How much to spend on an engagement ring?

Recently went thru buying a diamond engagement ring. My recommendations: 1. buy online, check out James Allen, and With Clarity. 2. Buy a lab grown diamond, way cheaper and no difference. 3. Research at The Diamond Pro, lots of great advice on color clarity etc. After much research, I bought a three stone pear diamond engagement ring with a 2.8 carat round diamond I color, VS1 clarity, ideal cut with 14kt gold ring from With Clarity for $8554. It appraised at over $14k. The ring looks phenomenal. Wife gets complements all the time. Jmho
 
I agree with asking her. I was glad first husband asked me; the ring we chose together was nice and within our student budget. He liked gemstones so the wedding ring I bought him sort of matched my engagement ring: his wedding ring had the same three types of gems inset flush into it: a center diamond, his birthstone on one side and mine on the other. I’m sure none of the gems were particularly high grade. We both loved our rings. I had a simple thin gold wedding band to wear with my engagement ring.

I was also glad second husband asked. We were slightly older, and I didn’t want another engagement ring. We got matching gold bands, same design. Nice carved design, not just plain.

Should there ever be a husband number three, we will go with the simplest possible gold bands assuming he’s ok with that.

I also loved the ‘placeholder’ idea of giving a ring that is obviously not the engagement ring and telling her you want to pick the real one out together. (And by together, I mean get her what she likes within your means to do so.)
 
I also loved the ‘placeholder’ idea of giving a ring that is obviously not the engagement ring and telling her you want to pick the real one out together. (And by together, I mean get her what she likes within your means to do so.)

I'm late to the party but here's my two cent's worth...

I agree with this. My sweetie proposed with a small platinum ring with 8 small but very good diamonds sitting flush in a row across the top. At that time, I wanted a flush diamond setting because I do a lot of outdoor work and I didn't want anything catching on the diamonds. This is the ring I had told my mom and grandmother that I wanted, and he bought it, knowing it was a good ring and a good value, from my grandmother, who with my mom, was in the antique business.

I also paid half the price ahead of time, because I knew what his budget was and I didn't want him to have to spend the total of what it cost. I told him about this many years later, and he loves the story!

Years and years later, at an antique show at which my mom and grandmother and I were selling, I found a nice 1 1/2 round diamond in a ring setting I didn't care for but was a good buy, so I bought it and reset the diamond onto a gold band as a solitaire. Now I wear it along with the original engagement band and with my gold wedding band.

Point being, I ended up with exactly what I wanted, and after over 30 years of marriage, I'm very happy about it. If my sweetie had bought a ring I didn't want, I'd have felt obligated to wear it because i love him, but know I would have felt regretful every time I looked at it. Having your sweetie pick her own ring knowing your budget (and like me, being able to add to it herself if she wants to) would be my advice. But then again, you know her better than we do, so you'd know if she wanted to be surprised by you with a ring or would rather pick her own.

Congratulations! I hope you let us know what happens! We love a good romance story!:)
 
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I also paid half the price ahead of time, because I knew what his budget was and I didn't want him to have to spend the total of what it cost. I told him about this many years later, and he loves the story!

In our case, DH bought the imperial topaz center stone and I bought the 2 side diamonds from Blue Nile and had it set in platinum. His budget was modest and if I'd wanted a giant center diamond I would have cheerfully paid for it.
 
In our case, DH bought the imperial topaz center stone and I bought the 2 side diamonds from Blue Nile and had it set in platinum. His budget was modest and if I'd wanted a giant center diamond I would have cheerfully paid for it.

I think that was very considerate - and very wise of you (grin!)

I like good jewelry, and I have bought a lot of it over the years, mostly from antique dealers. I love to shop and to hunt down great deals on jewelry. I don't expect - or want - my sweetie to buy me jewelry. I want to buy what I want and spend what I want, with my own money, so there is no guilt and there are no expectations.
 
I would base it on how much the ring $$$ matters to her.
we got something cheap when we got married but years later I got her a real nice diamond ring

Honestly I don't think the $ matters to her within reason. I think $20 would not be credible that I am serious. But beyond that I don't think she would care if it was $2000 or $20000. If she chooses I think it would be $2000 which is far less than I am thinking.
 
Yeah, I realize many people adore "milestone surprises" just for the fun of it, yet I also feel that if you are truly surprised, then you didn't know him as well as you thought you did.

Normally I'd agree. But she has some history with expected proposal and disappointment - not with me. As I think you started the theme...I should know her, and I do, but we have also been together for years with no real practical purpose to get married so when I ask I think it will be a true surprise.
 
Came to find out later...he'd given it to an earlier GF but she'd broken it off. And he originally picked it up at a pawn shop. Not a great way to start out.
OMG, that is so horrible! Sounds like you dodged a bullet!
 
How much should you spend? Depends, how much is she spending on you? Shocks me that in this day with equality and all that women still expect to be given a very expensive gift during a marriage proposal but give nothing in return except a commitment to get married which shouldn't require a one-sided large gift. I say propose and if she insists on a ring then find a different woman. Use the money for a nicer wedding or honeymoon or something else that you can both enjoy.

At the very least, propose without a ring and after she says yes then go shopping together. That way you aren't getting her something the price of a car that she doesn't like.
 
Go window shopping at high end jewelers with her and have her tell you which designs appeal to her. In our case we did that. Once we had narrowed down, we went through the designer's catalogue to pick out the design, and went through diamond selection. The diamonds were GIA certified, with certificate describing the size, grade, color, clarity etc. The ring which we chose also had options on the color of the surrounding small diamonds in which we chose yellow diamonds. We walked away with the design which we liked - 1.5 carat squarish solitaire with yellow surrounding diamonds. The ring took 3 months to make and was lovely when we got it. It cost about $20k. Very pretty and by choice we did not want an over the top engagement ring.
 
Talk to her long term friends or her siblings about her style aspirations if you aren't sure yet. Or just ask her what she would like...that worked well for me :)
 
How much should you spend? Depends, how much is she spending on you? Shocks me that in this day with equality and all that women still expect to be given a very expensive gift during a marriage proposal but give nothing in return except a commitment to get married which shouldn't require a one-sided large gift. I say propose and if she insists on a ring then find a different woman. .....

Is the sky also blue on your planet?
 
Husband and I picked out our rings together and I still like my ring, but over time felt uneasy about wearing a diamond ring.
Five years ago we got matching, but not identical rings tattooed on our ring fingers.

Talk about commitment!

We are both happy with the decision and because we choose a pretty simple design it still looks nice
 
According to OP, his lady-love doesn't expect an expensive ring. He, on the other hand, wants to give her one. Some men are funny that way, bless 'em.

Shocks me that in this day with equality and all that women still expect to be given a very expensive gift during a marriage proposal but give nothing in return except a commitment to get married which shouldn't require a one-sided large gift. .
 
That's a great idea and would save a ton of money.

My idiot stepson got remarried at 50 'ish and he and the new wife each had hearts with each other's names tattooed on their upper arms. Three years later....bingo! Divorce time. Oh well....
 
My idiot stepson got remarried at 50 'ish and he and the new wife each had hearts with each other's names tattooed on their upper arms. Three years later....bingo! Divorce time. Oh well....
Oops :LOL:
 
My DW said “yes” in our twenties even though I presented her a family jewel to save us both from going into debt. I look at it now and it’s teensy. Ever since then, every decade or so I buy her a considerable upgrade with cash, which she always seems over the moon about.
 
I apologize, but the mental image made me spit tea out my nose.

(Only one, I hope!)

My DW said “yes” in our twenties even though I presented her a family jewel to save us both from going into debt.
 
Paid $375. in 1974. That included the wedding band.

Still on DW's finger. As I recall, my wedding band was $20. from a catalogue store showroom. Still on my finger...though it did get re-sized once!

Poor students. Lived downtown, used our bikes and transit.

I think that these were only things we bought for the next two years that were not second or third hand. We have both been very fortunate.

The size, the cost, the value of an engagement ring is the most unimportant decision, IMHO, that any couple or groom will have to make. It is truly meaningless after a time.

I know of a few dopes who actually went into debt to buy a big ring rock from a shopping center clip joint. Hard to fathom.
 
According to OP, his lady-love doesn't expect an expensive ring. He, on the other hand, wants to give her one. Some men are funny that way, bless 'em.

If she doesn't want something big and flashy he can go for a better grade (the "Flawless" category) or even an unusual color- there are pink and canary yellow diamonds and they're beautiful and more expensive. I do remember one stretch when they were pushing "chocolate" diamonds but those were far cheaper.
 
Or...something she maybe hadn't thought of...a beautiful colored stone, such as a fine tanzanite (expensive, and looks it due to the intense blue color) or an intense pink tourmaline (not quite as expensive but still an impressive stone).

Once again, though, her preferences are all that matter.

If she simply doesn't want expensive jewelry, then maybe have her portrait painted by the best artist in the islands? That will last a lifetime and could be a source of much pleasure.

If she doesn't want something big and flashy he can go for a better grade (the "Flawless" category) or even an unusual color- there are pink and canary yellow diamonds and they're beautiful and more expensive. I do remember one stretch when they were pushing "chocolate" diamonds but those were far cheaper.
 
Or...something she maybe hadn't thought of...a beautiful colored stone, such as a fine tanzanite (expensive, and looks it due to the intense blue color) or an intense pink tourmaline (not quite as expensive but still an impressive stone).

Once again, though, her preferences are all that matter.

If she simply doesn't want expensive jewelry, then maybe have her portrait painted by the best artist in the islands? That will last a lifetime and could be a source of much pleasure.
I think the portrait idea is wonderful.
 
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