Feeling sad in retirement

[FREE866]

That's sad commentary but I agree. We limit our news sources and frequency more than ever before, we're determined to stay informed but it's a lot harder to get a balanced picture these days...more noise than facts nowadays it seems. I used to watch Fox and CNN to get both sides of every story, but had to quit that almost 10 years ago when they both decided having an agenda was part of their MOs.

Yep. I remember years ago when Jon Stewart and Bill O'reilly used to have these debates on Fox. They were great. Civil and thought provoking. It would be so refreshing to have someone like Tucker Carlson debate Rachel Maddow. But now there is no discourse; it's all for entertainment , clicks and likes. I find it very upsetting. There is no more journalism. End of rant.

 

[meridiver]

Is it possible that you retired because you were financially able to and were told you should, rather than because you actually wanted to?

If so, maybe you should go back to teaching, just do so on your own terms. Either volunteer (you'd be surprised at how much more enjoyable it is to work when you don't have a profit motive being held over your head ), or do it part-time on a schedule that allows you to accomplish your personal goals regarding decluttering, workouts, etc.

 

[38Chevy454]

Old saying: You can have a job to retire from, but you need something to retire to. It seems you are having trouble with the nonworking side of the equation. You are feeling something missing that you used to get from work.

Maybe you can go back to work, part time may be enough to provide some of what you feel is missing. Having your spouse now retiring may also help as you can plan activities to do together.

I know it doesn't help your case, but in my working life I always said quality of life is what happened outside of work. Work was just a means to provide resources for the life outside work. Maybe you can try adopting a similar type attitude? Think about what makes you happy. Then do things to increase the happiness. It sounds simplistic, but recognizing that you are in a big life change also takes some time to adjust, as other previous replies have discussed.

 

[Teacher Terry]

How did you find these people to help?

Honestly by not looking. I a very outgoing friendly person so tend to meet people in my everyday life. This has always been the case.

 

[raypep]

Well-Said

Not much advice but life is so short, and I personally take advantage of every minute I have each day and enjoy it some way somehow.

I have picked new thing to do and to learn about during them in retirement and go do it. I wish you the best and hope you find that balance and love for new things to discover.

Retirement isn't the end but the beginning.

Insightful !

Thanks for sharing.

 

[sengsational]

I just read "From Strength to Strength" by Arthur C. Brooks. The book opens, and in fact the author says the reason he wrote the book was a conversation he overheard from the row behind him on an airline flight. The man was saying to his wife how he'd be better off dead. When they deplaned, Brooks (and most other people) recognized this man as someone who accomplished great things in his life. The book talks about how it's logical for people to pursue a different thing before around age 50, and then jump off that track and onto another track that uses the strengths that one can only acquire through many years of experience living. The book talks about two "curves". The first one falls off quite rapidly, and the second one, which utilizes a different set of strengths and comes along later, continues to be high into old age. Back to the point of the thread, the way I understood it, if one attempts to keep on the first curve, as your young person skills diminish, that would lead to sadness. Although jumping to the other curve means leaving behind what you know, it's a way to find fulfillment in the later years. Although I didn't agree with everything in the book, there's a lot of worthwhile concepts that might help make retirement happier.

 

[Buckeye]

Try these guys: https://www.redcross.org/local/virginia.html The Red Cross has an incredible range of volunteer jobs and they do an outstanding job of managing and appreciating the volunteers. You might like teaching some of the classes Red Cross offers, or providing emergency assistance to local families displaced by home fires, or you may be interested in deploying to disasters anywhere in the country. I just got an email yesterday saying that they need 41 Disaster Assessment workers (a speciality I have trained in) in Kentucky. Unfortunately I can't go, but there are many disaster support specialties and a seemingly unending need for volunteers. Check here too: https://www.redcross.org/volunteer/become-a-volunteer.html#step1

Glad you have had a good experience. My husband volunteered for probably ten years but quit about 3 years ago because volunteers were being treated like dirt. He had a health emergency at one location because volunteers weren't provided adequate hydration. It was a fiasco getting home. Maybe things have gotten better recently. It broke his heart to quit.
https://www.propublica.org/article/the-corporate-takeover-of-the-red-cross

 

[pletal]

I am terrified of full retirement. Have always be a creator to a sort. The money aspect of it seems to be working out but I cannot for the life of me decide on my path moving forward. Hang in there, I get where you are coming from.

 

[Koolau]

I just read "From Strength to Strength" by Arthur C. Brooks. The book opens, and in fact the author says the reason he wrote the book was a conversation he overheard from the row behind him on an airline flight. The man was saying to his wife how he'd be better off dead. When they deplaned, Brooks (and most other people) recognized this man as someone who accomplished great things in his life. The book talks about how it's logical for people to pursue a different thing before around age 50, and then jump off that track and onto another track that uses the strengths that one can only acquire through many years of experience living. The book talks about two "curves". The first one falls off quite rapidly, and the second one, which utilizes a different set of strengths and comes along later, continues to be high into old age. Back to the point of the thread, the way I understood it, if one attempts to keep on the first curve, as your young person skills diminish, that would lead to sadness. Although jumping to the other curve means leaving behind what you know, it's a way to find fulfillment in the later years. Although I didn't agree with everything in the book, there's a lot of worthwhile concepts that might help make retirement happier.

Vaguely reminds me of a workshop that Megacorp had all of us take. It was called C@reer Anchors. It helped one identify the "motivators" for w*rking. Identified motivators included "Pure challenge", "Entrepreneur", a few others and then mine: "Professional Competence" (being recognized as an expert at "something" and "Life Style" (basically, you w*rk to get money to do the stuff you actually like to do in "life.")

If I adapted my two top anchors to the "curve" theory, it's a good fit. The first half of my c@reer, I concentrated on getting good at what I did. I was recognized for it and moved into a position where I was considered an authority. By the time megacorp forgot that they needed my type of expertise, I realized that I also wanted the resources to FIRE and live the way I wanted to live (lifestyle.) While I still did the professional stuff, I concentrated much more on amassing my "stash" so, when the time came, I could do anything I wanted. After only 17 years of retirement, maybe the verdict isn't in, but I think I played it about right. YMMV

 

[Teacher Terry]

People that have been in the military and asked Red Cross for help have awful stories to tell. Both my dad and husband had bad personal experiences. I wouldn’t volunteer or give them a dime.

 

[Koolau]

People that have been in the military and asked Red Cross for help have awful stories to tell. Both my dad and husband had bad personal experiences. I wouldn’t volunteer or give them a dime.

Yeah, FIL fought all over the Pacific Theater of WWII. To his dying day, he cursed the RC. I'm sure lots of folks believe them to be a worthy organization doing lots of good. I have no knowledge, one way or the other. I'll personally support smaller, more local organizations without the monolithic structure, staffed by layers of high-paid bureaucrats and staff. It's also much easier to find stratifying volunteer positions in smaller organizations. YMMV

 

[braumeister]

I'm sure the Red Cross does plenty of good work. But as mentioned, those in combat often have a different impression based on their personal encounters.

My dad (WW II European combat) despised the Red Cross based on his experience, and praised the Salvation Army.

Interestingly, nearly 30 years later, I had exactly the same experience in Vietnam.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

People that have been in the military and asked Red Cross for help have awful stories to tell. Both my dad and husband had bad personal experiences. I wouldn’t volunteer or give them a dime.

And some of us that were in the military and needed the assistance of the Red Cross got that and more and will be eternally grateful for their assistance. This isn't to say they are the best volunteer organization out there, but they can *and do* help.

 

[Koolau]

And some of us that were in the military and needed the assistance of the Red Cross got that and more and will be eternally grateful for their assistance. This isn't to say they are the best volunteer organization out there, but they can *and do* help.

I am glad to hear that. They are a very large organization. I hear good things and not so good. I would think they would work on their reputation which is mixed at best. My only experience is helping to fund them. My biggest issue with them has been soliciting for one "catastrophic thing" and those funds not going totally to that. Returning you now...

 

[Irishgirlyc58]

Due to some of the wildfires in California I was responsible to open up an evacuation center until the Red Cross could get there.
Honestly, they were a nightmare to deal with. They didn’t show up until several days past the date they stated. In fact I’m still waiting for 4 nurses from the Red Cross to show up from a disaster 5 years ago. [emoji15]
In my experience it really is dependent on the local chapter and of course the person running that chapter.

 

[aja8888]

Glad you have had a good experience. My husband volunteered for probably ten years but quit about 3 years ago because volunteers were being treated like dirt. He had a health emergency at one location because volunteers weren't provided adequate hydration. It was a fiasco getting home. Maybe things have gotten better recently. It broke his heart to quit.
https://www.propublica.org/article/the-corporate-takeover-of-the-red-cross

Buckeye, this article is 7 years old. And they turned the reins over to ex AT&T people to run the RC? Look how things are going under AT&T. No wonder the RC is in shambles.

 

[sparky08]

I just read "From Strength to Strength" by Arthur C. Brooks. The book opens, and in fact the author says the reason he wrote the book was a conversation he overheard from the row behind him on an airline flight. The man was saying to his wife how he'd be better off dead. When they deplaned, Brooks (and most other people) recognized this man as someone who accomplished great things in his life. The book talks about how it's logical for people to pursue a different thing before around age 50, and then jump off that track and onto another track that uses the strengths that one can only acquire through many years of experience living. The book talks about two "curves". The first one falls off quite rapidly, and the second one, which utilizes a different set of strengths and comes along later, continues to be high into old age. Back to the point of the thread, the way I understood it, if one attempts to keep on the first curve, as your young person skills diminish, that would lead to sadness. Although jumping to the other curve means leaving behind what you know, it's a way to find fulfillment in the later years. Although I didn't agree with everything in the book, there's a lot of worthwhile concepts that might help make retirement happier.

Interesting coincidence.

I started reading "From Strength to Strength" yesterday....on the plane ride home from cleaning out my office (I had been working remotely). I'm leaving my job of 25 years and don't know what's next. But I had grown to hate my job. Even though staying a couple more years would have put us in a great financial position, it wasn't worth it.

As the OP says, the author talks about two curves, a 'Fluid Intelligence' and a 'Crystalized Intelligence'. The Fluid is the innovative. The example is a brilliant mathematician. Most of them did their groundbreaking work before age 40. Afterwards, the Crystalized takes over. Not as innovative, but builds on what we've learned over the years. If you embrace it, you will be a happier person. (so the book says)

I've just started the book, but am looking forward to reading more.

 

[Teacher Terry]

The Salvation Army is a much better organization. They spend very little on salaries, etc but they are religious and that ties into the commitment and why they are willing to work for low salaries. The husband and wife are a team and both expected to work for the husband’s salary. It’s also run like the military. In my career as a social worker I saw the good they did for our clients through the years.

 

[Koolau]

The Salvation Army is a much better organization. They spend very little on salaries, etc but they are religious and that ties into the commitment and why they are willing to work for low salaries. The husband and wife are a team and both expected to work for the husband’s salary. It’s also run like the military. In my career as a social worker I saw the good they did for our clients through the years.

Yes, SA is very big in the Islands and do a lot of good. I've never heard any significant issues with SA locally or world wide as I have with RC. Having said that, I do still support both.

 

[Buckeye]

I didn't read the other replies; this reply is perfect for OP.

I've read it 21 days to create a new habit that sticks. That will fly by quickly!

 

[vafoodie]

“The routine I want for myself is to get up, tidy for a solid couple of hours, go to the gym, read for a few hours, cook dinner, watch some tv.”

If I recall correctly from your earlier posts, this wasn’t exactly what you had planned for your retirement. Wasn’t extended travel in your plans? If DH didn’t retire at the same time, I can see why this wasn’t an option so maybe it’s time to revisit now that he’s retired? Covid certainly made it tough, but we are just completing our first 3 month trip internationally since Covid and it’s nice to be able to do it again!

If what you really want in life is the routine you mentioned and have a work family again, then it is absolutely ok. If however you think it could be depression or just a slump, then going to your doctor and getting encouragement from this group is definitely the right thing to do! Good luck and know we are here for ya!

Yes, original plan was to do a lot of traveling and live in different places for a month or so. Since dh retired, we have been taking 2 week road trips, and now I’ve been rethinking the month long plan idea. If we do do that, and there is definitely a long stay in Europe on the horizon, I have to figure out how to take the dogs. Boy, do I miss my dogs when we are on the road!

 

[qwerty3656]

The Salvation Army is a much better organization. They spend very little on salaries, etc but they are religious and that ties into the commitment and why they are willing to work for low salaries. The husband and wife are a team and both expected to work for the husband’s salary. It’s also run like the military. In my career as a social worker I saw the good they did for our clients through the years.

+1 Salvation Army over Red Cross

 

[trumpeting_angel]

vafoodie, I have had depression most of my adult life, well-controlled with medication. I moved during the pandemic, leaving my now-ex. I moved to a different state to be near my daughter who was desperate in 2020 because she and her husband were both working from home, had a 2-year-old, and the day care closed.


It was meaningful to help out, and now there are two granddaughters, ages 4, and 6 months. <my sweet little girls!> But I didn't know anyone, and everything was closed. I did travel to ski with friends, and that was wonderful. But otherwise, I was in a horrible rut. Spent long days with Netflix and food. Finally, I got a job at a garden center, and when that was over, a ski shop. Working (2-3 days/week) was so much better for me. In both jobs, I got to use skills that weren't a part of my old job. Very far from forensic psychology!


I had a place to go, people to see who became familiar, and customers looking for help. Unfortunately, I got Covid in March and haven't been up to working in those physical jobs, but I'm interviewing again for a more cerebral job this time.



I've read that it takes months to years to get into the groove once we retire. I think Covid has worsened this for many of us. I know for me, being single, living in a new place, and dealing with the pandemic has made the transition much harder.

 

[Irishgirlyc58]

The Salvation Army is a much better organization. They spend very little on salaries, etc but they are religious and that ties into the commitment and why they are willing to work for low salaries. The husband and wife are a team and both expected to work for the husband’s salary. It’s also run like the military. In my career as a social worker I saw the good they did for our clients through the years.

I have had the complete opposite experience with SA in my local area. I was in social services/health and human services for 35 years and they are a difficult organization to deal with in my experience.

Maybe it’s their sexist policies that you site above. But there is definitely something remiss with that organization-IMHO.

 

[skyking1]

I can certainly sympathize those of you who had difficulties with your transition. I think it's going to be somewhat of an issue for us too. DW so identifies with what she does at work. She sees retirement as stepping off a plane and she's not so sure about the parachute.