To me it sounds like your coping mechanisms have fallen off since they don't require the same level of use as during work years, for example. Those pathways grew weaker. So you don't have the same satisfactory output as before.I have read the entire thread you started (and linked to). I've found certain responses more relatable than others but the thread itself seems to be more about social interactions than anything else. I thought about that: am I more energized by solitude (an introvert) or a company of others (an extrovert)? It depends on the situation, company and whether I am in control. I also don't think it's my problem; I maintain close friendships with people I find stimulating, make an effort to meet acquaintances plus I do well in the "dating" department (ehem).
Full disclosure: I'm a bit sociopathic, can't really feel empathy. So while I do feel primal emotions: pleasure, anger, fear etc. the more complex ones have to be faked. I know how I'm supposed to feel (say, someone from my circle dies) so I display proper emotions but I don't care. Having pets, children or SO is not an option for that reason. And that's totally OK, I like that about myself. A few great friends that I can dose as needed are way better for me than a dog. Or a SO. Those are around 24/7 and that's a nope.
My problem is that my brain kind of works like a computer: I feed it certain data and I expect results based on the program that my brain has been running for years. Say, I go on a date with a preselected individual and get intimate (well, physical), I expect the pleasurable outcome. If I book a trip to a destination I am interested in, I believe I will learn new things and stimulate my senses. If I go to my favorite museum and see an exhibition of such-and-such, I will be intellectually rewarded. And so on. Up until very recently it worked exactly as expected and as I wanted. But lately, it all feels like it's running in a loop even though I feed it new data. So I don't even feel like collecting new experiences.
I don't think the problem is with input - it's the processor that went bad.
Asperger’s Syndrome.
“people with Asperger's Syndrome have a difficult time relating to others socially and their behavior and thinking patterns can be rigid and repetitive.”
It’s now called Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD). I have family members with this disorder (formerly high functioning Autism). I thought the same thing when I saw his description of himself. Interestingly, depression and anxiety are nearly always present in someone with ASD.
It’s now called Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD). I have family members with this disorder (formerly high functioning Autism). I thought the same thing when I saw his description of himself. Interestingly, depression and anxiety are nearly always present in someone with ASD.
It seems like the last two or so years have sucked the joy out of my life. I'm reasonably healthy and well adjusted, doing what I thought I always wanted to do, socially ok, financially fine (perhaps struggling a bit with switching from "saving" to "spending" mode) and overall content. Yet I don't experience the same emotions and think the same thoughts as I did when I first retired - which was pure exuberance.
Everywhere I travel seems like a place I've already been to, every person I meet feels like someone I've already met before, everything I do is something I've done - literally. I am unable to enjoy "being in the moment" and I'm always anxious: about what I've just done and about what I'm about to do.
WTF is my problem: too much time and too much money? I don't believe my retirement is the reason for feeling this way. But that's where I am and it sucks.
I find that a lot of retirees focus on superficial external activities (e.g., lots of travel), as if those by themselves are going to result in a happy retirement. Maybe this is an opportunity to go deeper.
According to the longest research study on happiness, the number one factor is, "relationships, relationships, relationships" - https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/st...showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/.
There's a lot of other factors from other studies, too, like sunshine, forest bathing music, exercise, expressing gratitude, and diet to name just a few. It is a well researched subject and it is easy to get books or watch Tedtalks on how to be happier with many suggestions to try out.
Could you elaborate, please? What do you mean by “going deeper”? And yes, long term travel is exactly what I focused on. Travel was always a hobby that I turned into a lifestyle. It’s a mixture of moving around a lot and staying out in one place for a month or longer.
To recap, my suggestion about "going deeper" was in response to your statement that you were "doing what I always thought I wanted to do" and yet you were unhappy. I'm suggesting that perhaps you didn't know what you really wanted at a deep level, and that your current state may provide an opportunity to delve deeper.
I'm trying to get at this: many people have superficial answers to the deeper questions of life.
Questions like "What is really meaningful to me?" "What matters most to me?" "What sort of person do I want to be?" "What sort of experiences do I value the most in life?" "What am I here for?"
A lot of people haven't given those questions much thought. As a result, their answers are shallow, focused on external activities like travel, golf, sightseeing, etc.. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with doing those things. I'm saying that a person whose answer to the Big Questions of Life is "travel and golf" hasn't reflected on the questions much.
So, by "going deeper," I'm talking about reflecting, introspecting. Asking yourself questions that lead you deeper into what your core values and motivations are, what you really want, what really matters and fulfills you. There are plenty of guided resources out there to help prompt that sort of self-exploration, if you find that helpful. A good therapist can also help (although many are symptom-focused, and exploring the Big Questions isn't really their forte).
p.s. I saw your remark about being "a bit sociopathic." I'd be careful about labelling yourself like that, especially in public. Other people are likely to hear that as, "I'm a bit of a serial killer."
If you've researched sociopathy and see yourself in it, that's one thing. I think mild levels of sociopathy are common (The Sociopath Next Door puts it at about 1 in 20 people), so it's possible that you've hit the nail on the head. But there are other possibilities, too -- like the Autism Spectrum Disorder that others have mentioned. Narcissism would be another. History of abuse or trauma would be another -- anything that cuts you off from your own emotional core.
pps. I just saw your remark above about "having very close friends from high school + college and friends/neighbors that are like my family." That's not the profile of someone who lacks empathy. I suspect you are misdiagnosing yourself.
So, have you decided to try therapy or not?
I thought I had it all worked out. And yet...
According to the longest research study on happiness, the number one factor is, "relationships, relationships, relationships" - https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/st...showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/.
The relationships thing.... What if a person is a stone-cold introvert? Outside of my immediate family, other people wear on me pretty quickly.