Acquaintances and Friends Dying Too Young

[jollystomper]

I do look more at the obits these, primarily since we also sadly have family, friends, school classmates, acquaintances, and parents of friends passing away at a faster rate, and it is still the easiest way to get services information.

What I tend to notice, as I see other obituaries, the ones of those born in my birth year very close to my birth date. I have come across a few with my exact birth date and year. That does give one pause. Back in the late 80s I met the director of a choir my youngest sister sang in at her college, and we found we were "twins". Just 3 years later he died. It was the first time seeing a funeral program with my birth date and was shocking at the time. Recently I came across the obituary of a woman also born on the same day and year. She graduated from a college in the same town as the college I graduated from, in the same year. I had gone to parties several times at that college, and students from that college would come to parties on our campus, so I could not help but wonder if our paths may have briefly crossed. She was very attractive, and based on the picture section of that obit she kept that beauty to her passing.

 

[Ian S]

I recently learned that a guy I was in a relationship with two decades ago passed away in his early 50's. Drank himself to death. Sadly, by the time he died, he had alienated pretty much every friend he had even his last surviving family member. His one remaining friend let me know. AFAIAA, there is no will and little in the way of assets but a house (mortgaged). If the only family member can't be found, who deals with the estate such as it is?

 

[flyingaway]

We had a colleague died in March at 53. He was actually teaching a few courses this semester and students were waiting for their midterm grades. The obituary says that he died of natural cause. (I don't believe it).

 

[EastWest Gal]

When I joined Facebook back in early 2010, I started looking up friends from my old high school/college group. We were a close knit group for years, involved in music and theater. We lost track of many when we moved away from California. One had moved away much earlier and we had visited him when I went to a medical conference in D.C. many years before. I found his Facebook page and his last post was about a cancer returning. I sought out his name and found his obituary. He had died a month before. He was 52 years old. Another couple of people died a few years back, but had been ill before then. They were in their late 50s. One was my first boyfriend in high school, and someone we had kept up some acquaintance with.

I feel sad thinking of them. The world lost a couple of very creative people, too soon.

 

[Koolau]

What I tend to notice, as I see other obituaries, the ones of those born in my birth year very close to my birth date. I have come across a few with my exact birth date and year. That does give one pause.

I never thought my name was particularly common, but, years ago, I saw an obit in the paper with my exact name! Different age. I guess I would have been more surprised but once, when going to my local medical clinic, I told them my name at reception and they asked me "Which one? We have three of you!" Small world - and getting smaller every few years, heh, heh.

 

[street]

What I tend to notice, as I see other obituaries, the ones of those born in my birth year very close to my birth date. I have come across a few with my exact birth date and year.

I forgot about it until you mentioned it, but not that long ago someone I knew had the same birth day but not the year.

 

[street]

Some of the deaths of people I know have had accidents to cause their death not health issues. Just in the last months, one was hit by a train and one died skiing. Both very wealthy/successful business men. You just never know.

 

[bloom2708]

Hint: It's the food.

 

[Music Lover]

I worked in a fairly large govt office, so unfortunately just from regular mortality rates co-workers and their spouses and occasionally their children dying was a regular occurrence. Common enough that they had a spot in the lobby to post obituaries of employees that had passed on. I lost track of how many people younger than me had died.

 

[skyking1]

I recently learned that a guy I was in a relationship with two decades ago passed away in his early 50's. Drank himself to death. Sadly, by the time he died, he had alienated pretty much every friend he had even his last surviving family member. His one remaining friend let me know. AFAIAA, there is no will and little in the way of assets but a house (mortgaged). If the only family member can't be found, who deals with the estate such as it is?

I don't know, Ian. it is a sad ending, the self imposed isolation. One of my uncles, a dear sweet man, ruined his liver that way.

 

[fancy free]

Sort of downer subject, but good to think about as it motivates us to prepare (getting things in order, getting rid of stuff, doing it NOW and remembering what's important - such as family.)

Very much agree with this. Good friend, a very young and active 70-year-old who seemed bursting with good health, passed away a swift 2 months after a surprise cancer diagnosis.

As she was 20 years older than me, I always used her as a comforting yardstick - "Why, in 20 years I'll still be young, fit, active, and enjoying life like Friend!"

Now that I've lost my good friend and my self-comforting "I'll still be going strong in 20 years," I know I have to stay focused on enjoying now because that's all any of us are guaranteed.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I have had a number of folks I served with in the AF die of cancer in the last few years. It is pretty disconcerting since most were in their late 40's to mid 50's.

My Dad used to spend a few minutes everyday checking the obits from his hometown and as he logged on, he would say, "Well...let's see if I am dead yet!" He had a folder with printouts of those that he knew. When he passed at almost 91 years of age, that folder was pretty damn thick. I still have that folder and Dad's obit is the last one printed out and filed in it.

 

[LRDave]

My almost 97 YO father points out that he has no friends left of his generation. This is a sobering thought for him.

 

[Souschef]

My almost 97 YO father points out that he has no friends left of his generation. This is a sobering thought for him.

When my MIL died at 89, we looked at her personal phone book. Every name in the book was crossed out

 

[braumeister]

I maintain membership in an alumni association and they send out a notice when a member dies. It can be a bit depressing at times but it is of course inevitable.

I also notice in some cases that they will publish a list of those they have completely lost track of, and ask if anyone knows where they are. Mainly for fundraising purposes I suppose, but I've sometimes gone searching online for those I knew personally, with no luck. Strange how people can just completely disappear like that. Probably dead, but no record of that either.

 

[ProspectiveBum]

We had a colleague died in March at 53. He was actually teaching a few courses this semester and students were waiting for their midterm grades. The obituary says that he died of natural cause. (I don't believe it).

Natural causes just means that it was something internal in his body (heart attack, aneurism, stroke, etc.), rather than an accident or homicide.

 

[foxfirev5]

Natural causes just means that it was something internal in his body (heart attack, aneurism, stroke, etc.), rather than an accident or homicide.

Rode hard and put away wet. I'm hopeful that will be my final analysis.

 

[Ally]

I’ve known so many who have died this year not just from Covid. It’s getting to where I’m feeling insanely lucky to be 70 and active. One of my closest friends and college roommate died this year from MS. My other closest friend from childhood told me her 42 year old daughter died from leukemia recently. Others younger than me died from cancer and heart disease. I can name 10 plus friend who died from Covid.

 

[old medic]

Just got word that a friend passed yesterday from throat cancer at only 56...

 

[audreyh1]

My BIL died this last Easter Sunday after we had an hour long phone call together the day before. He was 75 and one of my best friends. Kidney failure.

Two close friends in Connecticut died within a month of each other in 2019 just after I was visiting them on a week long trip. One had a bad stroke, the other had pancreatic cancer and didn't know it until it was too late.

So sorry for your loss!!

 

[street]

Yes sorry for your losses also. Looked today at the obits there were 5 souls, and all under 60 years of age one was 19. I might have served on a board with the 19 year old father but didn't have a full obit yet. I couldn't remember his children's names.

 

[ncbill]

Lucky I guess, though don't keep up with high school classmates...only one friend from undergraduate who died (suicide over a decade ago) plus one from my graduate program (traffic accident just a few weeks after graduation)

 

[aja8888]

So sorry for your loss!!

Yes sorry for your losses also. Looked today at the obits there were 5 souls, and all under 60 years of age one was 19. I might have served on a board with the 19 year old father but didn't have a full obit yet. I couldn't remember his children's names.

Thanks, my BIL was a great guy and just fun to be around as he always had a positive attitude.

 

[cyber888]

A new neighbor just bought a house near us. The real estate sign said ‘sold’ and we saw a moving truck. DH and I wonder why we never see the new neighbor. Then, we talked to another neighbor who lived just across the street from the newly sold house, and he said - After 3 days of moving into their new house, the husband died of a heart attack. Now, the woman lives their alone, and might just sell the house again and go back to Queens. The guy was early 60s. They came here to retire, and he died of a heart attack. It was a shocker.

 

[Koolau]

Former upstairs neighbors became fairly close over a few years. She was very sweet and he was multitalented (from fix-it capabilities to playing percussion in the church band.) They are a year older than we are. SO, they moved to FL 3 years ago (yeah, I know - actually it was to be closer to their kids.) They built a place in a mostly retirement community. They built a life, participated in community activities, he played tennis every day, play in the church band, etc. Then he had a fall. It caused a brain bleed and he was gone in 2 months. She was devastated but fortunately, her neighbor-friends and the kids have rallied round her. Just like that - the most active, alive 74 year old I knew is GONE. YMMV