End of Life Planning

[aja8888]

Yes, it appears cremation is hot.

Wait until the global warming people get a hold of this!

 

[athena53]

I'm surprised how many people are opting for cremation in this thread. Our family and friends are still all getting buried.

I'm visiting Hermann, MO with a friend right now whose grandparents and some other relatives are buried in a little church yard nearby. We also visited one in Iowa in another road trip and visited another little church yard where other relatives are buried (now surrounded by wind turbines. He's mentioned that he might be the last generation to visit those sites. Both are 3+ hours from home. So, it may be a function of a more mobile population and also a function of the expense. When my husband and I discussed it in his last months, it just didn't make sense to spend the $$ on in-ground burial. Instead, we decided I'd send $1K/month to his DB and DSIL, who were always struggling for money, for 24 months. They were thrilled.

 

[Souschef]

I live on the West Coast, as do my sons. Both my parents have passed. There is a family plot back in New Jersey, but it makes no sense to me to be buried there. I plan to be cremated, and my ashes scattered at sea where my late wife was scattered.

 

[Sunset]

Some folks do cremation and then have the ashes buried.

We just buried my FIL, and he and his wife are in the same plot as both are cremated.

I don't know if there is an official limit, but I think 4 folks could fit in 1 plot when all cremated.

 

[RetireeRobert]

Some folks do cremation and then have the ashes buried.

We just buried my FIL, and he and his wife are in the same plot as both are cremated.

I don't know if there is an official limit, but I think 4 folks could fit in 1 plot when all cremated.

I think any "limit" depends on the particular cemetery. The pioneer cemetery where my wife is buried and where I have a plot next to hers does allow urns with cremains to be placed in plots. But that particular cemetery says "only two urns" per plot. Some cemeteries may not specify any limit for cremains in urns, so yes, four could easily fit.

 

[The Cosmic Avenger]

I'm surprised how many people are opting for cremation in this thread. Our family and friends are still all getting buried.

Well, we will run out of real estate eventually, as the amount of that is fixed, and the population is increasing faster and faster every year.

 

[SecondCor521]

I think any "limit" depends on the particular cemetery. The pioneer cemetery where my wife is buried and where I have a plot next to hers does allow urns with cremains to be placed in plots. But that particular cemetery says "only two urns" per plot. Some cemeteries may not specify any limit for cremains in urns, so yes, four could easily fit.

The main issue I think is not accidentally digging up a previously interred urn of ashes when burying urns #2 through #N. (I think they use a digging machine of some kind and not shovels, so hitting an urn with a backhoe or posthole digger would not be good PR.)

The cemetery I'm familiar with has a system that urns are always buried in a specific location in the plot. I think they allow (at least) one urn and one casket per plot.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I think any "limit" depends on the particular cemetery. The pioneer cemetery where my wife is buried and where I have a plot next to hers does allow urns with cremains to be placed in plots. But that particular cemetery says "only two urns" per plot. Some cemeteries may not specify any limit for cremains in urns, so yes, four could easily fit.

And that tells me that it is only about the money. You could put a LOT of cremains in a single cemetery plot (if they allowed compostable urns). The cost of "placing" cremains in some cemeteries is nothing but a rip off, IMHO.

 

[ncbill]

You may need a Plan B. I looked into it in DH's last months and the place I checked didn't accept emaciated bodies. Poor DH certainly was at that point- 6'2" and 117 lbs.- so that was not an option.

Yep, always best to get a commitment...my in-laws are going that route since the local medical school really wants his body because of some of the medical procedures he underwent much later in life than typical...gotta collect that data for the next journal paper.

IIRC as a condition of his donation he got them to accept hers as well.

 

[Amethyst]

Wow, that would have ruled out both my parents; almost certainly my thin husband, and probably me! Maybe it is a way of excluding people who died of contagious diseases? When we registered as body donors in Maryland, there was nothing about "condition of the body." I will check on the rules in Florida.

When I had PT for my shoulder, I chatted with the various young therapists, some of whom were still in college for their certification. They do a lot of anatomy studies on cadavers, and 8 or more students have to share a single one, so donations are more than welcome. I asked if there were any exclusions. They were like, no way. The best teaching tools are imperfect bodies, like real patients have - arthritis, artificial joints, etc.

You may need a Plan B. I looked into it in DH's last months and the place I checked didn't accept emaciated bodies. Poor DH certainly was at that point- 6'2" and 117 lbs.- so that was not an option.

 

[RetireeRobert]

The main issue I think is not accidentally digging up a previously interred urn of ashes when burying urns #2 through #N. (I think they use a digging machine of some kind and not shovels, so hitting an urn with a backhoe or posthole digger would not be good PR.)

The cemetery I'm familiar with has a system that urns are always buried in a specific location in the plot. I think they allow (at least) one urn and one casket per plot.

That makes a lot of sense. It would be very difficult to avoid disturbing the previously place cremains urns in a plot without some limits (such as two) as you say, or without the "particular location" within a plot scheme you mention.

The pioneer cemetery my wife is buried at has not only has the "two cremains urns per plot" rule, but they also have a little corner of the cemetery where the plots are reserved "only" for interment of cremains urns--no caskets in plots in that section.

 

[RetireeRobert]

And that tells me that it is only about the money. You could put a LOT of cremains in a single cemetery plot (if they allowed compostable urns). The cost of "placing" cremains in some cemeteries is nothing but a rip off, IMHO.

I don't think it is always "only about the money", but I would say it does depend on the cemetery. I know in my town, at one time I looked into the chain company owned very fancy cemetery, and also into another locally owned cemetery. The prices at the chain cemetery frankly shocked me. The locally owned one not so. The chain had fees for this and fees for that and fees for the other thing. And those fees were not cheap.

 

[athena53]

Wow, that would have ruled out both my parents; almost certainly my thin husband, and probably me! Maybe it is a way of excluding people who died of contagious diseases?

I doubt most healthy people are "emaciated". My BMI is under 20 but I've got a lot of healthy muscle tissue. DH was just about down to skin and bones so maybe it's that they want enough muscle tissue to study. He died of leukemia so contagion wasn't a concern.

And that tells me that it is only about the money. You could put a LOT of cremains in a single cemetery plot (if they allowed compostable urns). The cost of "placing" cremains in some cemeteries is nothing but a rip off, IMHO.

Yeah, it seems wasteful to me to require that cremains be in a traditional urn. I never priced them but like most funeral-associated things I'd suspect they're overpriced. Why put them in the ground?

When DH's mother died they tried to sell him a coffin to put her body in for the cremation. There were no calling hours and he probably had a very simple church funeral (she'd moved to be with him and had no friends in the area). He found that they also had a cardboard version. He went with that, knowing that she'd have made that choice, too.

 

[Scrapr]

I got an urn off of Etsy. It's beautiful. I spread about half my late wife's ashes in a high mountain lake & a mountain we snowshoed a lot. The other half will be spread in Little Cayman along with half of mine. We talked about internment but came to the conclusion after the present generation dies that there won't be many visitors.

 

[Amethyst]

If I don't get to help medical students, then I want my ashes to go into a garden. Flowers love bone ash.

 

[RetiredHappy]

We are both going to be cremated with no memorial service and stated as such in our trust. If my husband goes first, I will keep his ashes for a little while and then scatter half of his ashes at Pebble Beach golf course and half at our country club course. Hopefully it is legal. For my ashes, whatever my husband and my son want to do with it. I will be dead and I won't care.

 

[RetireeRobert]

If my husband goes first, I will keep his ashes for a little while and then scatter half of his ashes at Pebble Beach golf course and half at our country club course. Hopefully it is legal. .

I don't think I would say anything ahead of time to the golf course folks about it. You may want to go play a round of golf at the needed time, and quietly/privately scatter the ashes.

 

[RetiredHappy]

I don't think I would say anything ahead of time to the golf course folks about it. You may want to go play a round of golf at the needed time, and quietly/privately scatter the ashes.

+

 

[Scuba]

Wow, that would have ruled out both my parents; almost certainly my thin husband, and probably me! Maybe it is a way of excluding people who died of contagious diseases? When we registered as body donors in Maryland, there was nothing about "condition of the body." I will check on the rules in Florida.

When I had PT for my shoulder, I chatted with the various young therapists, some of whom were still in college for their certification. They do a lot of anatomy studies on cadavers, and 8 or more students have to share a single one, so donations are more than welcome. I asked if there were any exclusions. They were like, no way. The best teaching tools are imperfect bodies, like real patients have - arthritis, artificial joints, etc.

The sciencecare website has a few exclusions mentioned, one of which is extremely low BMI. Unlikely to be a problem for either DH or me based on genetics and where we are now, but one never knows.

 

[simple girl]

When I had PT for my shoulder, I chatted with the various young therapists, some of whom were still in college for their certification. They do a lot of anatomy studies on cadavers, and 8 or more students have to share a single one, so donations are more than welcome. I asked if there were any exclusions. They were like, no way. The best teaching tools are imperfect bodies, like real patients have - arthritis, artificial joints, etc.

EXACTLY. In my PT human anatomy class, when someone found something interesting, we would all gather around in fascination at the discovery. It's truly an amazing gift to give your body to science.

 

[YakGrl]

I was able to purchase a granite bench that has 4 holes inside the base for cremains. I have my father and two sisters there now. Their names and dates are engraved on the base. It sits under a tree in the cemetery. After I purchased it for my sister's burial, I paid for opening and engraving to add additional family members.

 

[street]

Yep, cremated for me, not sure of my DW plans yet. My wishes are to be spread over the ranch and in the back country where I hunt and hike. I will have a marker in a rural cemetery not far from the ranch.
There is no cost for the spot where a native rock is in place now with my name and some ashes buried there. I won't have a service but would like a family gathering at sometime of ashes burial and some words from God's Scripture.

 

[Badger]

If you don't want to scatter ashes then what about placing in a columbarium or in a crypt in a mausoleum. They can also be converted into glass or synthetic diamonds. Lots of options.


Cheers!

 

[athena53]

I don't think I would say anything ahead of time to the golf course folks about it. You may want to go play a round of golf at the needed time, and quietly/privately scatter the ashes.

In the 5 years since DH died, I've left bits of his ashes in the lake behind our house, in the Panama Canal, in the Ganges at Varanasi, in Alaska and Hawaii, in Costa Rica, in Bolivia, off of a bridge in Paris, at the top of Arthur's Seat in Edinburgh, under a tree in Kathmandu, and in Iceland. Only in India, where it's a respected practice, and in Hawaii, where it was the site of an ancient burial ground on Lanai, did anyone know. DH knew that was the plan and liked the idea. I'm not done yet.

I'm glad to know that bone ash is good for the flowers!

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

In the 5 years since DH died, I've left bits of his ashes in the lake behind our house, in the Panama Canal, in the Ganges at Varanasi, in Alaska and Hawaii, in Costa Rica, in Bolivia, off of a bridge in Paris, at the top of Arthur's Seat in Edinburgh, under a tree in Kathmandu, and in Iceland. Only in India, where it's a respected practice, and in Hawaii, where it was the site of an ancient burial ground on Lanai, did anyone know. DH knew that was the plan and liked the idea. I'm not done yet.

I'm glad to know that bone ash is good for the flowers!

This x1000! I have made sure that my Mom and Dad have been "travelling" the world as best as they can. Lots of places they get to visit for eternity. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.