I had no clue of the overnight gambling during the birthday party today, but SIL's husband called DW and me after the party was over to fill us in. SIL was apparently eavesdropping on her husband and I during the party today to see what he would say to me. The husband's call to us tonight set into motion a whole chain of events (to be described in subsequent posts as time allows).
When SIL's husband called yesterday, he also let us know that SIL was currently out gambling (yesterday evening). We decided to call her on the pretext that our daughter just wanted to chit chat with her. No answer on her cell (busy gambling). My DW is pissed. DW calls her (and SIL's) mom, informs her that SIL is out gambling again as they were speaking and was also out all night Saturday until around 9:00 AM Sunday.
DW's dad hears this telephone conversation about the continued gambling and decides to go to the party house and tell SIL (his daughter) to stop gambling and go home. SIL complies and they both peacefully leave (from what I hear).
SIL goes home to her husband and yelling/disagreements ensue. SIL says she has lost another $2000 (which probably means $3000-4000 and this is on top of whatever she lost Sat night and into Sun morning). SIL tells her husband that they really really really need to refinance their house and suck out all the equity (they wouldn't qualify for a refi loan anyway so it is a moot point). Husband tells her to calm down, sleep on it and they can discuss it this morning.
My DW's mom (my MIL) feels betrayed in this. Her eldest daughter, formerly "the responsible one" that has helped take care of the parents, is now a gambling addict and causing serious problems in her household and others. Now MIL may be out her $12000 (~1/2 her life savings). MIL calls SIL and gives her a piece of her mind. MIL reminds SIL of how they came to America when SIL was still a young child, and how they didn't have a penny to their name. Through decades of hard work and saving a little bit here and there, they managed to buy a house (and almost pay off the whole mortgage now) and save a little bit of money. MIL told SIL that they were able to accomplish this without ever winning any money at the gambling tables. And now SIL is wasting away all of her family's money and MIL's money trying to win big at the tables (well, they technically play on the floor).
Keep in mind this is all happening on mother's day.
SIL's husband had also informed us that SIL went crazy Saturday morning and accused husband of going behind her back and telling people about her gambling and conspiring against her efforts to acquire more money by borrowing from relatives (DW and I and SIL's mom). Husband basically said "yes, what do you want me to do, lie for you and lie to your mother when she asks about what you are doing? I am not doing that". SIL's response when confronted with the challenge that she has broken a promise to her mother to stop gambling: "I don't care, she is my mother what is she going to do to me". Wow.
Apparently while SIL was out at the gambling party Sunday night, all her fellow gamblers were encouraging her to continue gambling and applying the peer pressure pretty thick. Even though she had just lost many thousands of dollars, her fellow gamblers kept telling her "oh that is nothing. We all can lose $10,000-$20,000 and it is nothing. Don't let it bother you." Wow again.
I don't think there is a whole lot left to do at this point. SIL has apparently decided that gambling is her thing and she's sticking to it ("how's that working out for ya?"). I have told her husband to keep his income to himself for now, and if he wants to keep the house, keep paying the mortgage. And put food on the table. But don't give SIL any money because it will go to gambling. Set up a separate bank account and keep your money in there (or hidden). He knows this all may not end well for his marriage, but he doesn't have a lot left to lose at this point.
Everyone in the family has come to the conclusion that SIL will have to hit rock bottom on her own. Unfortunately for MIL, she has probably lost $12000. But we all know SIL is untrustworthy and literally willing to betray her own mother to get a buck to keep gambling. But we all had to come to this conclusion in our own ways. It is just a matter of time, and a matter of luck, until SIL hits bottom. She has exhausted all of her sources of credit from family, and soon her 10% monthly interest payments will not be serviced, and then she will have exhausted her credit lines from her fellow gamblers as her credit rating with them drops off the cliff.
The only other thing I plan to do is talk to the oldest of SIL's sons at some point. He has 3 years of HS left. He has already kind of figured out that he has to help out around the house because his mother doesn't do a lot anymore. But he needs to know there probably won't be much money there to help him through college (if he chooses that path), and that getting a car and auto insurance as soon as he turns 16 may not be a reality. And that he shouldn't pressure his father too much to spend a lot on a car for him. He has already started talking about getting a summer job for his own spending money. Unfortunately he is going to have to become a man sooner rather than later.
