prudent_one
Recycles dryer sheets
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2014
- Messages
- 335
I'm fairly new to the site but after reading your thread I wanted to wish you the best as you move into your new (and better!) life.
You did well, as did I . But I know lots of men whose kids, especially daughters, rejected them after they divorced from their mothers.#4. Family. <I can't tell you how much my sister helped me through this.> And, of course, I spent lots of time with my children.
You did well, as did I . But I know lots of men whose kids, especially daughters, rejected them after they divorced from their mothers.
Ha
I can't say enough about how the Post Marital Property Settlement Agreement has saved my finances and assets during this. It may not work for everyone. It may not be possible for everyone to get one in place.
Congratulations on closing this unhappy and unpleasant chapter of your life, that took courage.
You must have spend many of the last years unhappy and feeling unloved and unappreciated. Have you sorted thru all this in your mind, as it seems really early days to be dating. It's human nature to want closeness with another person,but do you feel you are back to the real sheesh1 who is ready to identify an kind adult equal relationship? I'm sure a companion for you is out there somewhere when the timing is really right for you.
Good question ivinsfan. Not sure of the answer. Am really just wanting the socialization piece of dating, trying to make new friends, etc. Have made a couple of friends such that I can call on them to meet me for dinner, etc. All of them know how recent this is for me and aren't pushing.
Am I back to the real sheehs1? I think I am reclaiming pieces of me but find I still need and cherish my privacy and peace and quiet because of the last 20 years. Am I ready to go head long into a relationship? No, I'm not. Not just yet.
Am I back to the real sheehs1? I think I am reclaiming pieces of me but find I still need and cherish my privacy and peace and quiet because of the last 20 years. Am I ready to go head long into a relationship? No, I'm not. Not just yet.
Getting divorced after 20 years of marriage (good, bad or so-so) can be a liberating experience. One can also make some silly mistakes. The #1 mistake is the rebound marriage/relationship. You seem smart enough to avoid that. I can't tell you what to do, but I will pass on what worked for me.
#1. Wanting female companionship, but not ready for a relationship, I took up ballroom dancing. Great stuff. A guy gets to hold a woman, sometimes close, and at the end of the dance, we thank each other and things end on a friendly note.
Besides, where else but the dance floor can a man tell a woman, what he wants her to do and when to do it, and she will happily comply?
#2. Travel. When I was feeling down I decided to feed my travel bug big time. After my first Christmas divorced, I booked a trip to France and spent Bastille Day in Paris. What a kick!
#3. Good friends of the same gender. Having guy friends was a great relief. Alas several of them have passed away of left town for health reasons earlier than they should have.
#4. Family. I can't tell you how much my sister helped me through this. And, of course, I spent lots of time with my children.
You did well, as did I . But I know lots of men whose kids, especially daughters, rejected them after they divorced from their mothers.
Ha
Odd how it's always the Dad that seems to get shut out. It makes me think a lot of Moms keep bad mouthing him or say to the kids some version of pick a side, my side or his side. A lot of ladies talk family harmony, but can't seem to move on.
I divorced 20 years ago and although it was emotionally difficult, financially and practically it couldn't have gone better. A big reason for that that was a Separation Agreement that we both signed so there was almost nothing for the lawyers to do other than file the papers with the court.
My ex wife and I divided our finances 50/50. We agreed to sell the house and share any gains or losses and tossed a coin to see who got first choice of our joint possessions. Neither of us wanted any support from the other, but we agreed that things like health insurance would continue until the divorce. Selling the house and our mutual funds gave us both enough money to start again and as soon as my ex-wife found a job she called me and we finally closed our joint account.
My ex got a lawyer to file the papers and go over the separation agreement, I represented myself. I remember a bizarre meeting where my ex decided she didn't want to bother with half of the 401k, which was around $50k back then, and her lawyer and myself both tried to get her to take it. I still don't understand her attitude, maybe she just didn't want to bother, maybe it was a bit of guilt or maybe she just didn't want to have anything that reminded her of me and the marriage. Anyway, I rolled it into an IRA and to this day have kept her as the beneficiary.....it just seems right.
Not always the Dad. I anticipate this is what will happen with my stepsons that I raised. See previous post about his bad mouthing me to the kids.
Take it very, very slowly. It's easy to be vulnerable coming out of a divorce. Start socializing with friends, join some clubs, begin some new hobbies.
After a particularly painful break-up, though not a divorce, I started attending meet-ups, to get out of the house, and meet new people. I did make some friends, but being an introvert, I find the socializing aspect tedious. I may look into groups more focused on things I enjoy, rather than socializing in general, but I really don't want to go out more than once or twice a week, and really don't care for bars, or large crowds, or a lot of "noise"...
Will do nun. As a matter of fact, feeling the need to pull back a bit on the dating front. I have hobbies mostly solitary such as reading, knitting, waling 2 to 3 miles almost every day. etc. A friend is moving into my neighborhood who can be a walking buddy if our times work out. Go the to YMCA and have friends there. Perhaps a few more clubs but have to decided which ones I'm interested in and if re available in my area. Small city. 7,000. Might...not sure yet...take up golf. Have a set of Callaways hardly used.
You are exceptional person Nun.
Should clarify that a bit I guess, as a stepmom you are always vulnerable to this happening when a split occurs. I hope this doesn't cause you too much distress as even an adult child forsaking a natural parent for a step is very rare. They have to get along with Dad forever and your EX doesn't sounds like an easy person to deal with.
I can't take all the praise, my ex must share in making the divorce as painless as possible.
I only wish I was married to your ex instead of the one that I had to deal with. Even Muhammad Ali wouldn't have wanted in that fight!
Odd how it's always the Dad that seems to get shut out. It makes me think a lot of Moms keep bad mouthing him or say to the kids some version of pick a side, my side or his side. A lot of ladies talk family harmony, but can't seem to move on.