moving to a new city/state...

[Montecfo]

We moved from DC area to Roanoke Virginia, which is in the mountains of central to southwest Virginia.

My wife is from Roanoke originally and her mom passed 2 years after we arrived. She and I have reconnected with friends from her high school and attend a local church that is a great fit for us. We are both graduates of Virginia Tech which is about 45 minutes away, so great opportunities for sporting events etc.

I volunteer at a local museum and food bank and work a couple of part time jobs for fun money and to avoid touching our investments for a few more years. We live on my military pension and VA disability.

There are very few things we miss about the DC area and it is a 4 hour drive if we want to visit.

Thoughts on weather in Roanoke? DC burbs here.

 

[rwdflynavy]

Thoughts on weather in Roanoke? DC burbs here.

It doesn't get nearly as miserably swampy hot as DC. We get warm temps with lower humidity and it cools off overnight. Mild winters with maybe one good snow. Nice fall colors and both fall and spring are delightful!

 

[RobLJ]

Thank you COcheesehead for your post. My DH and I have tossed around the idea of moving to a new city and perhaps different state. We currently live inner city in a huge metroplex and also have a farm almost 2 hours away. We thought we'd want to move to the farm post retirement but it'll be 3 years retired this October and neither of us is sure that is a good idea for a variety of reasons.

We would love a walkable, vibrant city and a smallish home with a large yard. One thing that has held us back is starting all over with friends and life long social contacts.

We are in hotter-than-hell Texas but I don't see myself moving anywhere that has a long or harsh winter season.

We moved from Northeast Houston to Reno when I semi-retired (worked online halftime for 5 years) in 2015. Never regretted it, but with caveats.
Reno isn't "walkable" per se, but I walk from our house down to the Truckee River, to two parks with a walkway by the river, and back--3.5 miles, usually 4 times a week. We do have to drive to the grocery store or restaurants.
Reno gets snow, but that's part of the attraction. This winter was one of the coldest and snowiest in the last 15 years, but I just had to shovel 3-10" one or two times a week at worst. Most winters, it's more like every 2-3 weeks.
We hit 100 degrees over the weekend, but it's nothing like Houston summers. Even in summer, most early mornings Reno is 60 degrees or even mid 50's (but not last weekend). I'll take some snow. From May to September, frankly, Houston sucked. If you aren't outside, of course, it's fine.

We like to hike and I like to fly-fish and down-hill ski. Reno is perched at the edge of the High Sierras. I can get to Mt Rose ski resort in 40 minutes. Reno/Tahoe is a hiking Mecca. the number of hikes within an hours drive are simply incredible, and if you are willing to drive 2-3 hours south or north, the options are exponential.

Our oldest son, the winemaker, is in the Cali Central Valley 4 hours drive, and he and his wife have had 3 grandkids since we moved (as we suspected but weren't sure). We drive over and babysit a lot, although you need an all wheel drive and good tires going over Donner Pass in the snow (we do).

We've made a lot of friends, most hikers and we are both introverts.

I'm not trying to sell you on Reno, just to explain why we moved there from Houston. Houston had a lot of things to offer, but for outdoors/hiking, skiing, obviously it sucked big time.
In sum, you have to give a lot of thought of what you are moving TO and why. I knew Reno since I went to grad school in Riverside, CA and the parental units moved to Western Colorado. Most times I would drive through Flagstaff to see them, but a few times, I drove to and stayed in Reno overnight. Of course Reno was about 70% smaller back in the 80's but I liked it. We looked at houses and MrsRobj really liked Reno. The only downside is that her brother and sister are on the East Coast, but then Texas was also a long way away and they are more attracted to the Sierras. My 90 year old mother is southwest of Ft. Worth, so that's a haul; I go back 4-5 times a year to check on her, but my wife's brother is in North Dallas, so that helps; his daughter loans me her car.
We probably should have had more fear and loathing about moving, but it all worked out fine, and I love the high mt desert (Okie granddad built a cheap summer cabin at 7500 feet below Aspen west of Carbondale, which I always considered Paradise. If we were up another 1500 feet, I would be even more pleased but we couldn't afford that.)

 

[Retired Expat]

Moved 6300 miles in Retirement to a country where I didn't speak the language and how things work and are done is just different. Kept me busy for a few years just learning how to get things done for myself.

Only knew my girlfriend, now wife who has lived here for 30 years but I still had to learn so much including the language, Celsius, Metric etc.

Fortunately I am way out on the extreme Introvert Scale so having just a few friends and not being involved with groups is just fine by me. am actually happiest at home with the animals.... In the Gym , even playing a solo round of golf (mostly solo as our course here is virtually empty except in summer)

So the choices we make have to be appropriate for who we are deep inside. A 55+ community or Independent living within a CCRC? Will need to strap me down and drag me kicking and screaming. Sure maybe someday but hopefully not before my late 80's!

 

[indiajust]

As a long standing introvert, I find small town life somehow easier. In four years in a 10k town in forgotten NH, I have folks pull off the road and talk to me in gas stations. This has never happened to me.

I laugh with auto shop folks, pet store, walmart, and they address my memory weakness issues on request.

I have no family within 500 miles, but more folks know me and say hello than any of the 20 odd places I passed through. Go figger.

 

[meleana]

As a long standing introvert, I find small town life somehow easier. In four years in a 10k town in forgotten NH, I have folks pull off the road and talk to me in gas stations. This has never happened to me.

I laugh with auto shop folks, pet store, walmart, and they address my memory weakness issues on request.

I have no family within 500 miles, but more folks know me and say hello than any of the 20 odd places I passed through. Go figger.

I live in NH and can attest to this! Though I am in the Weirs so tons of tourists. But everywhere I go people are super friendly.


Didn't know anyone in NH except our son. Moved at the start of the pandemic and ironically made tons of connections right away!


I do worry that some people will move away. Since moving in to this community of 85 homes about 10 people have already sold and moved elsewhere. Some bought homes with stairs and now wish they hadn't. I also think they see dollar signs since the houses have doubled in price over the last few years. And I think sometimes people are just never happy and always want better. I really don't know.


This is why in addition to making friends here in our immediate neighborhood I made it a priority to get to know people out in the community. I rarely turn down an invitation because if you keep doing that you will soon be forgotten.


This all being said- most people have relatives close by- at least within an hour or 2-3 hours. We do not. so they are busy with them- kids and grandkids, friends from where they used to live, etc. So these "friends' will never be like our old friends back "home". I do speak weekly with my best friendwho happens to be a young 88 and I hope she is around for many more years to come because we share our deepest thoughts together and I have no one else (except my husband) to do that with.



Closest relatives are in NY 5-8 hours away. Haven't been back there since we moved 3 years ago.

 

[Jimmie]

As another person that also recently "escaped" Texas (hill country, NW of Austin) and moved 2000 miles to the PNW, we totally understand Katsmeow's reasons for relocating. We lived in Denver for 25 years before moving back to Texas after retiring and didn't take long before we regretted our decision. As a native Texan, all I can say is it's not the same Texas I grew up in and loved anymore. And of course there's the unbearable hot and dry summers from April to Oct.

We moved to a fairly rural county west of Seattle, across the Sound, next to a rain forest. It's so green and beautiful and it took awhile for us to adjust from the dead and brown landscape of Texas. We were lucky in finding our forever home fairly quickly, given the lack of home sales inventory. First few weeks after we moved in, we had many neighbors stop and welcome us. The street in front of our home is the major street on the peninsula where everyone does their daily walking, so it made it super easy to meet people and being an introvert myself, that helped tremendously on meeting people.

We encountered so many friendly and accepting people while out and about in the county. It's such a pleasure to go to a local farmer's market and find that most of the tents are actually county-based farmers with amazing goods to sell. We live in the largest city of the county (~50k) but it still has a small town feel to it. If we want "big city" stuff to do, downtown Seattle is a 30 min ferry ride. Weather here just can't be beat. We did come out for a 2 month stay during winter before making the move to see if we could put up with the dark, gray, and wet weather. The short sunny days were the hardest to get used to, but we quickly acclimated. With the new El Niño happening, I'm guessing the winters will not be quite as cool and wet for awhile.

Lots of stuff is pretty expensive though (gas, utilities, groceries) but my county's property taxes are a third of what they were in Texas. Home/auto insurance is cheaper too. Also love the no state income taxes. Still trying to figure out the healthcare services but seems to be similar to what we had in the Texas hill country, but Seattle is not far away with their world-class medical care.

It's only been a short time but so far, we have been thrilled with our long distance move. Not trying to sell people on the area, but rather trying to communicate our thought process of why we moved from so far from Texas to a totally new type of area and whether it met our expectations.

 

[Koolau]

Moved 6300 miles in Retirement to a country where I didn't speak the language and how things work and are done is just different. Kept me busy for a few years just learning how to get things done for myself.

Only knew my girlfriend, now wife who has lived here for 30 years but I still had to learn so much including the language, Celsius, Metric etc.

Fortunately I am way out on the extreme Introvert Scale so having just a few friends and not being involved with groups is just fine by me. am actually happiest at home with the animals.... In the Gym , even playing a solo round of golf (mostly solo as our course here is virtually empty except in summer)

So the choices we make have to be appropriate for who we are deep inside. A 55+ community or Independent living within a CCRC? Will need to strap me down and drag me kicking and screaming. Sure maybe someday but hopefully not before my late 80's!

Wow, I figured someone would break my record of 5000 miles. Of course, I never left the USA! So glad it's w*rking out for you.

 

[steady saver]

As another person that also recently "escaped" Texas (hill country, NW of Austin) and moved 2000 miles to the PNW, we totally understand Katsmeow's reasons for relocating. We lived in Denver for 25 years before moving back to Texas after retiring and didn't take long before we regretted our decision. As a native Texan, all I can say is it's not the same Texas I grew up in and loved anymore. And of course there's the unbearable hot and dry summers from April to Oct.

We moved to a fairly rural county west of Seattle, across the Sound, next to a rain forest. It's so green and beautiful and it took awhile for us to adjust from the dead and brown landscape of Texas. We were lucky in finding our forever home fairly quickly, given the lack of home sales inventory. First few weeks after we moved in, we had many neighbors stop and welcome us. The street in front of our home is the major street on the peninsula where everyone does their daily walking, so it made it super easy to meet people and being an introvert myself, that helped tremendously on meeting people.

We encountered so many friendly and accepting people while out and about in the county. It's such a pleasure to go to a local farmer's market and find that most of the tents are actually county-based farmers with amazing goods to sell. We live in the largest city of the county (~50k) but it still has a small town feel to it. If we want "big city" stuff to do, downtown Seattle is a 30 min ferry ride. Weather here just can't be beat. We did come out for a 2 month stay during winter before making the move to see if we could put up with the dark, gray, and wet weather. The short sunny days were the hardest to get used to, but we quickly acclimated. With the new El Niño happening, I'm guessing the winters will not be quite as cool and wet for awhile.

Lots of stuff is pretty expensive though (gas, utilities, groceries) but my county's property taxes are a third of what they were in Texas. Home/auto insurance is cheaper too. Also love the no state income taxes. Still trying to figure out the healthcare services but seems to be similar to what we had in the Texas hill country, but Seattle is not far away with their world-class medical care.

It's only been a short time but so far, we have been thrilled with our long distance move. Not trying to sell people on the area, but rather trying to communicate our thought process of why we moved from so far from Texas to a totally new type of area and whether it met our expectations.

It sounds like you made a good move! I looked up the area and it, indeed, beautiful. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I remember years and years ago DH was interested in moving to the Seattle area but I didn't think I could handle the short, dark winter days and the rain. How long does that go on? My SIL lived in Anchorage for years and when she described their dark winter days, I knew that wouldn't work for me.

I know there's no perfect place. But I think many people on this forum have found a place that is "perfect enough" for them and they are all so very different. It's just so helpful to read about different folks' experiences.

 

[Katsmeow]

As another person that also recently "escaped" Texas (hill country, NW of Austin) and moved 2000 miles to the PNW, we totally understand Katsmeow's reasons for relocating. We lived in Denver for 25 years before moving back to Texas after retiring and didn't take long before we regretted our decision.

We considered the PNW ourselves, both Washington (although more the Vancouver, WA area) and Oregon. Even at the very end, it was fairly high on our list. We just got our insurance quote for the house we are buying. Very similar coverage amount and scope to what we had in Texas. Almost $5k a year less expensive.... The property taxes on the house will be over $4k a year less expensive (and in Texas we had our school taxes frozen from the over 65 exemption). And, the no sales tax in Delaware is very nice as well....

 

[earlyretirement]

Missing Family

This may not be the best place to post this question. but I couldn't find any place that seemed better. Living in the North and considering moving South, to SC. I am really not totally on board with this move, but my better half is already packing. I golf so there will always be somewhere to do that although I will have to find a group to join. My experiences in SC and FL are that many Clubs don't have a steady group, they travel around to different courses. I have other interests that I couldn't really find close to Myrtle Beach, I guess I am just spoiled.
Back to the real issue, my better half. She has been more than active with our children and grandchildren and still is. We also have another grandson on the way. My worry is that she will wind up miserable once the "newness" of the new location wears off and she starts missing physical contact. We have a family party this weekend where they all will be there, and I will tell her to look at each one of them and to be honest with herself if this is really what she wants and not be miserable without them being close. We came back from SC on Tuesday and came very close to buying a house.
I decided that I will put my feelings aside and make the move if that is what she wants. I did say not to plan to come back to CT more than a few (2) times a year, I do not like the drive and get no help there.
So, the question is how have you dealt with moving away from family? We have already been told that they are not planning to drive down very often at all. Any thoughts would be appreciated, thanks.

 

[Aerides]

I did say not to plan to come back to CT more than a few (2) times a year, I do not like the drive and get no help there.
So, the question is how have you dealt with moving away from family? We have already been told that they are not planning to drive down very often at all. Any thoughts would be appreciated, thanks.

I agree that's a lot of driving. But it's a short flight if you can find something direct. I wouldn't put limits on visits that way.

 

[meleana]

This may not be the best place to post this question. but I couldn't find any place that seemed better. Living in the North and considering moving South, to SC. I am really not totally on board with this move, but my better half is already packing. I golf so there will always be somewhere to do that although I will have to find a group to join. My experiences in SC and FL are that many Clubs don't have a steady group, they travel around to different courses. I have other interests that I couldn't really find close to Myrtle Beach, I guess I am just spoiled.
Back to the real issue, my better half. She has been more than active with our children and grandchildren and still is. We also have another grandson on the way. My worry is that she will wind up miserable once the "newness" of the new location wears off and she starts missing physical contact. We have a family party this weekend where they all will be there, and I will tell her to look at each one of them and to be honest with herself if this is really what she wants and not be miserable without them being close. We came back from SC on Tuesday and came very close to buying a house.
I decided that I will put my feelings aside and make the move if that is what she wants. I did say not to plan to come back to CT more than a few (2) times a year, I do not like the drive and get no help there.
So, the question is how have you dealt with moving away from family? We have already been told that they are not planning to drive down very often at all. Any thoughts would be appreciated, thanks.

All I can say is moving is expensive and can be draining. I have seen all too often where I live people moving after just a few years. They didn’t realize the stairs in the house would be an issue; they didn’t realize the kids wouldn’t visit; they miss the shopping or restaurants they had. Keep traveling to their health care providers in their former states, etc.

In other words- their commitment to their new home and state was not solid.

My husband and I left NY and never looked back or went back. Of course, our one and only child lives in this state where we retired to. But we had to make a 100 percent commitment because I said even if we hate it we’re not moving again.

I think it’s a good idea for you to have your wife look hard at the family and make the commitment one way or another and stick to it. I know from talking with my brother who moved from NY to Florida that going back and forth gets real old after a short while.

Good luck.

 

[Philliefan33]

Rather than committing to a move at this time, could you do the snowbird thing for a few years? Renting a place for a few months a year would give you a chance to enjoy SC without leaving the family behind.

 

[JoeWras]

All I can say is moving is expensive and can be draining. I have seen all too often where I live people moving after just a few years. They didn’t realize the stairs in the house would be an issue; they didn’t realize the kids wouldn’t visit; they miss the shopping or restaurants they had. Keep traveling to their health care providers in their former states, etc.

We've had people join our church who moved south and they would buy these big houses for "when the kids visit."

They rarely did.

Most move back or elsewhere after a while.

We have also had friends chase their children, only to have the children move again. This happened to one couple where they moved to TX for 18 months, then back because their kid got transferred after only 6 months. They joked that at least it gave them a chance to clear out all their clutter.

 

[eytonxav]

Katsmeow - From Texas to Delaware? Wow, what was the pull for you? I ask because I grew up in Arkansas and Oklahoma and moved to Delaware (Wilmington) for just 18 months when I was in grade school. It was my most favorite place I ever lived. The schools were fabulous and creative, we lived in a new development with a creek across the street and woods behind us. It was magical. I'm afraid it might be too cold for me now, but oh my goodness what fond memories I have of that area.

I am not sure where you live in Texas, but it seems like winters have gotten colder down here and less cold up in the northeast. We came from CT in 93. DBIL lives in Brewster, NY and we always marvel at how our winter in north Texas is often colder than what they deal with. Plus, our ice storms are no bargain versus snow.

 

[Chuckanut]

We have also had friends chase their children, only to have the children move again. This happened to one couple where they moved to TX for 18 months, then back because their kid got transferred after only 6 months. They joked that at least it gave them a chance to clear out all their clutter.

That is my big fear. I move to an area I like less than where I live now to be closer to the kids and the grands. Then one of them moves again and I am stuck in Unpleasantville with the family still far away. I know several people who have experienced this.

I live in an area I like and as long as I can afford it and my health holds out I will continue to do so. I make frequent visits to see my kids. I budget airfare and even car rental expenses to make that happen. I try to see than at least once every three months.

 

[Sanstar]

We had, what I thought would be our last home on 2 acres, with kids nearby. Two married and relocated and other took a job out of state. After a couple years spent mostly away from home visiting family and new grandchildren, we sold it and moved near one DS.

Fast forward two years, DS is divorcing. He and GS are living with us; DS full time and DGS 1/2 time + babysitting for mom. Court orders stipulate DGS must remain in this county and attend school associated with father’s address. So, we are having a new house built to accommodate all of us, plus visiting family.

In our case, we’ve always been ‘family first’ so I hope this will be a good move for all concerned. The only upside I see to the divorce is a bit more certainty about where DS and DGS will be living.

I am looking forward to a time DGS is older and we can get away for more than the few days he’s with his mom. I guess the decision is: do we spend our time traveling to see kids and grands or base with family and travel away when we can? We’ve done both. I like the second option better.

 

[Poopycat]

Interesting thread. Once I hang it up, I’m moving. I have no ties to my current location; I moved here for work and have no family or close friends here. The two friends I did have moved away. The problem is, I have no idea where I want to move to. I had thought TX because I lived there for 8 years and it felt like home, but now I don’t think I could go back, for reasons I won’t cover here. I’m more of a west coast person but the west coast is expensive and I do worry about the homeless problem in many west coast areas. Anyway, I will probably travel before settling somewhere, and I will probably rent in a few places of interest before I land on a choice. I do want to settle as soon as possible though, so I can start to build a small support network and also maybe adopt a pet or five. After my last pet died, I didn’t get another one because it’s hard to travel or relocate with animals, and I miss the companionship.

 

[COcheesehead]

I can tell you three years removed from the big city we lived in for 30 years, we don’t regret moving one bit. Yes, it takes work and some early days are trying, but we have more friends and a much more enjoyable lifestyle in Western Colorado. Make sure you really understand what is important to you before you embark on a life change. If you are not in tune with what is inside of you and your partner, don’t make any big changes.

 

[skyking1]

We are making a two hour move that will leave behind DW's home grounds and a couple of friends. She has lived in the same two adjacent zip codes her whole life, so it is a big move.
It has been a bit daunting, and we are excited for the change. It puts us a little farther from my family in Seattle, but there is no way we were moving closer to them anyway.
The upsides are many for both of us.

 

[athena53]

A lot of these responses are from couples and I think it may be easier for couples to make new friendships- or maybe not since there are so many widows out there! I really like my current neighbors but we don't socialize and sometimes i think it's because they're all couples and I'm a single woman.

My plan when I can't handle the responsibilities of the yard and the garden anymore is to move to Independent or Assisted Living near DS and DDIL in Des Moines. The choice is easy; he's my only child and they're pretty much committed to the area. Her widowed mother will be moving there, her sister lives there and brother is in Omaha.

I'm hoping volunteer work and a church community will help me settle in. Most of my friendships here are with the people I know from church and somehow I end up WAY more involved in church work than I'd planned.

 

[Katsmeow]

I am not sure where you live in Texas, but it seems like winters have gotten colder down here and less cold up in the northeast. We came from CT in 93. DBIL lives in Brewster, NY and we always marvel at how our winter in north Texas is often colder than what they deal with. Plus, our ice storms are no bargain versus snow.

I know I lived not far from you when I was in Texas and I think I concur. The last couple of years especially were really cold. Even saw snow which we don't often see.

Now that I am in Delaware the locals keep telling me how it isn't that cold in the winter and that they don't any more really get snow often that keeps them from doing anything. Part of what many pay their civic association or HOA for is snowplowing the subdivision if needed. But, I keep being told it hasn't been needed for years. I was curious enough to look up the annual low temperature in New Castle County, Delaware (the northern most county). It has clearly gotten warmer. The last time the annual low has been under zero was several years back in the 80s. Since I don't love cold weather that suits me. Of course, much colder than the DFW area even so but seems manageable.

 

[statsman]

This may not be the best place to post this question. but I couldn't find any place that seemed better. Living in the North and considering moving South, to SC. I am really not totally on board with this move, but my better half is already packing.

Been there, done that, although in our case, our only child had already moved from California to Texas in the summer of 2016. Immediately tried to convince us to move to Texas. We officially retired in the Summer of 2017, DW visited our kid in the Fall of 2017, and in the Fall of 2018, we moved to Central Texas on DW's urging.

I didn't want to make this move. Not because I didn't want to be near our kid, but because I didn't want to leave California. Certainly not for Central Texas. But, let's see: only kid in Central Texas and DW in Central Texas. Guess where I ended up? But I will say your situation may be worse. You have little guarantee the kids will come visit you. At least enough to satisfy the two of you.

Sometimes, life sucks.

 

[Koolau]

That is my big fear. I move to an area I like less than where I live now to be closer to the kids and the grands. Then one of them moves again and I am stuck in Unpleasantville with the family still far away. I know several people who have experienced this.

I live in an area I like and as long as I can afford it and my health holds out I will continue to do so. I make frequent visits to see my kids. I budget airfare and even car rental expenses to make that happen. I try to see than at least once every three months.

We have friends who literally live their lives through their kids. I don't think they could deal with their kids moving far away. The kids live 60 minutes away and the parents often baby sit - drive 60 minute one way to save the kids from baby-sitting costs. In essence, the parents have bribed the kids not to move away as they would lose their baby-sitter. So far it has been effective as the SIL got a good offer several hundred miles away - but he didn't take it.

When the whole thing of the kids possibly moving away came up, our friends started to look for a place close to the kids' potential new city. I just shook my head, because the kids could have moved again a few years later. Then what? Parents follow them again?

Having said all this, I can barely live my own life. Who am I to live someone else's life for them? I'm just glad our friends haven't moved away.