Fun math for divorce

[Winemaker]

My calendar is already booked that day. I am not accepting any invites from anyone with a long scythe.

All you need to know is WHERE you are going to meet the reaper, and just don'the go there!

 

[Danmar]

i always say marriage is like gambling .

she says will you love me in 30 years ? you say i think so .

then you bet 1/2 your assets on it and let it ride ha ha ha ha

Good one But many aspects of life are like gambling, no? I think it's worth the risk because the alternative of being alone without children doesn't appeal to me. Even after my divorce from hell I did it again with no prenup. Hopeless romantic I guess.

 

[W2R]

"Do you know why divorces are so expensive? Because they're WORTH IT!" - Ken Titus

[...]

Best post on the thread! That says it so perfectly, IMO.

 

[W2R]

Good one But many aspects of life are like gambling, no? I think it's worth the risk because the alternative of being alone without children doesn't appeal to me. Even after my divorce from hell I did it again with no prenup. Hopeless romantic I guess.

Danmar, you are a brave, brave man. Good luck and I hope that you never have to go through a divorce again.

 

[Danmar]

Danmar, you are a brave, brave man. Good luck and I hope that you never have to go through a divorce again.

Thanks, I certainly hope so too. Looks like a pretty good bet at this point though.

 

[Mdlerth]

You and me and the King of the wild frontier

...I think it's worth the risk because the alternative of being alone without children doesn't appeal to me. Even after my divorce from hell I did it again with no prenup. Hopeless romantic I guess.

+1 I'm totally in your camp. Marriage should be about mutual affection and commitment. I've never understood the logic of having such reservations about a prospective mate to require a prenup, but marrying anyway.

In the words of Davy Crockett, "Be sure that you are right, and then go ahead."

 

[Hamlet]

+1 I'm totally in your camp. Marriage should be about mutual affection and commitment. I've never understood the logic of having such reservations about a prospective mate to require a prenup, but marrying anyway.

In the words of Davy Crockett, "Be sure that you are right, and then go ahead."

I don't think of a prenup as having reservations about a prospective mate. It is just sensible planning for a contingency that is fairly common. I think every couple with substantial assets should go thru the prenup process so that they can plan what will happen in the event of a divorce while they are in love, rather than while they actively dislike each other.

It is also an unpleasant process to go thru that can teach you a lot about each other before you get married. Might as well find out beforehand how you cope with unpleasant financial discussions.

I don't pay my life insurance bill because I expect to die this year. I pay it because I could.

 

[Danmar]

I don't think of a prenup as having reservations about a prospective mate. It is just sensible planning for a contingency that is fairly common. I think every couple with substantial assets should go thru the prenup process so that they can plan what will happen in the event of a divorce while they are in love, rather than while they actively dislike each other.

It is also an unpleasant process to go thru that can teach you a lot about each other before you get married. Might as well find out beforehand how you cope with unpleasant financial discussions.

I don't pay my life insurance bill because I expect to die this year. I pay it because I could.

I think I agree with you despite my previous post about lack of a prenup. In my case I had virtually nothing when I married wife #2. In fact she helped support me in the first few years. So obviously no need or desire for a prenup.

However, if I were to remarry again now I would need to ensure my daughter was protected, perhaps through a prenup or trust arrangement. Really depends on your net worth, age, any children, etc. No universal truths on this topic.

 

[haha]

+1 I'm totally in your camp. Marriage should be about mutual affection and commitment. I've never understood the logic of having such reservations about a prospective mate to require a prenup, but marrying anyway.

In the words of Davy Crockett, "Be sure that you are right, and then go ahead."

I know this is heartfelt position, but it ignores several obvious facts. There may be (or of course may not be) mutual affection and commitment at time of marriage, and a much less optimistic situation at some later date. At that later date partners my hate one another, may be tired of one another, may have changed their life orientation, even sexual orientation. I know several men and women who once married and had children, and at some later time decided or discovered that he or she was homosexual. Without divorce, a very unhappy position. And that is one of many reasons why divorce is provided for in the law. Still, it is up to the partners to provide for their ongoing solvency. Perhaps more commonly, one partner feels some or all of these changes, and the other remains hopeful and committed.

Davy Crockett may have been good at taming the wild frontier, but I would not assume that his guidelines should be applied to marriage. Best to adjust your life plans to reality, rather than to expect reality to adjust to you.

Ha

 

[Chuckanut]

I know this is heartfelt position, but it ignores several obvious facts. There may be (or of course may not be) mutual affection and commitment at time of marriage, and a much less optimistic situation at some later date. At that later date partners my hate one another, may be tired of one another, may have changed their life orientation, even sexual orientation.

Sadly, I must agree with Ha. My ex and I had several decades of a good loving marriage, then my ex decided that a former coworker would be a better hubby. After several years of deceit and cheating, even an idiot like me figured it out. It pretty much caught everybody by surprise. In fact many of our 'friends' thought I must have done something horrible to have driven such a morally exemplary person as her to adultery. Amazing......

That said, if you have a happy marriage full of love and trust, then I can only encourage you to keep on with it. You are blessed.

 

[Senator]

Good one But many aspects of life are like gambling, no? I think it's worth the risk because the alternative of being alone without children doesn't appeal to me. Even after my divorce from hell I did it again with no prenup. Hopeless romantic I guess.

What does marriage have to do with kids, or the lack of marriage a sentence to be alone?

 

[Olbidness]

I thought at some point the havoc my Exwife causes would cease, that's just not the case. My sons senior year of High School he won 12K showing his heifer for FFA/4H and his mother took it all. He was devastated. Fast forward two years and he caught her stealing money from his checking account. She told him that he "owed" her because she raised him. Two weeks ago I get a call from creditors trying to track her down. It's never going to end. It had never dawned on me, until recently, that the Ex would financially abuse my son and he would have to deal with it longer than I had.

 

[scrabbler1]

What does marriage have to do with kids, or the lack of marriage a sentence to be alone?

+1, from a never-married person who has no desire whatsoever for kids. To me, the possibility of losing 1/2 of one's assets (everything I have worked for) in a divorce is absolutely terrifying.

 

[aja8888]

I thought at some point the havoc my Exwife causes would cease, that's just not the case. My sons senior year of High School he won 12K showing his heifer for FFA/4H and his mother took it all. He was devastated. Fast forward two years and he caught her stealing money from his checking account. She told him that he "owed" her because she raised him. Two weeks ago I get a call from creditors trying to track her down. It's never going to end. It had never dawned on me, until recently, that the Ex would financially abuse my son and he would have to deal with it longer than I had.

Sorry to hear the bad story. It ends, eventually. My ex-wife drove our daughters and I (similarly) nuts for nearly 20 years before she had a stroke and died. She was paranoid/skitzo and bi-polar all wrapped up into one crazy person.

 

[aja8888]

+1, from a never-married person who has no desire whatsoever for kids. To me, the possibility of losing 1/2 of one's assets (everything I have worked for) in a divorce is absolutely terrifying.

Could be worse, you could lose it all.

 

[Olbidness]

+1, from a never-married person who has no desire whatsoever for kids. To me, the possibility of losing 1/2 of one's assets (everything I have worked for) in a divorce is absolutely terrifying.

Some games are such that the only way to win is not to play.

 

[scrabbler1]

Some games are such that the only way to win is not to play.

Paraphrased from the best line from War Games, and great words to remember and live by!

 

[Olbidness]

Paraphrased from the best line from War Games, and great words to remember and live by!

Yes great line.

We are going to be able to yuk it up when they put us both in the penalty box.

 

[ScottS]

Some games are such that the only way to win is not to play.

Great line.

How about a nice game of chess?

 

[Chuckanut]

Some games are such that the only way to win is not to play.

Or not to play by your opponents rules.

 

[Danmar]

I thought at some point the havoc my Exwife causes would cease, that's just not the case. My sons senior year of High School he won 12K showing his heifer for FFA/4H and his mother took it all. He was devastated. Fast forward two years and he caught her stealing money from his checking account. She told him that he "owed" her because she raised him. Two weeks ago I get a call from creditors trying to track her down. It's never going to end. It had never dawned on me, until recently, that the Ex would financially abuse my son and he would have to deal with it longer than I had.

That's awful. Very sorry to hear this. My x is a piece of work but never stooped this low. Of course I paid her so much over the years she may not have felt the need to do so.

Edit to add. I just remembered why the x didn't have to take any of my daughter's money. I paid child support up until daughter was 23. A couple thousand per month which was paid to the x. I also gave money to my daughter directly for school tuition, auto expense, and spending money. The x couldn't get her hands on that without really lookin bad to daughter.

 

[Danmar]

What does marriage have to do with kids, or the lack of marriage a sentence to be alone?

I can see your point. But many people (me included) feel that marriage is a pretty good way to experience the joy of parenting and creating a life long partnership. Obviously marriage has its risks. I am a little surprised that I would be a defender of this institution but, I am. You are entitled to your opinion which I fully respect.

 

[kcowan]

When DW and I first got together 20 years ago, we had an agreement drawn up for joint investing, instead of each of us keeping our money separate. The will had a provision for a trust to survive the death of one and provide for the kids.

Last time we did the will update, we did away with the trust. Replacing a written document with true trust!

 

[Mdlerth]

Sticking to Ol' Betsy

My goodness! The extraordinary anecdotes you generous people have shared on this thread take my breath away! You have all my sympathy that you've had to endure so much pain.

Certainly there is truth behind your stories. I've been a witness to some similarly strange and excruciating breakups (including a murder-for-hire). But when I consider successful relationships, includng my own 37 years of nuptial ecstasy with DW, it makes me wonder whether here is some confounding of data; i.e., we think it's a marriage/divorce issue, when it's really a mental health situation. Just wondering...

For those still hurting, I hope you find healing soon.

Meanwhile, I'm keeping my faith in the institution of marriage. And yes, I do remember what Groucho said about it!

 

[travelover]

.......... it makes me wonder whether here is some confounding of data; i.e., we think it's a marriage/divorce issue, when it's really a mental health situation. Just wondering...
................

I think that was the case with my ex. Sanity is not black and white - it is a continuum. You can be wacky, but functional. Add in menopause to a little instability and weird things happen.