Dear President Bush:
I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family,
and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across
the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few
arrangements. I know you can help with this.
I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports,
immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the
same way you do here.
So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that
I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting
the following:
1. Free medical care for my entire family.
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might
need, whether I use them or not.
3. All government forms need to be printed in English.
4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.
5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.
6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the
flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.
7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and
lunch.
8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy
access to government services.
9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any
effort to learn local traffic laws.
10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the
memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all
police officers speak English.
11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals
on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not
want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes,
and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws.
13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice
and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might
place on the economy.
14. Eventually I want to be able to vote and have all election materials
and notices sent to me in English with Spanish as a second language..
I know this is an easy request because you already do all these
things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico.
I am sure that Pres. Fox won't mind returning the favor if you ask him
nicely. However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail
hunting with your V.P.
I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family,
and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across
the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few
arrangements. I know you can help with this.
I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports,
immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the
same way you do here.
So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that
I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting
the following:
1. Free medical care for my entire family.
2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might
need, whether I use them or not.
3. All government forms need to be printed in English.
4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.
5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.
6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the
flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.
7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and
lunch.
8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy
access to government services.
9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any
effort to learn local traffic laws.
10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the
memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all
police officers speak English.
11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals
on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not
want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.
12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes,
and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws.
13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice
and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might
place on the economy.
14. Eventually I want to be able to vote and have all election materials
and notices sent to me in English with Spanish as a second language..
I know this is an easy request because you already do all these
things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico.
I am sure that Pres. Fox won't mind returning the favor if you ask him
nicely. However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail
hunting with your V.P.
I just got back from the library with 5 guidebooks on traveling in Mexico and thought I might get some pointers here.
