Don't be an enabler.
It is time to pull up stakes and focus on your own life, wants, and desires.
+1
Don't be an enabler.
It is time to pull up stakes and focus on your own life, wants, and desires.
She really didn’t want anything other then to tell my husband herself and she wanted my advice as a social worker. Chemo can cause dementia and she wanted to discuss quitting chemo versus continuing. So since she’s a nurse I started asking her how long she will live without versus how long for her dementia to kill her and maybe think about a middle ground which isn’t now. They decided they were not telling the youngest until he graduates in December from his specialized training because he is struggling somewhat. Thanks for the support everyone.
I did something like this with my ex when she was dying of diabetes and had a stroke. Before it was over (her passing), it almost ruined my current marriage. I don't think my current wife has ever gotten over it. I should have let DD (by my ex) handle it all.
Good luck to you, TT. I hope you really know what you are getting in to.
She really didn’t want anything other then to tell my husband herself and she wanted my advice as a social worker. Chemo can cause dementia and she wanted to discuss quitting chemo versus continuing. So since she’s a nurse I started asking her how long she will live without versus how long for her dementia to kill her and maybe think about a middle ground which isn’t now. They decided they were not telling the youngest until he graduates in December from his specialized training because he is struggling somewhat. Thanks for the support everyone.
You are in a tough spot, and I commend you for being there for someone who was not so agreeable to you. I know you went through this with some friends (from previous posts), so you already know how hard it is.
I think it IS important for the kids to see their Dad as supportive to their Mother.
I don't know what I would do in your circumstances, but I would hope I would have the Grace to be as caring as you. God bless you.
I will be a contrarian and say that I really didn't find what she said to you to be manipulative. I mean, yes, she is asking for help/advice but she is in a truly desperate situation and it doesn't sound like she is in a good situation and probably doesn't have long to live. I am not saying she is a good person. I have no opinion on that. She just sounds alone and desperate to me. Desperate enough to be asking advice of her ex-husband's wife. Honestly I don't find the requests she has made so far all that awful given her situation and that your husband is the father of her children. I don't think you have the obligation to help her at all, but if I was in her situation I would be trying to get help from wherever I could possibly get it. And, since she is the mother of your husband's children I would expect that he would want to do what he could to help for their sake.
Again, I am not saying you have any obligation to do anything. But, it doesn't seem awful or manipulative to me that she is asking for the help.
Thanks Kat, and my husband said she can be manipulative but I am okay with supporting her at this point. If it turns into something more we can say no.
TT says clearly that TT is feeling very stressed out by the situation which in my mind is enough for her to cutoff contact. TT lost her job, had some physical issues and has enough on her plate for now, she should just take care of herself.
Thanks Kat, and my husband said she can be manipulative but I am okay with supporting her at this point. If it turns into something more we can say no.
TT you are not HER social worker..and you also aren't a doctor. This is suck them into my world 101...you are a giving person and she sees that.
The problem is based on past history getting involved with her is a no win situation. Having said that, the old adage, this time is different might really be true. TT says clearly that TT is feeling very stressed out by the situation which in my mind is enough for her to cutoff contact. TT lost her job, had some physical issues and has enough on her plate for now, she should just take care of herself.
Are you looking at this as being your husband's decision and you'll be there to support him within limitations? Or are you getting involved in a way that points to you having some sort of connection to his ex independent of your DH?
Despite the difficulty and awkwardness of the situation, I think your husband is doing the right thing and I applaud you for supporting him to the extent you are able.
Clearly, TT must consider her own well being in deciding what she should sweep onto her own plate in her efforts to support DH and his sons in this uncomfortable situation. If she must cutoff contact, explaining to DH and the boys that they must handle this without any of her involvement due to her own issues at this time would be key.
The only thing that would give me pause is many Cancer patients live years after they are given terrible diagnosis . You may be dealing with this for years to come so be careful what you sign up for.
Not so easy (and you said that two weeks ago before the first trip). You are hooked on the bait now, and the more she reels you in the harder and harder it will get to say no.
She appealed to your ego and sense of compassion with wanting to talk to a social worker? PFFT, if she really wanted a social worker, given she's in the medical profession, she knows that it should NOT be someone she knows already. Defeats the purpose.