Bullying

[6miths]

Why can't we all just get along? Oh wait, we're people. Safe to say that things were much simpler back in the day.

 

[GrayHare]

The best defense against bullying is to be involved and a part of the social fabric of the school. It ain't cool picking on the track team that many different kids are on, but if its the kid who sits alone in the corner all day everyday and says nothing? Nobody is going to care or stand up for them because they're a total stranger.

I like that idea, as well as encouraging students to be more inclusive. I've always disliked unfairness, and used to befriend those picked on merely because they were somewhat different in some way. It was an approach I learned from my mom.

 

[target2019]

Bullying has always been around. Keeping kids safe is your job. Lots of people deride the idea, but society is more dangerous, and you probably have more responsibility than your parents did.

You can't encourage your child to fight back without possible retaliation from the school and other parents.

Many of us older folk do not understand the environment where a kid can be targeted in many more ways than you were as a child. Think of phones, social media. Way back when, bullying was just a physical thing. If you avoided the threat, it had minimal impact. Today a child cannot avoid the attack, as it shows up on their phone and other modern conveniences.

 

[Silver]

Whenever I see or hear about a road rage incident I wonder if they have (or will have) kids. What kind of home environment do unkind/cruel kids come from?

 

[laurence]

I feel strongly about "back in the day things were better" comments. People think it's worse now, it's actually a lot better. Why? Because for every one of these "stood up and punched the bully in the nose" stories there are ten sad stories of kids who had to silently take the abuse for years because abuse of any kind was hush-hushed. You hear more about spousal abuse, child abuse, rape, bullying, etc. now because we have become less tolerant of the behavior, not because it's increasing.

A neighborhood boy (two years older) hit and threw down my daughter and she came home crying. I stomped up the street and balled him out until he hyperventilated. I told him next time I would be talking to his father (implying I wouldn't tell his parents this time). He crossed the street before walking past my house for a few weeks, we've since worked it out and as time has passed he's not a bad kid. But what about kids without active parents? I hit six two at 15 and rolled with a group of guys similar in size in high school, I had it pretty easy then, but junior high had some rough moments. It was the tail end of the "boys will be boys" era and I'm glad it's behind us.

I'm grateful every day my kids are socially well adjusted and have found ways to shine and have a close circle of friends. I feel so bad for those kids who sit alone at the lunch table. I asked my daughter one day if she ever plays with one of those lonely girls (she was on her softball team one season). She kinda squirmed at the question. My daughter is always nice to her, but clearly it was social suicide to hang with her. I don't know if that more insidious level of social stigmatization/exclusion has a real solution.

 

[frayne]

Growing up as a male in the 50s and 60s getting bullied was almost a rite of passage that you just managed, one way or another. It was stand your ground and you might get pummeled or be labeled as a pussy. I got my clock cleaned more than once by bullies but never the same one twice after you stood your ground. It was also helpful to have friends with big brothers who didn't mind having your back, if need be.

In this day and age it seems more of a mental bullying going on as compared to being physical.

 

[mpeirce]

Huh, just minutes ago I finished J. D. Vance's book, Hillbilly Elegy, which is not really about bullying, certainly sheds much light on how "honor" and culture lead to various behaviors including what we'd call bullying.

I found it fascinating.

 

[ponyboy]

Safe to say that things were much simpler back in the day.

Ah yes...back in the day. A time when modern medicine wasnt what it was today. That when a disease plagued a village 75% of the people would be wiped out. Those were the days. The days when you had to rely on yourself to hunt and kill your own meat...and to grow your own vegetables. Boy it was much easier "back in the day." A time when you saw a wooden ship approaching your peaceful village from the distance and a bunch of serial killers were about to invade you and kill everyone...the good ol days.

Bullying isnt rocket science. It has been around from the beginning of time. Its alive and well in nature. Its called "survival of the fittest." The strong alpha creatures will always pick on the weaker ones...its hard coded in our dna. My god even plant life follows these rules. The most basic of which are trees...the large ones tower over the small...they suck up the sun and the smaller get the shade...a lot of those weaklings die.

Getting picked on isnt the same as bullying. Majority of cases...kids arent bullied. Those are pretty extreme...but absolutely do happen...and its not good.

Parents need to get their bullied kids into martial arts. No questions asked. Or wrestling. The bottom line is...if a kid can defend themselves the "bully" is going to go after someone else.

 

[Amethyst]

No doubt, this explains why it took three 9-year-old boys to attack one seven- year-old girl. Survival of the,fittest!

Bullying isnt rocket science. It has been around from the beginning of time. Its alive and well in nature. Its called "survival of the fittest." The strong alpha creatures will always pick on the weaker ones...its hard coded in our dna.

.

 

[BLS53]

We continue to try to eliminate all sources of conflict out of children's lives. You see the result in the Millennials. And they're just the tip of the iceberg as to what is forthcoming. Modern day child rearing makes Dr. Spock look like a Drill Sergeant.

 

[youbet]

We continue to try to eliminate all sources of conflict out of children's lives.

That's your choice. Many others are taking a different path thoughtfully and realistically positioned between the extremes of (1) not helping kids even with cases of severe/harmful bullying and (2) over involvement in helping kids try to resolve even minor conflict.

There's a happy and appropriate medium and I think most parents are following that course.

 

[EastWest Gal]

Removed post. Typed in my pocket!

 

[ponyboy]

Lets just keep nerfing the world. The helicopter parents have no idea the damage they're causing. Hopefully future employers will be understanding and allow the parents to join the kids while they interview for jobs. How on earth are the kids going to manage and make decisions for themselves?

Conflict is good from time to time. Forcing kids to make decisions for themselves isnt a bad thing.

 

[gerntz]

Here in Chicago, if a kid rode by and spit on you and you chased him into the ally to "kick him in the stomach," you'd probably find he was just luring you into a trap where he and his six buddies would take your lunch money and castrate you.

I appreciate all the current and upcoming stories of "little guys" who stood tough against bullies and won. But I'm not sure it's the same world today, at least in urban environments away from Mayberry, RFD.

I grew up in inner city Chicago and played in the streets daily with no real issues. I still live within a stone's throw from the old 'hood. I don't think I'd repeat now what I did then. Different times. Differrent world.

Thanks for the thumbs up on Chicago. Been thinking of visiting but was concerned about safety there. Now I know I wouldn't have to worry.

 

[brewer12345]

IMO part of the bullying problem is now kids are punished if they defend themselves. Back in my day routine schoolyard scuffles were allowed to play themselves out. Now bullying victims are told to remain passive, which endures until they become infuriated and resort to guns.

A huge problem. My petite grade school daughter was a target. I was ready to take her to krav maga classes since the administrators did nothing. Dw stumbled across a more effective solution. She groused about the situation on Facebook and when the principal had to deal with the start of a scandal things changed fast.

Personally I would have preferred she deliver a solid beating to the culprits, but in the schools today that comes with a heavy price.

 

[HFWR]

"I know they're calling you names, punching you, stealing your lunch money, and ruining your homework, but that's just the way it is. Suck it up!"

That's really about the dumbest thing I've ever heard...

 

[dallas27]

Today the police are involved in every little incident. I am a coach, and if I ask a 30-40 member group of my high school team to raise their hand if they have EVER been in a fight, not one will. They will tell me they are not allowed.

All I can think is the future will be really screwed up with these guys in charge, or the world might be a better place. And I just do not know which.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum

 

[Nodak]

I saw this in Facebook and think it's the way to handle the problem.

 

[razztazz]

A huge problem. My petite grade school daughter was a target. I was ready to take her to krav maga classes since the administrators did nothing. Dw stumbled across a more effective solution. She groused about the situation on Facebook and when the principal had to deal with the start of a scandal things changed fast.

Personally I would have preferred she deliver a solid beating to the culprits, but in the schools today that comes with a heavy price.

I had a similar response to ponyboy's bizarre analysis. Even 50 yrs ago when I was in school defending yourself got you treated like a criminal. Everything was "Lowest common denominator." I was never bullied in the sense we are speaking of here but I saw it all around. My father who was a cop was very very loud about "Staying out of trouble" because he "didn't want the aggravation." The one time I was force to jump some ape and risk my own beating I was more afraid of him finding out than getting beaten.

And teachers (highly authoritarian Catholic school) were sh1t. Whatever happened it was your fault. NOBODY wanted to know what happened. But of course the reality was they always knew who the criminal elements were and simply did not want to do the hard work. Blame everybody. Boys will be boys. Nice work if you can get it. Nowadays I suppose there would be lawyers involved

 

[bld999]

I just looked up "nerfing" and it now seems to mean "making everyday experiences ridiculously safe" .

I first pictured some hotshoes ramming each other on a dirt oval...
I guess I am approaching the point where all my expressions have been converted by pop culture into something else. Danger may loom ahead.

Bullies are cowards, but my guess is that there is a lot of over diagnosis as some have already said.

 

[youbet]

Thanks for the thumbs up on Chicago. Been thinking of visiting but was concerned about safety there. Now I know I wouldn't have to worry.

Yes, you're all "growed up" now and likely have less to worry about from childhood bullying. Keep an eye out for getting robbed or murdered though. Chicago's crime rate is right up there........

 

[razztazz]

I saw this in Facebook and think it's the way to handle the problem.

Good theory but not adaquate.

Nothing wrong with passing anti-bullying laws anymore than anti-stealing laws.

Teach kids to stand up for themselves? Fine. But now you'll have to let them stand up for themselves. The "establishment" will always tell you that but never permit it. They will tell you how they cannot tell the diff between the bully and the victorious victim. Off with both their heads.

And what about those not able to stand up for themselves. Bullies do not pick on the strong. They pick on the weak. Know why? They don't like consequences. Not from the victim and not from the "grow-ups" They do it because they know they can get away with it. They also travel in packs as has been mentioned previously. Everybody has to travel with a Posse.

Why not have parents and teachers teach and demand acceptable behavior WITH consequences, instead of being the constant Weasel Class. This is not The Jungle. Laws of the jungle have been suspended. Or at least the Means and Methods of the Jungle are no longer operative.

 

[anethum]

Many of the comments here seem to be trivializing bullying. Bullying is a very real issue for kids (and sometimes adults) who are different. For many kids who are gay, or kids who belong to a racial/religious/ethnic minority in their school or neighborhood, childhood can be hell or even dangerous because of bullying.

 

[youbet]

Many of the comments here seem to be trivializing bullying.

Yes, I agree. Many of the posters seem to be under the impression that all/most victims can physically and emotionally stand up for themselves. In fact, most can not. Bullies typically know how to select and isolate the victim before beginning the torture.

Bullying is a very real issue for kids (and sometimes adults) who are different. For many kids who are gay, or kids who belong to a racial/religious/ethnic minority in their school or neighborhood, childhood can be hell or even dangerous because of bullying.

Yes, again. And you're omitting an important category: mentally or physically handicapped kids, bullies favorite targets.

 

[brewer12345]

Good theory but not adaquate.

Nothing wrong with passing anti-bullying laws anymore than anti-stealing laws.

Teach kids to stand up for themselves? Fine. But now you'll have to let them stand up for themselves. The "establishment" will always tell you that but never permit it. They will tell you how they cannot tell the diff between the bully and the victorious victim. Off with both their heads.

And what about those not able to stand up for themselves. Bullies do not pick on the strong. They pick on the weak. Know why? They don't like consequences. Not from the victim and not from the "grow-ups" They do it because they know they can get away with it. They also travel in packs as has been mentioned previously. Everybody has to travel with a Posse.

Why not have parents and teachers teach and demand acceptable behavior WITH consequences, instead of being the constant Weasel Class. This is not The Jungle. Laws of the jungle have been suspended. Or at least the Means and Methods of the Jungle are no longer operative.

That is a big 'ol +1000000 right there.

Right now the NEA types have it their way: if anything happens they can hose down both the bully and the target and keep themselves nice and clean. They parrot the nonsense zero tolerance line and generally seek to cover up any problems as much as possible rather than deal with them. My daughter's school is within spitting distance of two high schools which had extremely high profile events where the bullied showed up with firearms and settled hash in a terminal way, the whole district has formal anti-bullying programs, and yet when push came to shove it was union member CYA all the way when we had an issue. Frankly, if my kids have an issue into high school it will be krav maga classes and if it gets to that point the bullies will have to deal with me. I can afford lawyers and would have no compunctions about delivering a beating, legal or otherwise.