Liability Concerns from Parent Aging in Place

[jollystomper]

My mom aged it placed. It worked out well, mainly because my 6 siblings and I are close, we all were focused on doing the best for mom (she raised us right ), sharing this among us did not put too much of a load beyond what anyone was willing to do, and among my siblings, nieces and nephews there were enough lawyers and doctors with appropriate knowledge to look out for all of the issues.

One of my sisters name was on the house title. She lived in the house, handled maintenance and repair issues but major ones we helped out on. We hired a home aid/nurse for the chores and to assist mom in getting up and around. We did it above board. The cost was split between mom (who insisted on paying for it) and me and my 6 siblings.

We had no liability issues, we carefully vetted the home aid/nurse, who did so well she became like another member of the family. After mom died we gave her some money from mom's estate, which shocked her to tears.

 

[CoolChange]

The OP's Mother appears to be of sound mind. Maybe a gift the OP could give her is a visit with an attorney who serves the elderly. That attorney could help her change the title on the house and do other things like prepare a will, POA for health care etc.

I understand why so many 'helpers' want to work off the books. If that 'helper' also has other clients then there may be a basis for claiming that person as an independent contractor, keep in mind the fact that your Mother will need to know who else the helper works for. The problem is that it works until it doesn't. Also, if the helper receives more than (as I recall) $500 over the year she will need to prepare a 1099.

Thankfully, mom is still of sound mind. But, she is terrified of lawyers, always has been. So, I will likely just be bringing her paperwork to sign that has been prepared by my lawyer. (I equate her fear of lawyers to any other phobia: spiders, heights, etc.)

I think I have convinced mom that we need to do this all above board, no off the books payments, etc.

My mom aged it placed. It worked out well, mainly because my 6 siblings and I are close, we all were focused on doing the best for mom (she raised us right ), sharing this among us did not put too much of a load beyond what anyone was willing to do, and among my siblings, nieces and nephews there were enough lawyers and doctors with appropriate knowledge to look out for all of the issues.

One of my sisters name was on the house title. She lived in the house, handled maintenance and repair issues but major ones we helped out on. We hired a home aid/nurse for the chores and to assist mom in getting up and around. We did it above board. The cost was split between mom (who insisted on paying for it) and me and my 6 siblings.

We had no liability issues, we carefully vetted the home aid/nurse, who did so well she became like another member of the family. After mom died we gave her some money from mom's estate, which shocked her to tears.

It is really nice to hear a story of siblings all pitching in to care for an aging parent. I do not have any siblings which makes some things easier (no committee decision making, etc. But, I also feel solely responsible for making sure mom is taken care of while I live my life.

 

[OldShooter]

... I will likely just be bringing her paperwork to sign that has been prepared by my lawyer. ...

Glad to hear that your concerns are abating.

Re paperwork to sign, if there is anyone who might contest the estate you have to be a little careful with this. Your attorney will explain, but claimants can argue "undue influence" by you and may also question her mental competence. My wife used to be an SVP in Investments & Trust at a too-big-to-fail bank. She and her staff were always careful to have independent witnesses to document signings, attorneys or doctors, where the witnesses could testify to competence and lack of undue influence. If the beneficiary is simply you, this is much less of a concern. I have heard stories, though, of charities suing, saying that the decedent's childrens' undue influence caused the charity's promised share of the estate to be reduced or eliminated. Lots of awful stuff goes on with estates.

 

[pb4uski]

As I understand it the OP will be bringing papers for his mom to sign to take him OFF the deed for her house so an "undue influence' claim by other heirs would be an interesting claim to see.

That said, it would be prudent to make sure that the OP's mother signing of the documents is properly witnessed and notarized if necessary.

 

[CoolChange]

OldShooter,

I appreciate the concerns about contesting of the estate; but, that does not worry me so much: The size of the estate now (likely to be even less, possibly almost nothing, by the time I would inherit) is relatively small. And, I believe I am the only person with a reasonable claim to her estate. Frankly, we are not talking about enough money to make a difference in my life; and, I am not all that sentimental about the stuff mom has accumulated.

Having said all of that, I do plan to do all signings with witnesses and a notary from her bank in the hopes of avoiding nuttiness down the road. (I am actually much more concerned about hassles with various institutions not wanting to honor POA's, etc.)

Thank you again.

 

[Walt34]

A friend of DW does a lot of home care for the elderly.... and frequently under-the-table. She has no idea how screwed she will be in about 10 years when she is physically no loer able to do that work and will be getting a piddling SS check because she has paid in so little because she has worked under-the-table so much.

Yup, I have a relative (but only by marriage!) who did exactly that. She's now in her mid 80's and her sole income is ~$800/month in SS. Because of a long history of financial stupidity she is also flat broke. Her only plus and saving grace is that she lives in a relatively wealthy area with generous social services and lives in a decent subsidized apartment.