W2R
Moderator Emeritus
How to find friends in a new area, in 3 easy steps for introverts
I have moved many times in my life, and have had to establish new friendships each time. Here's how to do it.
1. Regard the task of finding new friendships as a job you must accomplish. Devote a certain number of hours per week (maybe 10-15 hours/week?) to activities that are likely to result in new friendships, whether you feel like it or not. Then act friendly during these activities whether you feel like acting that way or not. You NEED friends, for practical purposes such as having someone to help you in a pinch. Believe me, you don't want to be totally alone in a strange city for very long - - BTDT and it isn't pretty. So, getting to know some people is more than just a fun thing to do; it's your JOB until you know some people.
2. Don't be too picky about those first friends. If you have a few friends, they will introduce you to more people and they will introduce you to more people and before you know it, you will have a bigger and ever-expanding circle of acquaintances/friends from which to choose. Usually all I require of those first friends is that they are not criminals and that they are not trying to take advantage of me. Remember that most people don't have room in their lives for another friend, so don't feel down if somebody cool doesn't seem to want to be your friend. Just keep working at your "job" and find somebody else.
3. If you can figure out a way to look for friends by engaging in hobbies and activities that you like, that works out best because at least you will have something to talk about. If you like to read, join a book club. If you like to hike, join a hiking group. And so on.
I have moved many times in my life, and have had to establish new friendships each time. Here's how to do it.
1. Regard the task of finding new friendships as a job you must accomplish. Devote a certain number of hours per week (maybe 10-15 hours/week?) to activities that are likely to result in new friendships, whether you feel like it or not. Then act friendly during these activities whether you feel like acting that way or not. You NEED friends, for practical purposes such as having someone to help you in a pinch. Believe me, you don't want to be totally alone in a strange city for very long - - BTDT and it isn't pretty. So, getting to know some people is more than just a fun thing to do; it's your JOB until you know some people.
2. Don't be too picky about those first friends. If you have a few friends, they will introduce you to more people and they will introduce you to more people and before you know it, you will have a bigger and ever-expanding circle of acquaintances/friends from which to choose. Usually all I require of those first friends is that they are not criminals and that they are not trying to take advantage of me. Remember that most people don't have room in their lives for another friend, so don't feel down if somebody cool doesn't seem to want to be your friend. Just keep working at your "job" and find somebody else.
3. If you can figure out a way to look for friends by engaging in hobbies and activities that you like, that works out best because at least you will have something to talk about. If you like to read, join a book club. If you like to hike, join a hiking group. And so on.
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