Playing With Your Children

[boont]

The other day some expert was spouting off about today's parents being so busy that they don't have time to play with their children.

I never played with my parents. I played with my friends or other family member's children.

Maybe my family was the exception but I don't remember any parents doing more than the dad playing catch with his kid (read boy).

They certainly took them to organized sports, but that was about it.

Are the 2000's that much different than the 1950's?

boont

 

[AltaRed]

I was born and raised on an isolated ranch. I either played with my younger brother or worked my arse off with chores, and other ranching/farming opreations.

 

[Ponks]

Parents high quality interaction with their children is extremely important to all areas of development of the child. I wasn't born until 1984 so it's hard for me to compare and contrast the amount of interaction or type, but in the 2000's there are many more dual income families which cuts into interaction time that parents can spend with children.

As a child growing up in the 1990's I spent the occasional night playing board/word games with my family. Although most of my time was spent with my friends though, I know my parents were always willing to play games as they enjoyed them too. For what it's worth, my mom worked part time as a teacher when I was a child.

Ponks

 

[Nords]

The other day some expert was spouting off about today's parents being so busy that they don't have time to play with their children.

Labor surveys have shown that parents spend less total time with their kids today, but more of that time is spent playing.

When parents showed up on the scene I don't remember thinking "Oh, goody, playtime!" The response was more like "Uh, oh, chores-- run for it!!"

 

[scrinch]

Playing catch, cards, and the occasional game of Monopoly (oh yeah, and kick-the-can when we were on vacation) was the extent of my playing with my parents back in the 60's.

I do about the same with my kids now, but I spend a lot of time helping with homework and coaching soccer and baseball.

 

[Mr._johngalt]

Tempted to write an essay here. Will try to keep it brief.

First wife (during my workaholic years) thought our kids got short changed in this department. I never agreed and doubt the kids would if asked.

As for me, I always thought my folks did just fine. My Dad frequently took
me hunting and fishing, and when he was not available I went on similar adventures with my maternal grandfather. Just the other day I took
a pretty extensive on-line survey about my family life growing up.
Scored 100% on all positive issues (parental interaction/support/etc).
My entire childhood seems positvely idyllic, right up until puberty
anyway.

JG

 

[Outtahere]

My parents didn't "Play" with us but they did take us places to do things and were always available for anything we wanted to do. We spent weekends at horse shows or at my grandparents camp water sking. Dad would take us deep sea fishing any time we wanted. We went to carnivals and local fairs, or down to the local ice cream stand for a sundae. Yea we sat and watched movies together like Sat afternoon watching Godzilla eat Japan. We played a lot with our friends but our house was always the place friends could gather. Dad would plow up a big pile of snow for a slide every winter, he didn't use it but he made it for us to have fun.

When I see parents today it seems like they are isolated and have to make play dates or the kids are involved in some kind of sport. It just seems different to me today than when I was a kid in the 50's-60's. I don't see kids playing like we did, it all seems so organized and antiseptic.

 

[TromboneAl]

Don't forget the earlier years. I'm sure that all of you played with your kids lots when they were between 1 and 5 years old. Roughhousing, horsie rides, building play houses with chairs, pay back the loan game, pulling them in the wagon, etc.

 

[Zipper]

I read stories to my kids every night when they were young.

The best part came afterward with my telling "the continuing excellent adventures of a make-believe family and their 2 cats".

I really stretched it and I can still see their wide eyes as we tumbled from one escapade to another.

 

[Dreamer]

I don't remember playing anything with either of my parents. However, my dad was gone most of my life and my mother did not have time to play since she was the one responsible for taking care of us 5 children.

I went to live with my aunt and uncle at age 11. I can remember playing different board games (chinese checkers, checkers, sorry, trouble etc), card games, ice skating once, swimming, playing baseball, sled riding in the winter. My good childhood memories are from 11 years old until about 15 1/2 years old, which is when I started working.

 

[justin]

Don't forget the earlier years. I'm sure that all of you played with your kids lots when they were between 1 and 5 years old. Roughhousing, horsie rides, building play houses with chairs, pay back the loan game, pulling them in the wagon, etc.

"pay back the loan game"? You're still playing that one, huh?

 

[ladelfina]

pay back the loan game

Justin, you beat me to it...!

Seriously: my mom did play with us a bit; my dad, rarely if ever. That said, we didn't look to our parents to be 'playmates'.

I know 'quality time' is important, but the actual quality of that time is anyone's guess.. I don't think either kids or parents are always able to assess beforehand what the positive contributing factors are: on the floor playing with Barbie dolls or filling out paperwork and ranting about Blue Cross and taxes within earshot? Tough call!

 

[ash]

I was an only child raised by a single mom. I don't remember ever "playing" with her.

My two kids on the other hand expect my wife and I to play with them constantly! We're always facetiously reminding them that our parents never played with us.

 

[LOL!]

I never played with my parents in the 60s and 70s.

I play with my kids all the time. As for taking them to organized sports, I coach their organized sports teams at their request, so I am playing with them alot.

I don't think things have changed as I remember mine friends' parents being around for various "play" activities, just not my parents. It's clear to me that some of the parents of my teams do not interact with their kids at all.

So I think it all depends on the family.

 

[scrinch]

I've been reading to my kids every night I'm home for the past 16 years, but I don't call that play. My oldest is 18 and my youngest is 11. Now I read Harry Potter and Redwall and Treasure Island-type books with the 11-year-old. Great quality time! Sometimes I wake up on his bed at 1am with him asleep next to me and the book lying open on my chest.

 

[yakers]

Does helping DS, a high school senior, with homework count as playing?

 

[FinanceDude]

I play with my kids literally every night............DW does too..........

We even have "game nights" where each family member gets to pick the games, and take turn every week.

Of course, they are 7 and 4, so I'm sure that things will change over time.

Oh yeah, and we don't have cable TV, so I guess we are raising them like Leave it to Beaver...............

 

[lets-retire]

My father couldn't stand my mother so he was either gone on business or working his side job. My mother would play games with us every once in a while, when my father was out of town and her boyfriend couldn't come over. That didn't happen often and normally me and my sister would be outside playing with our friends. After they divorced and my father remarried, my father would take me fishing or hunting when I was older, but that about sums up the playing with parents.

As far as my kid goes. We play some games with him, but we remind him we are not his playmates, if he wants to play with someone go outside and make friends. If he had his choice he would stay inside and play video games all day. One of the reasons I got out of the military was to allow him to make and have friends for his entire childhood, that neither me nor his mom were able to have.

 

[Lusitan]

Mostly my brother and sisters and I played with each other, or other kids in the neighborhood. But I do have some fond memories of playing tag football with my father, or playing "around" him while he worked (e.g. jumping in an autumn leaf pile as he raked them up!).

 

[bbuzzard]

Be careful about how narrowly you define play. My mother and father did some traditional "playing" with the kids, mainly games; cards and board games. However, most of the time they spent playing with us was spend canoing, camping, hiking, backpacking, shooting and mountaineering. It seems we spend every other weekend and three or four weeks in the summer doing this. If you think this is not playing, you need to get a life. This is how I play with my son whenever possible (I have added kayking), and it makes me sad that mom and dad are no longer able to play this way.

 

[Leonidas]

Does helping DS, a high school senior, with homework count as playing?

I sure hope so, I do enough of it.

The Princess and I went looking at carpet and furniture yesterday and as we were driving around at one point she said "you don't know how great it has been to have you home." She went on to say that the kids love it, and reminded me of a note that our oldest son had written me when he was younger. It had graphs showing how much dad worked and how much time he spent with Sam. The working side was winning by a massive amount.

I played with my kids when they were small, and as they grew older the nature of our together time changed to sports and home repair/maintenance projects. When I was working I always found time to coach teams, go to plays and ceremonies, school open house, etc. But where I was deficient was in what I'll call unstructured time. Just being there to answer a question, to help with homework, to eat dinner together, to drive them somewhere to run an errand, teach them how to drive, etc. Being here for them during those moments has been my biggest reward so far since I ER'ed.

Princess summed it up well when she said "they want you around, but they don't need you involved in everything they're doing all the time. They like together time in bits and pieces here and there when they need it."

 

[eridanus]

and reminded me of a note that our oldest son had written me when he was younger. It had graphs showing how much dad worked and how much time he spent with Sam. The working side was winning by a massive amount.

Wow, smart kid. It was a very powerful note, I'm sure.

 

[Andre1969]

When I was a little kid, my Dad and I had an HO scale train set that we built together, and he'd take me for walks in the woods, day trips, stuff like that. We also had pet turtles. And he built me some model cars which, unfortunately, one day a few years after the divorce all perished one rainy Saturday when I decided to hold a demolition derby after watching "Grand Theft Auto"

I also remember my Mom and me playing that Mousetrap game and board games. She read stories to me when I was little, too. I got an Intellivision for my 12th birthday, and she tried to play it with me, but I guess she just never took too well to video games. And by the time my stepdad was in my life, it was age 12 and beyond, and we never got along. My Granddad would play board games with me though, like Monopoly, and he even got pretty good at the Poker and Blackjack game that came with the Intellivision.

I don't have any kids though, so I dunno if all that childhood playing did any good or not!

 

[Gumby]

..

 

[excellent]

From the stories I've heard my parents were always around to take care of me and make sure I was safe. That is pretty much it. Past the infantile years when I was able to start making friends I played solely with my friends. Parents took me to the usual kid places and sightseeing places, but that's pretty much it. It seems to me that amongst people my age our parents basically left us to our own devices in early childhood.