Gift Acknowledgements -- Care or Don't Care?

[audreyh1]

Every case is different, but in my experience, many in the generation of about age 20 to 40 do not say thank you and do not appreciate gifts. They expect then and know they deserve them, but do not feel obliged to say thank you unless it is immediate and in person and their mother is present.... and even then it is half-hearted.

I continue to give gifts because if you turn off the tap due to a lack of courtesy and gratitude , you are the bad guy. So, fork out the money and bite your lip.

Of course there are exceptions and those young folks are to be commended.

Really? You don’t stop giving gifts because otherwise you are the bad guy?

 

[jollystomper]

I continue to give gifts because if you turn off the tap due to a lack of courtesy and gratitude , you are the bad guy. So, fork out the money and bite your lip.

If stopping giving gifts to those who do not acknowledge them makes one the bad guy, then I am more than willing to be the baddest guy on the planet.

 

[brucethebroker]

Please send the next $250 check to me, instead. Also, let me know your preference of communication: note, short letter, email, etc. I promise the thank you will go out within 24 hours of receipt of gift.

 

[Chuckanut]

I can't tell you what to do but I will tell you what I would do in your situation....

I would continue with the birthday gifts but much more modestly - maybe something worth $20-$30 max. I would give the gift with no expectations of anything in return, not even a thank you email. That seems to be 'normal' among youngsters in the 20's and even 30's. For some reason we become rather invisible to them.

In no case would I make an issue of it, harbor a grudge or let it effect my relationship with the kids, your son or your daughter-in-law. I would love them because they are family.

I have never understood grandparents who willingly engage in hostilities or get into tiffs with their kids or grand-kids. I have seen to many of them get their hearts ripped up when they get cut off from their own child or their grandchild due to bad feelings. It's not worth it.

 

[Ally]

I like some sort of thank you. When children become adults in our family, our family agrees to stop most gift giving.

 

[Ian S]

On a related note, my partner and I attended a wedding back in November. Prior to the happy day, we used the couple's wedding registry to purchase a gift (>$200). The value was the same as we gave to the older daughter and her groom a few years ago. The registry service provided us with a receipt and explained that they would notify the couple and wait to ship the gift until the couple got back to them. That was fine with us. The holiday season ensued along with a family emergency, recuperation from shoulder surgery (me) and planning for a European trip. I kind of forgot about it until recently when I realized we had never received a thank you for the gift. Since these young people would not be the kind NOT to send their thanks, I wondered if the gift registry had screwed up. So I contacted them and they claimed that the couple had never contacted them to ship the gift and so the service was still waiting for the go-ahead! I told them to send notice again which the confirmed they did. So I contacted the couple by email along with the father of the groom who is an old friend from decades ago. Diplomatically, I suggested that the gift registry had perhaps messed up and to let me know if there was any problem in getting the gift shipped to them now. We're waiting to hear but if we don't I'm not sure what else if anything to do.

 

[audreyh1]

I like some sort of thank you. When children become adults in our family, our family agrees to stop most gift giving.

Yep - same in here in terms of event gifts.

I give pretty substantially to my siblings early in the year. They always let me know they appreciate it right a way. :cool smiley:

But they are demonstrative folks anyhow. And we are close in general.

 

[travelover]

Really? You don’t stop giving gifts because otherwise you are the bad guy?

I should have been more clear. If I stop giving gifts, I'm the bad guy to DW. She thinks, like others here, that this generation has different expectations and rules, is hobbled by a lack of paper and pen, no knowledge of email and have no way of knowing my phone number to send a text or call. So, yes holding them to my ridiculous standards makes me a bad guy.

 

[WestUniversity]

Times have obviously changed from when I was a kid. Mom always made sure we wrote a thank you note. That said, I give a gift either because I want to help the person or because in some tangible way, I want to recognize and honor the relationship and what they mean to me. While it’s always nice to get the thanks, whether I receive one or not is not crucial...

 

[Bestwifeever]

All our kids acknowledge gifts with a thank you, usually written, sometimes with a phone call.

Because we make them do so.

Mine too, and now my grandchildren. But it still doesn’t bother me not to get an acknowledgment from others.

 

[Teacher Terry]

No thank you means no future gift.

 

[Aerides]

Ian S, in your case I would be annoyed, but probably leave it be and not do anything else, spend no more time trying to chase them down. As a newly married couple, perhaps they are planning a move and will have stuff shipped from the registry to the new home? (I'd have half a mind to cancel the order, but probably wouldn't).

Either way, for weddings, that's bad form still.... a handwritten thank you card is still how it should be done. Bet you got a lovely printed invite? Yup those same printers showed the bride and groom thank you cards to match.

 

[pj.mask]

As a ‘youngin’ myself I think it’s odd to not say anything. Minimum a text thank you or a quick phone call, especially for that kind of money.
Someone said email isn’t cool any more? I guess nobody told the 25-35 year olds we associate with. Text is fast/easier for regular and ongoing conversation of people you are close with but email is still the go to for non-urgent communication or something you want to be grammatically correct.

 

[haha]

My son married a woman with two children so, for the past three years, I have had two grandchildren. The oldest, a 23 year old boy who is in the Navy, I've only met once at Christmas a couple of years ago. My DGD is 20 and lives in the same city, and I see her more frequently and have done things with her. I give both of them money for their birthdays and once gave them $250 each (along with my kids and their SOs). Unless I am face-to-face with them, I never get a thank you text, email, card, etc., no acknowledgement whatsoever.

It kind of bothers me. But I hesitate to say anything because the relationship with one is pretty nonexistent and tenuous, though okay, with the other. Still, it bothers me so I think, should I quit giving them gifts or just suck it up and realize they are never going to acknowledge the gift? I need to do something because it niggles at me. Anyone else have this issue?

The way I approach these things is to clarify my goals in the transaction. This will usually indicate how to best respond or to just drop it.

It hurts to feel that one is going to thought and effort for nothing, so clarify whether there may be some benefit, even though it is not immediately clear to you that there is. I definitely would not say anything to the giftees, or their mother, or your son.


Ha

 

[Amethyst]

+1 It would look a little pathetic..."don't you care about me?" when the answer, after all, may be painfully clear.

I definitely would not say anything to the giftees, or their mother, or your son.


Ha

 

[brucethebroker]

Friends adult son and new bride had the "gift card box" stolen at their reception (at a church!). Part of the heartache was not knowing who gave them cash and gift cards-as a result, no thank you cards went out to those "unknown" gifters.

 

[Moemg]

Friends adult son and new bride had the "gift card box" stolen at their reception (at a church!). Part of the heartache was not knowing who gave them cash and gift cards-as a result, no thank you cards went out to those "unknown" gifters.

We were at a wedding Saturday and I did not see a gift box maybe this is why ?