End of Life Planning

[Murph]

I hope this topic isn't a bummer, but I need some comments on this.

Both my DW and I want to be cremated when that time comes. Since I have never done any serious planning for our personal "end of days", I made an appointment at our local, small town funeral home in Northeast Ohio. To say I was SHOCKED at the estimated costs (which I can lock in most of at today's rates) would be an understatement. This feeling is worse than any sticker shock at the auto dealership! They want almost $6K if we don't want a viewing first, and about $8600 if we do. Yikes!

My question to you is: Is this typical? Or, is it worth "shopping around" funeral homes for a lower fleecing?

Murph

 

[braumeister]

Around here a "direct cremation" by a reputable funeral home is under $2,000 but can be much lower. Last personal experience was in 2012 when my mother died and I paid about $1,600 and was very pleased with the service.

 

[Dash man]

We just went through this with my mother-in-law. We had to deal with two funeral homes, one in Florida for the cremation, death certificates and shipping the cremains. Another in PA for setting up an managing the church funeral, cemetery arrangements, opening a previously purchased grave, the urn, flowers, a mass book, an enlarged picture to display, and a hearse and flower car. All in was about $9,000.
We didn’t have a viewing, but a one hour visitation at the church before the funeral mass.
Last year, just a cremation, urn and death certificates for a nephew was around $3,900.

 

[SecondCor521]

My Mom's direct cremation in 2016 in Idaho was about $800 IIRC. Inurnment at the veteran's cemetery was free courtesy of the fact that my Dad is a veteran. We had a celebration of life at her retirement home. I'm sure we gave the pastor and pianist an honorarium of some amount. I don't think the retirement home charged anything for us to use the room - if they did it was some token amount - $50 or $100. So maybe $1200 all in.

ETA: I just checked the cremation service's website and its now $925 for direct cremation.

 

[old medic]

We have also done some shopping and planning... preplanned cremation service, cardboard box.... you wanna see us .... come catch us alive.
Kids know to set up a weekend party at the homestead for folks to swing by, break bread, share stories and such.... best price was about $ 3800

 

[Bamaman]

The funeral home business is now controlled by just a few huge national chains. I know locally, we have one independent funeral home and the other dozen are chain owned.

That means the competition in prices and their mode of operations has been removed from the industry. They all operate alike and charge about the same. And I'm not going to get into the burial insurance business that's such a rip off.

I look at the funeral industry like I do a CPA and a lawyer. I just want to deal with them once--and preferably after I'm gone.

 

[retire-early]

~$1000 in 2009 for cremation for my father
I don't recall how much it was for the urn.
We did not have a viewing or anything at a funeral home.

 

[Accidental Retiree]

My mom’s direct cremation in WA State, 2012, was $750.

 

[aja8888]

I had my ex-wife cremated for $900 in 2016 as the service we contracted with ahead of time picked her body up at the hospital where she passed. The cremation service mailed my daughter the certified death certificate(s) and remains. We had a memorial service at her church and I gave the pastor $500 if I recall.

We intentionally avoided the funeral home as it was quoted at thousands.

That's going to be our route when the time comes for daughter to handle this.

 

[Souschef]

When my wife passed away, she wanted to be cremated. I believe the cost was about $1600.
Her family had a cemetery plot back in Pittsburgh. I called to find out the cost of interring her there. By the time they got through with the urn, the vault, digging and covering, it was over $3000! And that did not count me flying back there with her ashes.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

The funeral home business is now controlled by just a few huge national chains. I know locally, we have one independent funeral home and the other dozen are chain owned.

That means the competition in prices and their mode of operations has been removed from the industry. They all operate alike and charge about the same. And I'm not going to get into the burial insurance business that's such a rip off.

I look at the funeral industry like I do a CPA and a lawyer. I just want to deal with them once--and preferably after I'm gone.

Plus, the big player (SCI which is also known as "Dignity") buys up the Mom and Pop shops/cemeteries but keeps the name. So Johnny and Sons Funeral home isn't Johnny's (or his sons') anymore. Another "secret" is often the body preparations (embalming, etc) will be contracted out and is done in a warehouse somewhere away from the funeral "home." Not that the dead will really care, but I think it is worth noting that the industry is NOT what it was even as recently as 20 years ago.

Mom and Dad did prepaid through a cremation society and the cost was about $800 each. Nothing special. Picked up after died (removal), immediate cremation and returned in card board box. Did pay extra for additional copies of the death certificates. My parents thought that funerals were the ultimate waste of money and I would have felt "dishonorable" to spend lavishly.

We did spend a nice chunk of change on food/adult beverages for a remembrance "party"...also something they fully endorsed.

 

[ncbill]

~$4,000 a couple of years ago for a relative's cremation & graveside setup (chairs, tent) after the church service, including the cost of the death certificates by a local independently owned funeral home.

Instead of the above I'd prefer a direct cremation for as little $ as possible.

 

[Sunset]

Too bad end of life planning is not like vacation planning, if you don't do it, you don't go

 

[MuirWannabe]

Too bad end of life planning is not like vacation planning, if you don't do it, you don't go

Avoiding as we all know is impossible. I think the more important aspect of this ‘vacation planning’ is figuring out your destination.

 

[Golden sunsets]

My mother's funeral home cost in 2020 was just over $7,000, which included the cremation, urn, visiting hours, transfer to church for funeral, and subsequent transfer to the cemetery and set up with tent & chairs. There are other costs; flowers, grave opening, gravestone engraving, cemetery internment fee, state required cement vault, obituary publication in local paper, celebration of life fees for location and food/alcohol.

 

[youbet]

MIL prepaid about $7k seven years ago for a traditional wake, funeral with graveside service and the cemetery plot. She was just entering a NH and this was an expense not included in the Medicaid look-back period. When she ran of money after a couple years as private pay, she went to Medicaid. If she had spent less for final expenses, say just for a basic cremation, the difference would have just gone to the NH. It was convenient that it was all prepaid and pre-planned when she passed.

 

[rodi]

BIL passed earlier this spring. He had terminal cancer so he had pre-paid $1500 for direct cremation, a box with ashes (urns were an additional cost). death certificates, and use of the 'room' for a short service. I think it also included flowers, but did not include the obit. (Obits are a serious expense.)

My family (both parents, maternal grandparents) all donated their bodies to UCSD medical school. My paperwork is submitted/approved as well (sitting in our trust documents binder). Cost = $0 once you get the form notarized and mailed. (So small cost there.)

My brother wanted to be buried in 'high country' in a 'plain pine box' in Colorado. (He was a rock climber). The gravesite, embalming, 'cremation casket' (which was $2000 cheaper than the 'plain' burial casket), and burial was about $3k. Since there was no open casket at his church no need for fancy upholstery inside the box.

Hubby is doing direct cremation.

 

[braumeister]

Both my parents were WW II veterans, so entitled to burial in a national cemetery, but neither wanted anything but direct cremation and scattering the ashes. Simplified things enormously, and I got my closure by doing the scattering where they told me.

 

[athena53]

DH was cremated in 2016 for just under $1,000 here in a Kansas City suburb. That included pickup of his body and a few copies of the death certificate. I picked up the cremains about a week later in a standard plastic box, later replaced by one my brother, gifted woodworker, made. (They're in a heavy-duty plastic bag.)

An urn, as noted, is extra. Pink flamingos, sports team logos- infinite choices. All kinds of memorial paraphernalia. I have a sterling silver charm with an image of his fingerprint but turned down a glass paperweight containing cremains dyed pretty colors and swirled into a tasteful design ($485 plus tax).

Newspaper obituaries can get expensive. I paid $400 for 250 words. Good thing I didn't include a picture! The funeral home usually puts one on their site at no extra cost- mine did.

I had a full church service with 4 soloists so there was a cost to that, but that was my choice.

 

[SecondCor521]

Forgot about the obituary. I think my Mom's was also $400.

Certified copies of the death certificate were not that much - $10 each or something? We got 10 and ended up only needing three or so.

Grave markers (headstones) are expensive. My son's was $3K I think in 1993. My Mom's was free in 2016 - again courtesy of the US military / veteran deal. Although these may technically be optional, most people buried in cemeteries seem to have one.

Urns can be pricy, but apparently the cremation folks can put ashes in anything as long as it can be sealed shut. My son was cremated and his ashes were put in an antique sugar or creamer with lid that they glued shut.

My son's grave was $500 in 1993, so that's another cost to consider.

 

[ncbill]

DH was cremated in 2016 for just under $1,000 here in a Kansas City suburb. That included pickup of his body and a few copies of the death certificate. I picked up the cremains about a week later in a standard plastic box, later replaced by one my brother, gifted woodworker, made. (They're in a heavy-duty plastic bag.)

An urn, as noted, is extra. Pink flamingos, sports team logos- infinite choices. All kinds of memorial paraphernalia. I have a sterling silver charm with an image of his fingerprint but turned down a glass paperweight containing cremains dyed pretty colors and swirled into a tasteful design ($485 plus tax).

Newspaper obituaries can get expensive. I paid $400 for 250 words. Good thing I didn't include a picture! The funeral home usually puts one on their site at no extra cost- mine did.

I had a full church service with 4 soloists so there was a cost to that, but that was my choice.

I put my relative's kids in charge of the obituary...they decided in the end the free one on the funeral home's website was good enough...I've told my spouse to follow their example.

 

[athena53]

I put my relative's kids in charge of the obituary...they decided in the end the free one on the funeral home's website was good enough...I've told my spouse to follow their example.

That's what Dad did with Mom. I wanted DH's in the papers because he had a group of friends from HS that I knew would want to see it and I also sent a copy to his brother in CA, who couldn't get t the funeral because of his own health issues.

Now, on the rare occasions when I read a newspaper and see an obit that goes on for multiple columns, I wonder what the heck it cost.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I put my relative's kids in charge of the obituary...they decided in the end the free one on the funeral home's website was good enough...I've told my spouse to follow their example.

One of the most prolific and interesting person I knew only had the obligatory death notice in the paper. Something to the effect of "John Smith died on 1/1/21. No services are planned." This is what he wanted and told me once that the people who count already knows of his life story.

 

[Morgan22]

Direct cremation around my HCOL area last time we looked was about $1,400. My mom wants to go this route. No embalming or viewing. She wants the kids/grandkids to then rent a party boat and scatter her ashes in the ocean.

My husband and myself want to go the same route.

 

[RetireeRobert]

OP---I would suggest you talk to various funeral homes. The price quoted you does seem very high for cremation. Also look into perhaps crematorium services that may be available in larger metropolitan areas of your locale.