How to tell someone ...

[Calico]

Friend of my moms had an awful scraggly combover. I was told to never mention. He had been hit by a car as a child and couldn't handle showing the scars on top of his head. I think there's a lesson here. Hairstyles, beards, odd clothing sometimes are armor. We never know what people have going on, what challenges they face.

Indeed.

I am female.

When I had chemo four years ago I shaved my head, because the oncologist said the chemo would cause all my hair to fall out anyway. Given that I was focused on surviving, the loss of my hair was a minor bump in the road.

I never wore a wig, but I did wear beanies to protect my head from the sun. I know for a fact that some people I worked with were uncomfortable with my "new look" until my hair grew back, and they would have much preferred that I wear a wig in order to make them feel more comfortable. They said as much behind my back, and it got back to me. Sort of like the OP and his friends talking behind the gentleman's back about his combover.

No one ever said anything to my face, and I pity anyone who would have tried to do so.

Once I completed my treatment, my hair grew back, but nothing like the way it used to look. The color changed (it was two different colors); the texture changed; it was curly instead of straight, and it has been thinning on top for the past four years, due to the medication I have been on for four years (and will be on for the next six years).

I'll admit the thinning on the top of my head distresses me a bit, especially as it seems to be getting much more noticeable - but not as much as, you know, being dead would distress me if I stopped the meds.

If I'm lucky, once the meds stop in six years my hair will thicken up. If not, so be it. I'd rather be above ground with thin hair than six feet under with the perfect head of thick hair I used to have.

And I pity anyone who tries to give me "well intentioned" or "friendly" advice about how to handle my thinning hair over the next few years.

 

[Amethyst]

Just thought of something else.

Any time I've gotten to know and like someone, I barely n look at their faces/heads/hair any more, except to notice if something has greatly changed since last time, and whether it's worth commenting on out of a)admiration ("did you get a new haircut? Looks good!") or b) concern (e.g. "how are you feeling these days?" not "You look tired")

My late husband was considerably older. I was well aware that other people saw us as an odd couple because of this. Yet even at the end of his life, when I looked at him, I saw not age and decline, but beauty.

 

[JoeWras]

I never wore a wig, but I did wear beanies to protect my head from the sun. I know for a fact that some people I worked with were uncomfortable with my "new look" until my hair grew back, and they would have much preferred that I wear a wig in order to make them feel more comfortable. They said as much behind my back, and it got back to me.

Oh Calico, I'm sorry to hear that. When I was 16, I lost some male friends for a similar reason: they were uncomfortable around me if there were also girls around. I guess I might infect their chances of getting lucky. Because of this, I have no interest in my high school reunion. I bonded with people outside of my school.

My late husband was considerably older. I was well aware that other people saw us as an odd couple because of this. Yet even at the end of his life, when I looked at him, I saw not age and decline, but beauty.

Well speaking of MYOB, I can recall many parties where an acquaintance couple comes in and they are separated by 15+ years. Suddenly, a gossip buzz goes around discussing this situation, which is wrong. It isn't our business.

 

[jollystomper]

Just thought of something else.

My late husband was considerably older. I was well aware that other people saw us as an odd couple because of this. Yet even at the end of his life, when I looked at him, I saw not age and decline, but beauty.

This reminds me of this quote from the movie "The Batchelor":

"“It's a wonderful thing, as time goes by, to be with someone who looks into your face, when you've gotten old, and still sees what you think you look like.”

From a hair perspective, I just tend to not notice or fuss about it. I am bad a telling if someone has a wig/extensions/toupee/combover/dyed hair etc. because that is not just what I focus on. One of our sons acted out his "rebellion" by growing his hair long, then shaving it, then dyeing it in various colors, and DW and I never said a word. Years later when he asked why we never reacted, my response was "however you did your hair was your choice, I was concerned about your character".

 

[John Galt III]

Since this thread has gone on far longer than I ever expected, I'll just clarify that the person is a lifelong bachelor who has very little interaction with others. So his old friends at the reunion would actually have been the best ones to give him the word. Except that none of us had the guts because we were afraid of hurting him.

I completely understand all the advice given. As I said in the OP, "There is probably no good answer to this".

Braumesiter, can you give us some more details about his personality? Shy? Self-conscious? No confidence? Zero dates? Intensely lonely? Curious mind(s) want to know.

 

[John Galt III]

Years ago a guy at work had a horrible combover. He was older than us. One day he came with a buzz cut. His wife made him do it and we all told him how good he looked).

Ah, good to hear a success story. I think it was good of you guys to compliment him. And don't people know that bald and balding movie stars are considered sexy? Bruce Willis. Woody Harrelson (sort of). Sean Connery. The list goes on and on.

 

[tmm99]

If a good friend of mine was doing it and if I were male, I would definitely tell him that he needs to lose the combover. I wound not say anything in the OP's case. People do weird things all the time and I never question them or say anything as it's their business.

God, I hope my good friends will tell me if I look really foolish in their eyes.

 

[travelover]

.........God, I hope my good friends will tell me if I look really foolish in their eyes.

This might be a good time to post a recent picture in this thread.

 

[NW-Bound]

This might be a good time to post a recent picture in this thread.

What makes you think you are a good friend of tmm99?

 

[travelover]

What makes you think you are a good friend of tmm99?

I was thinking of you, NW.

 

[Koolau]

Indeed.

I am female.

When I had chemo four years ago I shaved my head, because the oncologist said the chemo would cause all my hair to fall out anyway. Given that I was focused on surviving, the loss of my hair was a minor bump in the road.

I never wore a wig, but I did wear beanies to protect my head from the sun. I know for a fact that some people I worked with were uncomfortable with my "new look" until my hair grew back, and they would have much preferred that I wear a wig in order to make them feel more comfortable. They said as much behind my back, and it got back to me. Sort of like the OP and his friends talking behind the gentleman's back about his combover.

No one ever said anything to my face, and I pity anyone who would have tried to do so.

Once I completed my treatment, my hair grew back, but nothing like the way it used to look. The color changed (it was two different colors); the texture changed; it was curly instead of straight, and it has been thinning on top for the past four years, due to the medication I have been on for four years (and will be on for the next six years).

I'll admit the thinning on the top of my head distresses me a bit, especially as it seems to be getting much more noticeable - but not as much as, you know, being dead would distress me if I stopped the meds.

If I'm lucky, once the meds stop in six years my hair will thicken up. If not, so be it. I'd rather be above ground with thin hair than six feet under with the perfect head of thick hair I used to have.

And I pity anyone who tries to give me "well intentioned" or "friendly" advice about how to handle my thinning hair over the next few years.

You go, girl!

 

[NW-Bound]

I was thinking of you, NW.

Meaning posting picture of myself?

Combover? Nah. I still have lots of hair.

 

[travelover]

Meaning posting picture of myself?

No, I meant you are everyone's friend.

 

[NW-Bound]

Thank you.

I'd like to think I get along with most posters here, except for a very few.

It's OK. You don't want to offend people unnecessarily, but also cannot go through life trying to please everybody.

 

[tmm99]

BTW, I have a friend who paints her eyebrows. I say "paint" because her eyebrows look as if they were cut out from a black sheet of paper and pasted on. I wondered why she did that, and I asked her one time if she had no eyebrows of her own and that's why she did that. She said she did have eyebrows of her own. (I have another friend who has her eyebrows tattooed because she has barely any eyebrows left, hence my question. The tattooed eyebrows with some of her real eyebrows do lack diemnsion, but the tattoo color is much lighter and her eyebrows look more natural.) Then I asked her if it was a cultural thing as she's from another culture and she said no. I don't think I asked any more questions. My husband just can't get over how her eyebrows look though (He thinks they look ridiculous.) and he mentions to me about them every time after we see her. I'm so used to them at this point that I don't even notice.

Some women draw their under eyelids with a thick black eyeliner and I think that makes some of them look like junkies IMHO...

Opinions, opinions...

 

[tmm99]

No, I meant you are everyone's friend.

Thank you.

I'd like to think I get along with most posters here, except for a very few.

It's OK. You don't want to offend people unnecessarily, but also cannot go through life trying to please everybody.

Okay, I will be sending my headshot to you shortly. You can be honest, but not brutally honest. [emoji51][emoji16][emoji38]

 

[youbet]

I want to say one more thing. The fact we are even having this thread and discussion is a bit sad.

There is a thing against baldness in society.

Clearly some action by our Federal gov't is called for not only to guarantee equity and justice going forward but to in some way make up for past abuses of bald folks.

 

[Koolau]

Clearly some action by our Federal gov't is called for not only to guarantee equity and justice going forward but to in some way make up for past abuses of bald folks.

 

[travelover]

..... My husband just can't get over how her eyebrows look though (He thinks they look ridiculous.).........

Opinions, opinions...

I have to confess, I feel the same way about most tattoos, but that is kind of thread drift as tattoos are generally not applied to cover a naturally occurring condition like baldness. And don't get me started on body piercings.

 

[Calico]

Oh Calico, I'm sorry to hear that. When I was 16, I lost some male friends for a similar reason: they were uncomfortable around me if there were also girls around. I guess I might infect their chances of getting lucky. Because of this, I have no interest in my high school reunion. I bonded with people outside of my school......

Joe, I am sorry that you were subjected to the ignorance and cruelty you described in your earlier post in your teens and twenties. There is no age limit on ignorance, unfortunately.

 

[38Chevy454]

A person has to be comfortable with themselves. If that means a combover, dying their hair, or wearing a wig/hairpiece, whatever they want to do if it makes them feel better.

Sure many see them and feel it just makes whatever they are trying to cover worse. But as pointed out, not my problem and not my place to comment unless i am asked by the person.

My personal philosophy, God made my genes and whether it falls out or turns grey is how I will leave it. It's currently mostly all grey and getting less on top. The hereditary gene says I'll end up without hair on top eventually.

 

[NW-Bound]

BTW, I have a friend who paints her eyebrows. I say "paint" because her eyebrows look as if they were cut out from a black sheet of paper and pasted on. I wondered why she did that, and I asked her one time if she had no eyebrows of her own and that's why she did that. She said she did have eyebrows of her own. (I have another friend who has her eyebrows tattooed because she has barely any eyebrows left, hence my question. The tattooed eyebrows with some of her real eyebrows do lack diemnsion, but the tattoo color is much lighter and her eyebrows look more natural.) Then I asked her if it was a cultural thing as she's from another culture and she said no. I don't think I asked any more questions. My husband just can't get over how her eyebrows look though (He thinks they look ridiculous.) and he mentions to me about them every time after we see her. I'm so used to them at this point that I don't even notice.

Some women draw their under eyelids with a thick black eyeliner and I think that makes some of them look like junkies IMHO...

Opinions, opinions...

Ah, speaking of eyebrows, recently I ran across a Web page on a movement for unibrows, started by a UK model named Sophia Hadjipanteli.

There are more photos of her like the one below that you can easily find on the Web.

 

[Koolau]

Ah, speaking of eyebrows, recently I ran across a Web page on a movement for unibrows, started by a UK model named Sophia Hadjipanteli.

There are more photos of her like the one below that you can easily find on the Web.

Wow! I guess I'm right in style. DW is always after me to trim my brows. As the hair on my head wanes, the hair over my eyes seems to grow. Should I show her this thread and ask her what gives her a right to dis me because of my eyebrows? Naaaahhhhhhh!

 

[NW-Bound]

Wow! I guess I'm right in style. DW is always after me to trim my brows. As the hair on my head wanes, the hair over my eyes seems to grow. Should I show her this thread and ask her what gives her a right to dis me because of my eyebrows? Naaaahhhhhhh!

Do you have nose hair like the photo below also?

One of my brother-in-laws had nose hair like that. I tried hard not to tell him. I wondered if I should gift him a nose hair trimmer.

The nose hair disappeared one day. I guess his wife finally told him.

 

[Koolau]

Do you have nose hair like the photo below also?

One of my brother-in-laws had nose hair like that. I tried hard not to tell him. The nose hair disappeared one day. I guess his wife finally told him.

Yep, got that too, but THAT hair really bothers me so I keep it trimmed - even had a special trimmer for it. YMMV