Beware of Ageism

[audreyh1]

"There there dear, I'm sure you will."

Well that sounds gender neutral to me.

 

[Nemo2]

Well that sounds gender neutral to me.

I've been divorced once, widowed once, and am now lucky enough to be in the best relationship of my life.......and I certainly wouldn't have wanted to be the guy who felt free to condescend to any one of them.

 

[Souschef]

I've been divorced once, widowed once, and am now lucky enough to be in the best relationship of my life.......and I certainly wouldn't have wanted to be the guy who felt free to condescend to any one of them.

Same here-especially my present DW she would have their guts for garters

 

[Amethyst]

I've always called it the "Little Lady" treatment. Even when those words are not used, the tone, manner, and word choice often imply them. Even when I'm taller than the guy.

The loathsome word "dear" has entered the conversation, but I dismiss that as a southernism. This is not my first time living in Florida. I got "dear" as a young woman and now I get it as an old one. Sigh.

Anyway, I deal with it as I always have (my work culture was male-dominated, too, although that had started to change). I keep in mind my real goal, which is to elicit information, not to prove myself. Significant silence; one skeptical eyebrow raised to the roof. Then, I ask lots of questions. If the responses are intelligent and useful, my thanks are profuse.

I wonder if small men have to deal with some of this patronizing nonsense, too?

"Let me 'splain somethin' to ya, little lady".

 

[bmcgonig]

I've always called it the "Little Lady" treatment. Even when those words are not used, the tone, manner, and word choice often imply them. Even when I'm taller than the guy.

The loathsome word "dear" has entered the conversation, but I dismiss that as a southernism. This is not my first time living in Florida. I got "dear" as a young woman and now I get it as an old one. Sigh.

Anyway, I deal with it as I always have (my work culture was male-dominated, too, although that had started to change). I keep in mind my real goal, which is to elicit information, not to prove myself. Significant silence; one skeptical eyebrow raised to the roof. Then, I ask lots of questions. If the responses are intelligent and useful, my thanks are profuse.

I wonder if small men have to deal with some of this patronizing nonsense, too?

As a tall man, I have the opposite problem. Frankly I have no clue and no aptitude for anything that involves home improvement, although I do try small things around the house. When I end up at Home Depot half my questions get looks like "how could you possibly not know that?".

 

[GravitySucks]

Gender issues happen both ways.
The paint mixer at Home Depot wouldn't make up a gallon of trim paint until my wife said she agreed with my choice.
Try being a lone man watching your kids at a children's park sometime.
I gave up volunteering with teens years ago.

 

[oldphd]

When I end up at Home Depot half my questions get looks like "how could you possibly not know that?".

True story...

One of nephews-in-law father passed away when he was very young. He was raised by single mom and sisters, who fit the stereotype of women who do the cooking and cleaning but no maintenance. Didn't have the opportunity to learn any of the "typical male" fixer upper type of things. He's now in his 50s, grown kids, hard worker and financially successful in sales.

Got to be a joke at Christmas when the kids were little, there would be something that would require assembly, or plugging in (like new TV when there is cable or sound bar, more than just electricity). He had no tools. I'd take along a screwdriver, a socket set, etc.

But... One year I noticed his outdoor lamp post (3 of those candelabra bulbs) was totally out. Knowing he didn't usually mess with that sort of thing, I took it up on myself to take some with me and replace them, since I had a stash I'd purchased in bulk for my own lamp.

He thanks me, and pulled out the burned out bulbs to see if I wanted them. He honestly thought there was some sort of refurbishment that could be done, didn't realize it was a throwaway item once it burned out.

Honest! That is pretty far up there in the "how could you not know that" category!

 

[Souschef]

Thanks for the story. I grew up in a home where my father and uncles were all handy. As a kid I was using a wood lathe and an electric drill.
When I grew up and went out into the world, I was shocked that not everyone was handy.
My sis married a really nice guy, but he had grown up in apartments his entire life. When they bought a house, my dad bought him a bunch of tools and taught him how to use them.
Recently, I added a security light to the wall of my storage shed. I knew exactly all the parts I needed, so I went to the HD website and copied and pasted the pictures on to a sheet of paper.

It made it easier when I went to my local Ace Hardware store.

 

[travelover]

............
He thanks me, and pulled out the burned out bulbs to see if I wanted them. He honestly thought there was some sort of refurbishment that could be done, didn't realize it was a throwaway item once it burned out.

...........

Replacing the filament is hard, but pulling a full vacuum in the globe is really a trick.

 

[Walt34]

Thanks for the story. I grew up in a home where my father and uncles were all handy. As a kid I was using a wood lathe and an electric drill.
When I grew up and went out into the world, I was shocked that not everyone was handy.

I had a similar upbringing/experience. My father was an electrician and did side jobs on the weekends for "beer money". The first dollar I earned was at the age of five pulling cable in a crawl space he couldn't fit in, by ten I was wiring electrical outlets (under close supervision of course) doing plumbing jobs and by 14 was helping to overhaul car engines. It wasn't until I started working in a gas/service station in HS that I realized how unusual that exposure to tools and "fixing stuff" was.

 

[Dtail]

My father wasn't handy at all, so I have been learning throughout life. Reasonable now, but nothing great.

 

[Souschef]

I had a similar upbringing/experience. My father was an electrician and did side jobs on the weekends for "beer money". The first dollar I earned was at the age of five pulling cable in a crawl space he couldn't fit in, by ten I was wiring electrical outlets (under close supervision of course) doing plumbing jobs and by 14 was helping to overhaul car engines. It wasn't until I started working in a gas/service station in HS that I realized how unusual that exposure to tools and "fixing stuff" was.

Dear Walt, your story of being in the crawl space reminded me.

Many years ago, I was helping my cousin rebuild a 1947 Stinson (single engine aircraft). I had to rewire the entire aircraft, and had to run a wire down the tail cone and out the back for the rear position light. I told my 5 year old son about midgets bucking rivets during WW2, and sent him down the tail with the wire.

 

[Chuckanut]

Our dryer had stopped working and my wife was desperate to get something dry ASAP!

I tried the knobs, buttons and other controls, checked the circuit breaker and plug and could find nothing obvious. I started to close the dryer door and I noticed something odd. The interior light was staying on with the door nearly closed. Normally, it turns off a split second before full closure. The door switch! Sure enough the door switch was broken in the door open position which stopped all dryer functions. A bit of tape held it in place long enough to get her wash dried.

Later she asked me how I managed to figure it out. “Is there some secret stuff dads teach only to their sons?”

 

[zedd]

"If the women don't find you handsome,
they should at least find you handy"
- Red Green

 

[Amethyst]

That is the sort of clever, money-saving "hack" that frugal parents may not necessarily teach their kids, but which a little girl or boy can observe if they are interested...it teaches us to try just one more thing before giving up and calling the repair-person

Our dryer had stopped working and my wife was desperate to get something dry ASAP!

I tried the knobs, buttons and other controls, checked the circuit breaker and plug and could find nothing obvious. I started to close the dryer door and I noticed something odd. The interior light was staying on with the door nearly closed. Normally, it turns off a split second before full closure. The door switch! Sure enough the door switch was broken in the door open position which stopped all dryer functions. A bit of tape held it in place long enough to get her wash dried.

Later she asked me how I managed to figure it out. “Is there some secret stuff dads teach only to their sons?”

 

[Amethyst]

After I watched the a/c guy use my shop-vac to clean out the drain pipe on an outside unit that had stopped working, I tried it for myself when the same thing happened again 6 months later, and the unit started working again.

I mentioned this during the semiannual a/c inspection, and got a compliment for being so smart! Now, I wonder if a man would have gotten the same compliment?

 

[harley]

After I watched the a/c guy use my shop-vac to clean out the drain pipe on an outside unit that had stopped working, I tried it for myself when the same thing happened again 6 months later, and the unit started working again.

I mentioned this during the semiannual a/c inspection, and got a compliment for being so smart! Now, I wonder if a man would have gotten the same compliment?

That's not sexism, that's salesism.

 

[aja8888]

"If the women don't find you handsome,
they should at least find you handy"
- Red Green

I think that's how I caught a bride!

 

[Chuckanut]

After I watched the a/c guy use my shop-vac to clean out the drain pipe on an outside unit that had stopped working, I tried it for myself when the same thing happened again 6 months later, and the unit started working again.

I mentioned this during the semiannual a/c inspection, and got a compliment for being so smart! Now, I wonder if a man would have gotten the same compliment?

As a member of this illustrious group you must be smart. Take it at face value.

 

[Walt34]

I mentioned this during the semiannual a/c inspection, and got a compliment for being so smart! Now, I wonder if a man would have gotten the same compliment?

As a long-ago former A/C service tech I can assure you that most guys are not that observant either.