How to tell someone ...

[FlaGator]

As long as his wife/SO likes it, you should too.

If you or your friends want to set an example, shave your head and go full Barkley/Jordan (pick your fave) before you see him next.

BTW, I never went the combover or hairpiece route. My hair had been thinning since my early 20's, after basically a full 'fro just a few years earlier. After a few decades of the top thinning and cutting it closer and closer, I slicked if off 7 years ago. The Norelco triple header is my morning friend

Now unrecognizable to HS classmates, but memorable to people I interact with regularly, like retail clerks and teachers/staff at the kid's school.

It's a bold look, not for everyone. Helps immensely to not GAF about such things, which was the case after my wife died and I quit working.

 

[bmcgonig]

The problem is that some extreme combovers look terrible. For whatever reason they do. And it’s like rubber necking at a car wreck. It’s hard to look away. I remember one guy who had one that literally started from his neck and went from there up over his head to his forehead.

And we just know that he’d look much better without it. And that everyone is always staring at the car wreck…that’s life

 

[FindingForward]

Brau, did he have a full head of hair when you knew him before? It just could be that the combover looks better on him than whatever the other option is. Not every bald or balding guy looks good with the close-cropped look. Maybe he tried the shaved head, and the close-cropped look, etc. and finally landed on the combover. Touchy situation!

I have a family member with this dilemma - he feels many bald men look great, but HATES the way he personally looks bald - because of his scalp shape and facial features. So he wears the fake stuff. He knows people ridicule him behind his back or make snide comments, but he just considers it their problem, not his. He absolutely prefers it to being bald.

I just feel bad for him that there's still such an unfair double standard today: a woman wears a ridiculously obvious wig or weave & no one bats an eye. A man does and he's ridiculed.

 

[FindingForward]

Wait - you mean people can tell it is just a comb over??

This brings up an important point: it's like fat shaming. People KNOW they're overweight - they don't need someone in their life "suggesting" it or ways to help. They have a mirror, trust me. People know what they look like with a combover vs other men with more traditional hair or no hair. Those with a big nose or other distinctive feature know it. Yet many "well meaning' family members, friends, still somehow think the person needs to be told or helped. Um. No.

 

[FindingForward]

One tip: please look him in the eye when talking. Don't stare at his hair while talking. It is extremely rude. You may think you are sending a message, or perhaps it is just unconscious. Either way, avoid it.

I'm very bald. I have Captain Picard's hairline. I am now fine with my baldness. I started going bald at age 16. By 18, it was getting very serious. I can say, going through college like this was hell on earth, but once I survived, I was stronger. I remember those days of getting the head stare. I wanted to just crawl in a hole.

I think comb overs are terrible. I never tried it. But it isn't my body. So MYOB, and respect the gentleman's decision by not staring.

Best post in the thread.

 

[Badger]

As a teenager my hair was thick, and long to my shoulders. By the time I was in my early 20s I was quickly going bald. There was not a thing I could do but accept it but I was not going to combover, weave, or implant so I cut the sides back a bit. I just consider it my bearded Sean Connery look. But even after 50+ years I still think it would have been nice to have a full head of hair.
It seems obvious to me that the friend's combover is an attempt to mitigate the hair loss "look". I doubt he would appreciate the baldness and combover being brought to his attention. Be a friend and leave him alone. He is dealing with it the best he can at the moment.

Cheers!

Cheers!

 

[JoeWras]

This brings up an important point: it's like fat shaming. People KNOW they're overweight - they don't need someone in their life "suggesting" it or ways to help. They have a mirror, trust me. People know what they look like with a combover vs other men with more traditional hair or no hair. Those with a big nose or other distinctive feature know it. Yet many "well meaning' family members, friends, still somehow think the person needs to be told or helped. Um. No.

This is exactly right. Thank you.

 

[Sojourner]

I hope OP does nothing of the sort.

I was half-joking when I posted the idea, but just out of curiosity... why? What's the harm? I mean, if OP really wants to let his friend know how silly he looks, and it's being done with good intentions (not to poke fun at him or ridicule him), then what's so bad about doing so anonymously? IMHO, it's sort of like the "anonymous" advice you might get from a therapist or other professional that you don't know personally.

 

[Aerides]

I was half-joking when I posted the idea, but just out of curiosity... why? What's the harm? I mean, if OP really wants to let his friend know how silly he looks, and it's being done with good intentions (not to poke fun at him or ridicule him), then what's so bad about doing so anonymously? IMHO, it's sort of like the "anonymous" advice you might get from a therapist or other professional that you don't know personally.

If it were me, I would then be forever wondering who sent it, and have to assume that any one of my friends or family were thinking this of me - in other words, everyone. It would be far more upsetting and troubling than to have one person take me aside and tell me gently.

If you tell me "Aeri you look stupid" then I can either explain my choices, or hate you, done.

If someone tells me anonymously, I have no way to respond or react other than to assume it's anyone. It would bother me for far longer and potentially undermine more relationships.

 

[braumeister]

Zero Mostel, one of my all-time favorite actors:

 

[Sojourner]

If it were me, I would then be forever wondering who sent it, and have to assume that any one of my friends or family were thinking this of me - in other words, everyone. It would be far more upsetting and troubling than to have one person take me aside and tell me gently.

If you tell me "Aeri you look stupid" then I can either explain my choices, or hate you, done.

If someone tells me anonymously, I have no way to respond or react other than to assume it's anyone. It would bother me for far longer and potentially undermine more relationships.

Hmm, interesting perspective. Hadn't thought of that aspect of it. Thanks.

 

[OldShooter]

I think an anonymous message is implicit proof that the sender is ashamed of what he/she is doing.

 

[badatmath]

I really don't care personally if I look decorative. I am neat and clean. I mean I would prefer a SO think I look good and I am not saying I want to look terrible. It is just that is not as high a priority as other things.

 

[JoeWras]

I really don't care personally if I look decorative. I am neat and clean. I mean I would prefer a SO think I look good and I am not saying I want to look terrible. It is just that is not as high a priority as other things.

DW's sister recently passed, and she inherited some brand new clothes. (SIL was a clothes hoarder and bought a lot never worn.)

As DW was getting rid of some 35 year old, totally worn out clothing to make room for this new stuff, I decided to do the same. I mostly disposed of the stuff with very minor holes (you can't see) and worn collars, etc.

I kept thinking about this thread, wondering if someone would come up to me and say: "Hey Joe, that shirt has seen better days, maybe you could afford something new?"

To that, I'd probably tell them to "go away" for good. Not my friend. Leave me alone.

BTW, that's never happened. I have good friends. They can apparently put up with my worn collars.

 

[MarieIG]

I was half-joking when I posted the idea, but just out of curiosity... why? What's the harm? I mean, if OP really wants to let his friend know how silly he looks, and it's being done with good intentions (not to poke fun at him or ridicule him), then what's so bad about doing so anonymously? IMHO, it's sort of like the "anonymous" advice you might get from a therapist or other professional that you don't know personally.

It's insulting - and cowardly. I wouldn't say anything to the former classmate in any event- but this - is memorializing an insult, allowing the insulter to "hide", not even allow the victim the opportunity to respond, and leaving the victim to wonder who sent the e-mail. So called "good intentions" are no justification to unnecessarily hurt someone this way. A person who behaves in such a manner obviously cares more about himself/ herself, and his/her desire to express himself./herself, than the person they are e-mailing.

No, it's not the like the advise that you receive from a professional. You know the professional and you specifically sought the advise from the professional. They are responding to your request.

And the professionals who do deal with hair, are very careful about how they speak to their clients. They ask the client what they want done, and if asked for suggestions, give tactful responses, such as "maybe you would like to try . . . " as opposed to "I have to tell you how bad you look."

 

[Dreamer]

There is probably no good answer to this, but I'd like to ask you creative folks anyway.

We were at a reunion last weekend and an old friend who hasn't been around for a number of years showed up. He's still a nice guy and well liked, but we were kind of appalled at his combover.

I would be afraid that his feelings might be hurt badly and he might not ever show up at a reunion again.

I would not ever say anything to him, either in person or anonymously.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Years ago a guy at work had a horrible combover. He was older than us. One day he came with a buzz cut. His wife made him do it and we all told him how good he looked).

 

[jollystomper]

The financial planning analogy seen on many threads here: "I think a friend is mismanaging their financial life. Should I offer them unsolicited advice to fix things?" I believe the general consensus is "why do that, they likely will not listen and it will just cause you more relationship problems" .

I made the decision long ago not to comment on someone's looks, dress, or figure unless specifically asked by that person, and to proceed with caution even then. As well as to not join in on discussions about someone else's looks, dress, or figure. That is gossip and treating them in a way I would not want to be treated. The saying "even a fool is thought wise when he remains silent" I try to live by .

 

[HarryHawk]

And the woman my Mom mentioned was late 30's early 40's and very gray. But, she was stunning, great figure, long and lean, made a pair of denim jeans look very nice, long gray hair, and I thought the gray hair looked great on her. Kind of like, I can have gray hair and I still look hot, not 'old', so there!


Of course, though my hair is turning gray, I still have almost all of it, so maybe I don't have a good perspective.

-ERD50

My wife's hair has turned silver, she has never looked better. People actually ask her what she does to make her hair look so great.

 

[Amethyst]

That's the way to go. Everybody's happy.

One day he came with a buzz cut. His wife made him do it and we all told him how good he looked).

 

[Scout]

Hopefully this guy moved on in life with better friends…..

 

[Koolau]

If I saw a growth on a friend's face that might indicate skin cancer, I'd mention it because there could be consequences. "Hey, C. O., have you had that dark patch on your skin checked out? My skin doc is burning off at least 2 of those every year."

A bad combover might interfere with your friend's love life - and that up to the lady - but it's not life altering one way or the other. I'd never mention it unless asked specifically, like "Hey, K, do you think my combover looks like ...?" I'd simply answer that I'm no expert, but I always prefer the natural look and I've heard that most of the ladies do as well. YMMV

 

[JoeWras]

Skin cancer is a whole different deal. Don't be quiet.

Read this story about an NHL hockey fan that spotted a melanoma on a staff member working the bench. Amazing!

https://www.nbcnews.com/pop-culture...00-spotting-cancerous-mole-nhl-game-rcna10690

 

[Koolau]

Skin cancer is a whole different deal. Don't be quiet.

Read this story about an NHL hockey fan that spotted a melanoma on a staff member working the bench. Amazing!

https://www.nbcnews.com/pop-culture...00-spotting-cancerous-mole-nhl-game-rcna10690

That was just the coolest thing! "If you see something, say something!" Thanks for reminding me of this story. I love it.

 

[MrsHaloFIRE]

Friend of my moms had an awful scraggly combover. I was told to never mention. He had been hit by a car as a child and couldn't handle showing the scars on top of his head. I think there's a lesson here. Hairstyles, beards, odd clothing sometimes are armor. We never know what people have going on, what challenges they face.