Poll...Marry ever or again?

[BTravlin]

While I'm at it, I have another theory that I'd like to get input on: I think so many men need Viagra not because they have medical problems, or are stressed, or whatever they may claim, but simply because they are with women who don't excite them any more. I suspect half the men who need Viagra, if they somehow took up with a Victoria´s Secret model, might never need Viagra again.

BTW, I've never been married, never taken Viagra/Cialis/whatever, and never needed it.

What do you think?

The Victoria's Secret models are pretty and all but they're a little on the skinny side. A bit more meat on the bones wouldn't hurt them at all.

Thankfully, I haven't needed the viagra.

As freebird said, being treated with respect by one's spouse goes a long way. Feeling wanted is also a major factor. I try to do lots of little things for my DW during the course of a day. Nothing major, just little things, like if I'm going to the kitchen I'll pick up her plate along the way and put it in the dishwasher for her. Just little acts of kindness. Works for me in both directions.

 

[RonBoyd]

... if I'm going to the kitchen I'll pick up her plate along the way and put it in the dishwasher for her. Works for me in both directions.

You take a plate from the dishwasher and take it to her?

 

[BTravlin]

Okay, yeah, I could of been a little more clear there. Acts of thoughtfulness by me tend to get noticed and rewarded and acts of thoughtfulness by her are definitely noticed, appreciated and rewarded as well. It's just another part of being attractive.

 

[haha]

Acts of thoughtfulness by me tend to get noticed and rewarded and acts of thoughtfulness by her are definitely noticed, appreciated and rewarded as well. It's just another part of being attractive.

I am really trying harder on this dimension too. Whether you hope a relationship lasts years or just months, it is worth trying to make it a real pleasure for your partner.

Ha

 

[TopDown]

I was married and living with from 76-97, then separated from 98-2003, divorced since then. Ex is remarried. I won't say never but I don't expect to marry again. I had a really good husband and No 2 would have to be even better.

In my case being married, and having a child, really made 'working on making the marriage work' happen (until it didn't ) .

I am financially independent. I don't want to do anything to mess with my security. I don't want children and many men my age (55) have children at home - sometimes quite young ones. I'm fine with being Grandma but not step-mom.

I have good friends, all happily married, and none of them understand why I am still single. What I don't say is how much I enjoy my own company and the stressless, tensionlessness it provides me. I believe that most really good marriages require both partners to work at keeping it that way and I think I've gotten more selfish over time.

And I almost forgot the biggie - my dogs. Anyone who gets involved with me has to be a willing pooper scooper and cool enough to walk with my standard poodles.

I voted 'been married not likely to again' but who knows ...

 

[NW-Bound]

I chose "Married, but if becoming single, do not plan to remarry", same as the largest percentage of men who voted.

Why would a middle-age person not be happy with a companion, and has to tie the knot legally? I think a marriage license is one way, not the only way of course, to prove one's love. Of course Liz Taylor kept changing her mind, but that's another story.

I guess it is possible to fall in love when one is in his or her 50s, or even 70s, but you've got to admit it is much less likely than when you are in your late teens or early 20s.

Talk about a love-struck middle age person reminds me of this song, Adoro, as sung by Laura Canoura (an Uruguay singer), who portrayed such a person in her presentation.

YouTube - Laura Canoura: "Adoro"


I don't know Spanish, but first ran across this tune in another language, and had to track it down to get the original lyrics. A few verses follow, with the Web automated translation.

Adoro la calle en que nos vimos,
la noche cuando nos conocimos.
Adoro las cosas que me dices,
nuestros momentos felices, los adoro, vida mía.

Adoro la forma en que sonríes
y el modo en que a veces me riñes.
Adoro la seda de tus manos,
los besos que nos damos, los adoro, vida mía.
...
Adoro el brillo de tus ojos,
lo dulce que hay en tus labios rojos.
Adoro la forma en que me besas
y hasta cuando me dejas yo te adoro, vida mía,
yo te adoro, vida mía.


I love the street where we met
the night when we first met.
I love the things I say,
our happy moments, the love, darling.

I love the way you smile
and how sometimes I scold.
I love the silk from your hands,
the kisses that we, the love, darling.
...
I love the brightness of your eyes,
how sweet it is in your red lips.
I love how you kiss me
and even when you leave me I adore you, my life,
I adore you, darling.
​

Any of the dancers here has danced to this popular Bolero tune?

 

[bbbamI]

Any of the dancers here has danced to this popular Bolero tune?

I haven't....but it's not too late. Such a lovely song...

 

[NW-Bound]

So, you dance. I don't. Can never move my body to the beat, as described earlier in the "No Can Do" thread. Don't remember the steps either. Good thing DW also does not care about dancing.

PS. As a community service, I add this youtube video with lyrics for people who know Spanish.

YouTube - Adoro - ♪ Musica Romantica ♪

 

[bbbamI]

So, you dance. I don't. Can never move my body to the beat, as described earlier in the "No Can Do" thread. Don't remember the steps either. Good thing DW also does not care about dancing.

Yes I do....

Funny thing is, DH can't dance well but he's a very talented musician. I can't play a musical instrument but can dance to any rhythm easily.

 

[haha]

Talk about a love-struck middle age person reminds me of this song, Adoro, as sung by Laura Canoura (an Uruguay singer), who portrayed such a person in her presentation.

I don't know Spanish, but first ran across this tune in another language, and had to track it down to get the original lyrics. A few verses follow, with the Web automated translation.

Adoro la calle en que nos vimos,
la noche cuando nos conocimos.
Adoro las cosas que me dices,
nuestros momentos felices, los adoro, vida mía.

Adoro la forma en que sonríes
y el modo en que a veces me riñes.
Adoro la seda de tus manos,
los besos que nos damos, los adoro, vida mía.
...
Adoro el brillo de tus ojos,
lo dulce que hay en tus labios rojos.
Adoro la forma en que me besas
y hasta cuando me dejas yo te adoro, vida mía,
yo te adoro, vida mía.


I love the street where we met
the night when we first met.
I love the things I say,
our happy moments, the love, darling.

I love the way you smile
and how sometimes I scold.
I love the silk from your hands,
the kisses that we, the love, darling.
...
I love the brightness of your eyes,
how sweet it is in your red lips.
I love how you kiss me
and even when you leave me I adore you, my life,
I adore you, darling.
​

Any of the dancers here has danced to this popular Bolero tune?

I have never before heard this very beautiful rendition of a very beautiful song. Thank you for posting it! Her voice is lovely and sensual, her pronunciation is relaxed yet very clear, and she gets the rhythm. Her version has a rhythm close to bossa nova, and is very danceable and completely transporting. Tan suave! The other version you posted for the lyrics is bombastic and boring.

3.5 minutes on a dance floor with Laura's song should advance a relationship a month at least.

BTW, that web translation makes her sound like a horrible narcissist. Adoro las cosas que me dices should translate as I love the things you say to me. Similarly, que me riñes means how you scold me, not the other way around.

Similarly, a more poetic translation of los besos que nos damos would be the kisses that we share.

There are few things in life more rewarding of sharing than loving kisses.

I am going to get more of her music; I love it! She also moves very well. Check out her head and neck action at 50" That is the way to dance to this rhythm, with gentle isolations. This would also make a wonderful tango.

Ha

 

[omni550]

Just ran across an interesting article in Newsweek... The Case Against Marriage - Newsweek omni

 

[bbbamI]

Interesting article, thanks......perhaps I'm not as bbb as I thought....

 

[Gumby]

Ahhhh, the certainty of youth.

 

[NW-Bound]

Just ran across an interesting article in Newsweek... The Case Against Marriage - Newsweek omni

From the article, "... as many as 60 percent of men and half of women will have sex with somebody other than their spouse during their marriage."

Wow! Sixty percent of men and fifty percent of the women. I know I belong to the 40% of men who do not cheat, and I have every reason to believe my wife belongs to the nice 50% of females.

How do they get this statistics anyway?

 

[bbbamI]

How do they get this statistics anyway?

Maybe they take a poll like this one....

http://www.early-retirement.org/for...ted-on-a-partner-46655.html?highlight=cheated

 

[NW-Bound]

Thanks for pointing that out. It must have been during my hiatus. So, I just voted.

 

[haha]

Maybe they take a poll like this one....

http://www.early-retirement.org/for...ted-on-a-partner-46655.html?highlight=cheated

I can't remember.

Wow! Sixty percent of men and fifty percent of the women. I know I belong to the 40% of men who do not cheat, and I have every reason to believe my wife belongs to the nice 50% of females.

There is a fallacy in this statement. Just because a person has had sex with someone other than her/his partner, does not mean s/he has cheated. Partners many have an agreement, may have a distance and time rule (if one of us is more than an x hour flight away for y time, ok to have sex), or if one of us is ill for an extended time it's Ok to have sex, or couples may have many different ways of dealing with desire either implicitly or explicitly expressed. Of course I will admit that likely the most common rule is always deny, unless caught red-handed, and then quickly get really, really contrite.

And although I am sure this has nothing to do with your wife's status, it is quite possible that a woman who has had some extramarital partners is also very "nice". There are many reasons for extramarital sex other than being "not nice", whatever that is supposed to mean.

Ha

 

[W2R]

It's pretty shocking to me, too, NW-Bound. I never cheated on my ex during our 23 year marriage, and I am absolutely certain he never cheated on me either. But I think we were in the minority on that.

Besides, have you ever seen the Jerry Springer Show?

 

[NW-Bound]

I can't remember.
Ha

Good answer! No risk of perjury that way!

 

[NW-Bound]

Besides, have you ever seen the Jerry Springer Show?

I have heard his name, and I might have stumbled across his show while channel surfing, but did not watch for long.

I watch less and less TV nowadays, not even my favorite cooking shows with Alton Brown (Good Eats) and Tony Bourdain travel shows (No Reservations).

 

[NW-Bound]

...it is quite possible that a woman who has had some extramarital partners is also very "nice"...

I used the word "nice" in describing the half of the women who do not have extramarital sex because I made my post in a hurry.

I am sure there are cheating women who are very, very "nice" , in a different meaning of course.

 

[haha]

I am sure there are cheating women who are very, very "nice" , in a different meaning of course.

Likewise, there are plenty of women who have not had extramarital sex (I don't wish to use your preferred term "cheating" ) who are complete harridans, and far from being nice to be around.


Also, I would like to say that being "sure" that a spouse has not had sex outside of marriage is like being sure that one's teenager has never smoked pot. Unless you shadowing them 24/7, how could one be "sure".

Ha

 

[Helen]

I had a bad marriage 30 years ago. Now I've been in a good relationship for almost 18 years. We own a house together and live together. I don't see any advantage to getting married - at this point - and a lot of financial hassles that we currently don't have. We DO need to get some legal work done regarding health POA and so on. Waiting until I have free time in a few weeks.

I'm not sure what I'm in is different from a marriage - except it is complicated what to call him. Boyfriend is ridiculous. Significant Other is a mouthful. Husband is often what I use. My Guy sometimes... We need a term for this when you're both over 60!

I guess the grass is always greener. I would love to be able to marry my partner, but as a gay couple we can not.

To answer the OPs question. I don't know. We've only been together 22 years, but I can't imagine life without her. I think I would die of a broken heart if I lost her.

To put it in the context of this board; I would rather work for the rest of my life and be with my partner than be retired without her.

 

[bbbamI]

I guess the grass is always greener. I would love to be able to marry my partner, but as a gay couple we can not.

To answer the OPs question. I don't know. We've only been together 22 years, but I can't imagine life without her. I think I would die of a broken heart if I lost her.

To put it in the context of this board; I would rather work for the rest of my life and be with my partner than be retired without her.

Your post touched my heart.

 

[NW-Bound]

Likewise, there are plenty of women who have not had extramarital sex (I don't wish to use your preferred term "cheating" ) who are complete harridans, and far from being nice to be around.

No argument here!

Also, I would like to say that being "sure" that a spouse has not had sex outside of marriage is like being sure that one's teenager has never smoked pot. Unless you shadowing them 24/7, how could one be "sure".
Ha

Then, perhaps we are indeed different than most couples. In our 30 years of marriage, fidelity has never been questioned.