Funny Joke Thread 2021 to ?

[braumeister]

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for an answered prayer.

Suzie stood and walked to the lectern. She said, "I have some praise. Two months ago, my husband Frank, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him.

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as the imagined the pain that poor Frank must have experienced.

"Frank was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain.” We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Frank's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place with metal staples.”

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Frank.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Frank is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.”

All the men sighed with unified relief.

The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, "I'm Frank."

The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum."

I'll show myself out . . .

[aja8888]

Quote:

Originally Posted by braumeister The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for an answered prayer. Suzie stood and walked to the lectern. She said, "I have some praise. Two months ago, my husband Frank, had a terrible bicycle accident and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him. You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as the imagined the pain that poor Frank must have experienced. "Frank was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain.” We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Frank's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place with metal staples.” Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Frank. "Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Frank is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.” All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Frank." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum." I'll show myself out . . .

[calmloki]

So I've great respect for Bill Gates and Elon Musk - two smart fellers who have accomplished much. Someone has suggested that they should team up and work on the greater challenges we face - like cancer and, dang it, erectile disfunction. It's suggested that they could call the ED drug Elon-Gates.

[Walt34]

Suspicions confirmed:

[Motorad]

There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count and those who can't.

[Chuckanut]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Motorad There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count and those who can't.

Keeping on the math theme:


The are 10 kinds of people in the word. Those who understand binary and those who don't.

[RetireBy90]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuckanut Keeping on the math theme: The are 10 kinds of people in the word. Those who understand binary and those who don't.

Been around the block few times but still good one !

[Walt34]

Oh, this looks like fun!

[REWahoo]

...

[braumeister]

.

[Walt34]

You know you're a bad driver when Siri says "In 400 feet, stop and let me out".

[RetireBy90]

Whether you own a dog or not, you must appreciate the effortsof this owner trying to sell her dog. Look at the picture of this lovable Chinese Mastiff and then read the sales pitch below.
thumbnail.jpg
Dog For Sale. Excellent guard dog.



Owner cannot afford to feed Jethro any more, as there are no more drug pushers, thieves, murderers, terrorists, or molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat.

Most of them knew Jethro only by his Chinese street name, Ho Lee Schitt

[harley]

I wanted to post this on the road rage thread, but it's been closed. So,

[CaptTom]

My favorite is when a driver hits their brakes, then starts their turn, then turns on their turn signal.


I always say the same thing: "Thank you for using your brake lights, so I'd know in advance that you were going to turn on your blinker."


Some people are simply clueless to the whole concept.

[Chuckanut]

This is from a comic, but I think there is more serious thinking in it than comedy. You be the judge.

[folivier]

That describes our lunch last week perfectly. Good service, great food, inexpensive, but VERY LOUD. Almost where I had to leave. We'll be back but not at lunch rush. Actually we didn't know but went there about 11:15 and thought we'd beat the lunch crowd. Nope.

[Yoheadden]

Hmm,

[Yoheadden]

If it’s not the wife, it’s the lawn.

[Walt34]

Turnabout is fair:

[levindb]

An Airbus 380 is on its way across the Atlantic. It flies consistently at 800 km/h at 30,000 feet, when suddenly a Eurofighter with a Tempo Mach 2 appears.
The pilot of the fighter jet slows down, flies alongside the Airbus and greets the pilot of the passenger plane by radio: "Airbus, boring flight isn’t it? Now have a look here!"
He rolls his jet on its back, accelerates, breaks through the sound barrier, rises rapidly to a dizzying height, and then swoops down almost to sea level in a breathtaking dive. He loops back next to the Airbus and asks: "Well, how was that?"

The Airbus pilot answers: "Very impressive, but watch this!"
The jet pilot watches the Airbus, but nothing happens. It continues to fly straight, at the same speed. After 15 minutes, the Airbus pilot radios, "Well, how was that?
Confused, the jet pilot asks, "What did you do?"
The AirBus pilot laughs and says: "I got up, stretched my legs, walked to the back of the aircraft to use the washroom, then got a cup of coffee and a chocolate fudge pastry."

The moral of the story is: When you’re young, speed and adrenaline seems to be great. But as you get older and wiser, you learn that comfort and peace are more important.
This is called S.O.S.: Slower, Older and Smarter.

~ it’s time to slow down and enjoy the rest of the trip.