Children: You did or did not have them poll?

[simple girl]

As a child-free individual I am surprised by the number of other individuals who responded as I did. It seems in my "real" life that there are few other individuals who have made a similar decision. Fortunately, I'm finally reaching the age where people no longer try to convince me that I'll change my mind.

I agree, it's getting easier as I get older. People are still surprised that we don't have kids. However, I've also noticed I am getting pressured less by others to change my mind.

We had few friends without kids for a while, and I'll admit it was really, really lonely. Seemed none of our friends (with kids) had time to go out to dinner, etc. I found a social group specifically for people who haven't had kids (either by choice or b/c you couldn't have children), and it was awesome. We made so many great friends! We have since moved from the area but have remained friends with several couples and still get together with them at least once a year. I still maintain email contact with my best friend on a daily basis. We have agreed that if we end up alone without our husbands or family someday that we will work out arrangements to live near each other and generally try to take care of each other.

 

[Moemg]

Children were definetely my motivator to save. When I realized I was totally responsible for two tiny children I got my act together and started saving .

 

[Rambler]

Wanted 3, had 2, third never came along. We have a son and a daugther. As much as I am looking forward to FIRE, I would not trade them for ANYTHING in the world, including FIRE. Son is 20 and is a missionary, daughter is 16.

Last nite at an awards ceremony at her school, DD came and wrapped her arms around me and snuggled for a brief moment right in front of her friends, almost as if to say to her friends, "look, this is my dad, and I love him". These are the moments that are precious. I know some teens don't get along with their folks, and some folks don't get along with their teens. Sometimes when I see things written about how rough the teenage years were for the parents, I wonder what we must have done differently, or why we have been so blessed to not have such problems. Perhaps I should be looking for some wood to knock right about now...

R

 

[Sandy]

Wanted one kid, had twins. I think I will keep both. They are now 11.

 

[poboy]

Have four; all grown, gone and married. Four grandkids who make it all worth the ride.

 

[ziggy29]

No one yet admitting to a surprise kid they didn't want...must mean the buyer's regret fades with time! LOL!
Childfreee Sarah

I'm sure most are sincere when they say it, but I've known a few parents who will quietly and secretly admit they wish they didn't have any (even if they do love their children). In this child-centered society where everything is sold as being "for the children," saying you wish you didn't have the kids you have is tantamount to kicking puppies and could get CPS at your door, or so it seems.

 

[REWahoo]

I'm sure most are sincere when they say it, but I've known a few parents who will quietly and secretly admit they wish they didn't have any (even if they do love their children).

You've been talking to Britney Spears mom, haven't you?

 

[Orchidflower]

Oh, meant to say SORRY to those that wanted kids and just have not had them. WHY I would forget that category, I have no idea, since I have a cousin who is 40 and just married a younger stud to have kids...but nothing after 3-1/2 years. I think she is starting to panic now.
How could I have forgotten that category? Mea culpa.

 

[kaudrey]

Similar to Caroline, my life hasn't led down that path. Granted, I was leaning toward not having kids, but with the right guy, I would have had one or two. But college, the CFA exams, a failed marriage, and few long term relationships that didn't end in marriage, and now I am almost 39. No kids for me.

I love being an aunt to my sister's two adopted daughters, and an "honorary" aunt to several of my good friends' kids.

 

[tangomonster]

Another child-free person here, although I've been married 30 years. We wanted to wait until we were emotionally and finacially ready and by the time that came, we realized we were happy with our lives as they were. Never regretted the decision (although I wish I han't waited until I as 40 to get my first cat!).

 

[bssc]

Have five cats.

 

[youbet]

I'm sure most are sincere when they say it, but I've known a few parents who will quietly and secretly admit they wish they didn't have any (even if they do love their children). In this child-centered society where everything is sold as being "for the children," saying you wish you didn't have the kids you have is tantamount to kicking puppies and could get CPS at your door, or so it seems.

Similar to this, there are folks who advertise themselves as enthusiastically child-free, who, in truth, would prefer that life had worked out so they had kids.

It would be great if everyone who wanted and could cope with having kids, had kids. And everyone who didn't want to have or couldn't cope with having kids, didn't have kids. Sadly, some of the non-wanters have them and some of the wanters don't have them. It's part of this life we live. Things are seldom as black and white as they seem.

 

[freebird5825]

nope, never tried, never did, no regrets.

i make a really great aunt though. i like to color (yes, with crayons!), fly kites and build sandcastles.

does that count?

 

[Sarah in SC]

bssc, me too! Plus 4 dogs right now and the sheep.
It was actually cold last night, and all 5 cats were asleep on me like a patchwork fur blanket. Cute, I tell 'ya!

We try to hang with the kidded friends, but usually have to wait until the smalls get to school age before they have time for us. We're waiting eagerly for the time when they do! And we have a good many childfree friends which is good.

Youbet, maybe that is why my friends with kids don't begrudge my choice, they probably see way too many folks that should have been so honest with themselves.

 

[Notmuchlonger]

nope, never tried, never did, no regrets.

i make a really great aunt though. i like to color (yes, with crayons!), fly kites and build sandcastles.

does that count?

Yes, its fun being the cool/fun adult

 

[Kronk]

This is really interesting. My wife and I have no children. We got married when I was 22 and she was 21. We figured we'd have kids in around five years. Five years came and went, then we thought when we were 30. Once again, came and went.

Now we're 33 and have decided not to have them.
We've had many discussions about it... What are we giving up by not having kids? Is there something wrong with us that we don't want to do it? Would our lives be more fulfilling with them? Would we be good parents.

It is interesting that so many people here do not have children. 37% seems like it'd be a lot more than the population in general, though I wasn't able to find that out by Googling. Do more people consider retiring early because they don't have the financial pressures of children to deal with? Or are people who challenge conventions (such as early retirement) more likely to challenge the 2.3 kids convention?

Hrm...

 

[freebird5825]

especially the hand-back part.

Childless women like me must have an invisible tattoo on our foreheads - Ask me to babysit.

and just by coicidence...one of my favorite expressions is..."I don't babysit".

 

[youbet]

maybe that is why my friends with kids don't begrudge my choice.

Sarah...... if they begrudged you your choice, they wouldn't be your friends.....

 

[Sarah in SC]

Freebird, for the record, I have never been asked to babysit anyone's child. I do get asked to keep people's dogs, though, does that count? You must appear to be a lot more reliable than me!

I had to stay overnight at my sister's when she was having one of hers, I think it was the 3rd one, so that my mom/dad could go to the hospital with her. Besides that, I watched her 1st right after she was born, for about an hour while she took a class she needed for her PhD. I'm friendly with sister's smalls, but we just don't have a whole lot to talk about. Maybe when they are teenagers or something, I'd like to be the cool aunt who takes them on trips.

Oh, youbet, I'm friends with a lot of people that begrudge me my choices--especially our LBYM lifestyle! Like the other night: "hey, you can afford to pick up the appetizer, since you don't have a house payment like the rest of us!" sigh.

 

[Khan]

This is really interesting. My wife and I have no children. We got married when I was 22 and she was 21. We figured we'd have kids in around five years. Five years came and went, then we thought when we were 30. Once again, came and went.

Now we're 33 and have decided not to have them.
We've had many discussions about it... What are we giving up by not having kids? Is there something wrong with us that we don't want to do it? Would our lives be more fulfilling with them? Would we be good parents.

It is interesting that so many people here do not have children. 37% seems like it'd be a lot more than the population in general, though I wasn't able to find that out by Googling. Do more people consider retiring early because they don't have the financial pressures of children to deal with? Or are people who challenge conventions (such as early retirement) more likely to challenge the 2.3 kids convention?

Hrm...

On childfree forums, people often talk of 'following the script'; college, marriage, kids, ...; and of being chastised for not doing so.

 

[youbet]

Do more people consider retiring early because they don't have the financial pressures of children to deal with? .

Absolutely! I think you're making a understatement! There is a huge financial advantage to not having kids. I didn't reach FI until 55 and didn't RE until 58. Don't care to make the financially painful calculations, but I'd guess we could have made FIRE by 45 had we decided to be child-free. I'm happy the way we did things and am content with how we lived our lives, but financially, it's not even close. Child-free = early FIRE, if investing for FI is what you want to do with your money.

 

[youbet]

I'm friends with a lot of people that begrudge me my choices.

Now that's sad.......

 

[Fireup2020]

Totally on the fence.

Was a full-time step parent for 10 years (kids lived with us full time, sans a break in the summer to visit their jerry springer mother out of state) - have been a cub scout leader, boy scout leader, on little league boards, violin, saxaphone, drama and chorus - the list goes on. Would do it again. Now they are starting to "reproduce" - have one beautiful "grand-daughter" and another on the way.

At age 37, cannot give my BF a commitment that I DO or DO NOT want kids of my own. He is of the same opinion - one day they seem like a great idea, other days, not so much. I believe it will happen if it is "supposed" to, but will not go to any heroic efforts to get pregnant. (other than practice! )

 

[freebird5825]

To kid or not to kid...that is the question. <sorry couldn't resist>

like religion, politics, and voting, having kids is a totally personal choice. we've all seen success stories, and of course disasters.

but nobody has the right to dictate another person's choice. or belittle that choice.

my soapbox for the day.

 

[freebird5825]

no, i just look gullible. <kidding>

re Like the other night: "hey, you can afford to pick up the appetizer, since you don't have a house payment like the rest of us!" sigh.

allow me to loan you yet another one of my favorite one-liners..."i'd like to pay, but it's [money] all invested." then go on to talk about the recent stock-market slumps. works every time.

am i headed for the flames?

re
Maybe when they are teenagers or something, I'd like to be the cool aunt who takes them on trips

too late. it is completely uncool for teenagers to be seen with adults. age 6-12 works better for "cool aunt" duties.