For those who have successful children

[sroby2020]

A ton of great answers

A ton of great answers.
I'll add this.
We have 2 very successful children, now in their mid-30's. A girl and a boy, both with very different personalities and goals.
Our girl, the oldest, was an athlete in middle school and high school and very driven to succeed. Part of being an athlete in school required good grades, so there was that motivation, too. She was a very high achiever. This continued through college.
Our boy was more of an average student, with a less enthusiastic approach to school. He matured very quickly in college, graduated and found excellent employment.
Both are married with children, and have excellent careers (as do their spouses). I am constantly amazed at their achievements and approach to life. I look back to me when I was their age, and realize that they are way ahead of where I was at that time.

 

[frayne]

This may have been mentioned in a round about way or maybe I missed it. One sure way to screw up your kids is to make excuses for them. On more than a few occasions I've heard parents blaming the teacher because dear son or dear precious daughter didn't do well in that particular class, or blame a boss because he/she didn't like their kid and that was the reason they quit or got fired. Teach your kids life ain't fair, nor is it easy but you get out of it what you put into it. Last but not least, teach your child when they make a mistake to own it and then strive to do better.

 

[donethat]

While I understand that those parents who talked about going to their kid's sports practices as well as their games were well intentioned, my approach was very different. I travelled in my work, which allowed my wife to be a stay at home mom. I almost never went to a sports practice or game, but I tried to attend parent-teacher conferences when my schedule permitted. I wanted to send the message that athletics were nice but academics were much more important.

 

[JJpop]

While I understand that those parents who talked about going to their kid's sports practices as well as their games were well intentioned, my approach was very different. I travelled in my work, which allowed my wife to be a stay at home mom. I almost never went to a sports practice or game, but I tried to attend parent-teacher conferences when my schedule permitted. I wanted to send the message that athletics were nice but academics were much more important.

As a former athlete who had a mother that never attended one of my hundreds of games, I do not think this is good advice at all.
You should try to be supportive of ALL your children’s activities and show them that you care.
It sounds more like a rationalization from someone who does not particularly like sports. Athletics can be just as or more important in some ways depending on the child.

 

[Librarian]

Well..

While I understand that those parents who talked about going to their kid's sports practices as well as their games were well intentioned, my approach was very different. I travelled in my work, which allowed my wife to be a stay at home mom. I almost never went to a sports practice or game, but I tried to attend parent-teacher conferences when my schedule permitted. I wanted to send the message that athletics were nice but academics were much more important.

Unfortunately you sent the message that things that were important to your child were not important to you.

No parent needs to be at practice.
And I understand a parent who has a job that does not allow them to be at their child's activities. (2nd shift, lots of travel) But that is explained to the child, and activities can be recorded & shared.

As a teacher & a parent of 3 very involved children, while school was a priority, they loved their extra-curricular activities & wanted to share their games & performances with us & grandparents.

One set of grandparents came to ONE event/year of our children's...even tho they are retired, healthy & only live 90 miles away. My parents do live in town & they were at every event of their grandchildren that they could make.
Guess which grandparents our children are super close with?

 

[Venturer]

Unfortunately you sent the message that things that were important to your child were not important to you.

No parent needs to be at practice.
And I understand a parent who has a job that does not allow them to be at their child's activities. (2nd shift, lots of travel) But that is explained to the child, and activities can be recorded & shared.

As a teacher & a parent of 3 very involved children, while school was a priority, they loved their extra-curricular activities & wanted to share their games & performances with us & grandparents.

One set of grandparents came to ONE event/year of our children's...even tho they are retired, healthy & only live 90 miles away. My parents do live in town & they were at every event of their grandchildren that they could make.
Guess which grandparents our children are super close with?

My daughter was a gifted basketball player and also played softball. I coached her in t-ball and softball. When she was in jr high she also became a cheerleader. Her freshman year she was the 1st person to make the cheer squad as a freshman, and she came too me and told me that she didn't want to play ball anymore but wanted to concentrate on cheering. She didn't want me upset that she quit playing ball. I told her then that I would always support her in what ever she did. Now as she is a parent of my wonderful granddaughter and I do the same thing for that DGD. If she has an event going on we are there period. Children need the physical and emotional support of family.

 

[Letj]

Unfortunately you sent the message that things that were important to your child were not important to you.



No parent needs to be at practice.

And I understand a parent who has a job that does not allow them to be at their child's activities. (2nd shift, lots of travel) But that is explained to the child, and activities can be recorded & shared.



As a teacher & a parent of 3 very involved children, while school was a priority, they loved their extra-curricular activities & wanted to share their games & performances with us & grandparents.



One set of grandparents came to ONE event/year of our children's...even tho they are retired, healthy & only live 90 miles away. My parents do live in town & they were at every event of their grandchildren that they could make.

Guess which grandparents our children are super close with?

I am always shocked how secure people can be in their opinions about things that may just be relevant to their own cultural or social experience. Parents attending sporting events or other extra curricular activities is very common in the US culture. It’s almost as if you’re a bad parent if you don’t. In most other places around the world, it’s not a priority and when parents do, it’s because they’ve been extended an invitation by the schools to do so. Many cultures find parents participation, whether that’s being the class mom or the soccer mom, very distracting and it’s either frowned upon or confuses the school at best. The school is often the domain of students, teachers and school officials.

 

[Letj]

My daughter was a gifted basketball player and also played softball. I coached her in t-ball and softball. When she was in jr high she also became a cheerleader. Her freshman year she was the 1st person to make the cheer squad as a freshman, and she came too me and told me that she didn't want to play ball anymore but wanted to concentrate on cheering. She didn't want me upset that she quit playing ball. I told her then that I would always support her in what ever she did. Now as she is a parent of my wonderful granddaughter and I do the same thing for that DGD. If she has an event going on we are there period. Children need the physical and emotional support of family.

That support is very culturally relevant. A parent showing up at a sporting event or in the school to volunteer can be very embarrassing for a child in many cultures. It’s just not done unless you dropping off something for your child or the teachers. With that said, sports is usually not a big thing in other cultures and a source of finances for the school like it is in the US. There’s more a focus on academics.

 

[Librarian]

Love this

My daughter was a gifted basketball player and also played softball. I coached her in t-ball and softball. When she was in jr high she also became a cheerleader. Her freshman year she was the 1st person to make the cheer squad as a freshman, and she came too me and told me that she didn't want to play ball anymore but wanted to concentrate on cheering. She didn't want me upset that she quit playing ball. I told her then that I would always support her in what ever she did. Now as she is a parent of my wonderful granddaughter and I do the same thing for that DGD. If she has an event going on we are there period. Children need the physical and emotional support of family.

EXACTLY.
Our daughter took a full year off of dance & then another year from ballet.
She then found she was in classes with younger students who weren't serious about dancing. She wanted me to tell her what to do. I said that dance was for her (but we support & enjoy it!). I never wanted her to feel she did it because it was for me. We talked about her options. Needless to say she decided she wanted to work hard & take extra classes & catch up with her peers. Seems to have stuck--she now is the 2nd in command at a dance studio. So THAT had more to do with her career than her college degree...

 

[ivinsfan]

Unfortunately you sent the message that things that were important to your child were not important to you.

No parent needs to be at practice.
And I understand a parent who has a job that does not allow them to be at their child's activities. (2nd shift, lots of travel) But that is explained to the child, and activities can be recorded & shared.

As a teacher & a parent of 3 very involved children, while school was a priority, they loved their extra-curricular activities & wanted to share their games & performances with us & grandparents.

One set of grandparents came to ONE event/year of our children's...even tho they are retired, healthy & only live 90 miles away. My parents do live in town & they were at every event of their grandchildren that they could make.
Guess which grandparents our children are super close with?

How did I know before you mentioned it that your parents were the special ones? Gosh you are only talking about a 180 mile round trip for your in laws

 

[Librarian]

How did I know before you mentioned it that your parents were the special ones? Gosh you are only talking about a 180 mile round trip for your in laws

My parents ARE the special ones.
But my inlaws own a home in our town as well. They are happy to come for our college football games every week or so each fall besides other events.

 

[ivinsfan]

My parents ARE the special ones.
But my inlaws own a home in our town as well. They are happy to come for our college football games every week or so each fall besides other events.

Ok... but you did say the IL's lived 90 miles away. I happen to live an actual 90 miles away from both sets of grandkids.

 

[Librarian]

Ok... but you did say the IL's lived 90 miles away. I happen to live an actual 90 miles away from both sets of grandkids.

They DO live 90 miles away. So, no, I didn't expect them to be at every event. But if they made it to one event/year per kid, it was a good year.

 

[ivinsfan]

They DO live 90 miles away. So, no, I didn't expect them to be at every event. But if they made it to one event/year per kid, it was a good year.

I'd prefer less then 60 miles but since we can't move our farm that won't happen...

 

[brett]

Both of our children are successful.

We did not emphasize sports per sae.. We emphasized education and leading a healthy, productive life, international travel experiences, respect for others, work ethic, etc.

There are many aspects to this formulae...as many as there are differences between children.

This is not cookie cutter.

 

[PatrickA5]

I read most of the 140 posts before this and agree with a lot of it, but just realize that you can do most of these great suggestions and still have a kid that struggles with life.

My advice: Do the best you can and hope things turn out well.

So far, my 3 kids are each successful in their own way, but you never know what the future holds. Be there for them while they're growing up and continue to be there for them as they run through the pitfalls of adulthood.