Awkward situation with friends

[Mark1]

When you're looking over the menu, ask yourself the following question.

What would Robbie order?

That should even things up some. Might even get your friends to ask for separate checks.

 

[COcheesehead]

Credit card systems allow you to split the bill in any increment that you desire. Maybe next time suggest splitting the bill 60/40 or 70/30.

 

[kgtest]

I would just ask if going Dutch with the tab is okay with them. And then when the waiter comes ask for a separate check. They never know what you pay and you never know what they pay. Flip the book closed and leave it at that.

It would be awkward at first, but I would be more embarrassed about myself if I started covering unnecessary expenses.

I will say, if I ask couples friends out to dinner, I usually cover the tab the first time. The second time I just politely ask for a separate check from the server.

 

[Gumby]

I can do math in my head very quickly, and I always suggest whichever option results in me paying more and them paying less. I would never want anyone to feel that I was taking advantage of them, and I can afford it.

 

[Ronstar]

Credit card systems allow you to split the bill in any increment that you desire. Maybe next time suggest splitting the bill 60/40 or 70/30.

Or take the whole bill, subtract the rough amount of their drinks, divide by 2, then OP pays that much, OP friends pay the rest. Easy to calculate in your head.

Just present 2 cards to the waiter and tell them how much you want charged to each.

 

[Souschef]

That brought to mind a situation I had with my cousin years ago. We were to go out to dinner with them, and they invited another couple. First the lady hits me up for a donation to a cancer society, then disparages my profession.
Anyhow, we go to dinner and they order coffee and desserts., which we did not. My kind hearted cousin says split the bill, and I just tossed the amount we owed, plus tax and tip and left.

 

[COcheesehead]

Or take the whole bill, subtract the rough amount of their drinks, divide by 2, then OP pays that much, OP friends pay the rest. Easy to calculate in your head.

Just present 2 cards to the waiter and tell them how much you want charged to each.

Yep. The waiter has the ability to split the bill by dollar amounts or percentages.

 

[Luvtoride]

Or suck it up. If the friendship is that dear that you want to dine with them regularly, it's worth it. It would be to me. I wouldn't even be looking at the difference, just squinting enough to figure the tip and moving on with the conversation.

.

I agree, suck it up or stop going out with such friends.

Let me throw in one other variation of this "inequality" in dining costs. I had gastric bypass surgery 4 years ago and since then my food consumption is very limited. When my wife and I go out (by ourselves or with friends) we order ONE entree and share it (she isn't a big eater either). So regardless of whether there is alcohol drinking involved (sometimes there is) or not, we are always less than 1/2 of the food bill. We ALWAYS split the check equally when with friends. Some friends have been "uncomfortable" at first and offer to pay more or add the tip to their portion of the charge. We usually decline and just say its ok, we don't mind. We don't view this as BTD, but rather the price we pay for maintaining our social relationships.

As others have stated here, either stop going out as often with the big drinkers or suck it up. I wouldn't raise it and risk the friendship.

 

[Helen]

I can't imagine asking a non-drinker to cover the cost of my drinks when splitting the bill. I'm sorry you are in this situation.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Locally some restaurants won’t do separate checks. I always have cash to pay my bill. The only time we ever split the bill is when everyone has similar priced items to eat. I used to drink and always made sure those weren’t included if we were splitting. Now that I don’t drink I am not paying for other’s drinks. Quitting didn’t hurt my friendships and a few followed suit. If they are true friends they wouldn’t want you to be paying for their drinks.

 

[MichaelB]

I think this topic is part what to do and part how to do it. The OP has a tradition of going out to dinner with another couple and thinks how it’s paid should change because of the drinks. It’s reasonable to expect this to be awkward or even disruptive.

The other couple has the option of drinking at home or at the bar before dinner, and should really reconsider their drinking, given the circumstances, but it appears they have not.

Calculating one’s share of a bill at the end of a meal can come across as petty to some, so I like the idea of asking for separate checks. Perhaps taking the initiative by saying upfront “We’ve stopped drinking alcohol because of health concerns but don’t want to inconvenience you, so we’ll ask for separate checks”.

 

[street]

Not sure where you are located and this may vary geographically. We go out often with other couples and always ask for separate checks up front. Never had a restaurant refuse to separate checks between couples, anywhere from the local pizza joint to nicest restaurants in town.

Never have had an eating place refuse to give two tickets. Never heard of that before.

 

[ivinsfan]

Either let it go or tell this couple that due to hubby's new diet restrictions which mean no drinking that you simply don't really enjoy gathering in restaurants. Suggest continuing with switching out at each other's homes.

I'm not a drinker and when eating out with people that like drinking don't enjoy sitting watching them drink while at the same time delaying the meal. I see no way to talk about the bill issue without making it awkward.. The time to do that would have been at the first meal where you didn't drin.k

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

If they are truly friends, then bringing it up really shouldn't be an issue. If it is, then perhaps you should consider who your friends are. As to the not splitting the check, in all the years I have eaten out, I don't think I have EVER had a restaurant refuse to split a check...and NONE of the them around you do that? That's quite strange to me.

 

[ivinsfan]

If they are truly friends, then bringing it up really shouldn't be an issue. If it is, then perhaps you should consider who your friends are. As to the not splitting the check, in all the years I have eaten out, I don't think I have EVER had a restaurant refuse to split a check...and NONE of the them around you do that? That's quite strange to me.

Maybe but this is probably a case of four friends getting together having fun talking and eating more then likely the drinking couple just hasn't clocked the drinks issue. Friends are hard to come by and there's no way I'd risk awkwardness with long term friends.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

Maybe but this is probably a case of four friends getting together having fun talking and eating more then likely the drinking couple just hasn't clocked the drinks issue. Friends are hard to come by and there's no way I'd risk awkwardness with long term friends.

We have friends, albeit not "a lot" of them and there isn't a single one I couldn't broach the subject with and I would expect them to do the same. It's not even a touchy subject or would be awkward, IMHO.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

We've only had a couple of places in the last few years refuse to do separate checks. I always keep cash in my purse just in case. I usually put what we owe, plus a tip, and round up to the nearest twenty when that happens, so we are always paying our fair share, plus a little more, to not seem stingy, into the bill folder. Like if our share of the bill plus 20% tip comes to $72, I put $80 towards the check. But I don't put in half if we have not had umbrella drinks and fancy appetizers like some of our friends might order. But then we only have one relative who used to order fancy stuff and then disappear when the bill came and expect others to pay his and his partners entire share. Most of our friends are pretty conscious of not splitting the bill equally if they have ordered more drinks and extras so it has never been an issue.

 

[ivinsfan]

We have friends, albeit not "a lot" of them and there isn't a single one I couldn't broach the subject with and I would expect them to do the same. It's not even a touchy subject or would be awkward, IMHO.

So for the OP how would you bring up the subject? Very possible the drinking couple will feel embarrassed and awkward. Would you wait until the next time you go out to eat? Bring it up out of the blue? Obviously the OP is feeling awkward.



If I was going to bring it up...I would probably wait until we're actually at the restaurant and when seated I might say, well it looks like our non drinking life is permanent, are you guys ok with us just getting separate checks?

 

[ivinsfan]

Or take the whole bill, subtract the rough amount of their drinks, divide by 2, then OP pays that much, OP friends pay the rest. Easy to calculate in your head.

Just present 2 cards to the waiter and tell them how much you want charged to each.

It's way less awkward to ask for separate checks, what if the non drinking couple has an extra app or a more expensive meal.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

So for the OP how would you bring up the subject? Very possible the drinking couple will feel embarrassed and awkward. Would you wait until the next time you go out to eat? Bring it up out of the blue? Obviously the OP is feeling awkward.



If I was going to bring it up...I would probably wait until we're actually at the restaurant and when seated I might say, well it looks like our non drinking life is permanent, are you guys ok with us just getting separate checks?

I think your suggestion is pretty good. I tend to be pretty blunt and my friends know this. Perhaps that is why there aren't too many of 'em, but that's OK...I know every single one of them would help me bury a body if I needed to.

 

[easysurfer]

I always feel awkward in these situations.

Let's say someone orders and appetizer. When the appetizer arrives the people who ordered says "What to try some"? If I decline, don't want to appear rude. If I try but wanted separate checks, does it mean now because trying out, does it mean I should pay for 1/2 of the appetizer?

As for the OP, I can think of two ways to approach.

1) have a general idea of how much the bill arrives, then put down in cash "Here's our portion". This way if the other friends so no, the topic of they had drinks and you didn't comes up.

2) a trick I learned when I used to w*rk and there were those who drank and those who didn't. Order a carry out during the meal. This way, if the friends say you should pony split the bill 50-50, including their drinks, well then the other friends should also split your carry out too.

Good luck!

 

[youbet]

OTOH, my experience has been that people who like to drink a lot of alcohol (four drinks with dinner qualifies as a lot, to me - after two and a half, I'd be in the bathroom throwing up) generally don't keep company with non-drinkers. It may be more than the friendship is worth, to call attention to the situation.

I thought OP said their friends had 3 - 4 drinks between them and not 3 - 4 drinks each. That might be a cocktail during a 15 - 20 minute chat session before dinner and perhaps a glass of wine or a beer during dinner each. If you don't drink, of course that's a lot. But for us heavy imbibers,a cocktail before dinner and later a glass of wine with dinner doesn't seem excessive.

But I do like the idea of separate checks. Whether it's an extra glass of a pricey wine or an expensive appetizer or dessert, it can be tacky to push half the cost onto your table-mates. I don't feel comfortable ordering some items if I'm shoving half the cost onto the more frugal diners.

Go separate checks and each couple can be comfortable ordering what they want without concern. Save the combined check for when you're picking up the tab for a birthday or other special event.

 

[RetireAge50]

Them: “Let’s just split the check”
You: “Ok cool. Just split off the alcohol first.”
Them: “Cool, makes sense to me.”

 

[pb4uski]

I would just ask for separate checks. Perhaps the first time you can order something real expensive and use that as a guise but it then sets the standard.

Separate checks is very common in our area. It is easier because by default everyone is paying their fair share so if I'm in the mood for king crab then I don't have to feel guilty about ordering what I want.

 

[pacergal]

Scuba--
"tactful" or not, being honest is the best way to go if this really bothers you. Next time the planning for a dinner out comes up, addressing the issue head on may be the simplest. You can word it the way that is best for you, many good examples in posters answers above.
If they are good friends, they will understand. If not, well there is your answer regarding your "friendship".

I can not understand why restaurants in your area do not do separate checks! I have never dined on one that refused that request. If they did, I would not eat there again.
If they truly will not do separate checks, then you either need to have the conversation, or decide what is this couples friendship worth to you.

I prefer honesty, but then again, if we couldn't afford to cover a few drinks for friends we like to be with, and that affected whether or not we went to dinner, I might re think the friendship, or my budget.
It amazes me that your friends have not noticed you are not drinking and said anything about paying for their drinks separately!



Best of luck to you.