BFF 0.5 Million In Debt at 79 Has Passed Away

[Koolau]

I'm sure you will miss, and remember now and then about your BFF.

Given your descriptions about how he yearned for $$ now instead of later, I doubt he has insurance but hope he does.
It will be quite an awful thing if the Wife pays "his" debts with her last few remaining dollars when they could be ignored as they are not her debts. I wonder if she knows this, because many folks don't.
I'm not suggesting you help her manage all the paperwork, etc, but just tell her the rules, because the credit card companies won't stop calling.

I do know that megacorp gave us all a "parting gift" of a $10K insurance policy. Each empl*yee (from the guy just above "test animal" to the top salaried person in the Ivory Tower) will collect (well his heirs) $10K upon his demise. I may need to remind BFF's DW of this in a couple of weeks. She has to report it to megacorp and I assume send a death cert. Of course, realistically, these days $10K isn't all that much. When I started megacorp - it was a year's salary! YMMV

 

[MarieIG]

I do know that megacorp gave us all a "parting gift" of a $10K insurance policy. Each empl*yee (from the guy just above "test animal" to the top salaried person in the Ivory Tower) will collect (well his heirs) $10K upon his demise. I may need to remind BFF's DW of this in a couple of weeks. She has to report it to megacorp and I assume send a death cert. Of course, realistically, these days $10K isn't all that much. When I started megacorp - it was a year's salary! YMMV

If she is the beneficiary, also remind her that the funds are hers - not the estate's.

 

[ncbill]

I do know that megacorp gave us all a "parting gift" of a $10K insurance policy. Each empl*yee (from the guy just above "test animal" to the top salaried person in the Ivory Tower) will collect (well his heirs) $10K upon his demise. I may need to remind BFF's DW of this in a couple of weeks. She has to report it to megacorp and I assume send a death cert. Of course, realistically, these days $10K isn't all that much. When I started megacorp - it was a year's salary! YMMV

I'm guessing he didn't have any life insurance apart from that.

So then the question becomes whether she has the income to pay the mortgage plus the loan payment on whatever vehicle she wants to keep.

Since even if she files bankruptcy to discharge any other debts she still has to have the income to service those two loans.

 

[Koolau]

If she is the beneficiary, also remind her that the funds are hers - not the estate's.

I think megacorp will handle that appropriately, but I'll mention it. IIRC, we had to specify a specific beneficiary. Thanks!

 

[Koolau]

I have lost 9 good friends between the ages of 59-71. It’s really hard. A friend of mine was also a race car driver and when he died his wife called a race friend that put the word out and both his race car and simulator sold quickly.

9 good friends in such a short time! That's tough. Of course, I often think that as I age (until I'm the "guest of honor") I'll be doing a lot more funerals of friends. It's a big disadvantage of a long life, I suppose.

 

[skyking1]

Nice of you all to look out for her.

 

[Teacher Terry]

9 good friends in such a short time! That's tough. Of course, I often think that as I age (until I'm the "guest of honor") I'll be doing a lot more funerals of friends. It's a big disadvantage of a long life, I suppose.

The ages were those of my friends. I lost my first friend when I was 48 so it’s been over 20 years but she was my very best friend. I mourned her for a long time. the rest died in the past 10 years. The older years are all about loss unfortunately. Luckily I have also made new friends.

 

[Koolau]

The ages were those of my friends. I lost my first friend when I was 48 so it’s been over 20 years but she was my very best friend. I mourned her for a long time. the rest died in the past 10 years. The older years are all about loss unfortunately. Luckily I have also made new friends.

BFF's death didn't come as a truly great surprise because of his health/age. But other friends, you find yourself saying - what the heck? S/he was healthier than I am, they were younger, took better care of themselves, etc. How did I outlive them?

One guy was a very good Tennis player (for age 71.) He fell on the court one day and injured his head. 2 months in the hospital and he passed away. His downward spiral was much more cruel than had he simply passed from a brain bleed or HA. I guess we don't have a lot of control so we all need to be ready to go when the time is up. I'm doing my best to set DW up for that time so she won't have to worry or struggle. Heh, heh, I hope I get it all done in the allotted (but unknown) time.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Most of my friends died of cancer despite having healthy lifestyles. A lot of it is really just luck.

 

[Beststash]

Longtime friends are a big loss. I only have a couple left. There is nothing like a friendship that goes back decades. It is just part of aging but tough.

Condolences.

 

[Koolau]

Longtime friends are a big loss. I only have a couple left. There is nothing like a friendship that goes back decades. It is just part of aging but tough.

Condolences.

And what a great reminder that we will join them soon. Better get on with the time we have left. Time to tell everyone how much we love them.

 

[Dreamer]

I am so sorry for the loss of your BFF. It is so hard to lose long term friends. I also enjoyed hearing the stories. Hugs.

 

[Koolau]

The funeral is today. I don't really like attending funerals, but let's face it. We don't do it for us, we do it for the family. They really need a "hug" at this point. Unexpected death can be a blessing to the departed, but always leaves a hole for everyone else. I'm praying they come out the other side of this tragedy with closer family ties and resolve to dig out of whatever financial hole they are in.

 

[MarieIG]

The funeral is today. I don't really like attending funerals, but let's face it. We don't do it for us, we do it for the family. They really need a "hug" at this point. Unexpected death can be a blessing to the departed, but always leaves a hole for everyone else. I'm praying they come out the other side of this tragedy with closer family ties and resolve to dig out of whatever financial hole they are in.

Yes, you are going for the family.

 

[Koolau]

Yes, you are going for the family.

I just got back from the viewing and service. I was disappointed in the art w*rk they did on BFF. I'm not certain what they had to w*rk with since he coded and was brought back at least once.

On to more pleasant things. I got to meet some of BFFs kids that I hadn't seen in many years. How they have aged! So glad I haven't BFF's wife is holding up very well and I think she will get through this part of the crisis. We offered to assist her in any way we can.

The sermon and singing were wonderful. The whole thing was a celebration of life and there was much laughter (I mentioned that BFF has a lot of stories and I got to hear a couple more!)

 

[2retireearly]

What memories...

You can hear the love in you writings...I'm sorry for your loss. You have your fun and whacky memories to keep his spirit alive. Selfishly, I do have a question... Do you know how he and his wife qualified for a mortage? My fear has been, that when/if I want to buy a house, I'd have to do the juggling act, of selling my home first,and then buying the new place, outright for cash. Of course that means I'd probably lose the option of buying the house, as someone else would have already bought the new house I wanted. of course, if I were working with an income (other than SS and Pension, which are pretty good) I could qualify for a mortgage, even before I sold my current home. Since where I live, contingencies don't really exist anymore (such a sellers market..things go in 5 minutes). But what trick did your crafty friend do, to qualify...And I'm sorry it bit him in the but* as his other home never sold.
My condolences....

 

[MarieIG]

I just got back from the viewing and service. I was disappointed in the art w*rk they did on BFF. I'm not certain what they had to w*rk with since he coded and was brought back at least once.

On to more pleasant things. I got to meet some of BFFs kids that I hadn't seen in many years. How they have aged! So glad I haven't BFF's wife is holding up very well and I think she will get through this part of the crisis. We offered to assist her in any way we can.

The sermon and singing were wonderful. The whole thing was a celebration of life and there was much laughter (I mentioned that BFF has a lot of stories and I got to hear a couple more!)

Awwww. I'm glad you went, saw the family and heard some more BFF stories. IMHO, a celebration of his life - is the way it should be. I'm sure his DW appreciated your coming and I think you needed to go.

BTW a lot of people look simply awful due to all the makeup "they" put on them. DF was an exception. My DF was a handsome man and had a beautiful complexion at that time. I asked the mortician if he could leave the makeup off. He said he didn't know, but they were able to do so, and person after person commented on how handsome DF looked.

 

[NoEZmoney]

Get a 3rd Party Money Pro

Oy! This story brings back some sad memories. Had two separate relatives wind up in bad financial straits, one had a husband burn through what little savings they had, got HELOC and mismanaged that. Another was an elderly grandpa whose 2nd wife drained his pensions and savings to spend on her side of family, sent her grandkids to med school and grad school and supported them as well.

I was asked to try and help fix things after both marriages disintegrated.Long story short: they kept jumping back in the deep end every time I'd pull them out. It was maddening. So I got them connected with a money counselor and sat down during some sessions to outline (honestly) their situations.

I gradually backed away and let nature take its course. Both people were in denial and had no capacity for change.Only after a spouse died did they accept advice from CPA and lawyers. I have friends who suffer from self inflicted financial wounds. Gave practical advice but they kept jumping in the deep end.

Wanting to help someone close is a natural thing but when they ignore your counsel or waste your time, it becomes a toxic, negative experience. Find them unattached qualified help and back away for your own mental health if nothing else.

My2Cents

 

[ychuck46]

Am I supposed to feel sorry for the DW, or both of them for that matter even though he is now gone, for essentially living the wrong side of the ant and the grasshopper story? Maybe I have heard too many sob stories recently like this, but my sympathy quotient appears to be at zero this Saturday morn.

 

[Aerides]

Am I supposed to feel sorry for the DW, or both of them for that matter even though he is now gone, for essentially living the wrong side of the ant and the grasshopper story? Maybe I have heard too many sob stories recently like this, but my sympathy quotient appears to be at zero this Saturday morn.

Perhaps sorry for the OP, who has lost his best friend of many decades?

 

[Badger]

With children who have been taught by example on how to (not) manage money and no mention of siblings it appears that the spouse is in for difficult twilight years. I was lucky in that I "listened" to my parents example. Gentle guidance was infrequently suggested on those occasions when they thought I could use it but I was never lectured. Others like the spouse appears to have never had that opportunity. For that she has my sympathy.

Cheers!

 

[ychuck46]

Sure

Perhaps sorry for the OP, who has lost his best friend of many decades?

I can go with that.

 

[athena53]

With children who have been taught by example on how to (not) manage money and no mention of siblings it appears that the spouse is in for difficult twilight years. I was lucky in that I "listened" to my parents example. Gentle guidance was infrequently suggested on those occasions when they thought I could use it but I was never lectured. Others like the spouse appears to have never had that opportunity. For that she has my sympathy.

Cheers!

I agree. There are some who learn from parents who are/were financial train wrecks and are determined not to end up that way, but those of us whose parents were LBYM types and learned about wants vs. needs early on were truly fortunate.

I also see sad stories in the comments following retirement-related posts on FB from widows (mostly widows) who are struggling, not only because of the loss of a spouse, but because of the loss of 1/3 of the household SS income and the realization that there's not enough money left at the end of the month. You wonder how many of those stories could have been prevented by good planning and LBYM. I never take it for granted that my parents considered a college education for my sister and me to be as important as it was for our 3 brothers, and that we learned good financial habits early.

 

[Koolau]

You can hear the love in you writings...I'm sorry for your loss. You have your fun and whacky memories to keep his spirit alive. Selfishly, I do have a question... Do you know how he and his wife qualified for a mortage? My fear has been, that when/if I want to buy a house, I'd have to do the juggling act, of selling my home first,and then buying the new place, outright for cash. Of course that means I'd probably lose the option of buying the house, as someone else would have already bought the new house I wanted. of course, if I were working with an income (other than SS and Pension, which are pretty good) I could qualify for a mortgage, even before I sold my current home. Since where I live, contingencies don't really exist anymore (such a sellers market..things go in 5 minutes). But what trick did your crafty friend do, to qualify...And I'm sorry it bit him in the but* as his other home never sold.
My condolences....

Thanks for the kind words. BFF was one in a million. Everyone loved him!

I never questioned BFF on how he managed a mortgage. BUT as mentioned elsewhere, he and DW did have pretty decent income what with two high level SS and a small pension. What I can't understand is how they qualified based on their extensive CC and other consumer debt.

Of course, you never know what a lending institution uses to decide these things. Knowing BFF, he wouldn't have stopped trying to get a mortgage until someone finally accepted them.

 

[Koolau]

Oy! This story brings back some sad memories. Had two separate relatives wind up in bad financial straits, one had a husband burn through what little savings they had, got HELOC and mismanaged that. Another was an elderly grandpa whose 2nd wife drained his pensions and savings to spend on her side of family, sent her grandkids to med school and grad school and supported them as well.

I was asked to try and help fix things after both marriages disintegrated.Long story short: they kept jumping back in the deep end every time I'd pull them out. It was maddening. So I got them connected with a money counselor and sat down during some sessions to outline (honestly) their situations.

I gradually backed away and let nature take its course. Both people were in denial and had no capacity for change.Only after a spouse died did they accept advice from CPA and lawyers. I have friends who suffer from self inflicted financial wounds. Gave practical advice but they kept jumping in the deep end.

Wanting to help someone close is a natural thing but when they ignore your counsel or waste your time, it becomes a toxic, negative experience. Find them unattached qualified help and back away for your own mental health if nothing else.

My2Cents

Yeah, I finally gave up on BFF. He agreed with everything I said, but then wouldn't do it. Every once in a while he would give a big sigh and say "You can't imagine my life. Every month, I have to prioritize the bills and see if there are any I can let slide. I have to check to see if I can borrow more money on the house. I have to pay late fees and interest on some bills. It's very wearing on me." That's when I start in again and he agrees again and ignores my advice again. (Whoops! Make that all past tense. He no longer worries!)