A relationship question from a friend

[Sunset]

I see the caution of your friend being scammed. Rest assured that this 33 yo woman is actually well to do. A low-end condo costs more than USD1M and up in Singapore. She is likely to be worth alot more than the man. Can this woman change her job to one that will post her to the US?

We don't even know if they actually met face to face.
The entire story could be fake in that there is no business, no job , and not in Singapore.
It could be a man for all we know.

 

[RetiredHappy]

More information needs to come from OP. Except for mail order bride, which I cannot imagine anyone in Singapore would want to be, I would bet that they have met and spent substantial time together.

 

[teetee]

Thanks for all the inputs.

A few more facts from what I learned by talking with him:
- They have met via zoom but have not met in person
- The girl has lower income than my friend. think about 3x.
- They have only been together for 2 months
- They plan to meet each other in real life the first time on a 7 day trip to an European city in this November.
- the company my friend works for has fairely relaxed policies for working remotely. Moving to Singapore should not be a problem for him

 

[Dtail]

Sounds like a no go to me.

 

[dmpi]

A physical meeting/hookup is a requirement. Don't be surprised when she cancels a few days before the trip.

 

[Car-Guy]

Thanks for all the inputs.

A few more facts from what I learned by talking with him:
- They have met via zoom but have not met in person
- The girl has lower income than my friend. think about 3x.
- They have only been together for 2 months
- They plan to meet each other in real life the first time on a 7 day trip to an European city in this November.
- the company my friend works for has fairely relaxed policies for working remotely. Moving to Singapore should not be a problem for him

 

[Sunset]

A physical meeting/hookup is a requirement. Don't be surprised when she cancels a few days before the trip.

Yes, I have a friend who had a girlfriend he had never met in person

Finally after many months of "going together" They were going to meet.

Of course during those months, he sent some $$$ to her.

Of course he had to travel to her country to meet.
She missed the meeting......

That's the last he talked about her.

I REALLY wonder if OP's friend has sent money yet.... This is looking more like a classic romance scam... .

 

[Sunset]

My Sister told me about this great guy she met online, who sent her wonderful emails. This had been going on for a few weeks....
He sent pictures, was in Scotland, couldn't fly to see her due to work..

She finally forwarded me one of the emails he had sent her. I quoted some of the wonderful lines in it and searched the internet for those lines....

No surprise, a bunch of different guys names were all sending out these emails to women who had caught on it was a scam and posted the emails to warn others.

My sister dropped the conversation upon seeing all the other women's situations, some had lost a LOT of money before they wised up.

 

[Calico]

Thanks for all the inputs.

A few more facts from what I learned by talking with him:
- They have met via zoom but have not met in person
- The girl has lower income than my friend. think about 3x.
- They have only been together for 2 months
- They plan to meet each other in real life the first time on a 7 day trip to an European city in this November.
- the company my friend works for has fairly relaxed policies for working remotely. Moving to Singapore should not be a problem for him

And the OP's friend is talking about marriage?

Sounds like either a scam, or the guy is trying to "buy" a partner.

 

[Trailwalker]

They need a strategy that can help them overcome this challenge within the next couple of years, before she starts worrying about the potential risks of pregnancy over age of 35.

Thoughts?

Getting pregnant over Zoom is no risk. Your friend will know a lot more after they meet and spend some time together. These things tend to work themselves out. I have a brother who corresponded with a much younger Russian woman via Yahoo personals. We all did a lot of eyebrow raising at that time, but they now have a twenty-plus year marriage with two lovely adult kids. I'm glad he didn't ask for my advice and that I didn't offer any to him.

 

[Letj]

The classic asking for a friend line. In any case, this sounds like a scam. Tell your friend to run for the hills.

 

[RetiredHappy]

Too early to talk about marriage. Send no money and wait for the meet up in Europe to evaluate.

 

[lucky penny]

If she wants money to buy the ticket, tell her he'll buy the tickets (& make sure they're refundable).

 

[Aerides]

Thanks for all the inputs.

A few more facts from what I learned by talking with him:
- They have met via zoom but have not met in person
- The girl has lower income than my friend. think about 3x.
- They have only been together for 2 months
- They plan to meet each other in real life the first time on a 7 day trip to an European city in this November.
- the company my friend works for has fairely relaxed policies for working remotely. Moving to Singapore should not be a problem for him

So they don't have a "relationship" and should kiss goodbye, and both look locally for a better match.

It's fine to play around like this in your 20's, but for 30's and 40's? Oh my, no.

 

[brett]

Not enough data about your friend.

There is so much involved...personality, loyalties, emotion, background, family responsibilities, finances. Who really knows?

My wife married me 49 years ago against the entreaties of most of her relatives and her Pastor.

Different backgrounds, very different faith beliefs (and we still do), different socio economic background, different politics. It would never work so the busybodies and know-it-alls in her extended family said (we later learned). I actually had to remind her Pastor that if he did not want to marry us we would go across the street to the competition and get hitched. That ended the nonsense.

But it did work. One reason.....we moved 2000 miles away from all of them and did our own thing. We never did move back. Thankfully.

My one comment is that if they truly love each other and are determined to make the relationship work then they will find a way to make it work. With some common sense, some give and take, some tears and some laughter, and some creativity.

 

[street]

Trouble!!

 

[mystang52]

Scam!

 

[tmm99]

Not sure why they are talking about marriage as they haven't even met, but love can definitely grow via Zoom. I don't have enough information to say it's a scam. Why wait until November to meet, though? And why meet in Europe? I would want to go to where she lives.

I met DH online (not even on a daring site.) He was in Canada (East Coast) and me in the US (West Coast). He is 9 years younger than me. We talked for hours on Skype all the time, and we decided to meet in person within 3 months of meeting each other.
He was not a scammer. I'm sure scammers are around, though. My friends were very weary about the whole thing. Some of them were seriously worried for me.

We've been married for 9 years...

 

[COcheesehead]

Google Asian women scams. All kinds of interesting stories.

 

[Chuckanut]

Thanks for all the inputs.

A few more facts from what I learned by talking with him:
- They have met via zoom but have not met in person
- The girl has lower income than my friend. think about 3x.
- They have only been together for 2 months
- They plan to meet each other in real life the first time on a 7 day trip to an European city in this November.
- the company my friend works for has fairely relaxed policies for working remotely. Moving to Singapore should not be a problem for him

Are they each paying their own way on this trip?

 

[Music Lover]

A few more facts from what I learned by talking with him:
- They have met via zoom but have not met in person
- They have only been together for 2 months

If they haven't met in person, there is no romantic relationship. It doesn't matter if one of them is from a different country or if they live on the next block.

 

[Sunset]

Not sure why they are talking about marriage as they haven't even met, but love can definitely grow via Zoom. I don't have enough information to say it's a scam. Why wait until November to meet, though? And why meet in Europe? I would want to go to where she lives.

I met DH online (not even on a daring site.) He was in Canada (East Coast) and me in the US (West Coast). He is 9 years younger than me. We talked for hours on Skype all the time, and we decided to meet in person within 3 months of meeting each other.
He was not a scammer. I'm sure scammers are around, though. My friends were very weary about the whole thing. Some of them were seriously worried for me.

We've been married for 9 years...

Yep, key is to meet in person. ...

Funny story of mine:
I was using a dating app, conversed with a delightful woman many times.
It was not the kind with photos.

We decided to meet, so I drove to her house.
The house was a little off putting, as it had a couple of dead cars in the front lawn.
I ring the doorbell, and this young, hot, pretty girl, answers the door.
Now I know how lottery winners feel

I introduce myself, and she turns her head and yells "grandma it's for you"

The grandma comes to the door, and she looks at me, and realizes now the shoe is on the other foot as our age difference is large.
We never thought to even ask about ages.
She suggested maybe I want to just leave, but instead we went for coffee and she gave me a tour of her town.

Meeting in person is key for a real relationship

 

[tmm99]

Yep, key is to meet in person. ...

Funny story of mine:
I was using a dating app, conversed with a delightful woman many times.
It was not the kind with photos.

We decided to meet, so I drove to her house.
The house was a little off putting, as it had a couple of dead cars in the front lawn.
I ring the doorbell, and this young, hot, pretty girl, answers the door.
Now I know how lottery winners feel

I introduce myself, and she turns her head and yells "grandma it's for you"

The grandma comes to the door, and she looks at me, and realizes now the shoe is on the other foot as our age difference is large.
We never thought to even ask about ages.
She suggested maybe I want to just leave, but instead we went for coffee and she gave me a tour of her town.

Meeting in person is key for a real relationship

Oh, sorry, I should have said DH and I talked via Skype video calls, not just texting messages using Skype, so we could see each other. I knew what he looked like, his mannerism, plus he gave me a tour of his house as well as introduced his daughters to me all via Skype Video. I certainly wouldn't have travelled 25,000 miles just to see what he looked like.

Yeah, if it was just chatting via Skype, it could be anybody on the other side. Nowadays, with all the technology, with dating apps, you can post your profile with a photo, send text messages, do videos and then meet, in that order. I watched a few episodes of Catfish, and it's incredible that some people just send text messages to someone for years and do not suspect that they may be being catfished.

 

[rodi]

I think it is far too soon for your friend to be considering life moves. He hasn't even met her IRL.

That said - I want to take issue with some of the points that others made regarding the age difference and time to wait/date before moving forward... Based on anecdotal data of 1 sample, my own: I met my (now) husband when I was 37 and he was 47. Neither of us had been married. We both wanted kids. He proposed 6 months (not a year) after we met, and we were married 10 months after we met. We had our first child 11 months after the wedding.

Obviously my age affected the timeline. If we'd been 10 years younger we would have taken longer to get married and have kids. We were fortunate to be able to have healthy kids with my 'advanced maternal age' (age 39 and 41 at the births of my kids).

We've been married for over 23 years now.

But - my situation wasn't like TeeTee's friend... I was physically in the same location as my now husband. There was no potential for fraud. I did have concerns about how close he was to his mother - but that turned out to be a good/positive thing and reflective of family values. (He didn't live with his parents - but had dinner there weekly and helped them out.)

 

[Koolau]

I wonder how many people would have answered differently if there wasn't a huge age gap and if the woman was not from the Philippines... Those are two sticky points that people see in this situation, I think...

I don't consider those differences. It doesn't occur to me to think of them.

My take. It won't w*rk unless one of the couple essentially "gives up" their implied requirements. SO, not likely this will w*rk. So, so, sorry.