After I'm gone instructions...

[target2019]

This is my recipe for “The Big Binder.” Its location in my office is known by immediate family. It contains a letter originall written in 2009, and has revised by me yearly. In the binder are Wills, letter with my ideas and intentions, statements, and an overview to our finances. We've learned first-hand how useful this can be to those left behind. We've also seen how devastating are consequences when you don't inform your children. A digital approach is also possible, but I know that would grow stale, and not receive the latest updates.

1. The binder is a 2" slant D-ring with 31 dividers and index. We had many of these “slots” filled, but over time some were deleted. So use a pencil on the index page!
2. Wills are included.
3. The letter of instruction is printed out and included. Updating this yearly ensures the intent and information is current.
4. There is a graphical overview so that the relationships between all accounts and sources of income can be understood quickly.
5. There are statements for all accounts, so that the account numbers are known to children when they need to know.
6. Copies of licenses and registration, and titles are included.

As time goes on and we realize how daughter will be more involved, I tailor the information for her, a little bit at a time. Computer passwords are very important to know. We've also started using a family password account (1Password) in a limited fashion.

 

[jollystomper]

We have a document we share with our kids via an online cloud storage service. We update it when we decide on something or if something changes in those plans.

For financial/sensitive information, we have "codes" in it that can only be deciphered with a couple of items that have copies on our house and in our safe deposit box. In the event of both of us passing together, each child has partial information that they need to combine and work together to access some of the financial items.

 

[gauss]

Depending on who is getting the mail, changes like those are always followed up by letter so that could reveal the deception.

There's also the opposite case. My mom and one child were never close due to the kids being made to choose sides during the divorce, decades earlier, as to who they would live with. My mom cut that child out of everything which would have been devastating if they ever learned of it because as mom was dying of cancer they reconciled.

While mom was in hospice I used my durable general POA, which granted me legal access, to assure that all accounts listed all kids in equal amounts. Some accounts had no beneficiaries. I removed my brother as a beneficiary on some accounts because he had passed 35 years earlier.

Her home was put on a "transfer on death" title a few years earlier so I couldn't do anything with that in time but because all accounts now had valid beneficiaries I never had to open the estate. My sibling to this day never knows what almost happened and they never will.

So the situation can cut both ways although I used a different method.

I am not a lawyer, but I did read the law pertaining to this in my state when I drafted POA for DM and DMIL.

Technically what you did may have been unlawful if your mother did not consent/agree to this. Legally POAs are only to be used to execute the wishes/best interests of the writer, as opposed to a substitute conservatorship.

I think this is one of the reasons that many institutions do not honor POAs (ie they can make a business decision not to, unlike a full blown conservatorship overseen by a court).

 

[Nemo2]

I have a 12-page document for DW, sorted by various categories, that covers all of our finances, bills, etc. One page is titled: In Event of My Death, and explains who to contact, URL's, phone #'s etc.

Wow.....my wife knows everything I know, (probably more), and could effect a smooth transition, (after she double bags what's left of me and drags it to the curb), without blinking an eye.

 

[JustCurious]

Depending on who is getting the mail, changes like those are always followed up by letter so that could reveal the deception.
...

So the situation can cut both ways although I used a different method.

I agree that the situation can cut both ways, and it seems like you did the right thing, but in your case was there a follow up letter? Did it reveal what you did? So why is it not the case that changes could be made in the other direction without being revealed?