Sensing resentment from working people, how to respond?

[nancyfrank232]

OPs reaction says more about OP than the people asking the question about not working

 

[gwraigty]

OPs reaction says more about OP than the people asking the question about not working

Not really. Especially since it's the OP's wife who is experiencing this issue, not the OP.

 

[Bigdawg]

OPs reaction says more about OP than the people asking the question about not working

+1.

If I met a younger looking nurse who was currently not working as a nurse I would wonder why also. Then when she explained her FIRE'd situation I would fully understand. I am surprised that the OP's DW is surprised with people's reactions to her early retiremnt from nursing. Most people I run into who are younger and not working are not FIRE'd. They are not working because they are taking care of a loved one, disabled, or some other reason that had nothing to do with LBYM and actually planning to retire early.

 

[Calico]

Not really. Especially since it's the OP's wife who is experiencing this issue, not the OP.

Exactly right!

 

[clifp]

I've notice that as I get older, it becomes less and less a big deal.
When I was 40, I used euphemisms. " I'm semi-retired, I do financial planning (for myself, my mom, and random people on the internet )". I avoided mention it etc.

At age 60 with white hair, I just say I'm retired and it is no big deal.

I think the secret to avoiding the annoying question is too look old!

 

[HtownRose]

My Mom retired from nursing as soon as she became eligible for Medicare (65) & once when I mentioned this to a doctor at a social event he protested "Oh no, we need those good nurses!" I shut that down with "well then they should have treated her better" & gave examples of her experiences as a hospital nurse where she would be assigned multiple patients down different hallways & would have to literally run between rooms to care for them.

I would never be surprised by or disapprove of a nurse retiring early. I wouldn't last 10 minutes.

 

[HtownRose]

In my interactions with Customers as an airline reservations rep I am required to ask if the passengers are active duty military or dependents of active duty military, so I know whether or not to check for a possible discount. If the answer is yes, I thank them for their service & I am genuinely happy if I can find a better fare for them.

I sometimes am told they are a veteran or first responder & I thank them for their service as well & apologize we do not offer an applicable discount.

They can believe I'm sincere or not, that's on them. Kind of like a boss I had early in my career - if you said "Good morning" to him he'd ask "what's good about it?" I'm still wishing people a good morning 30 years later.

 

[samclem]

--mod hat on--
To the degree there may be more to say on this topic, let's try to stick to the situation as it has been presented in the OP and related/similar cases--and keep it friendly. "General" or "my experience" is good, "you" (invective, questioning of motivations, etc) is less useful. Thanks!
-- mod hat off--

 

[Rianne]

--mod hat on--
To the degree there may be more to say on this topic, let's try to stick to the situation as it has been presented in the OP and related/similar cases--and keep it friendly. "General" or "my experience" is good, "you" (invective, questioning of motivations, etc) is less useful. Thanks!
-- mod hat off--

But, but...sometimes there are creative, humorous, helpful suggestions and comments that might be "off color" or sway a little from the original post. All good intentions. BYW, more posts, more stars. I respect your ---mod hat--- and will always try my best.

 

[brett]

We certainly do not have a problem with saying we are retired.

The problem is not ours, it belongs to those who are resentful. Nothing we can do about it. So we do not give it a thought. Besides, we have other problems of our own to worry about without adding to them.

Life is too short to go through life worrying about what other people may think. We gave that up a long time ago.

 

[nancyfrank232]

We certainly do not have a problem with saying we are retired.



The problem is not ours, it belongs to those who are resentful. Nothing we can do about it. So we do not give it a thought. Besides, we have other problems of our own to worry about without adding to them.



Life is too short to go through life worrying about what other people may think. We gave that up a long time ago.

+1

Well said

 

[Amethyst]

Wasn't that simply a doctorish compliment? That nurses are good, and your Mom was especially so?

Doctors, I have noticed, can be a little clumsy with compliments.

My Mom retired from nursing as soon as she became eligible for Medicare (65) & once when I mentioned this to a doctor at a social event he protested "Oh no, we need those good nurses!"

 

[Dtail]

I am proud to say we are retired. I just don't say it to older folks in somewhat menial jobs.

 

[Amethyst]

I don't tell anybody I'm retired unless they ask, which sometimes they do, to make conversation. Being retired is no big deal in Florida. There is no reason to hide it from someone to keep from making them feel bad.

 

[Vacation4us]

As a nurse my hope is to retire ASAP before I am permanently injured. Nursing is a very physical job if you work as a floor nurse.

I had no desire to be a manager and I have loved being a labor and delivery nurse. But the patient population I see in NorCal has removed some of the joy of helping bring new life into this world. Drug addicted pt. That scream and spit at you is more than I signed up for. I would retire tomorrow, DH promises 15 months more and we are done.

Most nurses can’t retire early. I always advocated saving, few listened,some teased me, my BFF plans to work till 70. Me, I will be loud and proud when I am done. No volunteer work either. Mic drop

 

[daylatedollarshort]

Most of the people we know who seemed upset about our retirement fit The Millionaire Next Door profile of UAWs, high income but under accumulators of wealth. We fit the mold more of the blue collar lifestyle, small business owners. Our retirement probably took some people who never read TMND book by surprise.

 

[bmcgonig]

Thank you for that. Mostly, it was just the times we lived in back then. At least during my lifetime, it seems that the 1970's were about the worst period to be in the military. The protests against the Vietnam War may have started in the late 60's, but things really ramped up after the invasion of Cambodia in May 1970. People were angry about the war, angry about the draft, angry at the military, angry at the president, seemingly angry about everything. And that anger did not necessarily stop when the war ended in 1975.

I can recall people throwing trash at me and my Navy friends, pouring beer on us and cursing us out for the sin of simply being in uniform, well into 1980. (I'm sure it was much worse in the first half of the 1970s, but it was bad enough in the late 1970s) I wanted to ask them if they realized that the war was long over and that we had nothing to do with it, but it was pointless. So we tried to avoid wearing our uniforms as much as possible and grew our hair as long as we could get away with. In fact, I recall that, still into the early 80s, certain commands had restrictions on stopping anywhere between the base and your home if you were in uniform, so that they could avoid trouble.

Plus, the economy really sucked in the 70s. Inflation and unemployment were both high at the same time, and stock market returns were low. (remember the "misery index?"). By the time I joined the Navy in 1977, the belief was widespread that if you voluntarily joined the military (the draft had ended in 1973), you were either some kind of sociopath or a desperate loser with no future.

Add to that the fact that the military was itself "broken" by Vietnam. The equipment was dangerously worn out and/or in short supply, morale was at rock bottom, drug abuse was high and there was a profound sense of alienation from the civilian population. We certainly knew the country -- or at least the Baby Boomer cohort of which I was a part -- hated us. Sometimes, older veterans would offer us a quiet word of support, and that was quite meaningful, but day to day, things were grim.

I'm glad that you and the other younger active duty people and recent veterans are getting the recognition that you deserve and glad that the rift between the military and the civilian population seems to have been healed. I hope that division never occurs again. As for me, the Navy was good to me. It gave me the education and the discipline to make something of my life. (I really was one of those without other options). I got to do incredibly fun things and meet some great shipmates. And I got paid. So, I'd say no thanks are necessary for me. But I don't mind if people do thank me, and I try always to be gracious when that happens.

Good luck with your upcoming transition.

Joined the USMC in 76 and although didn't suffer the abuse you did, what I'll always remember is the contrast between our haircuts and civilians. We stood so far out in a crowd that noone would associate with us. Of course that was when everyone had long hair. Now there's little, if any, difference in hair length at all. Given how much we were looked down on we always travelled in groups...except this one guy I knew who figured his best way to get a date was to go out on his own with a long hair wig..worked for him too[emoji16]

 

[bmcgonig]

To the OPs question I would answer "too stressful...I had enough". Everyone suffers work stress. Everyone can relate to that.

 

[youbet]

So DW retired at 45 from being a nurse. She often gets the question, "Why aren't you still working as a nurse?"

Sooooo........ Why isn't your DW still working as a nurse?

 

[ckelly78z]

I think I would give some indication of being well deserved, like "I was finally able to retire early" indicating that she was ready both financially, and mentally to quit.

 

[Amethyst]

Or even just leave off the word "early." Nobody needs to judge you on whether it's "too" early. You just decided to retire, and could do it, and let's talk about the weather or the latest scandal....

I think I would give some indication of being well deserved, like "I was finally able to retire early" indicating that she was ready both financially, and mentally to quit.

 

[HtownRose]

Wasn't that simply a doctorish compliment? That nurses are good, and your Mom was especially so?

Doctors, I have noticed, can be a little clumsy with compliments.

That is likely what he meant, & I should have been more gracious now that you mention it. Docs likely take their share of abuse & suffer burnout too. Our PCP is a gem & I hope we never have to find a replacement.

 

[Red Badger]

As I recall, no one ever thanked me for my service while I was actually doing it. If anything, they either actively loathed me or pitied me for not being able to get a real job. (I joined the USN in 1977, upon high school graduation.)

Ditto. But, as a military retiree, they are thanking me in a meaningful way each month now.

When someone does thank me nowadays, I just respond that it was an honor to serve. It was.

 

[GravitySucks]

I see a bit of resentment from my friends now and then. It used to bother me, now when someone mentions it I'll send a Mondays suck type meme to them. Or tell them how someone has to go to the park on Tuesday mornings to check out the hot (grand)Moms
They get over it.

 

[bloom2708]

Is one spouse still working and one "retired"?

I think it is semantics, but I don't think one is retired when the spouse/significant other is not retired.

If you both retired at 45 and no longer require income from work, that is another thing.

Also, many do side hustles and blogs, youtube who retire very early so they "retired from corporate work" but still certainly work. Just more entrepreneurial "work".

You can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself....