A relative's fear of dying (Necrophobia)

[ERhoosier]

I never met my Dad's dad, died of heart problems at 50. So did Dad's older brother. Needless to say, Pops was a little nervous when he turned 50.

But he lived to 92!

Similar heart history in my family.

Hearing about your Pops made my day

(Although I never smoked nor enjoyed martinis )

 

[Skitso999]

I would suggest that he do something that's more obviously fun, that might get him out of the house and more active. How about going to the YMCA to the typical morning coffee roundtable? I know people in my sphere love to do that, and they may not exercise in any way! Just a bunch of people getting together for a little while every day.

How about taking walks in the area. I have dozens of different routes I can take, any day I do that. I always bring my radio or CD player to listen to. Very entertaining, and 1000 times better than daytime TV!!!

Get him started on the path of these ideas by going with him several times. That'll help to "break the ice".

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

My grandmother was a smoker all his life and died of lung cancer at 97.
My mom smokes and she has had breast cancer and now there's a spot in her lung. She's 93.

Just some people...

My parents smoked until they were 57 (Mom) and 62 (Dad) years old when the price of cigarettes hit a certain price; they stopped cold turkey. Both lived many more years but COPD took them both out (at 81 and 90 years old). Mom's battle with COPD was pretty bad and she suffered for years, Dad's wasn't nearly as bad but the last couple of months weren't pleasant.

 

[2177V]

Nobody lives forever, and it must suck living in fear.
I will continue to ride my motorcycle as long as I can. Have said a lot of times I'll gladly quit when they pry my cold dead hands off the grips.

Reality is I will probably have to quit at some point for physical reasons other than being dead right there, hands still on the grips.

Meanwhile I will pull on the leathers and helmet and go ride my Ducati tomorrow just like,

On Any Sunday.

I also ride a motorcycle. I do not fear death because I was in the Army, 2nd Infantry Division and I was taught that "courage" is the tool to overcome your fear. When I ride my motorcycle, my fears completely disappear because of the exhilaration that I get riding my motorcycle means I am living life to the fullest. I also agree that living in fear must suck like heck.

 

[2177V]

I am ex-military (US Army, 2nd Infantry, 1973)

This photo is being used to train new US Army recruits on how to overcome their fear of death according to my Army buddies.

Unfortunately some people has never been in the military and do not have this type training.

You cannot cower when facing death.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I am ex-military (US Army, 2nd Infantry, 1973)

This photo is being used to train new US Army recruits on how to overcome their fear of death according to my Army buddies.

Unfortunately some people has never been in the military and do not have this type training.

You cannot cower when facing death.

View attachment 41026

It takes a lot more than a picture to "convince" young men and women to face down death. It's about 8 weeks of indoctrination.

 

[Car-Guy]

I never met my Dad's dad, died of heart problems at 50. So did Dad's older brother. Needless to say, Pops was a little nervous when he turned 50.


But he lived to 92!

OTOH, some years ago, a co-worker and I were contemplating the inevitable (hopefully well after our retirement dates) when he said that no one in his family (mother and father or their brothers and sisters) ever had any cancers or heart problems... On top of that he was an exercise freak and health food nut... The year after he retired he was diagnosed with aggressive prostate cancer... (So much for family history) On the positive side though, 10 years later, he's still alive (I think) since I still get a Christmas card from someone with his name...

 

[2177V]

It takes a lot more than a picture to "convince" young men and women to face down death. It's about 8 weeks of indoctrination.

True. But 8 weeks does not sound like US Army training. I had 12 weeks of basic training at Ft Ord, CA plus another 12 weeks of advanced individual training as a Combat Engineer (building bridges and laying and deactivating landmines) at Ft LeonardWood MO.

This is a total of 6 months before I was deployed in the 2nd Infantry Division in the Korean DMZ which was a hostile fire zone which I received combat pay. When someone at a bar would brag about his combat duty in the military, I would ask him how much combat pay did he received...in addition to his basic pay. Most of these people did not know. Soldiers who has truly been in a combat zone in Vietnam simply do not want to talk about it to civilians because it is an experience they do not want to re-visit and most civilians cannot relate to those experiences.

Facing death takes discipline, training, the right attitude, and the willingness to give up your life for your Army buddies and your country. When I face father time who will eventually come to my death bed, I will not cower.

 

[Music Lover]

As I got older, I am more careful of what I do especially when activities could potentially involve falling. (It's often slippery here in winter months with ice, etc, and I won't go for a walk when it's icy. I snowshoe though.)

I still play volleyball and roll and dive but when I'm trying to dig closer to a hitter, I raise my hands making sure I don't concuss. I never used to raise my hands but after getting hit a couple of times and hearing some friends with long term side effects, I do.

Like I said, everyone has a different comfort level, and probably in different situations.

I'm sure it's obvious but a lot of a person's comfort level in being active as they age is related to their physical strength and conditioning. I'm 59 and have worked out for most of my life. I have friends and family my age that have never worked out a single time.

Now as I approach 60 I'm seeing the benefits of working out vs not working out. I still "jog" up or down a flight of stairs, I can get in and out of my car without needing to grab anything, I even shingled my house last summer, etc. Some of those that haven't worked need a handrail to navigate stairs, need to grab the handle to get out of the car, etc. Those people will also be wary and more unstable on ice and if they fall will likely suffer greater injury due because there is less muscle to protect their bones. They will also shy away from activities that they used to do...bike riding, skating, etc.

Working out isn't a magic potion but it's always beneficial and as you age it has a greater effect on your quality of life than when you were younger.

 

[EastWest Gal]

I actually look a bit like your relative. I still wear a mask anytime I'm indoors with other people. I actually missed major family events (my niece's wedding & the huge party my brother threw) because I didn't want to be around that many people. Vax or not, there are still breakthrough infections.

But I've got a pretty good reason to be nervous. I have cancer (lymphoma). Covid hits blood cancers extra hard -- I saw a study that said mid-60's men with lymphoma have a 50% Covid fatality rate. Plus the cancer and my treatment drugs mean I have almost zero immunity, even fully vaxxed & boosted.

So it's possible your relative has something similar, something that makes him extra-cautious. But given the other death fixations, probably not.

Makes me wonder if my friends & family think *I'M* fixated ...

The CDC recommends masking when indoors. You're not nuts. I'm trying to go about my normal life, but I'm not going to restaurants indoors (which I did infrequently before Covid), or anything that is not particularly important to me. Wearing a mask is much like wearing a seatbelt-a slight inconvenience that could be life-saving.

I started going to the gym when the numbers were down, but they are surging signficantly locally, so I'm walking and trying to stay active in other ways, and I'm not going to the gym right now.

I play in concert band but do not walk around without a mask, and only unmask to play. Talking is riskier, so I minimize conversation during band when unmasked. If only others would do the same. If I had an immune system cancer as you do, I would do as you do. I'd try to find activities that are enjoyable. I went to three reunions of high school friends this year-all on Zoom. It was better than actually going in person because we actually looked at one another and shared. We are in contact more this year than we have been in decades.

 

[2177V]

As I got older, I am more careful of what I do especially when activities could potentially involve falling. (It's often slippery here in winter months with ice, etc, and I won't go for a walk when it's icy. I snowshoe though.)

I still play volleyball and roll and dive but when I'm trying to dig closer to a hitter, I raise my hands making sure I don't concuss. I never used to raise my hands but after getting hit a couple of times and hearing some friends with long term side effects, I do.

Falling is a hazard that a lot of people underestimate the danger.

Unfortunately, My Mom and my Uncle both died due to a fall when they were in their late 80's.

I suspect when you fall, you cannot put your hands up in time to break the fall when you are very old....and ultimately your head hit the ground or a hard object. Both my Mom and my Uncle also refused to use a cane which would have helped their balancing.

I do recommend people use a cane when they get in their late 70's before it is too late. You should not be stubborn or embarressed about it. A Serious fall is like a heart attack. If you survive a heart attack, you make some changes to avoid a second one. If you survive your first serious fall, you start using a cane. Unfortunately, my Mom and my Uncle did not survive their first serious fall.

In addition, my Mom fell during the night going to the bathroom. I also recommend this product below that allows you to see at night. It is a great motion sensing product to have to avoid stumbling in the dark to go to the bathroom.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002FCGI8Y/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

Falling is a hazard that a lot of people underestimate the danger.

Unfortunately, My Mom and my Uncle both died due to a fall when they were in their late 80's.

I suspect when you fall, you cannot put your hands up in time to break the fall when you are very old....and ultimately your head hit the ground or a hard object. Both my Mom and my Uncle also refused to use a cane which would have helped their balancing.

I do recommend people use a cane when they get in their late 70's before it is too late. You should not be stubborn or embarressed about it.

In addition, my Mom fell during the night going to the bathroom. I also recommend this product below that allows you to see at night. It is a
great motion sensing product to have to avoid stumbling in the dark to go to the bathroom.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002FCGI8Y/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Falls are a very, VERY bad deal and even at my relatively young age, I don't get on the roof and rarely get on a ladder.

Our neighbor broke his back trying to get some ice off some trees last year and is still in bad shape. Just yesterday, DW had a friend that fell off a patio and fractured two vertebra in his back...not sure how bad the injury is.

 

[Souschef]

+1 on that I fell from a standing position onto my butt and ended up with a compression fracture. That was at the end of May. I am still wearing a brace and will not see the neurosurgeon until January.

I am 83 and do not heal as quickly as I used to.

 

[aja8888]

Falling is a hazard that a lot of people underestimate the danger.

Unfortunately, My Mom and my Uncle both died due to a fall when they were in their late 80's.

I suspect when you fall, you cannot put your hands up in time to break the fall when you are very old....and ultimately your head hit the ground or a hard object. Both my Mom and my Uncle also refused to use a cane which would have helped their balancing.

I do recommend people use a cane when they get in their late 70's before it is too late. You should not be stubborn or embarressed about it. A Serious fall is like a heart attack. If you survive a heart attack, you make some changes to avoid a second one. If you survive your first serious fall, you start using a cane. Unfortunately, my Mom and my Uncle did not survive their first serious fall.

In addition, my Mom fell during the night going to the bathroom. I also recommend this product below that allows you to see at night. It is a great motion sensing product to have to avoid stumbling in the dark to go to the bathroom.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002FCGI8Y/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

I'm 78 and my golf game hasn't been this good in 25 years. Maybe it has to do with my walking 10,000+ steps per day and two new titanium hips. I don't need a cane or any help walking but I do not climb ladders and I am careful about being in situations where I can fall.

 

[LRDave]

The only support that I am aware of for unnatural levels of fear or phobia is either professional psychological help or Buddhist study/practice, meditation and the like.

The clinical trials at Johns Hopkins for terminal cancer patients getting a large dose of psilocybin in a safe and comfortable environment to help face their impending death has yielded impressive results.

Psychedelics are suggestible by their very nature and these patients are volunteers that want help, so not so surprising the results are very good.

 

[Time2]

I love to swim in the ocean, it has waves for fun, the salt is more buoyant and I don't worry about the sharks, the jellyfish, the urchins, the scorpion fish or the red tide.

Have 2 motorcycles, ride them often. Building another ebike.

If you do what you usually do, OK.

If you no longer do what you did before because you're afraid? Why?

Do you have any pictures or a site for your build. When my kids were maybe 14 and 16, I built a electric gokart. It was a hoot, the kids loved dong donuts with it. I actually started with a 1963 FoxKart go kart I bought for $100, removed the motor and installed a military electric motor. At take off it would draw over 250 amps at 48 volts I say over 250 amps, because that was where my meter pegged. I started with used batteries to prove the concept, then later bought Group 27 Deep cycle batteries.
After the kids left, one of my batteries shorted a cell and ruined $300+ of batteries. I decided to sell the go kart and found it was valuable to collectors. I sold it for $1200 and had people mad at me because I didn't give them a chance to offer more.

 

[Sunset]

Falling is a hazard that a lot of people underestimate the danger.
....

In addition, my Mom fell during the night going to the bathroom. I also recommend this product below that allows you to see at night. It is a great motion sensing product to have to avoid stumbling in the dark to go to the bathroom.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002FCGI8Y/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

I bought this motion sensing plug in light for the bathroom:

https://www.amazon.com/GE-Enbrighten-Ultrabrite-Bathroom-46632/dp/B07QQ8B141/

It has worked very well for 2 yrs now.

 

[bloom2708]

I'm not scared of dying. I just don't want to HELP it come sooner by food, drink, smoke, etc.

 

[fh2000]

I smoked from my early 20's until mid 30's. I was just a pack a day smoker but I really enjoyed them. Once I decided to stop, I probably quit 6 or 7 times but it never lasted more than 7 to 10 days at a time. I really wanted to quit but any stress and I'd pick up another pack.... Then one day I got the bright idea to try something different. So there were a couple of bands of cigarettes that I really didn't like. I bought a carton of them and smoked up to two packs a day...(Almost began to make me sick to smoke them) By the end of the week I couldn't stand the thought of smoking another one of that nasty brand. But I kept one pack in the house, just in case. After a few more weeks the urge to smoke wasn't so bad anymore. Over the next few months I'd get the urge occasionally but all's I had in the house was that "nasty" brand so I'd stay away... Before long the urges stopped... Almost 40 years now and I haven't had another smoke.

(Still have that last nasty pack too )

Maybe this will give a current smoker a new idea on how to quit.. (If they want to quit) Might be worth a try... Worked for me.

I also smoked about 7 years in my 20's. I am now 65. Few years back I had a lung surgery to remove a small tumor and my doctors (primary, thoracic) all prepared me for the possibility of lung cancer because of that 7 year history. It turned out to be benign, but my thoracic doctor showed me the lung pictures he took. There are many obvious black spots in my lung from smoking. I will need to take X-rays regularly to monitor.