running back into burning buildings to get old pictures. I'm thinking - let 'er burn but YMMV.

 

[ugeauxgirl]

I just got an offer from Replacements for some Waterford goblets of $3 each! They sell them for over $40.
I could do better on eBay.

You certainly could! I absolutely adored some carnival glass tumblers my MIL had. My SIL gladly let me have them. We use them every day. Youngest DS dropped one, and I bought a few extras on ebay. I certainly spent more than $4 each!

 

[skyking1]

pictures of family are in a special category. As folks die, no one is left who can identify who is in the pictures, and even if they have all sorts of labels on the back, nobody knows the significance in a short few years. Aunt who? Who's Aunt?
They have the most value for the eldest. I suspect that this generation will toss out more boxes of pictures than any previous, due to the proliferation of digital media.

 

[Pointby2]

We were watching Kim's Convenience. It was the episode where he is cleaning up his basement. He had three piles. Keep, Throw Away, and have the Kids Throw Away!
Too true.

 

[Koolau]

I've probably mentioned this before. I kept my mom's piano as it was her favorite possession and it most reminded me of her. We moved it 3 times IIRC. I never even considered selling it, but when a young lady we knew of (age 13 or 14) needed a piano, I was happy to donate it to her. I knew my mom would have approved. YMMV

 

[mtpisgah]

I have my mom’s china and crystal. We declined everything else she offered. Have my dad’s dog tags and a few things that were his dad’s. We declined everything else he offered. Do not take stuff you do not have use for. If you ‘have’ to take, sell it in a week or give it to goodwill.

 

[skyking1]

I've probably mentioned this before. I kept my mom's piano as it was her favorite possession and it most reminded me of her. We moved it 3 times IIRC. I never even considered selling it, but when a young lady we knew of (age 13 or 14) needed a piano, I was happy to donate it to her. I knew my mom would have approved. YMMV

that seems to be the way with pianos. If you find a good home for one you have done well.
We took my sister's piano to a daycare where somebody wanted to get the children involved with music.

 

[meleana]

Get rid of it. Give it away. Sell it. Whatever. In the end it all means nothing.

 

[PatrickA5]

Gave 25% of my dads stuff to Goodwill/Salvation Army. The other 75% went into a dumpster we had to pay a couple of hundred to have hauled away. He kept a tidy house well into his 90s, but didn't want to get rid of anything. I'm bound and determined not to have my kids go through that when DW and I are gone.

I did try to sell a couple of pieces of good furniture of my dads, but didn't get any bites. Offered his dining table and 6 wood chairs for $100. Had one person come by to look and offered $25. I declined. I've been told that nobody under 40 wants china or "brown" furniture. I think I believe them.

 

[imnontrad]

I have the same dilemma. Plus there are some things that have meaning for me but my children do not have any emotional attachment. it was easier when there were a lot of kids in the family to spread everything around.
Go through and decide what you really love and want to keep. Then maybe offer the rest to your children, then siblings, and then to cousins. If none of them want it, although you might get some money for some of the items, you may be disappointed in what others are willing to pay for it. And you may do better to just identify people who can use/really need the items. Giving the items to homes where you believe they will be appreciate may give you a much better feeling than selling them. the exception to this is any guns. Personally, I would find a program where they are taking guns, taking them apart and then making them into artwork is a good alternative.

 

[Music Lover]

Gave 25% of my dads stuff to Goodwill/Salvation Army. The other 75% went into a dumpster we had to pay a couple of hundred to have hauled away. He kept a tidy house well into his 90s, but didn't want to get rid of anything. I'm bound and determined not to have my kids go through that when DW and I are gone.

I did try to sell a couple of pieces of good furniture of my dads, but didn't get any bites. Offered his dining table and 6 wood chairs for $100. Had one person come by to look and offered $25. I declined. I've been told that nobody under 40 wants china or "brown" furniture. I think I believe them.

One of my friends exited a toxic relationship suddenly and ended up in an apartment with no furniture. He went to an estate sale and bought enough furniture and dishes to fill the entire apartment for $600 or so. He gradually replaced items when he found stuff he liked and/or on sale. The stuff he bought ended up at the side of the road because it wasn't worth enough enough to waste time trying to sell.

This article was posted here a few years ago:

https://www.nextavenue.org/nobody-wants-parents-stuff/

 

[Sue J]

When we got married in 1976 I was not interested in having “wedding china” or matching crystal, etc. but when DH’s grandparents died his family decided that I needed the family china. It was pretty and only a few chipped plates. I kept it displayed for years and used it maybe twice. The only attachment I felt was the obligation.

A few years ago DH’s niece asked if she could have it and I was thrilled to pass it on to her!

 

[Sojourner]

Get rid of it. Give it away. Sell it. Whatever. In the end it all means nothing.

LOL, that's quite a nihilistic sentiment... but sadly, a very accurate one.

 

[indiajust]

Hock it all after seeing what other family members want. One day soon it will all be scrap metal and pelletized for fuel.

Use it or lose it.

I sold my parents plates and silver in less than 5 hours. But we found homes for the 300 year old grandfather clock and a few of the knick knacks. We are all too old and settled to need such stuff and the next generation has no knowledge or thought of using it.

 

[Winemaker]

DW and I have 6 sets of china that we use regularly on a rotating basis. She picked out a set when we got married, inherited a set from each of her grandmothers, her mother bought her a when she graduated from college, and we just inherited a set from my great aunt and grandmother that my Mom had, but never used or had the reason to use. We entertain with our wine club members and family and it's just a nice touch. Nothing expensive except for our wedding china. I'm not going to serve guests filet on paper plates or Corelle ware!

 

[Teacher Terry]

Having moved 30 times helps with downsizing especially across the country a few times. 18 months ago I moved to a 833sq ft condo so only took what I loved. I have a few antiques that my youngest son wants. When I die it will be a easy job to empty. I only had 30 plastic bins when I moved and I have since taken a few trunk loads to the thrift store.

 

[luckydude]

Interesting thread.

I have an opposite "problem" with family "heirlooms".

One of DW's passions is going to garage/estate sales on weekends to look for "antiques" and "fine china" that she thinks are undervalued. It started innocently enough---a little sculpture here, a little painting there---but gradually these things accumulated over the years, to the point that we now have hundreds of this stuff all over the house---in the garage, under the beds, in the cabinets.

I personally hate clutter and I can't stand what seems to be useless stuff all over the house. I told her that the vast majority of this stuff is completely worthless or nearly so, and that in the unfortunate event she departs this earth before me, I will toss out all the "junk" the day after her funeral. Naturally that didn't go over well with her But she sort of got the message and have recently tried to get rid of some of the stuff by selling them via NextDoor. A few times she excitedly told me that she resold an item for, say, $10 or $20 more than she paid and thus "made money", and I just shook my head.

Aside from clutter, one concern for me is that she actually has a few heirlooms from her grandfather (who was a serious art collector) that are a couple of hundred years old and have been professional appraised. These would easily bring in six figures in an auction. I fear that our kids won't know the different between the junks she's now collecting and the real heirloom items that are valuable, and when we're gone, they'll simply throw them out or sell them on the cheap in a garage/estate sale. We've taken care to label these heirloom items separately, but I can see these things easily getting lost in the shuffle when there are hundreds of other pieces of junk to sort through and they could simply be all lumped together and disposed of by mistake.

 

[ncbill]

I have my mom’s china and crystal. We declined everything else she offered. Have my dad’s dog tags and a few things that were his dad’s. We declined everything else he offered. Do not take stuff you do not have use for. If you ‘have’ to take, sell it in a week or give it to goodwill.

I did keep dad's rank insignia (captain's bars) since both my kid will be able use them on their uniforms when they hit that rank.

 

[SecondCor521]

Aside from clutter, one concern for me is that she actually has a few heirlooms from her grandfather (who was a serious art collector) that are a couple of hundred years old and have been professional appraised. These would easily bring in six figures in an auction. I fear that our kids won't know the different between the junks she's now collecting and the real heirloom items that are valuable, and when we're gone, they'll simply throw them out or sell them on the cheap in a garage/estate sale. We've taken care to label these heirloom items separately, but I can see these things easily getting lost in the shuffle when there are hundreds of other pieces of junk to sort through and they could simply be all lumped together and disposed of by mistake.

I take the approach with my kids that X, Y, and Z have market value, the rest can be thrown away / sold / burned / donated / whatever. I have a specific bequest list with market values which are approximately equally divided. There are only 17 items on the list.

I expect them to horse trade these items after my funeral. They enjoy that sort of thing and it's become a Christmas tradition in my house to horse trade stocking stuffers.

Anyway, main point is that they know if it's not on the list, they don't need to worry about it.

 

[skyking1]

this is timely, we just got home a few minutes ago from a mission across the mountains to get "stuff" that my brother and sisters have accumulated. In my case it is all tools of some sort. I'll be redistributing a bunch of it, but the majority are things that I would still use. I'm the youngest.

my brother and sisters have downsized and moved to the city in a short couple of years, all from acreages with shops, farms, etc.
He was the last person holding the stuff, as first one and then another sister headed out.

 

[Koolau]

This article was posted here a few years ago:

https://www.nextavenue.org/nobody-wants-parents-stuff/

This is why, 30 years hence, fine crystal and fine china from the 30's to 50's will be valuable. Most of has been pitched, so what remains will be rare. YMMV

 

[luckydude]

I take the approach with my kids that X, Y, and Z have market value, the rest can be thrown away / sold / burned / donated / whatever. I have a specific bequest list with market values which are approximately equally divided. There are only 17 items on the list.

I expect them to horse trade these items after my funeral. They enjoy that sort of thing and it's become a Christmas tradition in my house to horse trade stocking stuffers.

Anyway, main point is that they know if it's not on the list, they don't need to worry about it.

That's a good idea. We have included the list of heirloom items on a schedule for our living trust, but all the same, I fear that they will still get lost in the shuffle because there will be a lot of other junks for our kids to sort through.

 

[Midpack]

You should have no ill feelings about getting rid of stuff that you don't want or need. And the additional lesson there is to work on clearing out your own stuff and not leave it as a burden for your children when you're gone. Ask the kids and other relatives if anybody wants the things. If not, sell them or donate them.

So many people hold onto things because they're sure their kids will want them. Newsflash: the kids don't want them.

+1. Our parents had accumulated lots of stuff they were sure we’d want even though we politely told them otherwise while they were alive - encouraged them to sell things as they knew the values better than we did. Sis and I kept a few things mostly for the memories but we did a huge estate sale with everything else, didn’t care what we got for anything within reason. That was four years ago, zero regrets. Fortunately sis and I wanted different things, so it was a breeze.

 

[EastWest Gal]

Stuff is just stuff. If I can’t use it, it gets in the way. Pictures and letters can be scanned. We have a box of our own courtship letters. We had a three-year long long-distance engagement so there are some nice letters. I have my grandparents’ courtship letters from the 1920s. I scanned them and am organizing them in a box, along with old photos.

DH and I threw out many more photos than we kept.

Going through sentimental stuff makes me unnecessarily sad for those that are long gone, so the less, the better.

 

[Koolau]

Stuff is just stuff. If I can’t use it, it gets in the way. Pictures and letters can be scanned. We have a box of our own courtship letters. We had a three-year long long-distance engagement so there are some nice letters. I have my grandparents’ courtship letters from the 1920s. I scanned them and am organizing them in a box, along with old photos.

DH and I threw out many more photos than we kept.

Going through sentimental stuff makes me unnecessarily sad for those that are long gone, so the less, the better.

Yes, looking at old photos is a mixed bag of emotions. I don't want to pitch the pictures, but sometimes it is difficult to look through them. I don't have a scanner and don't trust electronic storage any more than physical storage (yeah, both together would be good - but I'm lazy and, well, no scanner.) YMMV