Kids making a big mistake

[Scrapr]

Bitcoin, I tell you, bitcoin! You don't understand. Put everything in bitcoin! You old folk put your money and effort into the stock market, then go to church on Sunday and pray for it to go up! What a putz! Buy a car? Why? There's Uber. It'll take me anywhere, cheap. Bitcoin, I tell you!

which brings up the age old debate (since 2017!)

Etherium vs Bitcoin?

 

[harley]

I don't need to post an opinion, my sig line says it all.

 

[DrRoy]

You cannot tell adult children what they can and cannot do.

+ many. We had to get used to the idea that our kids were not going to finish college. They have steady jobs but make so little. It seems like a waste to us but that is all they want.

 

[pb4uski]

Not the norm but our niece's new 28 year old husband just a announced that despite his shiny new MBA he "isn't interested in working 9 to 5" and wants to just work weekends as a DJ at parties.

So what's the problem?... it seems to have worked out pretty good for this guy... though he probably works more than 9 to 5 and DJ's on weekends.

https://www.marketplace.org/2018/07/17/business/goldman-sachs-new-ceo-dj

Full-time company president, part-time DJ.

Goldman Sachs has just announced that David Solomon, 56, will be its next CEO, taking over the reins from the current chairman, Lloyd Blankfein. We found out that when he's not helping steer the direction of one of the world's largest investment banks, he serves as an electronic dance DJ under the name "DJ D-Sol," with gigs in New York, Miami and the Bahamas. ...

 

[pb4uski]

No, they won't make much on the house (maybe clear 10K) and they both have car loans, and the son-in-law has 20K in student loans.

Lucky for you that their car and student loans are not with your "family bank".

 

[street]

As a parent these decisions our children make can make us very nervous. I also reiterate that give positive support give them your love and pray for the best.

It is very normal to try to live our kids lives and that is where we can fail. Good advise maybe but going over the line could be a disaster.

 

[DFDubb]

No, they won't make much on the house (maybe clear 10K) and they both have car loans, and the son-in-law has 20K in student loans.

This is not "a lot of debt." In fact, if there ever was a time to make a move, it sounds like they're in the perfect place to do it.

 

[Aerides]

No, they won't make much on the house (maybe clear 10K) and they both have car loans, and the son-in-law has 20K in student loans.

They are, then, quite healthy financially compared to their peers. Had you said they had $20k in credit cards on top of that, then sure, a lot of debt. But car loans - that's everyone, and student loans... almost everyone under 35.

Is there anything in their behavior and conversations that makes you think they would target YOU for a bail out? Like have they said, even joking "hey if it doesn't work out you have that basement right?" - if not, no worries here.

In fact if I may, they are moving...away. That is a sign of independence, not a sign of desire for your help. It's not like they are selling and moving to be closer.

 

[pb4uski]

This is not "a lot of debt." In fact, if there ever was a time to make a move, it sounds like they're in the perfect place to do it.

I dunno about that. Unless they are in professions where they can find employment quickly, where will the money to make car loan payments and student debt payments come from? It is easy to see a scenario where they default on the loans, their credit gets trashed and they are scarred for a long time.

If it comes down to a choice of defaulting on the loans and getting their credit trashed or crawling to Mom & Dad for a "temporary" loan to "tide them over", what will they decide? It becomes a real slippery slope for the OP.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I don’t say anything when I think my kids are making dumb decisions but will also not help financially. I did when they were younger but not anymore. We are semi retired and they have to live with what they choose. I would let them know that you cannot help financially.

 

[DFDubb]

I dunno about that. Unless they are in professions where they can find employment quickly, where will the money to make car loan payments and student debt payments come from? It is easy to see a scenario where they default on the loans, their credit gets trashed and they are scarred for a long time.

If it comes down to a choice of defaulting on the loans and getting their credit trashed or crawling to Mom & Dad for a "temporary" loan to "tide them over", what will they decide? It becomes a real slippery slope for the OP.

We don't have enough of their financial details to make anything but wild ass guesses, but car loans and student loans are no big sweat, most young adults have them. If you haven't noticed, this is the hottest job market in decades, I'm betting it works out fine.

 

[Franklin]

Good comments all around. IMO you should share your thoughts (pro or con) but let them make their own decision. Once they decide you must support them mentally 100% and make it clear there is a limit to your financial support. I went thru a similar experience with my son and his wife and assisted financially in a relocation until they got jobs. It took much longer than we all had hoped and placed a lot of financial stress on both kids and parents. But we got thru it. Since they were relocating for the right reasons (too expensive in Southern California) and seeking new jobs I was supportive of their move.

 

[joeea]

I work with 3 late 20's guys. They are waaaaay smarter than I am or ever will be...yet their work ethic sucks. They'll wait till the last second to do something...or if they cant do something from their desk they wont do it. I run circles around them...me and these 2 other 50something guys...they also have a great work ethic.

Ever hear the expression "youth is wasted on the young." This hits the nail on the head when it comes to them. They spend almost all of their time playing video games. If they arent in front of a computer its rare.

Kids!
You can talk and talk till your face is blue
Kids!
But they still do just what they want to do
Why can't they be like we were
Perfect in every way?
What's the matter with kids today?

 

[frances]

One Word when they ask for money: NO.

 

[Circles]

When your young is the time to make those mistakes if they turn out to be mistakes. I made plenty myself and did fine without assistance from anyone. I am curious, what makes you think they may be asking you for assistance? If they haven't mentioned that possibility I would not offend them by bringing it up. Wish them luck, give them a hug and a kiss and hope for the best.

 

[HMMY]

My parents thought I was crazy when I quit a great paying job to move to NYC, where I had friends but no job. I quit with no savings, student loans and a car loan. I took cash advances on my credit card for moving expenses and to pay the deposit on my apartment. It took me 4 weeks to find a job. I took a significant pay cut, but I was where I wanted to be.

If your kids have been independent thus far, there's no reason to think anything will change. Wish them luck and go visit them when they get settled.

 

[morriss003]

You cannot tell adult married children what they can and cannot do. (Did your parents run your life once you were married?)

But you can make it clear that you will not be in a position to help them out financially.

Sit down with them, explain your situation. Don't criticize their plans. Don't attack them personally. Don't call their choice a mistake, unless you are specifically asked for feedback. Just make it clear that the decision is theirs, but that your financial support simply isn't available.

Tell them that you love them, that you will support them emotionally, and that you wish them well. Then hope for the best.

Good advice

 

[catii]

I told the kids that we could help them in small ways until I turned 50. After that, we piled on every cent we could scrounge into our retirement accounts, & when my wife retires early next year, we'll have accumulated about $2.7 million in assets, not including our home.

Our daughter still hints about helping her out, but since she works the gig economy, we feel no need to support her, except emotionally. No problem with our sons.

 

[zippy2020]

All of those things everyone else has said, and add one - don’t let them store their stuff in your garage

LOL! I LOVE that!

 

[Newventurer]

I was reminded of this topic when I saw this post today:

https://nypost.com/2018/07/25/mille..._medium=referral&utm_campaign=zergnet_3136178

Really? I didn’t know where to travel after I quit my job so I consulted the Internet and it gave me suggestions based on my Zodiac sign?!?!

Now living back at home apparently

 

[indiajust]

Doesn't feel like a mistake to me. Could be a screaming success. If they are selling and leaving a high tax state like CA, pay off debts and start fresh in a growing successful state like CO? That is a hero move. Cannot count how many people I met in NH and VT .....that groan about the weather and the property taxes or whatever. But they stay because they are "from" there. Even met someone who is allergic to seafood and hates the smell of ocean, water... lives in Gloucester, MA on the water.


The heck with bloom where you are planted. I'm fauna, not flora. I prefer to plant myself where I best bloom. Perhaps they are of a similar mind.

 

[Chuckanut]

I was reminded of this topic when I saw this post today:

https://nypost.com/2018/07/25/mille..._medium=referral&utm_campaign=zergnet_3136178

Sitting at work, he says, he saw his whole life flash before his eyes: 50-hour work weeks with a measly 10 days of vacation every year — and he didn’t like it one bit.

And, he adds, “I was the top sales guy for three years before I left. I did the Michael Jordan thing — I went out on top.

Interesting article. One has to wonder..... if their employers had granted them a more 'normal' (for the rest of the 1st world) four weeks vacation a year, they might have kept a valuable employee.

 

[Souschef]

It is also about parental perceptions. My dad worked for the same company for 40 years. When I quit my steady job to become a Field Engineer and travel the world, they thought I was nuts. But I was young and single, so why not?

When I finally returned home, They had a map of the world on the wall to keep track of me.