single people - how long would it take someone to notice you missing?

[CaptTom]

...i found her...alive...sprawled on the floor. she either fell or passed out. medics were called. she spent 2-3 weeks in the hospital, another 4-5 weeks in rehab and then the next 10-yrs in assisted living. she died a few months before she would've turned 99.

the takeaway? the 'i've-fallen-and-i-can't-get-up' devices are an absolute must for persons living alone. MIL was stubborn and refused to move closer to us. but for the neighbor her ending would've come a lot sooner.

Very similar story about my grandmother-in-law. She was "only" on the floor for 24 hours or so, but the damage was done. She couldn't live alone after that. Didn't survive much longer. Before that incident, she was pretty tough. Fought off a mugger who was after her purse, in her 90s.

Bottom line, checking in every few days just doesn't cut it. Once a day might not even be enough. I know some folks don't like the monitors, but be creative. There's a lot of technology out there. Cameras, power monitoring smart plugs, PIR (Person In Room) motion detectors, bed occupancy sensors, even toilet seat sensors. Be creative!

I'm not personally into the "smart" speakers, but that's another possibility if you're not technically inclined enough to do home automation stuff.

 

[athena53]

Useful thread. Yesterday I showed BF, who lives a bit over an hour away, where I've hidden a key on the premises. If a day goes by when he hasn't heard from me he can call the local PD for a welfare check and tell them where the key is so they don't have to break down the door.

I like the idea of in-room motion detectors, though. Maybe one in the bedroom and one in the kitchen where I spend a lot of time parked with my computer. If there were some sort of "exception monitoring" (Mom hasn't been in the kitchen all morning, Mom didn't pass through the bedroom last evening) that could be sent to DS and DDIL, and turned off when I'm traveling that would be perfect.

 

[YakGrl]

My mother is in an Independent Living apartment. She has a button to wear on her wrist or around her neck but she refuses to always wear it.
There is a motion detector in the corner of her bedroom ceiling that takes in the door to the bathroom.
The office checks the motion detector report every morning and if there is no motion detected recently they call the room and if no answer send someone to check.
I inform the office if she will be away in hospital or at my house overnight so they know the lack of motion isn't a problem.

 

[ivinsfan]

Useful thread. Yesterday I showed BF, who lives a bit over an hour away, where I've hidden a key on the premises. If a day goes by when he hasn't heard from me he can call the local PD for a welfare check and tell them where the key is so they don't have to break down the door.

I like the idea of in-room motion detectors, though. Maybe one in the bedroom and one in the kitchen where I spend a lot of time parked with my computer. If there were some sort of "exception monitoring" (Mom hasn't been in the kitchen all morning, Mom didn't pass through the bedroom last evening) that could be sent to DS and DDIL, and turned off when I'm traveling that would be perfect.

How about the door to the bathroom instead of in the bedroom! I guess it all depends on where your data ends up going. Found out that the auto downloads my DH's pacemaker does every 3 months, can pickup some "interesting" heart rate activity. ....but the pacer nurse said "that's perfectly normal"...

 

[Boose]

Also key to the story was she always had her mail held at the post office, so no neighborhood carrier would have noticed something amiss. Still, down at the office you would think someone would have wondered what was up as they had to get bigger and bigger totes for her held mail.

I feel like a number of people in this story (employer, police, post office) should have been more curious!

I briefly had an alcoholic colleague whom we all knew was in an abusive relationship. He would miss work, not call in, and our very non-confrontational boss would shrug and say that he must be on a bender. I called his house once because I was concerned for his safety! No reply, but I felt I had at least done something. He returned the next day looking ill and sheepish.

 

[CaptTom]

If there were some sort of "exception monitoring" (Mom hasn't been in the kitchen all morning, Mom didn't pass through the bedroom last evening) that could be sent to DS and DDIL, and turned off when I'm traveling that would be perfect.

This is exactly what some "smart home" solutions allow you to do. The problem is, things like OpenHAB and Home Assistant (two free, open-source solutions) require a certain level of tinkering ability to set up. I'm not sure any of the "canned" home automation solutions do this out of the box.

You could probably do it with an off-the-shelf system which supported "IFTTT" (If This Then That.)

There are security camera systems which can send a text or e-mail whenever they detect movement. That would require the recipient to notice that they haven't gotten a report in a while, but it would be easy to set up, anyway.

Hmmm. Seems like there's a market for a plug-and-play appliance to do this.

 

[Car-Guy]

My dad passed away few years ago "and was living by himself". We live about 3 hours away... Some years earlier, he had told me that he had given my phone number to the next door neighbor, just in case there was some sort of emergency... Sure enough, I got a call one evening from the neighbor that "he" had not taken out his trash that day and he wasn't answering the door when they knocked. I made the normal 3 hour drive in under 2 hours....

The ME estimated that he had passed away 12 to 18 hours earlier.

 

[Murph]

Whoa! Good question! I think about this constantly!

How long does it take for decomposition to stink up a neighborhood?

 

[plex]

Probably less than a week while working, that's over pretty soon, but after that, it could be as long as a month. Probably in my 50's, and definitely if I was 60+ I would have a smartwatch/fitness tracker on with a good medical alert function, I would make sure it also had fall detection and some other features if 70+. Mostly just to avoid the horror situation of being too disabled but still conscious.

 

[Koolau]

I'm not too concerned about eventually dying at home alone - and not being found for a while. It would be gross for whoever found me later, but would make no difference to me. I'm much more concerned about being suddenly disabled (a fall or illness) which would prevent my call for help. I fear being in excruciating pain and not being able to communicate. The eventual death would be a blessing. YMMV

 

[Bagabonz]

Last June while recuperating from a blood clot in my leg I acted on my interest in ham radio. Joined the local radio club who is primarily older than I am at 64 and started checking into their daily social distancing nets. I now have a general ham license and have met many people who check on each other all the time and are just a button push away.

 

[bclover]

I am single but I have sons, lol they still come home to do their laundry so it wouldn't take them long.
Seriously though, I'm pretty much in constant contact with my sorority sisters, like daily "hi' texts
after two days of silence someone would call someone else.

 

[escape]

Trust

I have a friend who i talk to almost every day who would be alarmed if i didn't call back within a day.

you can set up a trust for your pets - i'm in the midst of doing it. the trust will be a beneficiary of my main financial account. I did have to consult a lawyer.

good luck!

 

[Red Rover]

I get the newspaper delivered every day not because I'm interested in the news but so if something happens someone will hopefully investigate after a couple of days and check on my cat. Also, I have an Alexa in various rooms in my home so that if I fall or something I can call someone and let them know.

 

[Vinnyfrombrooklyn]

I have two elderly neighbors that send each other a Good Morning text. If one doesn't respond they go knock on each others door.

 

[gayl]

I'm single but have 2 adult kids living in the same town. It might take a day or so

 

[Elliotgb183]

Single

I’m all alone with maybe one friend who calls occasionally. No family in state.

I use an app called Snug. It lets you list emergency contacts and prompts you to check in every day. If you don’t check in within a certain time limit, your contacts are called to take action.

 

[slowsaver]

I hope to move into a CCRC after my husband dies. He's 10 years older than me, so I am expecting to live longer than him (and be quite lonely).

Someone said to make younger friends. It really isn't that easy to do. My MIL is an active member of a senior center in Los Angeles over the last 12 years. She says the "younger" seniors keep an eye out for eachother, but she also noticed a pattern that when members get REALLY old (80-90), people start pulling away and avoiding them when they start to get sick and frail. She thinks it's because seniors get too depressed seeing other people in decline, knowing that's their future too. It's sad.

 

[timo2]

I'm much more concerned about being suddenly disabled (a fall or illness) which would prevent my call for help. I fear being in excruciating pain and not being able to communicate.

That's what happened to my MIL. She had some diabetic and knee issues and was stuck on her toilet for at least 8 hours. She was mostly conscious, but couldn't move. It could have ended poorly. But a younger neighbor man finally checked on her and called 911. It was of her own making, sort of. She put her husband in an assisted living because she was tired of him, and she should have gone also, but wouldn't. The reason the neighbor checked on her was she was often falling down and calling the FD to help her get up. Which she didn't tell any of her children about.

 

[imnontrad]

Single, retired and no pets to make noise. I imagine that a friend would notice that I had not chatted with her online for a while and would be concerned. But unless she raised an alarm, I imagine I would be a corpse in my home for quite a while before anyone decided to check.

 

[Tetto]

My MIL who lives with us, fell and broke her femur severely and laid prone on the floor for 6 hours last Thursday until I came home. She has a life alert, never wears it and wishes she had it on last week. She had emergency surgery on the break- PIM and screws saved the day. Her guardian angel was watching over her when she fell- she didn’t do any hip damage.

 

[Joyjoy757]

Im like her. And I feel that nobody would miss me anyway.

 

[timo2]

My own 90+ YO mother was bitten by a tick in the MO ozarks, and was found passed out nearly dead by a women who noticed she had not attended daily mass that day and came to check on her. She still almost died because the staff at her little Ozark hospital didn't consider deadly tick bites as a cause for at least a day or two. But she still is alive at 96! and living alone, because she won't leave the cats. But she does have people checking on her. But she will not wear the emergency medallion thing we purchased for her, which is a concern.

 

[Tetto]

Im like her. And I feel that nobody would miss me anyway.

That’s very sad- I’m sure someone would miss you tremendously.

 

[meleana]

My brother and I called my mom daily. One day my brother called me and said my mom didn’t answer the phone. We both lived over an hour away, but my husband worked in the same county she lived in so after work he drove down to her home.

Sure enough she had fallen and couldn’t get up. She thankfully did not hurt herself badly.

She had dementia and terminal cancer. My brother had been paying for an aide to come to her home for a few hours per day up until then, but it was her day off.

Also, the same day my mom’s hairdresser (who would come to the house to do her hair) had also called her and received no answer, so she also stopped at my mom’s home after her job while my husband was there because she was concerned.

Anyway, after that I got her into an assisted living facility where she could receive hospice care and 24 hour supervision. She passed 3 months later.

We retired and moved to a 55+ like community that is small enough that we know a lot of people and have made friends. Our only child lives a half hour away and works about 15 minutes away.

We are in our 60’s but once we get a bit older we will have a conversation with our son ( he’s single and 33).

Also, Alexa can make emergency calls for us via voice.