Depressed.....What to do?

[bclover]

bc, so sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing and giving advice. I am not making any large decisions in the near future. Comments like yours and others are helping me out of the depression.

Pan, Thanks for running the numbers. I have run them 1000 times but it is somehow reassuring to see them from someone else. You are right with the $7 per hour needed and the UC more than covers that. It just hit me last night that I can use the rule of 55 to get money from my employers 401K penalty free. I only have about 35 K in there.

One small ray of hope. I got a hit last night on one of my job searches and will interview in 3 weeks for a really good job. Trying not to get too hopeful....

AWESOME!!
and enjoy the interview. really, if you haven't been job searching in a while use this interview as a learning opportunity.

 

[Scuba]

You are in a great position in that you don't truly NEED the job. Try to approach the interview as a fun way to meet new people and learn about the company. If you can adopt that attitude, you can avoid seeming like a desperate candidate which is never attractive. And make sure you rehearse your story re why you left your previous job. You probably already know this but don't be negative about your previous job, boss or company. That is a big turn-off in an interview. Good luck!

 

[ducky911]

Exercise is good medicine for depression.

 

[ndnguy822000]

@ducnky -I agree 1000% I have had sleeping issues for like 10 years but exercise helped solve all that and I didn't stay up thinking about random **** and not being able to sleep. Also the symptoms of working out a better body and muscle, and I went 5 years , no joke , without even a cold or cough and in last 10 years I had the fever once and the cold 4 times. Before that I used to get sick and depressed and anxiety etc

 

[Cantwaitanylonger]

Just an update. I now have job interviews scheduled for next Monday and Tuesday, with 2 really good companies. These came from my shooting my resume out there.

There are also a few other possibilities still out there. I'm hoping that one of these come thru. I'm encouraged by finally getting some response from my submissions.

This little experience has taught me volumes. It gave me some amazing time with my son before he starts his last year in college. My dog is loving having me home, getting long walks in the morning. I have a much better handle on my financial situation. I now know that I need to increase my after tax cash supply before retiring. I am also now transferring all my IRA $$ to Vangard to get admiral status and reduce fees. If I do get a job, I will have a greater appreciation for it also.

I am still a little down, but I really feel more hope and less depressed than before. If I get a job offer, that will be a thing of the past.

The other thing I learned is that there are a lot of caring people just a short message away on this forum. I was really down a week ago and this conversation really helped me get out of it. Thank you all.

I will keep you informed.

 

[tmm99]

I am happy to hear things are turning around for you. Most of all, I am glad you are feeling much better.

I love this forum too. I have gotten some great advice here myself.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum

 

[Scuba]

Just an update. I now have job interviews scheduled for next Monday and Tuesday, with 2 really good companies. These came from my shooting my resume out there.

There are also a few other possibilities still out there. I'm hoping that one of these come thru. I'm encouraged by finally getting some response from my submissions.

This little experience has taught me volumes. It gave me some amazing time with my son before he starts his last year in college. My dog is loving having me home, getting long walks in the morning. I have a much better handle on my financial situation. I now know that I need to increase my after tax cash supply before retiring. I am also now transferring all my IRA $$ to Vangard to get admiral status and reduce fees. If I do get a job, I will have a greater appreciation for it also.

I am still a little down, but I really feel more hope and less depressed than before. If I get a job offer, that will be a thing of the past.

The other thing I learned is that there are a lot of caring people just a short message away on this forum. I was really down a week ago and this conversation really helped me get out of it. Thank you all.

I will keep you informed.

You must be amazing to get 3 interviews scheduled so soon after being laid off. Well done!! Just remember that you are in a great position to be selective about what you take. If anything. Good luck!

 

[ivinsfan]

MSP is a great job market right now, I know something will happen for you soon. Keep us posted and continue your mood self checks. Help is just a phone call away if you need it.

 

[Blue Collar Guy]

I was depressed. A man told me to read a chapter of the Bible everyday and go to church on Sunday. I did and the depression left me.

I was always sort of religious. When I joined the army I got a small free bible, I was regretting my decision early on about my enlistment. I started reading the Bible again, it cured me .

 

[Blue Collar Guy]

Well, I just ran firecalc using 35 years, 70K income, 850k starting, 12K duplex income, 10K wifes income, and taking SS at 62, wife is 5 years younger so she takes it when I am 67.

I added no income from me (very conservative, I will make money). Outcome is 100% success with average final balance of 2.9 million. I didn't include the $$ (400-500K) from downsizing my house or a probable inheritance of about 500K in 10 years.

I don't know if I am missing something but this looks very positive!!

Wow, if this is correct , then you are good to go, that should have made you happy. It made me happy for you!

 

[Blue Collar Guy]

Thanks for running Firecalc and posting your positive results.

Hopefully, this might help relieve some of your depression wrt finances.

From your more recent posts, I'm getting the sense that you are starting to possibly see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel. That, and taking baby steps, one foot in front of the other, will hopefully propel you into a brighter future. Instead of seeing you as a loser, others may be jealous that you were able to quit the rat race so young.


omni

Wow nicely said.

 

[armor99]

Sir.... I have not posted on this forum in years, but I am an engineer myself, so maybe more than some I can relate.

You have two things working against you now. First is you are an engineer, and like myself you are both blessed and cursed by a mind that has no off switch. Your mind is burning inside your head with all the thoughts of what you might have done wrong, could have done better, etc. I know.... I have been there. Understand and accept the layoff had nothing to do with you or your performance. The engineer in you is hunting for the flaw of what you did to cause this somehow..... know that you did nothing wrong.

The second is you have never been laid off before. It was painful for me the first time, trust me.... it will turn out fine, even though it does not feel like it at the moment. Feel free to pm me if you like.... I am not as far along as you.... I am 44 at the moment.... but I will one day retire early as well.

 

[Cantwaitanylonger]

Armor, You are absolutely correct about the mind burning. I wish I could just switch switch it off and have a little peace in my life. It has gotten better over the last week with the help of fine folks like you and the hopeful upcoming job prospects.

Good luck with your ER. I wish I had started thinking about this at your age.

Thanks for your insight.

Sir.... I have not posted on this forum in years, but I am an engineer myself, so maybe more than some I can relate.

You have two things working against you now. First is you are an engineer, and like myself you are both blessed and cursed by a mind that has no off switch. Your mind is burning inside your head with all the thoughts of what you might have done wrong, could have done better, etc. I know.... I have been there. Understand and accept the layoff had nothing to do with you or your performance. The engineer in you is hunting for the flaw of what you did to cause this somehow..... know that you did nothing wrong.

The second is you have never been laid off before. It was painful for me the first time, trust me.... it will turn out fine, even though it does not feel like it at the moment. Feel free to pm me if you like.... I am not as far along as you.... I am 44 at the moment.... but I will one day retire early as well.

 

[Unpaintedhuffhines]

Forgive my bluntness, but I found this to be an incredibly ignorant comment. People who are truly depressed don't choose this state and can't just "snap out of it." It is a medical condition that sometimes goes away on its own but sometimes doesn't. If one is depressed, one doesn't wake up one day and decide not to be. It is not "that easy."

+1

Been in this situation before, but at the time, was nowhere near being able to retire. The problem is, you don't know how long it will take to find a job. Will you find one Tuesday or 16 weeks from Tuesday? No way to know.

I've had depression before, and it sucks. Exercise helps, talking to people helps, being busy helps, but for me, it took a visit to my primary care doc who gave me anti-depressants, which I was on for about six months, and it helped a lot.

If you've run firecalc and you're at 100%, congratulations. YOU did that. You are one of the rare ones - many people would love to be in that financial position. You should be feel good about this. I don't want to minimize your feelings, however.

A few years ago, whenever something "happened" in my life, I took the attitude of "this is the best thing that could have happened at this point in my life." Sounds kind of new-ageish, but it worked for me.

This could be a great turning point for you. Good luck in your journey.

 

[gayl]

Love the 'Smoke Two Joints' or 'get meds' suggestion!!

But in reality my suggestion is this:

1. Keep the lake house. Spend some time sitting outside just enjoying it. It's a great mental health break and healthy one too

2. Unemployment in California maxes out at around $500 a week. So it's not a heck of a lot but that will give you six months to try to develop something else.

3. if it turns out that you have to draw from your IRA, make sure you take it out and equal systematic payment so that you don't have the 10% penalty. No point paying a penalty to use your own money

4. In reality, once the shock value wears off you will be fine. Not everybody limps into FIRE willingly. But once it dawns on us that we really do have the right to put up our feet and earn money on something we enjoy just for the sake of enjoyment, most of us love it

5. Additionally, many areas run a professionals unemployment support group. It can be incredibly helpful as you face what is the next phase in your life. They do have job search available as it is run through the unemployment office however they do much much more than that.

 

[Doc0]

Depression is a clinical diagnosis and largely specific to brain neurochemistry, it is not being pissed at being screwed by your company.

Clinical depression: What does that mean? - Mayo Clinic

Be careful about acquiring a diagnosis that is not real. Once it's in your record, it's in your record and you can squawk all you want, it's not coming out. If you've never been depressed it's unlikely your going to develop it now. As you work through this your mood will likely improve. OTOH if it persists then go get a diagnosis. Keep a weekly log of how you are doing because you will tend to forget and it's worth being able to review. You are not qualified to diagnosis yourself. I lost my big deal job when I was 58, back in 2010. I temporized with another job at half the dough for another 7 years. I mostly took the second job for health care since my kids were in jr high at the time, so healthcare for my family was the boundary for me on ER. Work it like an engineering problem, boundaries and process efficiency.

You already have saved the majority of what you need. Every progressive year will yield less and less effect on the long term prospect of your portfolio's survival. Go to SS and get a listing of your earning history, and play with the numbers. See what 7 years of 40K per year v 7 years of 80K per year (or whatever) does to your lifetime aggregate earnings. It won't make much difference, but prove it to yourself.

Personally I would be concerned about a 800K property with those taxes. It's not hard to sell in good times but in bad times when you need the dough selling a property like that can turn into a career. When I moved to this town I looked at some high end properties. Some of those sellers still hadn't sold 2-3 years later and they were calling me up begging me to make them an offer. That is the problem with "dream homes". They are your dream but may not be anyone else's. You can do the "what-if" on that too.

For Medical care my wife is still far from Medicare and I have 2 kids in college so I need it. We did a concierge plan with a primary care doc plus a major medical called Liberty Healtshare. It's $399 per month for my wife and 2 kids, ACA complaint, and low deductible $500 per person. I combine this with a HSA So that's something you can look into. It takes a while to get all the moving parts moving again is all.

Do not be discouraged. To be discouraged literally means to be without courage. No future in being without courage. As Jerry Garcia said "I will get by, I will survive.." Pretty soon you'll be all retired sitting around on your sun porch drooling in your lap (like me).

Best

 

[Cantwaitanylonger]

Depression is probably the wrong term for my condition. I was just really down for several weeks after the job loss. I didn't eat, lost weight, couldn't sleep, had major constant anxiety, and couldn't stop the mental churning that was bringing me down. I was at the lowest point when I started this post. I just needed someone to talk to, and I didn't want my family to know the depths of my despair. I am somewhat better and mostly over it by now, but it still is there in the background to some extent.

I now have two second job interviews scheduled and have some degree of confidence that one of them will come through (but I could be way off and anything can happen). If they don't, I will probably fall into the rut again, although not as deep.

I am encouraged (and surprised) by the Firecalc results and this discussion has helped immensely.

 

[omni550]

I now have two second job interviews scheduled and have some degree of confidence that one of them will come through (but I could be way off and anything can happen). If they don't, I will probably fall into the rut again, although not as deep.

I am encouraged (and surprised) by the Firecalc results and this discussion has helped immensely.

Two second job interviews coming up! Awesome. Keep us posted.

omni

 

[Doc0]

My Dad was a PE and he changed jobs 6 or 7 times in his career because of downsizing or recession, we lived through this scenario with him. He had all kinds of interesting jobs both management and engineering, and his longest period of unemployment was about 6 months. We lived through 1960, 73, 80, 92, 00, 03, 07, etc. His 4 kids managed to graduate college. He retired to FL to 3 acres, 2400 sq ft and a 40x25 swimming pool. All of those changes were harrowing but in the end this is America and that should give you more comfort than anything. I think you have a very very small chance of failure

Best

 

[Travis Bickle]

If your house is lakefront, could you derive a little more income by renting it out via AirBnB? That would allow you to stay in it but drive down costs.

Not sure how good a deal airbnb is for owners, but it is something I've used on vacation and found it to be a good deal.

 

[Cantwaitanylonger]

Well everyone, I now have a pretty good job offer sitting in my grubby hands. It is slightly less $$ than I was making, but the insurance is much cheaper and much better. They also offer a better 401K match and a better vacation allowance. In the end, it ends up being pretty close to where I was.

I still have another interview next week at another good company. I am now in the drivers seat for the first time in a while. Thanks for all the great advice and well wishes.

 

[Ready-4-ER-at-14]

Well everyone, I now have a pretty good job offer sitting in my grubby hands. It is slightly less $$ than I was making, but the insurance is much cheaper and much better. They also offer a better 401K match and a better vacation allowance. In the end, it ends up being pretty close to where I was.

I still have another interview next week at another good company. I am now in the drivers seat for the first time in a while. Thanks for all the great advice and well wishes.

Congratulations for the work you exerted resulting in your new job offer.
Notice I did not attribute this to chance or fate. While probability may exist of any one company offering a position, it would not have likely occurred just because you had been an outstanding engineer in the past.

In Chicago we have a number of senior centers where a person 55+ can chat for free with a social worker. Please keep this in mind if similar is available there. It seems this age and above we all will experience many of the same life happenings. (job, health, family, moving, vigor) and can acquire coping mechanisms or outright fixes to many. I attend some group activity discussions just to have ways of dealing several of possible futures of which some include even more joys and happiness.

Best wishes for the future.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

Well everyone, I now have a pretty good job offer sitting in my grubby hands. It is slightly less $$ than I was making, but the insurance is much cheaper and much better. They also offer a better 401K match and a better vacation allowance. In the end, it ends up being pretty close to where I was.

I still have another interview next week at another good company. I am now in the drivers seat for the first time in a while. Thanks for all the great advice and well wishes.

Great news! Thanks for the update.

 

[street]

Good for you.

 

[Dreamer]

I am so happy for you. That is wonderful!