My parents never talked about money, but through their actions I saw them take care of it. I can remember them going through the bills together, talking about putting away money for future things, etc. Whenever we got something "major" it always correlated with my mother doing some part time work, to either pay it off or to keep being able to save.
Both were tough (but pleasant) negotiators who were willing to walk away from something if they thought it was too expensive. I remember as a kid going with my Dad when he bought a car (which he only did every 10 years), and we would spend the weekend going to 6-10 dealerships until he found what we wanted at the right price. My mom would do the same at farmers markets.
I never knew how much their income was until I was applying for college financial aid, and i was shocked at how low it was. We were not much above the income poverty level but never felt poor as a kid (I never felt ashamed of wearing hand me downs or only getting one present for Christmas).My starting salary with Megacorp was more than what my dad made at the time. My thought was "if Mom and Dad are making less than me, a house, are raising 7 kids, and never needed government aid, I have got no excuses to screw up financially". That attitude was pervasive through all our my siblings.
The only time my parents ever asked me to help out was a year when 4 of my siblings were in college or graduate school, and they wanted to minimize the loans that would be needed. I happily paid my younger brothers college expenses that year. He has always been grateful for that (he became a doctor, so it was a wise investment
).
My siblings and I do not talk much about money in terms of what we are making. We do talk in terms of LBYM activities, or the occasional splurge (like having a banquet for our mothers 85th birthday) or shared expense (hiring a home aid for our mother) to figure out what we can contribute. Sometimes we have decided to share an expense evenly, sometimes we have decided that folks should pay what they are able to, depending on their situation.
The last big monetary discussion we had was over the proceeds of the sale of our parents house. Our parents had said that if we ever sold it they wanted the daughters to get a high share of the proceeds than the sons. My dad felt that, they way the world was, his daughters might need more monetary support in the long run. We ended up getting a LOT more that we thought, and my sisters actually felt a little uncomfortable with their share, but my brothers and I had no problem with it - this is what our parents wanted, so honor their memory. Our biggest "argument" was over whether one sister who did by far and away the yeomans work of caring for both our dad and mom through their old age and illnesses should get something extra from the proceeds - she was arguing against it, we were arguing for it. Those are good types of family arguments to have.
