Feeling guilty about early Retirement?

ER Eddie said:
The work ethic is not only a big part of our social programming (work = identity, money = worth, etc.); it's also a big part of the religious heritage, at least in the US. Work is what God requires of you; work is how you demonstrate your goodness and worth; sloth is mortal sin, etc. -- all of that stuff is in the water.
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Yes- that is exactly it for some people.

I had several disagreements with DH about this, and when in a work seminar about the difference between generations, it hit me like a ton of bricks. OP and I are Gen X, and DH and many of the people he's hearing this from are Baby Boomers. Baby boomers pride themselves on their work ethic- DH actually believes that work is a sort of virtue. I believe that if you can get your work done by 3pm, you should go home. He believes you find more work. This may or not be true, but it makes sense to me.

To me, w**k is what you do when you don't have enough money. When you do have enough, I see no sense in continuing to work unless you think its more fun than retiring, which I don't.

The generations thing was helpful in that I now see where he is coming from, but I'm still retiring in 9 months.
 
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I often hear some pundit or politician lamenting about the decline in the labor force participation rate. That is, those of us who are aged 18-65 who are not working and are not looking for work. Many in that group are students, disabled, or stay-at-home parents and that is understandable, of course. But many others, including many of us in this forum, myself included, are simply out of the labor force of our own choosing. So, when I hear that report with its negative connotation, I raise my hand and say, "Hey, that's ME, and I'm damn proud to be part of that!"
 
Guilty schmilty

There is today a huge industry peddling guilt over no end of issues. Anybody else wanna grab some? Knock yourself out, but I'm not buying any. Life's too short.

When I retire I have no intention of feeling guilty about anything. I plan to be so busy pursuing long-delayed objectives that I won't have time for recriminations. Viva FIRE!
 
Guilt? No. Though when I was much younger I did sometimes feel some social anxiety that people would reject me or my family because of this ER, which was pretty unusual then in my area.
 
ugeauxgirl said:
Yes- that is exactly it for some people.

I had several disagreements with DH about this, and when in a work seminar about the difference between generations, it hit me like a ton of bricks. OP and I are Gen X, and DH and many of the people he's hearing this from are Baby Boomers. Baby boomers pride themselves on their work ethic- DH actually believes that work is a sort of virtue. I believe that if you can get your work done by 3pm, you should go home. He believes you find more work. This may or not be true, but it makes sense to me.

To me, w**k is what you do when you don't have enough money. When you do have enough, I see no sense in continuing to work unless you think its more fun than retiring, which I don't.

The generations thing was helpful in that I now see where he is coming from, but I'm still retiring in 9 months.
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Interesting...I have always found studies on generations interesting, being at very end of the boomer generation, but I think I identify more with GenX.
 
So, I am not FIRE yet, but hoping to get there.

My thoughts are, never, ever feel guilty about being where you are. You have gone without, living below your means, saving something from every paycheck you have ever earned, maybe stayed in a job that was not ideal for years just to qualify for a pension, lived in a smaller house than you would have wanted, kept the same car 10 years, saved to pay cash for your kids to go to a state univ instead of an expensive out of state college, etc., etc., etc., to get in the position you are in. You have payed attention to your finances, which most people do not do. This did not happen by accident, you made it happen. I can pretty much guarantee that person you feel guilty in front of, never felt one ounce of guilt as they spent more than they earned, on vacations, the big house, jewelry, expensive clothes, new car, HELOC loans, loaded up their credit card, whatever else. If some stranger ask what do you do? Just smile, say I'm retired and loving it. If they give you crap, move on, they are not worth it.
 
beth said:
So, I am not FIRE yet, but hoping to get there.

My thoughts are, never, ever feel guilty about being where you are. You have gone without, living below your means, saving something from every paycheck you have ever earned, maybe stayed in a job that was not ideal for years just to qualify for a pension, lived in a smaller house than you would have wanted, kept the same car 10 years, saved to pay cash for your kids to go to a state univ instead of an expensive out of state college, etc., etc., etc., to get in the position you are in. You have payed attention to your finances, which most people do not do. This did not happen by accident, you made it happen. I can pretty much guarantee that person you feel guilty in front of, never felt one ounce of guilt as they spent more than they earned, on vacations, the big house, jewelry, expensive clothes, new car, HELOC loans, loaded up their credit card, whatever else. If some stranger ask what do you do? Just smile, say I'm retired and loving it. If they give you crap, move on, they are not worth it.
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While I agree with your sentiment, I think you may have gone a little too far and painted too broad a stereotype here. I retired early and did many of the things you attribute to those that can't. Many people can afford to ER but chose to work longer.

Certainly agree with not feeling guilty. Someone should only feel guilty if they have done something wrong. What's wrong with ER?
 
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beth said:
So, I am not FIRE yet, but hoping to get there.

My thoughts are, never, ever feel guilty about being where you are. You have gone without, living below your means, saving something from every paycheck you have ever earned, maybe stayed in a job that was not ideal for years just to qualify for a pension, lived in a smaller house than you would have wanted, kept the same car 10 years, saved to pay cash for your kids to go to a state univ instead of an expensive out of state college, etc., etc., etc., to get in the position you are in. You have payed attention to your finances, which most people do not do. This did not happen by accident, you made it happen. I can pretty much guarantee that person you feel guilty in front of, never felt one ounce of guilt as they spent more than they earned, on vacations, the big house, jewelry, expensive clothes, new car, HELOC loans, loaded up their credit card, whatever else. If some stranger ask what do you do? Just smile, say I'm retired and loving it. If they give you crap, move on, they are not worth it.
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Initially I felt guilty because I was younger than I thought I would be when I retired. I know it's silly, but I would tell people that I was "on leave" or even that I "was not working at the moment". As time went by, I began to realize that what beth said was true. Even though circumstance were such that I ER'd when I did, it was truly a major blessing that it occurred when it did.

Now, 3 years in, I am enjoying the best time of my life and, to some extent, feel sorry for folks that are still w**king. Being retired is GREAT :dance:. :)
 
evilanne said:
Interesting...I have always found studies on generations interesting, being at very end of the boomer generation, but I think I identify more with GenX.
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But let's remember back to the late '60s. None of the boomers at that time were EVER going to 'work for the man'. We were going to live off the land and the generosity of strangers, raise our own food, live in communes, share everything, etc. We were going to show our parents how chasing a buck wasn't the right way to go...
Whahaaappened?
 
ER Eddie said:
The work ethic is not only a big part of our social programming (work = identity, money = worth, etc.); it's also a big part of the religious heritage, at least in the US. Work is what God requires of you; work is how you demonstrate your goodness and worth; sloth is mortal sin, etc. -- all of that stuff is in the water.
Click to expand...


Sloth is extreme laziness. Retiring early doesn't mean you do nothing and rely on others for support. Do volunteer work to help your church or the community. Discuss your concerns with your priest or minister. I'm certain they'll be able to use you in some ministry of your church!
 
PERSonalTime said:
I know it's silly, but I would tell people that I was "on leave" or even that I "was not working at the moment".
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I don't know if it was silly. It's not like you owed anyone an explanation.

While I don't like lying, when it comes to answering questions that reflect mere casual curiosity I believe obfuscation is quite acceptable.
 
evilanne said:
Interesting...I have always found studies on generations interesting, being at very end of the boomer generation, but I think I identify more with GenX.
Click to expand...

I was born in 1963, which makes me technically a Baby Boomer. I have never considered myself one, instead a Gen-Xer. I had originally heard the Baby Boom description as "Post-War Baby Boom." This implied that the Baby Boom referred to those born to parents (or at least one parent) who either served in WWII or were old enough to serve in WWII. My dad was born in 1931, not old enough to serve in WWII, so I never thought of myself as a Baby Boomer.

Furthermore, Baby Boomers were raised mainly in the 1950s and 1960s with all the big issues in those two decades. Gen-Xers like me were raised mainly in the 1970s and 1980s with all the big issues in those two decades.
 
I was RIF'd at 55, just at the moment I was planning on giving retirement notice. So I just took the package and went away. It made it easy. Still no guilt at all, but I do get "the look" from some of the in-laws who cannot fathom how I pay my bills without a paycheck. But it is not something discussed.....
 
marko said:
But let's remember back to the late '60s. None of the boomers at that time were EVER going to 'work for the man'. We were going to live off the land and the generosity of strangers, raise our own food, live in communes, share everything, etc. We were going to show our parents how chasing a buck wasn't the right way to go...
Whahaaappened?
Click to expand...

As a kid watching re-runs and cartoons featuring hippies, I wondered where all those people went. It wasn't till YEARS later that I figured out that those people were my PARENTS, or more accurately my aunts and uncles- my parents (born in 43 and 45) were a little too old for the hippie thing, though my dad was affected by the Vietnam war.
 
More modesty than guilt

I think emotions can cross lines. What may feel like guilt can just be the reaction of a modest person who is "forced" to brag about retiring early. Some of us are less modest than others, so the level of "guilt" felt when put into this situation (stating "what you do") will vary, but I would bet that the most modest among us do not easily volunteer that they retired early because it feels like bragging to them. If you believe that modesty is a good thing (as I do), then this form of guilt/modesty is not, necessarily, a bad thing.
 
No guilt feelings at all. I w*rked and saved for it. I wouldn't say "I deserve it" but I certainly don't have anything to be ashamed of. YMMV
 
The irony I find in all this is that while I was employed, I was sitting at a desk in a comfortable air-conditioned office. Not all people consider that to be "real work". Now that I'm retired, I'm spending a lot more time doing physical labor, like house projects and volunteer work that involves a lot of heavy lifting. What I'm doing in retirement fits more closely with the classic definition of "work" than what I was doing when I was getting paid.
 
Retirement guilt:confused:?
Don't worry. Be HAPPY!!!!
 
After reading all these posts I'm wondering if for some people "retirement" requires a lot more of a mental shift than a financial one.

I am surprised at the number of posts saying that friends/family have negative reactions and the lack of understanding of how one can live without a "weekly paycheck".

Of course, back when DW was working there were guys making $500K-$800K a year borrowing $50 bucks from her the day before payday.
 
more modesty than guilt

oneill225 said:
I think emotions can cross lines. What may feel like guilt can just be the reaction of a modest person who is "forced" to brag about retiring early. Some of us are less modest than others, so the level of "guilt" felt when put into this situation (stating "what you do") will vary, but I would bet that the most modest among us do not easily volunteer that they retired early because it feels like bragging to them. If you believe that modesty is a good thing (as I do), then this form of guilt/modesty is not, necessarily, a bad thing.
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This also fits with what I'm feeling. I hate to brag and often downplay my successes in life. As a matter of fact I find those that "brag" name drop etc, to be distasteful to interact with in social gatherings. So on occasion with those sorts I will let them have it full force right between the eyes.:bat::bat:
 
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