Retire where your kids will want to visit you?

[meleana]

Retire where YOU want to live. Not to a place you feel you need to use as a bribe for the kids to want to visit you. Will they really be visiting YOU or will they be visiting the area with YOU in the way to tolerate?

Soon they will grow tired of it and they will want to use their limited vacation and time off to go to other places.

Another consideration is even if they do visit you a lot because you live in a vacation area and or have a pool, etc. it will start to become a lot of work as they take advantage of it and YOU! There could be more babysitting and cooking/cleaning required than you signed up for!

Sometimes too much of a good thing. Be careful what you wish for.

This all said, being within a reasonable driving distance to your family is a good thing. You don't want to have to depend on flying for either one of you with the way the world is now. Never mind the expense.

 

[meleana]

I know someone who lived in Florida and her son and DIL and little grandson lived in Boston area, Massachusetts. She missed the little grandson, so she uprooted her life, sold her Fla. home, and moved to Cape Cod to be closer to her family. She loved Florida, so I was very surprised to see her do this.

Well, a month in she realized what a big mistake she made. The son and DIL became more standoffish and prevented her from spending a lot of time with her grandson. Plus living in the house she bought was very lonely compared to the community she lived in in Fla. where there were lots of friends and other people around. As it is, she is a social butterfly with a lot of energy.

I don't know how she had the strength to do this. She is in her 60's and single and the work involved in moving twice a short period of time- just crazy.

So, two months later sold the Cape Cod House and bought a condo in Florida in the same area that she lived in before. To see her grandson she occasionally flies up for a couple of days and then goes back to Fla. Lesson learned.

 

[timbervest]

Retire where YOU want to live. Not to a place you feel you need to use as a bribe for the kids to want to visit you. Will they really be visiting YOU or will they be visiting the area with YOU in the way to tolerate?

Agree. My philosophy is "first, where you will enjoy living, and , second, close enough to visit but far enough to where you have to call first"

 

[Koolau]

I plan to live around my kid. It would remove the stress of visiting for both.

Unless like two of my 3 kids - they move a lot. I guess you can follow one kid. We just decided that was not for us. There are issues with seeing the kids/GKs enough, but we deal with it. YMMV

 

[brett]

We need to live near an international airport and a Costco!

 

[Crewer]

My parents retired to Hilton head and it was great taking the kids there for vacations. But it was an overnight drive to do that so we only did it a couple times a year. By the time we had kids, I had 4 weeks vacation and DH had his own business so we could do that. Every summer, my parents visited us and other relatives around the state. But I had my kids when I was much older and after taking care of my elderly parents (and making them move to be close to me and visiting them in assisted living near me) my mantra became "I hope you live someplace nice" because I'm going to move there or eventually going to have to move there. My kids, who have just started their own household formations, are now within a couple hours. We'll see what things are like in 10 years.

 

[Rambler]

We have a DD that lives 15 mins away, and a son whose wife is in the Air Force, currently 1005 miles away. We see DD and her fam a couple times a week…sometimes too often or without notice. We are always delighted to see them, but sometimes when we have an important task to complete and they stay all day it can be a bit less than pleasant. When DS and DDIL first got married, we went to see them about 4x per year (they lived 750 miles away). Then they up and moved another 1200 or so miles, so it became too far for me to drive the RV 4x a year, and they were in Minnesota, where we didn’t care to go in winter anyway. Turns out, they were there for 2 years, but they were always too busy when we wanted to go, and we were to busy when they asked us to come. So we didn’t see them for a couple years, until DDIL graduated basic training. Now that they have a child they try to come once, and we try to go 2-3 times a year to visit. But since they’re Air Force, we can’t expect to live close to them for the next 20ish years, and they can’t schedule a trip beyond 45 days in advance, so we just do our best.

Now, we’re in the process of building a new home near where we currently live, we had planned to build a large pool with a grotto, waterfall, and water slide so the grandkids could enjoy it. But we’ve decided to downsize that plan because DD has announced her intentions to move within a year or two (the house was just started, the pool won’t be ready until about the time they leave, IF they stay a couple years). Her reasoning is that she wants her kids to grow up near their cousins (DSIL’s nephews and nieces), and because she hates the heat here. So, we don’t expect they’ll visit anyway during pool season.

Take from that what you will, but my own opinion is that if they aren’t near where you are now nor where you might want to be, then build your house for your own comfort and go visit them. If they do come visit you, put them up in a hotel, or, you go to the hotel and let them stay in your house. We’ve found that during family get togethers (we’ve hosted family reunions for my parents for the last 12 years) having a place to retreat to is pretty important.

 

[cnocmmz]

Depends how much you really want them to visit

 

[beachfire]

We did this 3 years ago and it has worked really well. Our kids live about 4 hours away, they are in mid 20’s and they come visit us in Hilton Head quite frequently.

 

[jeffmete]

Our kids scattered across the country. So we made the decision to move close to our oldest son. Now when our daughters visit, they automatically get to visit with their brother also. Helps we now live a mile from Lake Michigan. So beach time and boating occur. We bought a Florida ocean front condo, and all the kids visit during their spring breaks. Luckily they are different times.

 

[Rocky mtn high]

A friend moved to a place in hopes their children would visit. Then one moved a 1,000 miles away and another moved to Australia. Better to live where you want to live.

 

[JJpop]

We are nearing retirement and really have no reason to stay where we are. My wife suggested we find a place our kids would want to come visit to move to.
My counter was that those places are too expensive.

Any suggestions on places where people like to vacation/visit that aren't expensive to move to? Any thoughts on the premise that kids will come to you if your in the right location?

Confused. You say you have no reason to stay where you are. Maybe your kids?
We live 2 miles from our grandkids. They travel to see us about 3 times a week

 

[Ger0n1mo]

qwerty, how often are you expecting the kids to visit? I think the biggest factor for young families these days is having the TIME and money to travel, not WHERE you live. Between jobs with limited vacation time, activities that your grand kids are involved with and the cost of travel, I wouldn't count on too many visits regardless of where you are.
Are your kids near where you live now or are they already dispersed to various part of the country and far away from you? You stated that you "really have no reason to stay where we are". Is being close and accessible to your kids important? It sure is to me and my family.

When I worked we lived apart from our two sons and their families. For retirement we moved close to our oldest son and on a lake. His family sees us once or twice weekly. Our youngest son is 5 hours away and is only able to visit a few times a year and then they are short stays due to too many other commitments. Our grandkids will stay with us for a week if they can fit it in their schedule. But, they love to visit and they enjoy the lake. We try to visit them about once a month.

 

[KarenF]

We moved to the grandkids (and their parents) at their (parents) request. They live in Atlanta. This move puts us closer to our other grandkids as well. The farther kids/grandkids have close family support already. Yes, we are close enough to babysit. I absolutely love it. We are also planning to ride our bikes on the Silver Comet a lot.

 

[Queenie]

Been there, done that! Kids have a life, they have jobs, they have kids. Even if we subsidized their flights it was TIME they didn’t have. They have their own bucket lists, too. Guilting them to come to us in Florida was just unfair with limited vacation time.

We moved “home” to them, everyone is much happier. I get to be a part of the grandkids lives, pitch in when needed (I don’t full time babysit). I found we are more present and part of their day to day lives rather than just following on FB or weekly phone calls. Plus, we also get to go on ‘family’ vacations together to new places, whether a long weekend or a week.

I am happy, they are happy. Win-win.

 

[Paulz]

I feel bad for posting the same thing as everyone else, but you should live where you want to live.

I always hated being "forced" to visit my parents since I only had a few weeks of leave and they were retired. They had two things I didn't have- time and money. We did visit every few years, but it was always a struggle.

The best gift we ever received when they offered to come to us and watch the kids so we could go away for a few days. We had a great visit for 2-3 days and then we went away for 4-5 days. Our kids are all grown now but they still talk about all the times the grandparents stayed with them.

 

[street]

Fun reading all the different ideas on the subject. We tried to get my parents to move or buy a small home where we live. They had nothing to do with it. We even looked at a few homes but it just wasn't going to happen.
They visited a few times a year and we went there as much as we could and all was good and happy. I think being to close can be more stress for both parties involved too. Each has their own way to deal with seeing family and depends on personalities of family members also.

 

[Joggernot]

We have one son on the west coast and one on the east coast. So we picked the Texas coast as a point in-between. We've visited them twice and they've visited us twice in 10 years. Lots of Facetime and texts and emails, but few face-to-face visits.

 

[Koolau]

I never lived farther than 10 miles from my parents while they were alive. Sister was 60 miles away. She rarely visited and I often was at parents house daily (helping set up pill minders, reminding them how to use the TV, furnace, etc.) Later, when Dad was gone, I was mom's "link" to the outside world as she did not drive. I took her to appointments, helped with repairs around the house, made sure she was eating properly and taking meds, etc.

DW did same for her parents - perhaps to a lesser degree since they often refused help.

I mention this because I don't believe any of our kids will do such things for us. Just a different relationship and attitude (more like my sister's) toward parents. Physical closeness would, of course, increase chances that they would help out, but I would not expect it. YMMV

 

[financemups]

My very strong suggestion would be to get to somewhere where it's not a gigantic hassle to fly to if you want kids/people to visit. My parents live 6 mo out of the year in a very rural part of Idaho, the other 6 months in Lk Havasu City AZ. Idaho is easier for me to get to and only a little over an hour away from an airport. Lk Havasu completely sucks as a place to go to and there are no airports so it's 11 hours one-way for me to get down there in a journey that literally involves planes/trains/automobiles. I friggin hate it there and hate making that trip and they think it's just a grand and wonderful place to be so I dutifully slog my way down and back for xmas but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to the day I never set foot in that place again.

 

[ponyboy]

Sad that kids do not see their parents much. Think of the age of your parents and how often you visit (yes, older crowd here, most are probably dead.) Most young adults wont see their parents more than 100 times. I guess thats how some people live life. I suppose if you do not get along with your parents, so be it.

 

[Scuba]

My very strong suggestion would be to get to somewhere where it's not a gigantic hassle to fly to if you want kids/people to visit. My parents live 6 mo out of the year in a very rural part of Idaho, the other 6 months in Lk Havasu City AZ. Idaho is easier for me to get to and only a little over an hour away from an airport. Lk Havasu completely sucks as a place to go to and there are no airports so it's 11 hours one-way for me to get down there in a journey that literally involves planes/trains/automobiles. I friggin hate it there and hate making that trip and they think it's just a grand and wonderful place to be so I dutifully slog my way down and back for xmas but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to the day I never set foot in that place again.

Maybe you could suggest a holiday meeting in another easier to reach place that could be fun. Lake Havasu is definitely hard to get to and IMO much better when it’s hot and fun to be on the lake.

 

[skyking1]

This thread is timely. My brother has his first GC on the way and he is going all Attack Grandpa!
He wants to sell and move close, very close, TOO CLOSE to his very independent son. It will not end well.

 

[Koolau]

Sad that kids do not see their parents much. Think of the age of your parents and how often you visit (yes, older crowd here, most are probably dead.) Most young adults wont see their parents more than 100 times. I guess thats how some people live life. I suppose if you do not get along with your parents, so be it.

Interesting you mention kids seeing their parents 100 times. My big sis left the second she could to go to University (a city 100 miles away.) Since that time (her age 18) I doubt she visited my parents 100 times until they were gone some 30 and 40 years later. She never lived more than 2 hours away by car.

I can't say I ever resented helping my parents at all. I was just disappointed that my sister seemed so uninterested. When my dad spent his last few months in a nursing home, sis never visited once. She may have visited my mom 4 or 5 times in her last 3 years in the nursing home. I know she hated to see them in that state (so did I) but I treasured the time I had with them. Heh, heh, I'm guessing our kids will be more like my sis than me, but I guess we'll have to see since YMMV.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I lived next door to my parents for 14 years. My dad had a stroke and I helped my mom care for him. She helped me by watching the kids when I was going to college. Once I got my second graduate degree and there weren’t job opportunities locally she encouraged me to move for my career. She came out to visit me once a year and I went every 2 years. She also had my 2 siblings driving distance. She had 3 bouts of cancer and every time I went out for 2 weeks to help her. I don’t have grandchildren and 2 of my 3 sons live by me. I wouldn’t follow them if they moved as I have a lot of friends and support here. In fact one of my sons that is local may be moving again for his career.