How to help my DH who is retiring in 3 days

Aquafit2

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My DH's last day in the corporate world is this Friday. He seems a little down this week and anytime I say anything about it, he says he doesn't want to really talk about it because he is sad. When I say things like you know they would love for you to stay, he says he has no desire to do that. He is just sad because the people he has worked with for 18 years are like family. I am excited for him to be done so we can travel and spend more time with family and I know he is excited about that. What can I do to help him with this transition? I have been retired for almost 2 years and we have been empty nesters for a year.

Thanks for any words of advise.
 
It is sad to leave the friendships, no denying that and it's OK to acknowledge it.

What I did was after a while, I emailed some buddies from work and asked if they wanted to meet for lunch, we have done this for years now, and it has been good. It's getting less now, probably twice a year as we all grow apart and some others leave/move away, but that's ok too.

Perhaps he needs to plan for something, like get the planning going for a trip of some kind.
 
We actually are leaving on a 10 day cruise on Saturday. I am hoping once we are on the boat he can feel the relaxation and not be sad anymore. We are moving away next month so we can be closer to our kids and families. So that probably isn't helping with the being able to stay in touch with his work friends.
 
When you get to the new location, try Meetup.com to find activities.
 
I know this isn't what you want to hear but he's going to be sad for a while and that's totally understandable.

When I left mega corporation, I left folks I had worked with for 25 years. we had been through births, deaths, kids, divorces and supported each other at work and out of work.

Of course he's going to be a bit bummed. I would not try to make him "not sad" but I would watch and make sure it does not slide into depression.

The cruise will be fun but as I said he's still probably going to have his "wistful" moments. The best thing for me was simply folks supporting me and encouraging me, one day at a time
 
When you get back from the cruise, make sure you plan to do something that gets both of you our of the house daily. Walk in the park, movies, lecture, even a trip to the supermarket. Don't let him get into a quick rut of turning on the television first thing in the morning and never leave the couch rest of the day. I suspect after a while he'll find things to do to keep him engaged.
 
The move so soon after retiring creates even more separation than was already occurring, could some of the sadness be related to leaving the home, location, etc as well as the work departure? A lot of change very quickly.

Best wishes for a smooth transition. How about planning a going away party and invite all of your friends - including his work friends?
 
We actually are leaving on a 10 day cruise on Saturday.

I suspect (and hope) that this might be the key. When the vacation would normally be "ending" you can point out that it never has to end. Could be a light bulb moment. No more Sunday night stress about going back to job pressures, etc. Best of luck!
 
There is a lot of uncertainty with the retirement and moving to a new area. He is having a normal reaction to changes coming to his life. He will adjust to the new "job" of complete freedom and the new surroundings where he will be with family. Expect this to take 1-3 months for the adjustment to be mostly complete. I am speaking from my experience, and his time line may differ.

Best wishes for both of you in retirement,

VW
 
I know this isn't what you want to hear but he's going to be sad for a while and that's totally understandable.

Of course he's going to be a bit bummed. I would not try to make him "not sad" but I would watch and make sure it does not slide into depression

+1

Time will likely be the best/only cure. You can try to encourage him into healthy lifestyle habits: go for a walk everyday, don’t start drinking too much, etc.

I’m sure this isn’t what you were looking forward to in his retirement. But good luck. You can take pride that you are there for him.
 
Tell him that those work colleagues will still be there when you get back from your travels and he can always occasionally stop in to visit or have lunch with them or meet them after work for drinks. He'll get over it.
 
Time heals all. It took me almost a 3 days before I was "over" it. :LOL: YMMV
 
We all adjust differently and it is a big change. It takes what it takes.

I agree with staying busy, have some planned activities. Walk and exercise is great therapy.
 
Retirement is a “life change”

retirement is a “life change” - - just like a death or divorce or significant illness ...and with that it brings “stress” , just not the same stress as when w@rking.
moving also brings that stress, especially when you have been in a location for a long time with local friends and familiar sites.
It will take time for both of you to adjust to your new conditions... but be aware of possible development of depression. in fact, if after a few months he hasn’t adjusted you may want to see a professional to help him see the positives in his new situation.
hopefully, retirement was on his terms- - having it be on your timeline is much better than those who were forced out; remind him of that.
good luck in retirement...welcome to the club :dance:
 
Thank you for all taking the time to send me some advice. I know this is going to be hard for him regardless of the fact that it was on his time line. Thank you for all the help. I will be taking all of your advice.
 
Dear Aquafit2,
Great idea!! Two days after I retired we were on a plane for a 14 day South American tour. There was absolutely NO regret, and I did not miss working one bit.
In fact. we took 6 trips that year for a total of 80 days!

SANTIAGO-SANTA CRUZ-BUENOS AIRES-IGUASSU FALLS-RIO DE JANEIRO
CHARLESTON-SAVANNAH-BEAUFORT-JEKYLL ISLAND-ST.AUGUSTINE-JACKSONVILLE
TUAMOTOS-MARQUESAS-BORA BORA-MOOREA-TAHITI
DUBLIN-LIMERICK-GALWAY-CONG-BOWNESS-LONDON-PARIS

NEW YORK-AMALFI-ROME-TODI-SIENA-VENICE
THANKSGIVING AT THE DEL CORONADO
 
I love all your trips! Travel is the reason I am so anxious for him to be retired. We both love to travel. I hope to get some serious miles under our belt this year.
 
Time heals all. It took me almost a 3 days before I was "over" it. :LOL: YMMV

Yup, in a couple weeks they'll have forgotten him and he'll have forgotten them........and if he does run into one somewhere, the only thing they'll want to talk about is 'the job', and he'll be bored ****less.
 
Had a saying at one of the large megacorp places I worked: "Put your hand in a bucket of water and pull it out, the hole left is how much you will be missed".

I know that sounds kind of harsh, but the workplace goes on. Yes, saying goodbye to longtime co-workers is a bit awkward. Your husband will miss that social interaction some. The help you can provide is replacing it with other activities and social interaction.

I left the state I was in on the day I retired, moving approx 1500 miles away. Main reason to be near family like you are. Besides family, I have no real friends in the new area. I was looking forward to my last day at work and moving, no regrets at all. So go out and make some plans to travel, start up new friendships, and enjoy the new chapter in your lives.
 
Work is both an economic and social activity. Your husband is grieving for the relationships he has left behind.

How about planning some get-together events for those he has worked with. Retirees from my former place of employment meet quarterly for lunch to catch up on the craziness of our former agency and to touch base with each other.

His former 'territory' was his place of employment. He lost his 'territory' and may need to manage yours. He needs a new scope of responsibility.
 
We had an office with about 25 people and another 12 living in the field. Since Megacorp consolidated operations in one place, everyone has gone their separate ways and virtually never have any contact. It is nothing personal--but the way people living in different places are.

The job change and moving does place spot of stress on families. Hopefully watching Let's Make a Deal and Price is Right will be a positive start to the day once things normalize.

As soon as you return from your trip, start looking for your next trip. We are now perpetual travelers in ER.
 
Work is both an economic and a social activity. When DH retires he will be disconnected from both and many men measure their value by their income/corporate status. Also, he won't have a 'scope of responsibility' and may need to define a new one.. encroaching on what has been yours.

Yes, keep him busy traveling but think about what you could delegate to him, he will need something to take pride in. For some it is the landscaping, for others professional societies, your place of worship or Scouting. Where could he find a passion, something that he values?

Been there, done that.
 
I would leave him alone on this topic for now, not show that you are anxious, and stop asking him how he feels or telling him the bright side. He'll get there, or he'll ask you for input when he wants it. You see a problem to fix, that's natural, but he doesn't want you to at the current moment.

Don't over do the "keep him busy" stuff either, he'll see right through it and it will be annoying. Let him transition the first few weeks in his own way. He might be fine after a day or three, or not, but I would not pester him either way, nor let it show on your face that you are worried and want to pester even if you're keeping mum.
 
I would leave him alone on this topic for now, not show that you are anxious, and stop asking him how he feels or telling him the bright side. He'll get there, or he'll ask you for input when he wants it. You see a problem to fix, that's natural, but he doesn't want you to at the current moment.

Don't over do the "keep him busy" stuff either, he'll see right through it and it will be annoying. Let him transition the first few weeks in his own way. He might be fine after a day or three, or not, but I would not pester him either way, nor let it show on your face that you are worried and want to pester even if you're keeping mum.

This.
 
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