kcowan
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
One advantage of telling them what you think of their move is that they will have the added incentive to prove you wrong!
You cannot tell adult married children what they can and cannot do. (Did your parents run your life once you were married?)
But you can make it clear that you will not be in a position to help them out financially.
Sit down with them, explain your situation. Don't criticize their plans. Don't attack them personally. Don't call their choice a mistake, unless you are specifically asked for feedback. Just make it clear that the decision is theirs, but that your financial support simply isn't available.
Not the norm but our niece's new 28 year old husband just a announced that despite his shiny new MBA he "isn't interested in working 9 to 5" and wants to just work weekends as a DJ at parties.
Not the norm but our niece's new 28 year old husband just a announced that despite his shiny new MBA he "isn't interested in working 9 to 5" and wants to just work weekends as a DJ at parties.
Paul Oakenfold and Deadmau5 made a go of it.
He's an out of the box thinker not wanting the 9 to 5 gig. Sounds like a keeper.
Ever hear the expression "there are more bands than fans."
He's an out of the box thinker not wanting the 9 to 5 gig. Sounds like a keeper.
.
It's a pretty broad brush to paint all "late 20's" people as having poor work ethic based on your personal knowledge of just 2, don't you think?Im 35 so not exactly a spring chicken. I work with 3 late 20's guys. They are waaaaay smarter than I am or ever will be...yet their work ethic sucks. They'll wait till the last second to do something...or if they cant do something from their desk they wont do it. I run circles around them...me and these 2 other 50something guys...they also have a great work ethic.
I think that saying is not about work ethic, it's about having wisdom to appreciate one's opportunities.Ever hear the expression "youth is wasted on the young." This hits the nail on the head when it comes to them. They spend almost all of their time playing video games. If they arent in front of a computer its rare.
Have you given any consideration to the possibility that you are spending time with the wrong people?I wont go into detail on everyone I know that isnt 30 yet...but the trend carries over to them.
But dont let that fool you...most of my friends around my age are bums too. They work...but they also spend every dime they have, are always stressed, cant pay bills, in toxic relationships...at least they no longer live with mom and dad.
+1 Good advice. Also +1 on the "don't let them store stuff in your garage". Don't ask why I know that Mom and Dad Storage Co. is a bad idea!
Have you been helping them out financially after they graduated (presently or recently?). You seem to know about their debt. If you have, they likely have the expectation that you will continue to do so, despite their lack of future effort. I would stop all support at once, and tell them they're on their own if they make such a (wreckless and IMHO irresponsible) decision. Apparently, adulting is hard. But we all knew that!...both college grads with decent jobs, a house, and lots of debt. They informed us they plan on quitting their jobs, selling their house and moving out of sate and live with friends until they get settled
This is the norm now with young adults. They either want to travel and not work...or just not work and do whatever. That way they can brag to all of their friends at starbucks about how awesome they are for not working.
I understand that the younger generation value life experience over things...which is a good thing. Materialism is toxic. What else is toxic is working, saving a bunch of money...then not working again and blowing all your money. Not a good cycle to be in.
Nothing you can do as a parent...let them figure it out on their own.
Thanks you all for some great advice. I think we will "let the chips fall where they may", and give them emotional support. Maybe it will never come to the point where they request financial help. We love them and really do wish them the best.
No, they won't make much on the house (maybe clear 10K) and they both have car loans, and the son-in-law has 20K in student loans.If they sell their house, is there enough equity buildup to pay off all their debts, so at least they have a better restart scenario?
I have thought about doing this but more as a percentage of their IRA/401K contributions. Bottom line approach.All of my kids know with certainty that I’m not their bank. Though they are all well aware of our wealth, they have no expectations of an inheritance. I think that’s important.
If you do want to incentivize them for good financial behavior, you might want to announce to them and give them an annual gift equal to a certain percentage of their personal income. Just a thought.
My wife and I did something similar in our late twenties. We had a dream of buying a campground. So we sold the house, my old muscle car and just about everything else then waited for the perfect place to jump into. She quit W**K and searched full time. Bought, got way over our heads in debt and our abilities, asked dad for money to pay taxes, trip to the food bank every week.I'm concerned they will "start over" with no jobs and immediately go farther in debt. My wife and I are bothered because we think they are a being a little reckless because they know our financial situation and think we can bail them out when the money gets tight.
We are 2 years from ER and are trying to accumulate as much as we can at this point, and helping support our children because of their bad decisions in not in the plan
Advice?