Teacher Terry
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2014
- Messages
- 7,105
Brat, she is a nurse so knows better then we do what’s available locally.
Brat, between caring for all our parents and 2 good friends this is not our circus or monkeys. We are old ourselves and her kids or professionals will need to involved or not.
She is going to a evaluation to see if they can help her. We are clear about that and she can hire help for treatment. She is not poor. She is better off than us.
You are really doing this for your son, which is wonderful. The only advice I could offer is that you and your DH have a heart to heart. As his EX talks with medical people about possible treatment, he needs to be polite but vocal about the fact he won't be available for any additional treatments or support. They may just assume his role will be ongoing.
Cancer is non-discriminating and a horrible disease, but the rest of the EX's problem are just karma. You don't get to be that age with only one friend or family member on your support team by accident.
So tonight she lets us know that her pet sitter had a cancellation and can do the animals. But she would still like us to come over and get acquainted for if she goes for treatment. Then we talk and decided that if she approves we will start walking her 1 year old collie 4xs a week. We will socialize it and hopefully by the time she passes it should be able to get a home. We miss our big guy and will enjoy it but with my asthma won’t be able to own a shedding dog.
Ivan, we will probably be primary but we only live a mile away and between the two of us don’t mind doing it. We don’t plan to take any trips for a year so it would be fine.
She is going to a evaluation to see if they can help her. We are clear about that and she can hire help for treatment. She is not poor. She is better off than us.
So went over to ex’s yesterday to see how to take care of the animals and found out she is estranged from her older son because he has been stealing from her and last year stole 37k. It’s a long story how that was able to happen. She is broke except for her house. However she was a high earner for the feds and has big pension and SS. He hired a private investigator and was looking into having her declared incompetent. She changed the locks and is changing her will. The youngest has asked us to see her once a month in case we have to testify on her behalf. I will be happy never to see that evil kid again. There is nothing wrong with her mind and her psychiatrist has said she should have nothing to do with this son because he is dangerous. I did tell her that if she goes for treatment both of us would care for her animals. I thought that was a nice way of saying my husband won’t be going.
So they leave next Tuesday and come back Friday or Saturday depending on what they do while she is there. I really hope they can extend her life as we are the same age and I am not ready to go (64).
I'm sorry for being so cynical, but this just keeps getting better and better.
It appears as though contrary to what you first thought, she IS poor. She had savings of $37K and now it's gone. Has she not been able to slowly recover from the theft? Why is the son not in jail where he belongs? Is she spending all of her pension and SS, living from check to check? How is she going to pay for treatments when she's broke, much less hire help?
You gave her a strong hint that she has to find someone else to go with her for future treatments. Does she take hints? Some people don't. You have to spell it out and even then...
IMO, she's reeling you into her drama, little by little. She's springing more on you after you've already agreed to help her with something you've convinced yourself is going to be an extremely limited, one-time instance of help. In her mind, maybe not so much.