Dying Alone

[googily]

It will be interesting to see if you still think so when you are 69 1/2

As Indiana Jones said, it ain't the years, baby, it's the mileage. At 51 my body has already been giving me fits for a long time, so a life into my 80s and 90s has never been something I've seen as being in the cards. But that's still another 18 years for all manner of medical miracles to be invented to change my mind, I guess!

 

[Nemo2]

As Indiana Jones said, it ain't the years, baby, it's the mileage. At 51 my body has already been giving me fits for a long time, so a life into my 80s and 90s has never been something I've seen as being in the cards.

Just turned 75....a few aches & pains, but life is good.....if it becomes intolerable.... then, in the movie vernacular, ¡Hasta la vista Baby!

 

[Dawg52]

I'm the same as many. Never married and no children. I have nephews and a niece but they live in other cities so not expecting them to be around when my time is up. If I can time it just right, I plan to move to an assisted living home my last year or two. Maybe not a perfect way to go out, but at least someone will find my body before they end up being just bones.

 

[razztazz]

One of the reasons I'm getting re-married is to not die alone. Mondo depressing.

I'm not afraid of dying alone. I'm afraid of having to live with somebody

 

[kcowan]

My Dad lived to 95 so I am prepared for the worst! No intention to sit in a rocking chair! I have 20 years to go. Expect activity level will decline because this trip to Europe has been with its own challenges. Mostly all the walking. My broken foot took its toll. But I am gaining strength and returning to my old form.

 

[Amethyst]

I enjoy living with somebody that I picked. Not a bunch of people I have little in common with. Not to mention paying big bucks to be bossed around by the staff. They only like the sweet little old ladies and the feisty ones, not the puzzling (but not lovably eccentric) ones, like me.

I'm not afraid of dying alone. I'm afraid of having to live with somebody

 

[Elbata]

Ultimately we all die alone. Whether one dies physically alone or surrounded by friends and family, one always takes that last step on their own.
Nobody's coming with you.

Thought provoking. Thank you. Truly, in the end it is you.

 

[Elbata]

Dying sucks, whether alone or not. I'd rather concentrate on living well than dying well. That said, heading into the wilderness to die alone peacefully and then letting the animals scavenge my remains is attractive. Unfortunately, thanks to overpopulation and overdevelopment true wilderness is difficult to come by these days.

That's been my wish. Since I've eaten many animals, I think it would be fair if they got their turn with me. At least I wouldn't have to go through the suffering that we put them through.

 

[Scuba]

Not exactly dying, but I'm reminded of family members and friends who have faced some serious health issue and have had family that were advocates for them as they faced treatment related issues, helping to navigate the system and to secure the kind of treatment that was required.

More than once I've commented about how difficult this must be when there is no one to go to bat for you.

I think that securing suitable LTC when needed is a similar issue. What happens if there is no "advocate"?

This is my biggest concern about aging. I know form experience what a difference it makes having a committed advocate who is physically present, even at an expensive CCRC. DH & I don't have kids or any nearby family. Many of our friends are older than we are. Haven't figured out a solution. We have HC and financial POA's and DNR's but these don't take the place of a personally committed advocate.

 

[Amethyst]

There are paid advocates. They are quite expensive. I imagine the more successful ones do a fairly good job, although then again, how would their helpless customers even be able to rate them?

This is my biggest concern about aging. I know form experience what a difference it makes having a committed advocate who is physically present, even at an expensive CCRC. DH & I don't have kids or any nearby family. Many of our friends are older than we are. Haven't figured out a solution. We have HC and financial POA's and DNR's but these don't take the place of a personally committed advocate.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

... they'd have to spend less time in the tattoo parlor.

I think boomers might be safe.

EDIT: E-R.org members excluded.

Not to derail the thread, but your comment reminded me of something. A few months ago, we were in Mexico at a fairly nice all inclusive resort. The second day there, I noticed that almost EVERYONE there had at least one tattoo. Of course, after noticing it, I couldn't ignore it and soon realized that over the course of 4 days, I only counted 2 men and 3 women (besides myself) that DIDN'T have a visible tattoo. I personally don't care if folks want to ink themselves up, but I can't help but think that in an effort to "be different from everyone else" many of the folks are just now like everyone else!

OK...back to your regularly scheduled thread topic...

 

[Nemo2]

I only counted 2 men and 3 women (besides myself) that DIDN'T have a visible tattoo. .

I have one on each forearm...got them when I was 14...thought they were great for 6 months, have hated them for 60.5 years.........lately I see people damn near my age sporting new ones.......some the entire length of their arms.

My 'excuse' is that I was young and dumb...(even dumber than I am now).....I just shake my head when I see some of these dolts.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I have one on each forearm...got them when I was 14...thought they were great for 6 months, have hated them for 60.5 years.........lately I see people damn near my age sporting new ones.......some the entire length of their arms.

My 'excuse' is that I was young and dumb...(even dumber than I am now).....I just shake my head when I see some of these dolts.

Good point. Many years ago (when I had been in the service for about 3 years), I was out with a group of friends and we had been drinking VERY HARD. We wondered into a tattoo parlor and I had picked out a very large eagle/flag and I proclaimed, "I WANT THIS ONE!!!" and tried to pull the trigger. Well, *thankfully* the tattoo artist told me I was too drunk and he refused to do it. I was mad as hell, but today, I am very, VERY thankful that he made that decision. I think since they are so prevalent these days, I don't know that I would have been so lucky to have an artist say, "NO"...I think a lot of them would have done it anyway.

 

[GravitySucks]

She's 10 years my junior -

You never know.
DW was a bit younger, didn't smoke, drink, not overweight, grand mother's that lived to 99... All things I had on me. We didn't even have insurance on her we were so sure it would be me first.
Man plans
God laughs

 

[imoldernu]

Re: tattoos
Dontcha just love the commercial with the tough guy who has the tattoo that says "No Regerts"....

 

[Meadbh]

Re: tattoos
Dontcha just love the commercial with the tough guy who has the tattoo that says "No Regerts"....

I have always thought that proper spelling is an underrated skill. Especially for tattoo artists. There is no “Undo” button!

 

[audreyh1]

We have no children. I have younger siblings. My younger brothers have wives 10 and 20 years younger than me.

We have to figure out how to age alone. I might at least get some supervisor help from siblings/wives. But we really have to get it all figured out ahead of time.

 

[bmcgonig]

We have no children. I have younger siblings. My younger brothers have wives 10 and 20 years younger than me.

We have to figure out how to age alone. I might at least get some supervisor help from siblings/wives. But we really have to get it all figured out ahead of time.

Sometimes I think we should have sticky threads for questions like this where we come back and tell each other "well this is what I think I'm going to do, and this is where I'm going and this is what it costs"

Would be a great help all around I think.

 

[imoldernu]

Sometimes I think we should have sticky threads for questions like this where we come back and tell each other "well this is what I think I'm going to do, and this is where I'm going and this is what it costs"

Would be a great help all around I think.

Second the idea... We tend to reinvent the wheel on many subjects. Where costs are involved, it seems to vary widely, and the part of the country often limits choices. Would look to some closer definitions for the later years... ie.

Aging at Home with Help
Moving to CCRC
Nursing Home aging parents

Each part of the aging process has its' own decisions, challenges, costs etc, so possibly some kind of heading like "The Later Years".

 

[Nemo2]

Re: tattoos
Dontcha just love the commercial with the tough guy who has the tattoo that says "No Regerts"....

1960, Colombo, Ceylon.....ship heading for Australia....noticed one of the deckhands with a new tat......covered the entire upper arm, a dagger morphing into a thistle....with SCOLAND in large letters above it.

 

[Huston55]

1960, Colombo, Ceylon.....ship heading for Australia....noticed one of the deckhands with a new tat......covered the entire upper arm, a dagger morphing into a thistle....with SCOLAND in large letters above it.

Maybe it was a 'phonetic' tattoo.

 

[rayinpenn]

Like it or not death is a journey we take alone...even if there are 100 relatives at your side your still making the trip alone. Dying alone isn’t to be feared.. living alone after having a partner for 30 years is the tuff part.

I try to take Benjamin Franklyn’s philosophy “We are spirits. That bodies should he lent us while they can afford us pleasure, assist us in acquiring knowledge, or in doing good to our fellow-creatures, is a kind and benevolent act of God. When they become unfit for these purposes and afford us pain instead of pleasure, instead of an aid become an encumbrance, and answer none of the intentions for which they were given, it is equally kind and benevolent that a way is pro- vided by which we may get rid of them. Death is that way. “

 

[Snidely Whiplash]

Dying alone isn’t to be feared.. living alone after having a partner for 30 years is the tuff part.

How right you are. As I indicated earlier, my wife was diagnosed not long ago with terminal cancer. I had a hard time dealing with the unfairness of it and a significant amount of guilt over my good health and that she would be dying before me (and way to young / early). After a while it became obvious to me that the far worse path is to be here without her. Dying alone doesn’t worry me. It’s the time in between I dread.

 

[garyt]

One of the reasons I'm getting re-married is to not die alone. Mondo depressing.

Doesn't mean your spouse won't die first.

 

[MRG]

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did–in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.

See there's a solution.