Christmas with family

[Badger]

We had planned on having my wife's daughter and her family (spouse and 2 grown children) over for Christmas dinner since they are only an hour away. To address everyone's favorite main course I was planning on preparing fresh salmon and prime rib. We just found out yesterday that only the daughter has been vaccinated. We are in our 70s and have been very careful for the past 2 years with completing vaccinations including booster, mask wearing any time we indoors, distancing, and limit going out to grocery stores and doctor appointments.
Now it looks like Christmas dinner will be cancelled. There is not enough time for them to get completely vaccinated although if they haven't done it by now I doubt they want to for what ever their reasons are. Even if they test negative I don't know which test would have been used since some are not as accurate and if there would be a false negative.

I feel sad for my wife who was looking forward to a nice holiday dinner with them.

Her son,who is vaccinated but lives over 1k miles away and can't come, lives with a lady who was not vaccinated and now has Covid. Just more sad news.

This has not tuned out to be much of a happy celebration time for her and that makes me sad too.
Nothing can be done but I just needed to unload somewhere.


Cheers1

 

[frayne]

Sorry to hear that Badger and your story seems to be a familiar one this holiday season. Maybe next year things will be different but I'm not too hopeful.

 

[ivinsfan]

Badger do you not communicate much that you just found out about their vac status? How did the conversation about their vax status go was it uncomfortable?



This is a intensely personal decision for you and your spouse. Indications are that one dose of either P or M provides substantial protection, one dose of vaccine now plus a test would give me a lot of peace of mind. But every person has a different comfort level and that needs to come first.



I'm sad for you and your DW too, and I hope you can make the Holidays special for both of you. Is it possible for you to have a pre or post Christmas brunch or something with only your spouse's DD.

 

[pacergal]

So sorry to hear that, Badger.
Almost everyone in our extended family is vaccinated, but one sibling is still to uncomfortable with large gatherings so our big get-together is cancelled again this year.
Our kids and grands are all vaxxed now, except for the 2 year old-Yeah!, so we will have small immediate family only celebration.
This can be a difficult subject for families to discuss.

 

[ivinsfan]

pacegal this is another problem if you have one of four sibs not wanting to gather, why can't the other 3 gather? We almost had this issue with DH's sib of 8 total sibs and spouses.. 6 were vaxxed and boosted and the other two were not planning to do it. Well the two both got a pretty stiff case of Covid, so that problem was solved.


Every situation is just a mine field. It sure can take the "Happy" out of the holidays.

 

[pacergal]

pacegal this is another problem if you have one of four sibs not wanting to gather, why can't the other 3 gather? We almost had this issue with DH's sib of 8 total sibs and spouses.. 6 were vaxxed and boosted and the other two were not planning to do it. Well the two both got a pretty stiff case of Covid, so that problem was solved.


Every situation is just a mine field. It sure can take the "Happy" out of the holidays.

well, the uncomfortable sib is oldest, ("sister Mom" growing up!) And hurt feelings if some do things without the others. Remember, these are the siblings who have lunch every month and a vacation together almost every year--close family ties, gotta love em. But it's how we were raised, and I do find it very enjoyable and comforting to have such a close family.

 

[ivinsfan]

well, the uncomfortable sib is oldest, ("sister Mom" growing up!) And hurt feelings if some do things without the others. Remember, these are the siblings who have lunch every month and a vacation together almost every year--close family ties, gotta love em. But it's how we were raised, and I do find it very enjoyable and comforting to have such a close family.

It's hard because no one is right or wrong.. I'm sure I'm not the only one hoping that the 21 holidays are the last ones wrecked by Covid.

 

[brett]

We were invited to a family wedding last month.

We reluctantly decided not to attend because a fair number of the guests were not vaccinated.

As it turns out, we were not alone. A fair number of those invited made the same decision.

It simply was not worth the risk to us. We decided to heed the advice of our local health authorities.

Bottom line is that you need to do what is right for you. There will be other gatherings in the future post covid.

 

[Badger]

Badger do you not communicate much that you just found out about their vac status? How did the conversation about their vax status go was it uncomfortable?

This is a intensely personal decision for you and your spouse. Indications are that one dose of either P or M provides substantial protection, one dose of vaccine now plus a test would give me a lot of peace of mind. But every person has a different comfort level and that needs to come first.

I'm sad for you and your DW too, and I hope you can make the Holidays special for both of you. Is it possible for you to have a pre or post Christmas brunch or something with only your spouse's DD.

Thanks. My wife had a short conversation with her daughter a couple of days ago after they had been talking about Christmas dinner earlier. We knew the others had not been vaccinated as of a few months ago so she asked if that had changed. Once told they had not my wife decided there was no reason to pursue that part of the conversation and just told her daughter maybe next year.
She and her daughter have had lunch a few times outdoors in the past couple of years. Maybe DD family will come over for a visit outdoors under our pergola if the weather is nice.


Cheers!

 

[gayl]

Uncomfortable but common problem. My sister won't come on Thanksgiving because my daughter, her SO, and 7 yr old aren't / won't vaccinate. Then I had to 'not invite' an old friend to 1st Night Hanukkah 3 days later because my DD, her SO, 7yr old will be here + my son's 5 & 8 yr old will only be partially vaxed. Problem is I made that decision for her ... did invite another old friend and will go to her house next week to explain. I'd rather she hear it from me than from him.

Badger, I know its only 24 hrs but can you do a Holiday Get together with those who decline the group get together?

 

[Chuckanut]

This must be most frustrating for so many people. I feel for you.

 

[qwerty3656]

If you're vaccinated does it really matter that they aren't?

 

[harllee]

If you're vaccinated does it really matter that they aren't?

Yes it does. The unvaccinated are many more times likely to catch Covid and then pass it on to vaccinated family members who are older. The reason vaccinated people are having so many breakthrough infections is that they are exposed to unvaccinated people who have Covid. I am fortunate that everyone one in my family has had 2 doses and most of us 3 doses. Being age 70 if I had someone in my family who was not vaccinated they would not be invited for the holidays.

 

[ivinsfan]

Yes it does. The unvaccinated are many more times likely to catch Covid and then pass it on to vaccinated family members who are older. The reason vaccinated people are having so many breakthrough infections is that they are exposed to unvaccinated people who have Covid. I am fortunate that everyone one in my family has had 2 doses and most of us 3 doses. Being age 70 if I had someone in my family who was not vaccinated they would not be invited for the holidays.

Good point but there is a 3rd group which have tested positive and then recovered from Covid. Many of them would be unvaxxed but not much of a risk IMO. And I guess a 4th group which is twice vaxxed but not boosted. My head is spinning!

 

[anethum]

Good point but there is a 3rd group which have tested positive and then recovered from Covid. Many of them would be unvaxxed but not much of a risk IMO. And I guess a 4th group which is twice vaxxed but not boosted. My head is spinning!

The vaccines give much better protection which lasts longer than simply having recovered from Covid. The data are clear on that. For example, data from Oklahoma which I linked to in another thread, shows there were far more reinfections than breakthrough cases per 100,000 population in that state.

Apparently people who recover from Covid and later get vaccinated have "super immunity". (I'm curious if that's true from folks who get vaccinated first, then have a breakthrough case?)

 

[ivinsfan]

I didn't offer an opinion either way just pointing out there is no one size fits all. This makes gathering for holidays a real dilemma.

 

[Badger]

Badger, I know its only 24 hrs but can you do a Holiday Get together with those who decline the group get together?

DD and her family are the only family in the area. So it is fine if she wants to come over. The others made their choices to not come over for Christmas dinner when they decided to not fully vaccinate knowing our age, health issues, concerns, and what we have been doing to stay healthy for the past 2 years. I see this as being their choice to not want to have Christmas dinner with us and not ours.

They have all been over a couple of times in the past year but we sat outside under the pergola when weather was good and we could safely distance. Indoors is quite a different matter. Sad.



Cheers!

 

[Badger]

If you're vaccinated does it really matter that they aren't?

Absolutely!
Vaccination doesn't mean a person is totally immune to contracting a Covid virus. It is possible to still get sick but would have much better chances of not dying or have one or more of the variety of health issues if exposed to Covid. It is a matter of tilting the odds in our favor. Even so I don't want to needlessly test the efficacy or see a need to poke the bear.



Cheers!

 

[youbet]

Badger,

I agree with your level of caution. I hope that in addition to being vaccinated and wearing a mask, that you're sure to wear a name brand N95 mask and not one of those near-worthless cloth or three layer masks.

They're somewhast uncomfortable and difficult to take off and on, but DW and I go with 3M brand N95 masks which I understand provide some protection for us as wearers. This as opposed to cloth or three layer masks which are primarily to constrain particulate matter from disbursing should the wearer sneeze, cough, etc.

 

[Koolau]

We had our family get-together at the end of September. Since we'll be 5000 miles away at TG and Xmas, it seemed appropriate. WE were fully vax'd and didn't even ask about anyone else's status. I feel bad for folks for which this becomes an issue.

Best to all at this holiday time. May you have good fun, good food and may you all stay safe.

 

[W2R]

Frank and I traveled so much for work before we retired, that by now we really aren't used to being home with family for holiday celebrations. It doesn't really bother us if holiday plans are abbreviated or called off.

We normally spend most of Thanksgiving and Christmas together, just the two of us. In previous years we would stop by his relatives' homes for a few minutes to briefly exchange presents. His family is used to this by now.

We don't decorate our homes, cook/eat holiday foods, or anything like that. I guess we're really lucky because we don't have any concerns about things like who's going where, who's invited by who, and so on.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Being fully vaccinated and boosted I don’t care what others do either. It doesn’t factor into my decision making. I have returned to my meetup dining group and eat out with them usually twice a week in addition to all my normal activities.

 

[FIREd]

Our "big" family gathering will go on this year after being canceled last year. Everyone is up to date on their vax.

 

[EastWest Gal]

We moved 2800 miles away from family 23 years ago. DS never experienced large family gatherings for TG and Christmas. I like making a special meal and we have done fun things together, like playing games and bowling.

I enjoyed the gatherings with my dad’s side of the family growing up. In 2018 we spent Christmas back in California visiting with cousins. It was fun.

 

[Aerides]

Our Christmas is never big, usually just 8-10. Being ex-pats, we don't have extended family (aunts, cousins, etc.). I host Christmas eve, which is basically finger foods and stocking stuffers - small gifts, white elephants, a few jokes, that sort of thing.

Last year, DH and I hosted just my sis, her dh and two kids - they'd basically been my "bubble" throughout, and the kids were tested. Our parents on a laptop zoomed in for the gift openings and it wasn't nearly as awkward as I thought it would be.

This year we'll all be together, with everyone jabbed, mostly x3. Mum gets Christmas dinner back.