Argh! Trapped in Manditory Training Hell!

[laurence]

You know, I get that companies have to CYA, but this is getting silly. I have done two hours of mandatory "Computer Based Training" on Workplace Violence and Sexual Harrasment, and I still have Business Ethics, Export Compliance etc. etc.

I get it, but why must I "get it" every six months or so? And all the little things they do to make sure you really read it, like not let you click on to the next screen for 20 seconds and little tests to make sure you absorbed the critical points. Barf. Give me the test first, and if I pass, don't make me take the hour long "refresher"! I feel anything but refreshed!

 

[lazygood4nothinbum]

but if they didn't take your time to teach you what you've been doing, how would you get any work done?

 

[Cut-Throat]

All the CEO is trying to do is cover his ass. The money is already flowing to him, so his objective is to keep it flowing, stay out of jail and retire rich!

He doesn't care about you!

 

[Martha]

Certainly CYA.

In Minnesota as is probably everywhere, to keep my law license I have to take a certain number of continuing legal education credits. It runs in three year cycles. For a long time we have had to have ethics credits. Now they have added an "elimination of bias" requirement as well.

So far the elimination of bias classes have been a total waste.

 

[maddythebeagle]

every six months

 

[Outtahere]

We do it once a year, all they have do is sit through two videos and still it's like pulling teeth from a chicken to get them there.

 

[laurence]

I have a headache. Yeah, once a year we are "trained" and once a year we are "refreshed". Did you know that it's a myth that people "just snap" and commit workplace violence? Common signs of a high risk employee include:

irratability

antisocial behavior

a sense of persecution

Wow, so how am I going to tell the crazies from the rest of the employees??

 

[2B]

I've had hundreds of hours of sexual harassment training and I still can't do it right.  Is there anyone out there I could be a study partner with?

BTW -- I've had numerous cases of sexual harassment I've had to deal with as a manager. I've always wanted to shoot the perp in the head long before we fired him. I've also surpressed the desire to beat several women to death with a baseball bat for being serial harassees.

Now I'm a nobody and can tell women they look nice. Tease them tastefully and everyone is happy.

 

[laurence]

My rule on that is I only compliment women who are older than me.

Seriously, I freely admit I'm a flirt, but when you compliment accomplishments, abilities, and insights you'll get away with it every time. It's when you start to objectify and physicalize it that you get in trouble. Funny praising flirty=good. Staring creepy flirting=bad.

Of course, YMMV, I've been told over and over again that I give off a major "harmless" vibe. I can flirt with a woman in front of her husband (and my wife) with impunity. Maybe I'm just very "metro".

 

[Spanky]

We have training almost every week on development process, hazard analysis, system verification procedures, regulated software process, patent protection and submission, lab note entry and record keeping, design validation, etc. Every 6 months, we have computer based training on sexual harassment, conduct, intellectual properties, etc. As you can see, the list is endless.

 

[wompo]

Funny, while reading this I look down at the bottom of the page and see a google ad for Workplace Harrasment Training. I guess it is big business to train us workers.

 

[maddythebeagle]

irratability

antisocial behavior

a sense of persecution

looks like the def. of an INTJ

 

[Andre1969]

We get those stupid tests every once in awhile, but they set it up so you can breeze through it. You can skip all the reading and go straight to the test itself. Then take the test, but at the end, click "practice test". It grades your test, but doesn't record it as your final grade. When it grades it you can see all the questions you missed. Then go back and take the test again. Usually, if it's a 20-question test, there's a pool of maybe 25-30 questions total that they pull from, and then jumble them up at random. re-take the test a couple times and you're guaranteed to see all the questions.

Then, once you're confident you've done well, at the end, instead of clicking "practice test", you click the other choice. I forget what they call it. Overall it's mind-numblingly stupid, but I guess it counts towards training. :

 

[Leonidas]

Something else I won't miss - mandatory CYA "training". They file away every lesson plan and class roster and have come back ten and fifteen years later and had the instructor testify "well, that's not what we taught them to do". All in support of severing the city as a defendant and leaving the employee the only pocket to be picked.

 

[Nords]

You know, I get that companies have to CYA, but this is getting silly.  I have done two hours of mandatory "Computer Based Training" on Workplace Violence and Sexual Harrasment, and I still have Business Ethics, Export Compliance etc. etc.

What, no "counter-terrorism force protection" or "prevention of human trafficking" or "smoking cessation" or "healthy lifestyles"? How can you possibly get through your day as a good employee without these skills? You probably can't!!

I'm not looking for a job, but what American industry needs is someone who knows how to plan & execute a good General Military Training employee support program! And for entertainment value, it should include plenty of role-playing.

Remember how you complained about this discussion board and ended up being assigned duty as a moderator? Maybe you should complain about this training to your bosses...

 

[Andre1969]

Only thing I've been taught about sexual harrassment is that "Her mouth said no but her ass meant yes"!

Oh, and if a man talks dirty to a woman it's harrassment but if a woman talks dirty to a man it's $2.99 per minute!

 

[BunsGettingFirm]

Have you been through Six-Sigma white-belt training? "When quality improvement is needed, the six-sigma black belt will a) make a decision on her own or b) schedule a six-sigma session." Geez, we need a test on when to call a meeting?

 

[BunsGettingFirm]

Only thing I've been taught about sexual harrassment is that "Her mouth said no but her ass meant yes"!

Oh, and if a man talks dirty to a woman it's harrassment but if a woman talks dirty to a man it's $2.99 per minute!

You can thank Miss Anita Hill for that.

 

[setab]

Mandatory training and doing quarterly personnel assessments that meant nothing are two of the biggest reasons I retired. I could put up with pettiness, stupidity, indifference and GO arrogance(that would be FO arrogance for you Navy guys), but mandatory training did me in. As Yogi would say, half of it don't mean nothing, half of it is insulting and the other half is just plain wasteful.

setab

 

[SteveR]

Part of my responsibility is for the Training department...not HR training but regulation, job, industry requirements, etc., training. HR has their own BS training schedule and trainers who travel from site to site to make sure all us worker bees are properly indoctrinated on a frequent basis. I especially enjoy the "group encounter" sessions we have with other resources rivals working groups so we can all have a group hug.

I am gagging on Political Correctness.

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Yeah...#$%^# political correctness!

 

[poboy]

http://www.usatoday.com/sports/baseball/al/whitesox/2006-06-21-guillen-apology_x.htm

He apologized Wednesday for calling a writer with whom he has been feuding a "fag," but said he doesn't think he should be suspended for the comment and sidestepped a question about the possibility of sensitivity training.

From USA Today, 6/22/06. I participated in mandatory touchie feelie training and perhaps I could come out of retirement to act as a consultant to those lost souls who have not.