Please Approve This Joke

[TromboneAl]

I'm on the fence about including this joke in my new book. Please give me your opinion.

In this scene, the hero, Jake, is reporting to his fiftyish friend in the FBI concerning what he found. The joke is shown in bold.

"... I didn’t learn how they do it, but their weapon requires at least a week to recharge. That’s the word they use, ‘recharge.’ So they shoot at the satellite and then they can’t shoot again for a week. Just like you, old man."

"Very funny, Jake. I guess your injuries aren't too bad, since you're back to making your dumb jokes."
​

Thanks!

 

[Midpack]

Having seen your sense of humor on display here in years past, you can do much better...

 

[Nemo2]

Perhaps the other guy could ask if the recharge time depends on the target.

 

[Keim]

I like it-but does it fit the character? Based on the joke I picture an overly cocky young man who is, maybe, a bit of an ass...

 

[2017ish]

The joke is pretty innocuous. Does it fit the characters and style of the book? (Didn't vote, cuz it all depends.)

 

[redduck]

Perhaps the other guy could ask if the recharge time depends on the target.

Al, the joke is an old one, but, if you top it off with Nemo2's suggestion, you have much more interesting dialogue.

 

[Car-Guy]

Sounded a little limp to me.

 

[TromboneAl]

Well, the split is pretty even, so far.

It does fit the character perfectly. He's always making jokes, even when they are inappropriate.

This is how the book starts:

It was the word I least wanted to hear: “Freeze.” Actually, two words, “Freeze, dumb-ass.” I’m not sure what the second word was for. It was pretty clear who she was talking to—I was the only dumb-ass lurking around the terrorists’ Oregon compound at 3 a.m.

Without turning around, I asked, “Who, me?”

My smart reply apparently wasn’t appreciated. It got me a few hours of unconsciousness followed by a throbbing headache. I’ve heard it so many times: “That Jake Corby can’t keep his mouth shut.” You’d think at age thirty-six I’d have learned to keep it under control.
​

Perhaps the other guy could ask if the recharge time depends on the target.

That's a great idea. Nice.

 

[Walt34]

Sounded a little limp to me.

+1

But if it fits the character it would work.

 

[TromboneAl]

I haven't decided whether to keep it, but here's its current state, thanks to Nemo (Jake is recovering from a beating):

I closed my eyes. “Let me tell you what I’ve got before I pass out again. I was able to eavesdrop on conversations and break in and read some notes. They are indeed involved in the satellite destruction along with a network of other militia-slash-terrorist groups. I didn’t learn how they do it, but their weapon requires at least a week to recharge. That’s the word they use, ‘recharge.’ So they shoot at the satellite and then they can’t shoot again for a week … kinda like you, old man.”

“Yeah, funny, Jake. I guess you’ve recovered enough to make your childish jokes. And I suppose the recharge time depends on the attractiveness of the target?”

“Right. But seriously, it’s a big weapon, and I’m not sure whether it’s mobile.”
​

 

[Nemo2]

it’s a big weapon, and I’m not sure whether it’s mobile.”

"Plus, it's sensitive technology....."

OK, I've done enough damage for one session.

 

[Ronstar]

I'm with others here - I like the joke, but does it fit the characters?

 

[JPatrick]

Perhaps the other guy could ask if the recharge time depends on the target.

+1

 

[haha]

Please Approve This Joke

As requested, I approve this joke.

Ha

 

[TromboneAl]

I decided it didn't feel right and I took it out of the book. Thanks for the help.

 

[mh]

I decided it didn't feel right and I took it out of the book. Thanks for the help.

Yeah - if you find yourself questioning it, it should probably be cut.


Sent from my iPhone using Early Retirement Forum

 

[Nemo2]

I decided it didn't feel right and I took it out of the book. Thanks for the help.

But..but....I bought a whole pack of ballpoint pens in anticipation of the book signings!

 

[kcowan]

But..but....I bought a whole pack of ballpoint pens in anticipation of the book signings!