Fun math for divorce

[CaliKid]

Lawyers and judges are not to be relied on for life-changing issues. While there are many good ones, remember the Bell Curve.

Always fun to blame the lawyers but I truly think in most divorce cases the individuals bring on the ruin themselves. I have witnessed the petty arguments in a few different divorces, close to me, and the lawyers weren't at fault. Idiots wanting to "win" or "be right" were at fault. Horribly sad really.

 

[socca]

Stay single, stay alive.

Many years ago I told my coworkers at megacorp that I was going to Hawaii on a honeymoon - with myself. This didn't go over very well. Defense contractors aren't known for appreciating outside-the-box thinking, especially in the social sphere.

BTW: had a great "honeymoon" on the Big Island

 

[travelover]

that's why I don't plan on getting divorced

Yea, good luck with that. On our 25th anniversary, my X-DW stood up in church to tell the world how much she was looking forward to us growing old together. Two years later, boom, "get yourself a lawyer".

.......... From what I read online, it seems to me that generally both parties think they got the shaft as far as money and possessions go. ..........

I think the very definition of a fair deal is when both sides feel like they got cheated.

 

[Amethyst]

I thought child support was pretty much a given in all divorces...of course the non-custodial parent doesn't pay in all cases.

s
-She gets no back child support nor future child support
.

 

[omni550]

One of my ballroom dance partners is a life-long bachelor in his mid-60s.

Someone once asked him why he'd never married. He said a co-worker of his went through a nasty and lengthy divorce. The co-worker would come in to work and give updates as to all the 'antics' his wife/ex-wife (the same person) was putting him through...with the kids, the house, the savings, etc. This so traumatized my dance partner that it put him off marriage for good.

omni

 

[Luck_Club]

Always fun to blame the lawyers but I truly think in most divorce cases the individuals bring on the ruin themselves. I have witnessed the petty arguments in a few different divorces, close to me, and the lawyers weren't at fault. Idiots wanting to "win" or "be right" were at fault. Horribly sad really.

Witnessed this in my cousin's divorce. She would be hauling her ex into court over moving the visitation by an hour or two. You know what they say about fools and money soon they will be parted. She parted with over $3,000,000 in 7 years.

 

[Amethyst]

Sounds like a story he'd settled on to "explain" a personal choice that nobody should have put him on the spot to explain in the first place.

Actually making the decision never to marry because you heard about one horrible divorce, would be like never wanting to have sex because someone you knew described her horrible sex life, or never wanting kids because you observed a family of unbearably bratty kids. Never wanting a dog, because dogs sometimes bite people. And so on.

One of my ballroom dance partners is a life-long bachelor in his mid-60s.

Someone once asked him why he'd never married. He said a co-worker of his went through a nasty and lengthy divorce. The co-worker would come in to work and give updates as to all the 'antics' his wife/ex-wife (the same person) was putting him through...with the kids, the house, the savings, etc. This so traumatized my dance partner that it put him off marriage for good.

omni

 

[haha]

Sounds like a story he'd settled on to "explain" a personal choice that nobody should have put him on the spot to explain in the first place.

Actually making the decision never to marry because you heard about one horrible divorce, would be like never wanting to have sex because someone you knew described her horrible sex life, or never wanting kids because you observed a family of unbearably bratty kids. Never wanting a dog, because dogs sometimes bite people. And so on.

This may be true, not sure. However, I was very happy to be married for many years, until she left. Yet I would not/will not place myself in this position again. I am deeply grateful for my children, and she gave them to me, so I am deeply grateful for this. But the odds were much better back then. It was indeed a different world.

It wasn't a wrong choice of wife, we got along extremely well for many years. IMO modern America is a difficult place to be a married man. If I were mid-twenties today, given that women are available all over the place without bringing the state into it, I think I would possibly skip married bliss, even though I very much enjoyed it and never would have ended my marriage myself.

Under no circumstances would I marry again. If my beloved girlfriend said to me, "we have to get married", I think I would say maybe you have to get married, but you will need to find another groom, as I won't be participating in that ceremony.

Ha

 

[Amethyst]

To me anyway, it makes perfect sense that if you were hurt by your own marriage, you might not ever want to risk that hurt again.

That is a lot different from deciding never to marry after hearing another guy talk about his divorce. (As I said, I bet that guy just uses that line to deflect impertinent questions).

This may be true, not sure. However, I was very happy to be married for many years, until she left. Yet I would not/will not place myself in this position again. I am deeply grateful for my children, and she gave them to me, so I am deeply grateful for this. But the odds were much better back then. It was indeed a different world.

It wasn't a wrong choice of wife, we got along extremely well for many years. IMO modern America is a difficult place to be a married man. If I were mid-twenties today, given that women are available all over the place without bringing the state into it, I think I would possibly skip married bliss, even though I very much enjoyed it and never would have ended my marriage myself.

Under no circumstances would I marry again. If my beloved girlfriend said to me, "we have to get married", I think I would say maybe you have to get married, but you will need to find another groom, as I won't be participating in that ceremony.

Ha

 

[GravitySucks]

Yeah, I mean 100% of single folks die. Seems like better odds when married!

Wait, once someone gets divorced, that means their only option is to die, unless they re-marry, in which case they could divorce again. In an infinite cycle of divorce and remarriage, can someone mathematically defeat death?

Eureka?

Some fates may be worst than death.

 

[Danmar]

Divorces are usually both emotionally and finacially draining. Mine has got to be one of the worst. Took 15 years of bitter litigation and wasn't finalized until after I retired. Paid her millions and will continue paying her until she dies. She helped me out in a way as I deferred my employee options as long as I could to make enough money. Wasn't prudent but it sure worked out. She didn't ever seem to figure out how my options worked despite full disclosure.

Divorce laws in Ontario really seem to favour the woman. Before somebody says "should have gotten a better lawyer", I assure you I had the best. But in the end it was worth it. She would have made my life miserable if I hadn't left her.

My current wife (married 22 years) and I are very happy and still very much in love. Like Athena said, I would do it all again ( first marriage) as it resulted in a wonderful daughter. I was very lucky to get through the whole thing with most of my net worth and great relationships with current wife and daughter intact. Certainly no thanks to the first wife.

Some advice? Be generous (really), keep relationship going with any kids(it's not their fault), try not to be bitter(I know it isn't easy) keep your heart open(but your eyes too).

 

[Senator]

One of my ballroom dance partners is a life-long bachelor in his mid-60s.

Someone once asked him why he'd never married. He said a co-worker of his went through a nasty and lengthy divorce. The co-worker would come in to work and give updates as to all the 'antics' his wife/ex-wife (the same person) was putting him through...with the kids, the house, the savings, etc. This so traumatized my dance partner that it put him off marriage for good.

The co-worker should have just found a woman he hated, and bought her a house.

It would have saved a lot of agony.

 

[athena53]

I thought child support was pretty much a given in all divorces...of course the non-custodial parent doesn't pay in all cases.

I agreed to forego mine in return for not having to give up any of the investments in my name. He never would have paid- was pretty much unemployed till he died 13 years later. I've since heard that states don't like this because the custodial parent could file for benefits if times got tough but I'm grateful I was able to do it this way and I never even came close to needing taxpayer support.

 

[aja8888]

I agreed to forego mine in return for not having to give up any of the investments in my name. He never would have paid- was pretty much unemployed till he died 13 years later. I've since heard that states don't like this because the custodial parent could file for benefits if times got tough but I'm grateful I was able to do it this way and I never even came close to needing taxpayer support.

Yes, in Texas you pay if you are the person without full custody. You pay by a predetermined formula and if you don't pay, you get hunted down and stripped of assets that can be sold. You can also end up in jail if you are not careful of the law on this matter.

 

[alaska55]

I thought child support was pretty much a given in all divorces...of course the non-custodial parent doesn't pay in all cases.

She was most likely the main bread winner, so guess what, that's what been happening to men for years. Plus we're only hearing 1 side of it. There is always 2 sides to a story. 2nd divorce for her, with that settlement, I don't think we're hearing "the rest of the story" as Paul Harvey would say.

 

[Amethyst]

I imagine you also saved the state $$ in not having to go after a deadbeat.

I agreed to forego mine in return for not having to give up any of the investments in my name. He never would have paid- was pretty much unemployed till he died 13 years later. I've since heard that states don't like this because the custodial parent could file for benefits if times got tough but I'm grateful I was able to do it this way and I never even came close to needing taxpayer support.

 

[FIREchief]

"Do you know why divorces are so expensive? Because they're WORTH IT!" - Ken Titus

(disclaimer: happily married for over three decades)

 

[athena53]

Yes, in Texas you pay if you are the person without full custody. You pay by a predetermined formula and if you don't pay, you get hunted down and stripped of assets that can be sold. You can also end up in jail if you are not careful of the law on this matter.

That's pretty inflexible. In my case the Ex would have spent everything (including liquidating any IRA/401(k) transferred to him) in a few years. I know this because he left the marriage with $100K from the sale of the marital home after all his debts were paid and was penniless 2 years later. He would have had zero assets, and putting him in jail would have gotten me nothing. Darned glad I didn't divorce in TX.

 

[mh]

My calendar is already booked that day. I am not accepting any invites from anyone with a long scythe.:

As woody would say: " I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens"

 

[rodi]

Half the marriages end in divorce, the other half in death... Neither a good option...

Stay single, stay alive.

No offense but this "half" has never been true. The highest rate of divorce was around 40%.

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr049.pdf

 

[Totoro]

And if you are higher educated like most of us here, it drops to 20%. Engineers even go below 10% in one study.

 

[Senator]

No offense but this "half" has never been true. The highest rate of divorce was around 40%.

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr049.pdf

So 60% end in death?? Yikes!

And if you are higher educated like most of us here, it drops to 20%. Engineers even go below 10% in one study.

That is because they can calculate how expensive it is, and bear with the pain.

 

[kgtest]

Lawyers and judges are not to be relied on for life-changing issues. While there are many good ones, remember the Bell Curve.

So true. Mediation failed with a restraining order. If it were two smart people getting divorced...perhaps they would have spent less. Her first divorce was much less scarring.

IMO she was bait and switched from the first date. I have a degree, turns out he doesn't I am a business owner, turns out he's just the employee, i have no kids...well you can see where this is going...narcissistic liar, cheater, and lots of other issues heh.

 

[alaska55]

If it were two smart people getting divorced

Sounds like both were lacking in the brains.

 

[mathjak107]

i always say marriage is like gambling .

she says will you love me in 30 years ? you say i think so .

then you bet 1/2 your assets on it and let it ride ha ha ha ha