Last move

[Scuba]

The most daunting thing for me about moving is that we are very picky about our home. We have remodeled the last several homes we’ve owned, including one that was new construction when we bought it. Remodeling adds a huge cost and hassle factor to a move. If you do a custom new build, you can get exactly what you want, I suppose, but we haven’t ever done that.

 

[W2R]

Can anyone address the psychological aspects of the "last move"? I lived in Ohio my first 25 years, NJ the second 25 and then to the Kansas City area. It almost sounds right to move to Des Moines where DS and DDIL live when I'm 75, maybe to Independent Living. That's a little over 5 years from now.

And yet... I have longstanding relationships at my church and a lot of my free time is church-related- being vestry warden, on Diocesan Council, preaching an occasional sermon... I'm involved in the HOA and the Garden Club. I know where to buy things when I want brick-and-mortar stores. I'd have to replace my dentist, my oral surgeon and my other doctors. That list isn't too long now but I'm sure it will grow. I'm also in a good relationship that we do NOT intend to lead to marriage or even cohabitation but I'd have to say goodbye to him (or any subsequent partner). I LOVE my house- more than any other one where I've lived.

Has it been difficult to adjust to a fresh start many miles away?

YMMV, but all that would utterly destroy me. Losing your lovely house, all your friends, your church, your partner, and more? What more is there in life? Each to her own, but I would stay put. Here's an idea: maybe you can see how you feel about it by renting a place there for a few months each year for a while, and see how it goes.

 

[blueskyk]

My Dad was a career Air Force pilot and we moved every 3-4 years growing up. I learned each move reboots your life.

After retiring, we moved 500 miles away to a new state at 62. It was a big project for sure - decluttering, getting ready for home sale, trips to new place house hunting, getting settled in the new place where we only knew one person. Indeed, it was stressful…but it was also satisfying to navigate the challenges (some more successfully than others).

And I’m so glad we did. Moving to a new place is like giving the old rug of your life a hard snap - letting go of what was and opening up to whats new. Life opened up in unexpected ways as we explored a new place and local culture.

It takes a while to acclimate to a new place but, for us anyway, the entire adventure was a good call. One little caveat on the actual moving part - next time, we’ll call a mover to transport. We did the drop-off-the-trailer-and-you-load-it thing and hired someone (supposedly experienced) to actually pack it properly. This did not go as well as planned.

 

[athena53]

YMMV, but all that would utterly destroy me. Losing your lovely house, all your friends, your church, your partner, and more? What more is there in life? Each to her own, but I would stay put. Here's an idea: maybe you can see how you feel about it by renting a place there for a few months each year for a while, and see how it goes.

What more? My grandchildren. I also want to make sure that if I end up in LTC or even Assisted Living, I'll have family nearby to visit and check in on me. I do NOT want to be one of those parents who expect their kids to drop everything and drive 3 hours one-way when I have an emergency.

Renting may not be a bad idea- scope out the area, make contacts, find a church home, etc.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I have moved 30 times since I was 18. Some were across town and some cross country. I always do all my packing/unpacking. Until I was 50 also loaded and unloaded the truck but at 50 decided to hire that part. My last move was 2 years ago at 66.

I have helped many friends and family empty their homes. I recently started a side gig decluttering, downsizing, organizing and packing/unpacking for people. I enjoy doing this so decided why not make some money.

Athena, no way would I give up my life to be closer to grandchildren. The older they get the busier they will be with their own lives and the less you will see them. I have lived in Reno 26 years and have a great network of friends and one of my sons also moved here. Even if they left I wouldn’t follow. Isolation in your senior years is psychologically unhealthy and to put all your eggs in one basket I think is unwise.

 

[ivinsfan]

What more? My grandchildren. I also want to make sure that if I end up in LTC or even Assisted Living, I'll have family nearby to visit and check in on me. I do NOT want to be one of those parents who expect their kids to drop everything and drive 3 hours one-way when I have an emergency.

Renting may not be a bad idea- scope out the area, make contacts, find a church home, etc.

One must be a 100% certain that family member is planning to keep living in the area. Now since your finances seem to be rock solid a 3rd option could be relocating your family( in the same city) and helping them buy a home where you can either buy 2 homes next to each other OR getting a larger home that can be remodeled into a 2 family or granny flat home. It would be easy peasy to go back and forth to your own home while you figure out the future..

 

[Freedom56]

My parents moved at the age of 81 from their home to a full service condo where all rooms are on one floor. It was becoming more and more difficult for them manage maintenance issues, climb stairs, and deal with scammers who phoned on a regular basis , sent letters to them, and even knocked on their doors. I imagine the door knocking would not be an issue in rural areas but living in residential neighborhoods in large cities leaves a lot of seniors vulnerable. The bottom line is that it all depends on your health. If you are active and mobile and in your late 60's, you could probably stretch you move into the late 70's. If you are happy where you are, then stay put. My FIL is 87 and still lives at his home with my MIL who is 86. The have a lot of support staff to help with medical, cooking, cleaning, and driving. He intends to live his entire life at his home and he has every right to do so.

 

[Dtail]

We moved at retirement at 57 y.o. to Florida and love it. The plan is to stay in our current house until the maintenance becomes too much or possibly too expensive. Then would probably have one final move to a much smaller place with no maintenance.

 

[pacergal]

I would not move to be near family unless I was sure they would be staying put. But nowadays, it's sometimes hard to know that with the current job market.

We have a smaller SFH, all one level. Have been here over 30 years and We plan to stay here probably for life. When housekeeping or yard work get to be too much, we will hire out.
We have considered moving to a condo or apartment, but neither of those sound right for us now. But both of us are open to exploring condo or apartment living in our 80's if we feel the need to move for some reason.
We are blessed to have siblings and kids all within 30-45 minute drive and both of our children have no desire to leave the area or their jobs.

If we did desire to move, I would hire out professional packers and movers.
And I would join a local church and senior center as a means to start a new social circle.

Ronstar--what is fueling your desire to move? location, family?

 

[athena53]

I would not move to be near family unless I was sure they would be staying put. But nowadays, it's sometimes hard to know that with the current job market.

I agree. Nothing is certain, but DS just got a remote job with a company in a Chicago suburb and that's more of an option than it's ever been. (Will the pendulum swing back? I don't know.) DDIL is a SAHM and her recently-widowed mother will be moving to Des Moines to be near them. Her sister lives nearby and brother is in Omaha. Oldest grandchild is 8 so she won't be rushing off to college any time soon.

So... I'll re-assess the situation when I decide it's time to move but I think they're permanently rooted there.

 

[Spock]

One must be a 100% certain that family member is planning to keep living in the area. Now since your finances seem to be rock solid a 3rd option could be relocating your family( in the same city) and helping them buy a home where you can either buy 2 homes next to each other OR getting a larger home that can be remodeled into a 2 family or granny flat home. It would be easy peasy to go back and forth to your own home while you figure out the future..

This.
We signed a contract for a new house near by BILs up in the Great White North in Sept.
Now one BIL says they are going to snowbird to AZ, 60 miles from our current house!!!

 

[Ronstar]

Ronstar--what is fueling your desire to move? location, family?

Location is partially fueling desire to move. Downsizing is the other component. Only family nearby is MIL 12 miles away.

I can see a need to reduce home maintenance in the next 5 years. We can't find people to work around here. Lawn fertilizer guy quit after 1 application. 2 landscapers showed up to review our retaining wall project - never got a quote from either of them. Tree guy gave us a quote but never showed up.

So the end result is me doing everything. 5 acres and 4,000 sf 2 story walk out basement ranch to maintain - nonstop from April through October. A little less November through March. The house and yard work needs to be cut back significantly.

We need a 2,000 or less house, preferably new to reduce workload. And in a better climate than northern Illinois.

 

[Spock]

Location is partially fueling desire to move. Downsizing is the other component. Only family nearby is MIL 12 miles away.

I can see a need to reduce home maintenance in the next 5 years. We can't find people to work around here. Lawn fertilizer guy quit after 1 application. 2 landscapers showed up to review our retaining wall project - never got a quote from either of them. Tree guy gave us a quote but never showed up.

So the end result is me doing everything. 5 acres and 4,000 sf 2 story walk out basement ranch to maintain - nonstop from April through October. A little less November through March. The house and yard work needs to be cut back significantly.

We need a 2,000 or less house, preferably new to reduce workload. And in a better climate than northern Illinois.

I can set you up with a 0 yard work (maybe spot spray weed killer during monsoon season once a month) in Southern AZ... haven't mowed a lawn or shoveled snow in 28 years.

 

[braumeister]

We are in a very small (17 units) condo development. Several of the residents are in their 80s and have been here for 20 years. The common saying is "The only way I'll move from here is when I have a toe tag attached."

And in fact, there have been only five residents who moved away, to assisted living places, during the seven years we've been here. Two in their mid-90s and one in her mid-80s.

 

[Ronstar]

I can set you up with a 0 yard work (maybe spot spray weed killer during monsoon season once a month) in Southern AZ... haven't mowed a lawn or shoveled snow in 28 years.

I've been there - had a Scottsdale snowbird condo for 17 years. All I did there was change light bulbs and smoke detector batteries. But those summers...

 

[Spock]

I've been there - had a Scottsdale snowbird condo for 17 years. All I did there was change light bulbs and smoke detector batteries. But those summers...

PHX is like LA without the beach... We're 7ish degrees cooler down here.

 

[Ronstar]

We are in a very small (17 units) condo development. Several of the residents are in their 80s and have been here for 20 years. The common saying is "The only way I'll move from here is when I have a toe tag attached."

And in fact, there have been only five residents who moved away, to assisted living places, during the seven years we've been here. Two in their mid-90s and one in her mid-80s.

I like condos, but living full time in a condo might be too big of a change for me at this time. I could see going condo at 80 YO though.

 

[braumeister]

I like condos, but living full time in a condo might be too big of a change for me at this time. I could see going condo at 80 YO though.

That's the way we felt too. But these are single family homes on a private street, so not at all typical.

 

[zaqxsw]

We moved numerous times with megacorp, but after retiring in 2011 at 57, we waited 4 years before we made our "retirement" move at 61 and 60.

We had to give away 1/3 of our possessions, (previous house sold in 3 days and new owners wanted it in 30 days... had to really speed up emptying. Knew a welfare worker and we offered everything that had to go for free if families brought the labor). Of course, we had already bought our new home, but 3 bedrooms instead of 5.

Two of the biggest things were the master walk in closet and hobbies. Loved our old closet and the new house had an even bigger one, but poorly done. Had to completely gut it and redo. Too many things happening to jump on it and when my wife couldn't stand all of the clothes in wardrobe boxes anymore, we did, but it took a dedicated week and an early 60's body. Not looking forward to that again!

The other was both of our hobbies. Not going to mention them all, but almost all will have to go if we have to do a final move. No way would I spend a year getting those all settled out again. I couldn't/wouldn't do it now.

 

[Teacher Terry]

At 65 my parents moved to an apartment because of my dad’s illness. They were happy there for years. When my mom was 84 the building developed mold from an undetected leak. She wasn’t making great progress packing so I flew out to pack and unpack her. A year later she was unhappy there so I flew out to repeat the process. She then was happy in her apartment for the rest of her life.

 

[ncbill]

We are in a very small (17 units) condo development. Several of the residents are in their 80s and have been here for 20 years. The common saying is "The only way I'll move from here is when I have a toe tag attached."

And in fact, there have been only five residents who moved away, to assisted living places, during the seven years we've been here. Two in their mid-90s and one in her mid-80s.

Seen it in my townhouse development where most residents are older couples downsizing from 'the big house' after the kids left.

Many of the (often widowed) women here make it to their 90s before moving on to assisted living facilities.

I'd love it if I could live here until I'm carried out.

 

[pacergal]

Location is partially fueling desire to move. Downsizing is the other component. Only family nearby is MIL 12 miles away.

I can see a need to reduce home maintenance in the next 5 years. We can't find people to work around here. Lawn fertilizer guy quit after 1 application. 2 landscapers showed up to review our retaining wall project - never got a quote from either of them. Tree guy gave us a quote but never showed up.

So the end result is me doing everything. 5 acres and 4,000 sf 2 story walk out basement ranch to maintain - nonstop from April through October. A little less November through March. The house and yard work needs to be cut back significantly.

We need a 2,000 or less house, preferably new to reduce workload. And in a better climate than northern Illinois.

Your desire to move is understandable!
Best of Luck to you.

 

[meleana]

Thinking about moving one last time - to a new single family home. Don’t know where yet. I’m 67, DW 68.

We have some elder care issues that prevent us from moving at this time. We tried to convince now 93 yo mil to move with us 3 years ago, but she wanted to stay put. DW will not leave her mom. MIL may be more open to a move now. Maybe not.

I’m trying to get an idea on how old would be too old for us to move to another single family home in another state.

Just wondering. For those of you who moved to your last single family home in retirement- how old were you when you moved and how far away did you move?

We moved at ages 66 and 64 during the month of February from NY to NH. The entire year before was spent having a small, one level cottage built in NH (where our one and only adult child lives) through emails and phone calls and text messages, and getting rid of a ton of stuff from our big colonial home and packing and so forth. I was home, but my husband was still working full time. Plus we had to move twice because when we sold our former home our new home wasn't finished yet and my husband wasn't retired yet. So we had to rent a house for 4 months in NY.


We did use a moving company both times.


Both of us were in good physical health, and our parents were deceased, but it was still very hard as there is a lot to manage. We had no one nearby to help us either. After the moves we said we are never moving again- even if we hate where we live!


Glad we did it because now at age 66 I have a big problem with my back and will be needing spinal surgery and I can see my husband at age 68 slowing down a lot.


PS This is our third house in our lifetime. First at age 21 was a small starter home in a lake area in NY. Second was the one we just left in a wooded- a lot of acreage- and secluded rural area. The one we have now is like coming full circle back into a small home in a lakes region, but also mountains. Except it's a community of a mix of second and full time homes, and almost like a 55 and older, but no age restrictions. Clubhouse and pool. HOA does tiny lawns and garbage pick up and plowing the private road. Can walk to lake beach. Close to shopping and healthcare and activities and cultural venues.


There's things we don't like about the house and the immediate area, but not enough to move. There's no utopia.

 

[meleana]

Can anyone address the psychological aspects of the "last move"? I lived in Ohio my first 25 years, NJ the second 25 and then to the Kansas City area. It almost sounds right to move to Des Moines where DS and DDIL live when I'm 75, maybe to Independent Living. That's a little over 5 years from now.

And yet... I have longstanding relationships at my church and a lot of my free time is church-related- being vestry warden, on Diocesan Council, preaching an occasional sermon... I'm involved in the HOA and the Garden Club. I know where to buy things when I want brick-and-mortar stores. I'd have to replace my dentist, my oral surgeon and my other doctors. That list isn't too long now but I'm sure it will grow. I'm also in a good relationship that we do NOT intend to lead to marriage or even cohabitation but I'd have to say goodbye to him (or any subsequent partner). I LOVE my house- more than any other one where I've lived.

Has it been difficult to adjust to a fresh start many miles away?

Yes. Some of those things have been difficult. We moved just as the pandemic hit. I had some doctors lined up before we move and then- bam- they disappeared. We managed to get new ones but not easy. I also had to get health insurance as I was under age 65 and previously on my husband's employer's insurance and hubby just started Medicare in NY when he retired at the end of the year and then 2 months later when we moved we needed to make sure he got Medicare in NH!


Also before we decided to move we had spent the last 7 years remodeling our former home and I loved it! (and it was better than our new home, which is very builder cookie cutter).


But I instinctively knew we couldn't stay and age where we lived due to the fact that we had no close relatives or friends nearby and were secluded. And our only child, who's single, lived in NH. Plus for the longest time we felt we didn't want to live in NY anymore for various reasons.



So we found a small HOA community in NH where we immediately made "friends" and had more of a social life- even during the pandemic- than we ever had in our lives! We also hooked up with people in an outside organization and made connections that way also. Husband joined the sportsmen's club and also got into fishing and I joined in free activities like hiking with the local recreation association. I spend a lot of time floating and swimming in the beautiful lake(s) here in summer and our HOA pool.


We feel like we are always on vacation. I might add we have not been back to NY to visit since moving. We thought at some point we would visit friends and family there, but the pandemic squashed that initially and I doubt now at this point we will ever go back there.

 

[Philliefan33]

We are in the midst of a 54-mile move, from a northern suburb of Philadelphia to a western suburb. The impetus was to be closer to our grandson, and now there is a second one on the way.

Before we made the decision we asked DD and her husband if they planned to stay where they live now. Of course there’s no guarantees, but they have no plans to move. One big factor is that DSIL is an only child and his parents live close by.

We took the opportunity to simplify and make things easier as we age (DH is 69, I am 58). We are moving to a new construction twin home with first-floor living (two BRs upstairs but everything we need on the ground floor) and an HOA to take care of the yard work and snow removal. We went from 3000 sq ft in the former house to about 2400 in the new house.

DH and I raised our kids with no family nearby. My parents are 150 miles away and his family is on the West Coast. I want to be able to see the grandkids regularly and help with childcare in a pinch.

This may not be the final move, that depends on whether or not we need help/care when we get old.