When the other set of in-laws ignore Virus Guidelines and Governor Stay At Home Order

[sheehs1]

as other have said H E double hockey sticks NO !!! Just got a call from my Branch Head, Someone I've know for a long time on base has passed from CV19! This is noting to mess with!!!!
DW said to me yesterday, things really aren't that different for us, we aren't introverts but things aren't that much different, we can deal for a couple more months to get a new NORMAL of living!!

I am sorry to read this. We are starting to hear more and more of these stories in Virginia as well. The brother of a friend of my sisters is in Upper Cheasapeak in Maryland. His daughter was communicating everywhere to find him "plasma". He received it last night. I have yet to look up how things have gone.
Yep...we can all deal with this for as long as it takes on our way to a New Normal.

 

[sheehs1]

We haven't run into any situations like that, although one next-door neighbor (a nurse) has had multiple family/friends over for gatherings and working on some project with their backyard deck. The neighbor normally works in a school which of course is closed now so they're all at home.

Ultimately you can only control/influence what happens in your own house, and it's up to your daughter and her husband what happens in theirs.

Absolutely correct. It's just a bit stunning to me I guess...that these are my grandchildren and family as well. Do we not have a responsibility as in-laws to protect the grandchildren and family members of the other in-laws. I know-in a perfect world.

 

[sheehs1]

It sounds like they are being foolish and her husband should have said no since it’s his parents. My son came home from Vietnam and self quarantined 2 weeks before moving in. My oldest and his wife have not left their house for a month. Last week we decided we can gather on our patio staying 6 ft away. They get groceries delivered and my husband goes once a month. Putting all those people together with kids is a bad idea especially with the grandparents not cooperating.

I think they have been in deep conversations since this happened. Or as my daughter said, they have been working thru what happened and why. I hope so.

I just knew and have known it would be impossible to stay 6 to 10 feet away from my 1 year, 4 year and 6 year old grandchildren...as they run to me for hugs. Ya know?

 

[razztazz]

You expressed some of my exact thoughts Jerry1. I agree with those that have determined "their circle". Neither these in-laws or me are in my daughters daily or weekly circle. And as I understood this long ago, any leak outside normal circles is a breach.
Unfortunately the other in-laws just don't believe it all. This is so opposite of what I believe, the rest of my family believes, my daughter and I thought, my son-in-law that it took me by surprise.
Yes, if his so called "inalienable rights" cause the illness of someone I am sure I will only hear about it if it is my daughter, son-in-law or my grandchildren. It doesn't mean it might not be someone else as they travel, break stay at home orders, etc.

I simply wondered if others here have dealt with others in their families or family connected in-laws, etc. not taking this virus seriously to this extent.

I honestly don't know how people with families do it. I don't mean the husband/wife/applicable kids. I mean that "Other Side" , often referred to as a Freak Show, or Human Train Wreck or words to that effect by most married people I've known,they married into.

 

[sheehs1]

Most of the people in our circle of friends and family are following the stay at home guidelines, at least now they are with the shelter in place order here. Some are like Westworld's Serac's Outliers, the ones destined to eventually destroy humanity. Those people are having parties, holding group club events despite the leaders telling them the events are cancelled and one couple was still traveling.

Same and there are those here ignoring things a bit too. It came too close to home for it to be the other in-laws traveling in from a hot spot and associating physically with my grandchildren. She posted pictures on Facebook of all the grandchildren. No one was distanced..at all. Can't reasonably expect that with young children all under 7 years old. Hence one would think you don't set up the dynamic for it to happen!

 

[Gumby]

I honestly don't know how people with families do it. I don't mean the husband/wife/applicable kids. I mean that "Other Side" , often referred to as a Freak Show, or Human Train Wreck or words to that effect by most married people I've known,they married into.

Fortunately, I won the in-law lottery. The young wife, on the other hand, was not so fortunate.

 

[meierlde]

Hell no. In fact, my niece is not allowing her parents to visit with her 4-month old newborn out of concern for the coronavirus and the grandparents willingly agree... they will have a lifetime to spend with their granddaughter.

I could see a safe distancing visit if relatives were close by, and perhaps even 30 miles, but not a regular visit.

For an infant you could of course ask in general are all the peoples vaccines up to date, or if old enough did they have the disease (mumps, chicken pox, whooping cough etc) as vacines are not given until a child is 6 months old.

 

[sheehs1]

With all three of the grandchildren having asthma, the in-laws displayed an appalling disregard for the health and well-being of the grandchildren. COVID-19 is capable of causing severe lung damage to anyone with existing respiratory problems and we still don't know if that damage can be fully reversed. This story of a fairly young asthmatic infected with COVID-19 (who used to run marathons) is harrowing not least because of the apparently long recovery he looks to have ahead of him. https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2020/04/09/my-near-death-experience-ventilator/

This is how I felt about it as well Ian. Selfish and an appalling disregard (to use some of your words) for children...their own grandchildren...and mine..... who have asthma.
What the heck? Oh right. I forgot, It is their inalienable right to freedom and travel!

 

[candrew]

DW's 61 year-old brother, who lives in a neighboring state (So Cal), texted her the other day to say that he was planning a visit to our area and wanted to know if we could "get together". He's planning to fly. DW replied with a "sorry no" and let him know that we are sheltering in place and not visiting with anyone outside of our two person household.

 

[sheehs1]

Sounds like one of many upcoming examples which will exist as the states start lessening some restrictions.
The grandparents are just ahead of this curve and it is a tough one to resolve.

They have never been in the curve! Yes, a tough one to resolve.
If and when states start lifting some restrictions, I expect number to continue to increase. Just common sense. We have not eradicated this virus and there is no vaccine.

 

[sheehs1]

I'm sorry your birthday was messed up. The good news is that you're Medicare eligible now.

Thanks Gumby! Yay for Medicare! Years ago, Who would have thought some of us would be waiting with baited breath for Medicare !

 

[target2019]

I think they have been in deep conversations since this happened. Or as my daughter said, they have been working thru what happened and why. I hope so.

I just knew and have known it would be impossible to stay 6 to 10 feet away from my 1 year, 4 year and 6 year old grandchildren...as they run to me for hugs. Ya know?

It's pretty selfish and reckless of the in-laws to have done this. It's a defining moment, as some would say. We're seeing this agenda pushed across the country, and it will lead to additional deaths. Hopefully your family will come out unscathed. Bitterness over the event will reach far into the future.

 

[sheehs1]

Some people just don't respect other's boundaries... I would shut anyone down that tried to breach mine.

Exactly! And I have not been silent on the matter. I have tried to be respectful. It was when I heard, "Well Pop is exercising his inalienable right to freedom from government oppression and freedom to travel and go where he wants"...that I just had to stay silent.
I have no calm response for that thought process in light of this virus, Federal Task Force guidelines and State "stay at home orders"., that would result in my keeping my good name!

 

[sheehs1]

It's pretty selfish and reckless of the in-laws to have done this. It's a defining moment, as some would say. We're seeing this agenda pushed across the country, and it will lead to additional deaths. Hopefully your family will come out unscathed. Bitterness over the event will reach far into the future.

I have used those same words in my conversations with my friends and sisters: selfish and reckless..along with some other few choice words!! As we all do, I deeply love my grandchildren. I just can't believe the other in-laws apparently have such a lack of consideration.
I hope all of our families on this site come out of this. Thank you target2019. I agree. As restrictions are lifted we will additional infections and deaths.

 

[ivinsfan]

I'm becoming concerned at the tone of your responses. In the past I've admired your well reasoned and usually well documented responses. Lately they seem to have a heavy component of emotional shoot from the hip. So who are you and what did you do to pb4uski?

He got Shingles while on Covid lockdown...enough said....

 

[EastWest Gal]

Am curious to know if others have dealt with extended family connections that have differing beliefs about the seriousness of COVID-19 to the point of traveling across state lines to visit with grandchildren you share and family you share.

I have been following all the rules and guidelines. My entire family and my brothers, sisters and their husbands and their families have as well. I have not seen my grandchildren, daughter and son-in-law since the first part of March. All three of my young grandchildren have some level of asthma.
...Yet when they got here, they felt compelled to visit for about three hours with everyone. All grandchildren, including my own, were together for the first time in weeks. I gather on some level things did not go well I think because of my daughters concern about asymptomatic infections, etc.

Apparently the other Father-in-law and mother-in-law feels it is their inalienable right to express their freedom of what they believe to be a hoax and government oppression, freedom of travel, etc...And she post pictures on Facebook of these visits and travel with statements that make it sound like she was sent these pictures from her family-because they don't want the judgement. (or so my daughter said).

At the end of the day, I know these are not my decisions to make. I can only decide for myself and my family still here. But are these decisions to be made in a vacuum without any consideration for other family that may be affected? When there are other grandparents that share grandchildren? Even when they know the philosophies about this are different? (i.e, you have now potentially exposed my grandchildren so they should be quarantined for 14 days which is what my daughter is doing).

So again the question is, has anyone else had other extended or non-related type family travel from states away to visit with "shared" family members or grandchildren? What did you say or do?

Your daughter and son-in-law share the blame, since they were the ones to take the grandkids to go visit the relatives. It's up to them to stick to their guns. They didn't, and there is not a lot you can do about it. Even if the kids have asthma, they are still not at high risk, unless it is uncontrolled. From UpToDate:

ADVICE RELATED TO COVID-19 PANDEMIC

Asthma does not appear to be a strong risk factor for acquiring coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19; SARS-CoV-2), although poorly controlled asthma may lead to a more complicated disease course for those with COVID-19 [4]. The article may be behind a Paywall, but probably is not.

You cannot control the behavior of others, but if you can, continue to discourage your daughter and son-in-law from future visits. If any of them have asymptomatic infections and give it to the grandparents, If they become severely ill or die, how would the son-in-law (in particular) feel? BTW, there is no such thing as "grandparents' rights" under this circumstance, and grandparents' rights are very limited under all circumstances. PA is under a stay-at-home order until May15th and VA until June 10th. All the states involved, PA, VA, MD, and maybe DE have shelter in place or stay at home orders. In DE, state police can stop anyone with out of state plates. In MD, they could get fined $5000 and sentenced to jail. You can't get between PA and VA without passing through MD. Both VA and PA recommend at 14 day self-quarantine for out of state travel.

In-laws are breaking laws in multiple states. Sad.

 

[ivinsfan]

Exactly! And I have not been silent on the matter. I have tried to be respectful. It was when I heard, "Well Pop is exercising his inalienable right to freedom from government oppression and freedom to travel and go where he wants"...that I just had to stay silent.
I have no calm response for that thought process in light of this virus, Federal Task Force guidelines and State "stay at home orders"., that would result in my keeping my good name!

How do you get along with these "outlaws" in general, perhaps you don't see them much due to distance?

One daughters set of IL we love and we have actually vacationed together with great success. The other set of IL if we see them once a year for the shared GKs birthdays it's too much..they were "upset" DD and family wouldn't travel to them for Easter.


I sincerely hope your family doesn't get ill from this clueless behavior.

 

[Ready]

I’m seeing a growing group of virus deniers in my neighborhood. 200 of them showed up to protest the government’s forced shutdown yesterday. They were shaking hands and hugging each other just to prove their point. So it doesn’t surprise me that each of us may have a few of them in our family. It’s not easy to have a conversation with them because they have already made up their mind and don’t want to listen to anything rational at this point. So I just stay away from them now and don’t waste my breath talking any more.

 

[sheehs1]

DW's 61 year-old brother, who lives in a neighboring state (So Cal), texted her the other day to say that he was planning a visit to our area and wanted to know if we could "get together". He's planning to fly. DW replied with a "sorry no" and let him know that we are sheltering in place and not visiting with anyone outside of our two person household.

Your DW has great boundaries to protect the two of you! There will eventually be an end to this virus. I plan to be here and live on too! The decisions and sacrifices we make now and could alter that outcome. I don't call helping to keep my grandchildren, daughter and son-in-law safe a sacrifice. For me it's a responsibility. Just wish the other in-laws would do the same.

 

[target2019]

Your daughter and son-in-law share the blame, since they were the ones to take the grandkids to go visit the relatives. It's up to them to stick to their guns. They didn't, and there is not a lot you can do about it. Even if the kids have asthma, they are still not at high risk, unless it is uncontrolled.

According to the OP, the in-laws came to the daughter's house, not the other way around. At least that's how I read it.

 

[Ready]

Maybe a good compromise for family members that really want to see each other is to meet at a park location when the weather is nice and just bring some chairs that can be placed six feet apart from each other. It would have to be a park that doesn’t have a lot of people of course but most of us have a spot like that somewhere in our neighborhoods.

 

[sheehs1]

Your daughter and son-in-law share the blame, since they were the ones to take the grandkids to go visit the relatives. It's up to them to stick to their guns. They didn't, and there is not a lot you can do about it. Even if the kids have asthma, they are still not at high risk, unless it is uncontrolled. From UpToDate:

ADVICE RELATED TO COVID-19 PANDEMIC

Asthma does not appear to be a strong risk factor for acquiring coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19; SARS-CoV-2), although poorly controlled asthma may lead to a more complicated disease course for those with COVID-19 [4]. The article may be behind a Paywall, but probably is not.

You cannot control the behavior of others, but if you can, continue to discourage your daughter and son-in-law from future visits. If any of them have asymptomatic infections and give it to the grandparents, If they become severely ill or die, how would the son-in-law (in particular) feel? BTW, there is no such thing as "grandparents' rights" under this circumstance, and grandparents' rights are very limited under all circumstances. PA is under a stay-at-home order until May15th and VA until June 10th. All the states involved, PA, VA, MD, and maybe DE have shelter in place or stay at home orders. In DE, state police can stop anyone with out of state plates. In MD, they could get fined $5000 and sentenced to jail. You can't get between PA and VA without passing through MD. Both VA and PA recommend at 14 day self-quarantine for out of state travel.

In-laws are breaking laws in multiple states. Sad.

Thanks EastWestGal for the article. I had read they had softened their initial stance on asthma. But honestly, it is hard to know what to believe...so I'd rather err on the side of caution. They were sick most of Jan and Feb either such the stomach bug or both strains of the flu that travel from one family member to the other. They catch everything it seems-at that age where exposure to Pre-K and Kindergarten germs take hold.
The problem as you know is others are not paying attention to "recommendations". I know about the shelter in place orders and the state police's ability to stop people with out of state tags, I wonder if they have actually stopped anyone.

BTW: I did mention all of this restrictions and so forth in my communications with daughter and son-in-law. Yes..they share the blame.

 

[sheehs1]

According to the OP, the in-laws came to the daughter's house, not the other way around. At least that's how I read it.

EastWestGal had it right. They did not come to my daughters house. They went to the other brothers house. Daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren went there to "visit" for 4 hours.

 

[sheehs1]

How do you get along with these "outlaws" in general, perhaps you don't see them much due to distance?

One daughters set of IL we love and we have actually vacationed together with great success. The other set of IL if we see them once a year for the shared GKs birthdays it's too much..they were "upset" DD and family wouldn't travel to them for Easter.


I sincerely hope your family doesn't get ill from this clueless behavior.

Don't see them often due to distance but at least 3 birthdays a year, maybe a shared holiday like Thanksgiving or Christmas, perhaps an occasional week-end but that is not a regular thing. Honestly don't have a lot in common with them...other than grandchildren. They are in Virginia "visiting" a lot though and sometimes just the mother comes and stays. They hope to one day move here. I have been hearing that for 5 years or more.

Thank you ivansfan for your well wishes for my family. I guess we will know in 14 days or so. Or until the next time this happens because I think there will be a next time.

 

[sheehs1]

I’m seeing a growing group of virus deniers in my neighborhood. 200 of them showed up to protest the government’s forced shutdown yesterday. They were shaking hands and hugging each other just to prove their point. So it doesn’t surprise me that each of us may have a few of them in our family. It’s not easy to have a conversation with them because they have already made up their mind and don’t want to listen to anything rational at this point. So I just stay away from them now and don’t waste my breath talking any more.

Agreed. I too think we will see even more of the virus deniers going forward. Yep, talking to them in logical, rational terms does not appear to work.