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Old 08-22-2017, 06:57 PM   #61
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Good one But many aspects of life are like gambling, no? I think it's worth the risk because the alternative of being alone without children doesn't appeal to me. Even after my divorce from hell I did it again with no prenup. Hopeless romantic I guess.
What does marriage have to do with kids, or the lack of marriage a sentence to be alone?
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Old 08-22-2017, 07:42 PM   #62
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I thought at some point the havoc my Exwife causes would cease, that's just not the case. My sons senior year of High School he won 12K showing his heifer for FFA/4H and his mother took it all. He was devastated. Fast forward two years and he caught her stealing money from his checking account. She told him that he "owed" her because she raised him. Two weeks ago I get a call from creditors trying to track her down. It's never going to end. It had never dawned on me, until recently, that the Ex would financially abuse my son and he would have to deal with it longer than I had.
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Old 08-22-2017, 08:01 PM   #63
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What does marriage have to do with kids, or the lack of marriage a sentence to be alone?
+1, from a never-married person who has no desire whatsoever for kids. To me, the possibility of losing 1/2 of one's assets (everything I have worked for) in a divorce is absolutely terrifying.
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Old 08-22-2017, 08:11 PM   #64
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I thought at some point the havoc my Exwife causes would cease, that's just not the case. My sons senior year of High School he won 12K showing his heifer for FFA/4H and his mother took it all. He was devastated. Fast forward two years and he caught her stealing money from his checking account. She told him that he "owed" her because she raised him. Two weeks ago I get a call from creditors trying to track her down. It's never going to end. It had never dawned on me, until recently, that the Ex would financially abuse my son and he would have to deal with it longer than I had.
Sorry to hear the bad story. It ends, eventually. My ex-wife drove our daughters and I (similarly) nuts for nearly 20 years before she had a stroke and died. She was paranoid/skitzo and bi-polar all wrapped up into one crazy person.
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Old 08-22-2017, 08:12 PM   #65
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+1, from a never-married person who has no desire whatsoever for kids. To me, the possibility of losing 1/2 of one's assets (everything I have worked for) in a divorce is absolutely terrifying.
Could be worse, you could lose it all.
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Old 08-22-2017, 08:13 PM   #66
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+1, from a never-married person who has no desire whatsoever for kids. To me, the possibility of losing 1/2 of one's assets (everything I have worked for) in a divorce is absolutely terrifying.
Some games are such that the only way to win is not to play.
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Old 08-22-2017, 08:35 PM   #67
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Some games are such that the only way to win is not to play.
Paraphrased from the best line from War Games, and great words to remember and live by!
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Old 08-22-2017, 08:56 PM   #68
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Paraphrased from the best line from War Games, and great words to remember and live by!
Yes great line.

We are going to be able to yuk it up when they put us both in the penalty box.
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Old 08-23-2017, 01:26 AM   #69
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Some games are such that the only way to win is not to play.
Great line.

How about a nice game of chess?
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Old 08-23-2017, 08:27 AM   #70
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Some games are such that the only way to win is not to play.
Or not to play by your opponents rules.
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Old 08-23-2017, 09:03 AM   #71
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I thought at some point the havoc my Exwife causes would cease, that's just not the case. My sons senior year of High School he won 12K showing his heifer for FFA/4H and his mother took it all. He was devastated. Fast forward two years and he caught her stealing money from his checking account. She told him that he "owed" her because she raised him. Two weeks ago I get a call from creditors trying to track her down. It's never going to end. It had never dawned on me, until recently, that the Ex would financially abuse my son and he would have to deal with it longer than I had.
That's awful. Very sorry to hear this. My x is a piece of work but never stooped this low. Of course I paid her so much over the years she may not have felt the need to do so.

Edit to add. I just remembered why the x didn't have to take any of my daughter's money. I paid child support up until daughter was 23. A couple thousand per month which was paid to the x. I also gave money to my daughter directly for school tuition, auto expense, and spending money. The x couldn't get her hands on that without really lookin bad to daughter.
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Old 08-23-2017, 09:08 AM   #72
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What does marriage have to do with kids, or the lack of marriage a sentence to be alone?
I can see your point. But many people (me included) feel that marriage is a pretty good way to experience the joy of parenting and creating a life long partnership. Obviously marriage has its risks. I am a little surprised that I would be a defender of this institution but, I am. You are entitled to your opinion which I fully respect.
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Old 08-23-2017, 09:22 AM   #73
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When DW and I first got together 20 years ago, we had an agreement drawn up for joint investing, instead of each of us keeping our money separate. The will had a provision for a trust to survive the death of one and provide for the kids.

Last time we did the will update, we did away with the trust. Replacing a written document with true trust!
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Old 08-23-2017, 11:38 AM   #74
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Sticking to Ol' Betsy

My goodness! The extraordinary anecdotes you generous people have shared on this thread take my breath away! You have all my sympathy that you've had to endure so much pain.

Certainly there is truth behind your stories. I've been a witness to some similarly strange and excruciating breakups (including a murder-for-hire). But when I consider successful relationships, includng my own 37 years of nuptial ecstasy with DW, it makes me wonder whether here is some confounding of data; i.e., we think it's a marriage/divorce issue, when it's really a mental health situation. Just wondering...

For those still hurting, I hope you find healing soon.

Meanwhile, I'm keeping my faith in the institution of marriage. And yes, I do remember what Groucho said about it!
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Old 08-23-2017, 12:02 PM   #75
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.......... it makes me wonder whether here is some confounding of data; i.e., we think it's a marriage/divorce issue, when it's really a mental health situation. Just wondering...
................
I think that was the case with my ex. Sanity is not black and white - it is a continuum. You can be wacky, but functional. Add in menopause to a little instability and weird things happen.
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