Do we really want to get old?

[robnplunder]

If you think your kids will take care of you, I just saw 49 folks who would probably offer a contrarian view.

I have no such illusion. Given the longevity gene DW has, I will probably be taken care of by DW in my dying days. I worry about DW. I made a note that before my brain cells deteriorate too much, I will set up DW's LTC plan. She will get the best money can buy as long as I can help it.

 

[mistermike40]

I don't care if I'm old. I just don't want to act old.

Or feel old.

I want to live as long as I still feel "reasonably" good. If I can still enjoy things and do things (without severe, chronic pain) then I'm not ready to go yet.

I'm hoping that day is many, many, many years from now

 

[COcheesehead]

And what about all the other days and hours when you weren't visiting? You don't know who has regular visits, nor on which days those occur.


If by "kids will take care of you" you mean "relatives who will help you afford a facility that can meet your needs", then you are wrong.

If by "kids will take care of you" you mean "children who will visit you for a few days like your spouse", then you don't have enough data for that conclusion.


That's not what getting old looks like. That's what needing memory care looks like. The two are not the same.

My sister in law is in a memory care unit after being in assisted living for 7 years or so. She is well cared for, gets all her required medication, is well fed, and appears happy. When my wife and I visit her, we are the only visitors. Yet our other relatives visit her pretty much every week as well. The fact that we don't seem to cross paths would never lead me to conclude that they aren't visiting. Just like I would never assume that the others in the unit don't get visitors.

My dad is older than my sister in law. Yet he has no memory issues at all and lives in his own home. Before my mother passed away, she had no memory issues either.

There are many faces of growing old. Don't be so cared by one. And retiring early isn't going to change that.

Not here to start a fight. Just stating my thoughts.

 

[joeea]

Not here to start a fight. Just stating my thoughts.

I'm just trying to help you to avoid jumping to conclusions and not be so afraid.

When I was 20, I would have been afraid of being 60. Now that I'm almost 65, life is good.
My dad is 87. When the time comes I want to be old like he is. I'm not afraid.

 

[COcheesehead]

I'm just trying to help you to avoid jumping to conclusions and not be so afraid.

When I was 20, I would have been afraid of being 60. Now that I'm almost 65, life is good.
My dad is 87. When the time comes I want to be old like he is. I'm not afraid.

My FIL is 87. He can’t feed, dress or potty himself. Roll of the dice my friend.

 

[Nemo2]

This is a topic that DW and I discuss often.

Her mother, who died ~ 6 months ago, slipped in and out of lucidity for some time.....during one moment of clarity, in the hospital just before she expired, she told DW that "She wanted to be like she was".

DW's father, OTOH, at 93 is still going strong and often calls her with some technical question about processing spreadsheets.

For us, while we remain 'us' and suitably mobile, we'll stick around as long as we can....however, we acknowledge that that can change in an instant, (as per my recent transition from stair walking to sepsis), and when it's time to go it's time to go.

 

[joeea]

My FIL is 87. He can’t feed, dress or potty himself. Roll of the dice my friend.

All life is a roll of the dice my friend. It would be a shame to live the rest of it being scared of tomorrow.

 

[COcheesehead]

This is a topic that DW and I discuss often.

Her mother, who died ~ 6 months ago, slipped in and out of lucidity for some time.....during one moment of clarity, in the hospital just before she expired, she told DW that "She wanted to be like she was".

DW's father, OTOH, at 93 is still going strong and often calls her with some technical question about processing spreadsheets.

For us, while we remain 'us' and suitably mobile, we'll stick around as long as we can....however, we acknowledge that that can change in an instant, (as per my recent transition from stair walking to sepsis), and when it's time to go it's time to go.

My FIL’s older brother still teaches at MIT. The younger can’t dress himself, the older teaches the next generation. Crazy.

 

[Amethyst]

What I wish is that when it's time to "go," I will be able to go.

One reads anecdotes, possibly fables, of old people who decide "it's time" and are found dead in bed a few days later. The implication is that there's an element of willing one's own death. But if that were truly possible, we would not hear so many horrendous, long, drawn-out end-of-life anecdotes.

This is a topic that DW and I discuss often.

Her mother, who died ~ 6 months ago, slipped in and out of lucidity for some time.....during one moment of clarity, in the hospital just before she expired, she told DW that "She wanted to be like she was".

DW's father, OTOH, at 93 is still going strong and often calls her with some technical question about processing spreadsheets.

For us, while we remain 'us' and suitably mobile, we'll stick around as long as we can....however, we acknowledge that that can change in an instant, (as per my recent transition from stair walking to sepsis), and when it's time to go it's time to go.

 

[COcheesehead]

All life is a roll of the dice my friend. It would be a shame to live the rest of it being scared of tomorrow.

Give it a rest, friend.

 

[RAE]

None of us know for sure how things will go for us at (or near) the end of our lives. Most of us (including me) fear having to live out our final years as the OP describes, if not worse. I do believe, however, that there are some things we can all do (through diet and lifestyle, mainly) that could potentially reduce the time spent less-than-well at the end of our lives. "Compression of morbidity" is the goal I have - living a healthy life for as long as I can, and then (hopefully) minimizing the unhealthy period at the end of my life before I die. I understand that it may not work out that way, but it can and does for some people. All you can do is try to stack the odds in your favor (at least a little bit) by how you live your life now.

https://www.verywellhealth.com/compression-of-morbidity-2223626

 

[Car-Guy]

Voluntary euthenasia comes to mine. Maybe we will move some place that allows it.

Who is going to stop someone, regardless of where they live?

 

[joeea]

Give it a rest, friend.

Good night, friend. Try to be unafraid.

 

[Austin704]

As macabre as it seems, a self imposed deadline, pun intended, would solve not only the peeing in your pants problem, but also how many years you need to plug into FireCalc.

Imagine being given the task of choosing that date. Much harder than deciding on a retirement date I’m sure...

 

[gcgang]

Don't worry about old age. It doesn't usually last that long.

 

[Oz investor]

i have been ( allegedly ) immature all my life

i am over 60 now and see no need to change

 

[W2R]

I can only speak for myself: so far it has been considerably better than the alternative.

+1000

 

[Katsmeow]

Makes me wonder why we all so desperately long to live into our late 80s, or 90s, or even to 100. I think we all have this fantasy vision of ourselves staying fairly healthy and surrounded by our loved ones up till the end, but the reality is far more grim and depressing in most cases.

I think there are a range of things and some of what we think of as grim and depressing when we are younger isn't seen that way by those at that stage.

Not everyone ends up in long term memory care. In fact, the vast majority of people don't. Yes, that possibility is scary to me. But the likelihood is that it doesn't happen. All I can really do is try to lead a healthy life now in the hope that maybe it makes a difference.

My mom died last year at 94. In early March of last year she was living on her own, still driving and mentally competent. Yes, she was a little forgetful but not awful. She was living her life the way she wanted to. She had some serious chronic health conditions, but really they didn't affect her life that much. Yes, she was much more unsteady on her feet than she had been in her 70s and she didn't have as much energy and she didn't really like to go out that much. But, honestly, she was pretty content with her life. She wasn't miserable at all.

And, then her chronic health conditions caught up with her. She ended in the hospital and it was downhill for 2 1/2 months and then she died. But, honestly, it wasn't a bad way to go. She lived independently doing what she wanted until the age of 94. She was mentally competent and was never close to needing memory care. The last couple of months were tough. But I am sure if you had asked her if she would rather have avoided those two months and died 10 years sooner suddenly -- she would have chosen what happened.

I do think many people underestimate some of the physical challenges of getting older and some of the impact of chronic illness. But, for many, if they are mentally competent they would rather have those challenges than not be alive at all....

 

[Amethyst]

My Uncle lingered grotesquely with Alzheimer's for 14 years. Meanwhile my Aunt got it, and she hasn't recognized her kids for ten years. She is 93 and seems fit to linger to 100. This, I think, is what most of us dread.

Don't worry about old age. It doesn't usually last that long.

 

[Austin704]

I’m less afraid of eventual physical decline than of cognitive decline. Both are inevitable but I worry more about not being able to make sound decisions. If my brain is working reasonably well, then I can self-advocate and, I hope, pay for physical care. Dementia is a different ballgame.

 

[donheff]

My 15 years older brother and his wife were together in a memory unit for the last two years. I found it depressing when I visited but if I'm objective about it they both seemed to be in good spirits. I don't want that for myself but the law doesn't give us good options. The only out is to kill yourself but the catch 22 is that you won't be ready to concede it's time until it's too late. One can only hope that, if you miss your window, you enter a pleasantly demented end period and not an angry/anxious end.

My brother caught a bad flu a few weeks back that morphed into pneumonia. He is in hospice now. The hospice facility and staff are top notch. All in all, as depressing as it feels from the outside it worked out as well as you could hope for him.

 

[street]

I hate to even think about those years coming. My parents went through these years and I have no good memories of the last few years. A sad time in life for sure.

 

[Teacher Terry]

My friend that was the happiest person became paranoid and angry. Plus she paced for hours and slept little. It was horrible.

 

[COcheesehead]

My friend that was the happiest person became paranoid and angry. Plus she paced for hours and slept little. It was horrible.

I saw this with my Dad. I heard dementia patients have a great sense of fear.

 

[joeea]

I saw this with my Dad. I heard dementia patients have a great sense of fear.

Not all do.

My sister in law is always happy, even though she doesn't remember anyone.