Annoying Corporate Speak

cube_rat

cube_rat

Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Joined
Jul 12, 2005
Messages
1,466
As much as I resist, I often find myself doing the dilbert corporate speak thing. It really makes my hair stand up on end. Especially cutesie acronyms and constant changing of verbs to nouns and nouns to verbs.

Here's a list of sayings that I have to endure on daily basis.

- You need to reach out to <insert name>
- Let's make sure we are completely aligned...
- great call out!
- Make sure that's on your radar screen
- organic growth (eewww :p)

I know there's more in the recesses of my brain. Please add yours as well. I need a good laugh this weekend.
 
i've used "organic growth" a few times to describe systems while doing an analysis.

I turned an adjective into a noun the other day- "highlations" (highlighted words)- it's not even a word, so I can spell it any way I want :)
 
Jiggles said:
Here's a list of sayings that I have to endure on daily basis.

- You need to reach out to <insert name>
- Let's make sure we are completely aligned...
- great call out!
- Make sure that's on your radar screen
- organic growth (eewww :p)
Click to expand...

:confused:

Jiggles, I don't understand any of these phrases. Is that last one related in some way to that nasty fungus infesting all those damaged homes on the Gulf Coast?

Truth is since retiring last year I don't "get" Dilbert anymore, either.

And the TV show "The Office" might as well be in Japanese as far as I'm concerned... :)
 
Marshac said:
i've used "organic growth" a few times to describe systems while doing an analysis.

I turned an adjective into a noun the other day- "highlations" (highlighted words)- it's not even a word, so I can spell it any way I want :)
Click to expand...

One of the worst was hearing a senior executive speak how he was going to make sure everyone was "upskilled" (huh :confused: and you went to Stanford!)
 
A while ago our new director of HR explained to us in a company meeting that she was really glad to have this opportunity to "dialogue" with us.

Tim
 
I need to 'touch base' with you! -

You touch my base and I will kill you! :D
 
Hey, at least you avoid giving orders like "Reactor Operator, commence a fast recovery startup."

Or training presentations like "Once you pull your RSTL from your NSTL and enter your BALPARs, you're ready for Condition 1SQ."

For the corporate world, try these two sites. Chances are your company is already paying consulting fees to at least one of them...

http://www.huhcorp.com/about.htm
http://www.andrewdavidson.com/gibberish/
 
How about - "thank you for lifting that (idea) up!" or "we need to lift (insert name) up!"
 
My all-time skin-crawler is "going forward"--as if one could choose to do things differently going backward! I also grew to despise 24/7 after initially thinking it "cute." Kaizen was fine the first time, until applied anew by every replacement VP. But that was at a biggish company. My startup was less into general business buzzwords, although we had our specific ones (not memorable, except that we were gonna be "the next Oracle" hahahaha)..I went to fewer and fewer corporate meetings so after a while I was, pardon the expression, out of the loop  :D
 
Back in the day when I was ensnarled in the hum-drum corporate world the phrase "we're all a family here" really used to get my goat. I have no problem with us being a "team" but I did have a problem with being a "family".  I recall a number of heated discussions with the boss on this term that he liked so much and I hated.   :confused:

To me a family is something personal that I have and has nothing to do with work. The family is the key social organization to human life and to use it to get workers to become loyal to the company is just plain wrong.
 
I'm empowered, thus enabling me to multi-task in a quality environment; though my plate is full, I'm a valued stakeholder in a teaming atmosphere, where diversity initiatives allow the customer to come first. Through focused innovation, a win-win scenario has been partnered with a global overview, creating a knowledge-based decision tree, enhancing PFO, MTBF, and ISO9001 compliance, which is a really BFD...
Click to expand...

Reprise...
 
Nice thong, Jiggles!! :-*

Mutual Bestiality Admiration Society, indeed... :p
 
Synergy
Realignment
Rightsize (read "layoffs")

CJ
 
We need to uplevel this discussion in order to achieve parity among the various constituencies represented in the organizational hierarchy.

Yep, I still got it.
 
I have never worked in corporate, but I have to say that it sounds like the most stupid sayings I have ever heard. I suppose the person who speaks like this thinks he/she sounds important and what not, but to me they would sound like a pompous ass and ridiculous, too.

Thank God I am retired.
 
Actually my favorite, which I never heard until a couple of years before I quit working, and have heard on this board a few times.


"I dont disagree with you".

So...does that mean you agree with me and you'd like to say so in a roundabout manner, or you really do disagree but you're trying to be agreeable about it? ;)
 
granular .............. We need to examine this at a more granular level.


One that I like and we have been using more and more ...... strategery
 
LL said:
I suppose the person who speaks like this thinks he/she sounds important and what not, but to me they would sound like a pompous ass and ridiculous, too.
Click to expand...

Exactly!

I mean honestly, do any of us corporate wage slaves (or former) speak like this to our friends and relatives??
 
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