professional relationships after retirement

[athena53]

I'm a retired property-casualty actuary and did have many professional friendships with colleagues and former colleagues all over the US. I'm on LinkedIn with most of them, FB with a few and I did attend two meetings of my professional society after retirement. One was in Toronto, a city I particularly enjoy; another was in a less-desirable destination but I was getting an award. I also attended a could of regional meetings that were in the town where DS, DDIL and my grandchildren live.

I did run into some people I knew and enjoyed that but had less interest in the educational sessions; many went too deep into the weeds of theoretical math, which is like a foreign language where you have to work to keep up fluency. I haven't. The consulting and rainmaker types were cordial but got away as quickly as they could- I was of little use to them.

A big drawback was when they stopped letting retired members register for free because too many baby boomers were retiring and showing up at meetings to guzzle the free booze and chow down on hors d'oeuvres at the evening receptions.

So for me most of them have faded away and I'm OK with that. I loved what I did but I left it 7 years ago.

 

[harley]

As I started thinking about this question, I was surprised at how many old work friends I am still actively involved with. DW and I are very close friends with one couple I used to work with. They FIREd in 2003, and I FIREd in2006. They visit our house at the MD shore for a few weeks every year. We spend a lot of time together when they are down in FL for a couple months. I stop by to play guitar with him and some other friends when I'm nearby, and we go to music festivals together too. They're probably our closest friends.

I've got another friend from work that is a poster on this site. We talk on the phone every week or three, plus emails and such. We occasionally get together for dinner or whatever, at least pre-Covid.

I've got 4 other work friends I go camping with a couple of times a year. Not too much contact otherwise, but we've been doing this for over 30 years, so I'd definitely count it as friendships.

That's a lot of enduring friendships that were based on common interests but created out of the job environment. Surprising.

 

[DrRoy]

They pretty much ended for me. I would guess that they are more important to you than to me.

 

[Amethyst]

Through my career, I went from one assignment to another, so was used to professional relationships that went dormant with each going-away lunch. I did the amount of networking necessary to get each next assignment, including my post-retirement gig, which is now long past.

I keep up with a few ex-coworkers on FB, who share similar interests, or just like each other as people. Work is never discussed.

 

[big-papa]

When I've switched jobs, there are usually a very small handful of people at the previous employer who have ever reached out, except for ones I had already made lasting friendships with. Those who have reached out usually do so because they either want some career advice because they're still early in their career, they might be asking for a job reference for their next job, or they're actually looking for that next job and want to know if I'm hiring. Once retired, the last one will of course disappear quickly and I expect the first two to face within a year or two.

Regardless, on my "it's been good to have worked with you" spam email on my last day, I usually give out my personal email to those whom I would ever care to hear from again.

Cheers

 

[goingtotravel]

Only retired two months but I do not see any real friendships coming out of people I worked with in my last job and I was there 17 years. There is one person I am still friends with from my very first professional job but we mostly exchange Christmas cards and a yearly phone call now. The few jobs between the first and the last have resulted in a handful of Facebook 'friends' and I may run into one from time to time but that's about it.

In the past two months 3 people have contacted me. 1) My old boss with a work related matter and 2) two people I managed who said they missed me. Later this year DH and I are going on vacation and will see two of my co-workers who retired before me. One lives in the area and one is coming out from across the country with her extended family so we are going to have dinner since we will be crossing paths. Wouldn't fly across country to have lunch with them but certainly don't mind having a nice dinner and catching up.

One of the best parts of retiring was removing all of the consultants we had from my social media. TBH I didn't care for many of them and knew they were only befriending me to see if it would help them stay on the contract. Happy to move on and focus on relationships that actually matter to me.

 

[Markola]

I FIREd one year ago. Recently, I attended a picnic for my retiring former supervisor. I had some good conversations but not strong feelings that I miss these people I worked with for nearly five years in that gig. Just acquaintances.

 

[flyingaway]

I am a professor with a lot of publications. When I retire next year at 58 (very early for a professor), I am going to live a life without any professional connections.

 

[medved]

I am a professor with a lot of publications. When I retire next year at 58 (very early for a professor), I am going to live a life without any professional connections.

Is that because you don’t like the people with whom you had professional connections? Do you feel like those relationships were “just work”?

Or because you just want to start life over in that sense?

Or something else?

 

[CardsFan]

I retired about 5-1/2 years ago. Pre-Covid, we had a retiree luncheon every 2 weeks. Anywhere from 8 to 24 people would attend, and usually a few "retiree's in training". Since Covid, no one has taken the initiative to restart the lunches, so I guess it is probably over.

Last I heard, the company is being sold (again) to a venture capital group. Glad I got out when I did.

 

[Music Lover]

I worked at the same place for 33 years and "grew up" with a lot of people. We went to each other's weddings, played on sports teams, met for drinks, etc. I've been retired for 5 years now and am still friends with several former co-workers. In fact, today I played golf with 3 of them.

 

[Sunset]

Those will evaporate, immediately. And you'll realize, sadly maybe, that they were never real friendships to begin with. They were a means to an end. Just as contracts came and went throughout your career, when your company ended business with another, sure, you'd still catch a coffee with that account VP at a conference but not quite the same (and the coffee only happened because they hoped to keep a foothold). I might sound cynical, but hey, that's what it is. Transactional relationships - even those that jump that definition a bit - are still severed when the transaction ends.

I had many meaningful connections with various folks, travelled with them, broke bread, worked together for years, but when their company or mine severed, fond moments, etc, poof - and that's when I was still working. I managed a lot of stuff that my MC outsourced so I was the relationship owner for a lot of key contracts. Lots of mutual schmoozing for years makes for lots of friends. And when I RE'd? Eh, maybe a hit on linkedin every now and then.

That's ok for me though, they were using me and I was using them (and I probably couldn't have said that at the time, or even 1-2 years after retiring). Not in a mean spirited way, but a relationship built on a means-to-an-end does not survive when those means are no longer included.

Yes, a bit rough but true.

My work friends, we emailed each other and would get together near work for lunch on a workday, but over a couple of years it waned and ended.

I had seen the same thing when working there from the perspective of one of the employees, a fellow who left months ago joined us for lunch but he was out of the loop for our conversations and stuff he talked about didn't resonate with us.

Reality is, they aren't work friends, they are work associates, and once I stopped working there was no need to associate so it ended.

It's like neighbors, I can talk to the same neighbor for 20 years, but once they move away 5 miles, I'll never see them again, unless by accident.

 

[Scuba]

Many of our closest friends are people I worked with 20-30 years ago at Megacorp. I left there in 2006 when Megacorp moved out of So CA. When I get together with friends I first met there, rarely if ever do we discuss our work experiences there. We’ve all moved on but have remained close friends.

There are very few people I keep in regular contact with from my most recent job. Although I was there for 10 years, I never socialized much with colleagues outside of work. The people I do keep in contact with from there are either people outside the company that I worked with occasionally or people who have since left the company. I’m fine with that as obviously they were professional relationships rather than true friendships.

 

[Aerides]

Yes, a bit rough but true.

My work friends, we emailed each other and would get together near work for lunch on a workday, but over a couple of years it waned and ended...

To be clear, the OP wasn't asking about work friends - day to day colleagues in your same company. Rather, clients, relationship owners in other firms, across the industry. The kind you do contracts with, outsource and insource to and from, meet with at conferences and such.

By their very nature, to be successful in these roles, people learn to form fast bonds and create friendships. The "I like them" factor is not tiny when it comes to getting agreements and purchases and such. There's no overlap with your real life because you rarely live in the same town. Their spouse hasn't met your partner, etc.

Those are the ones that are ephemeral.

 

[Badger]

I don't have a crystal ball or Tarot cards but since these are people who are all over the country then I see this as an easy prediction. Even if they were in the same company from which you retire then time and lack of the working relationship will take its toll in time.


Cheers!

 

[Gallaher]

Almost zero contact with former work associates. I’m okay but do wonder how some are doing.
Your experience will be similar. We all have different things going on in our lives.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I rarely speak to my former flying colleagues but on occasion I do have lunch with a couple that live in the local area. When I initially retired, I would often get calls from folks asking advice on airplane stuff since I was "on the inside" of a large DoD contractor and had a lot of experience with "oddities" with the airplane but I nipped those in the bud pretty quick, though. I enjoyed the folks I flew with, but I also spent a LOT of time with them...sometimes weeks at a time. So, I am sure they tired of me.

Once in a blue moon, someone might reach out looking for legal advice to which they seem to get annoyed when I tell them I can't help (usually because they are not in the state in which I am licensed).

 

[TexasPE]

LinkedIN works for me. I have 1000+ contacts related to my professional experience and came to know ~50 of them very well (society meetings, dinners, etc). LinkedIN notifies me of their work anniversaries, new jobs, etc. and gives me a chance to communicate with them.

 

[Paulz]

I was in a similar boat as you in which I emailed all my contacts that I felt were friends or people I enjoyed. I passed along my personal cell and email with offers that I would meet them if they were ever in the area for business or pleasure and buy them dinner. Less than a handful have kept in touch. I can't fault them as our friendship was based on business and I was no longer in that field or engaged in business activity.

I've made fantastic new friends since then so don't feel depressed about those lost acquaintances and friends.

 

[Retired Expat]

If you are an extrovert who seeks out friendships and relationships and is willing to put in the work to maintain them then you easily can. Provided retirement doesn’t mean move to another state

My career had me all over and in a plane all the time. That builds professional relationships but not personal ones. I am an introvert so there is that. I retired and moved out of the country so not like I will be available for coffee. So in my case the answer is virtually none survived.

I could follow people on Facebook or LinkedIn but don’t do Social Media. The idea gives me a rash.

Also retiring early and being much more successful or fortunate than ones work friends and associates can put a strain on relationships. They want to bitch about a horrible client and you want to tell them about your trip somewhere or your new hobby. Have gotten together with many on various trips back but invariably we are in 2 different places and the connection ends. Maybe they will call me once they retire?

 

[ychuck46]

They go away

You'll find that once you retire that all those relationships, whether with fellow employees, customers, and so on, with go by the wayside. You will have nothing left in common with them, and there is nothing wrong with that. In retirement you will move on and find others in your same boat, I am sure.

 

[2177V]

Hi all. I am likely to retire end of 2022.

One thing I am thinking about is what will become of my professional relationships after retirement. I don't mean with people in my company, but instead with people all over the US in my industry with whom I have developed friendships. People I see at industry conferences, business boondoggle trips, dinners, etc. None of those folks are retiring -- though many are older than I am. I have found these relationships to be the most rewarding part of my career (putting aside financial compensation). For those of you who had such relationships, did you continue them after retirement? Or did they just end?

For me it would be unfortunate for them to end. But I think maybe we would no longer have much in common.

I retired as an engineer and I have lunch regularly with the Resident Engineer of Public Works and a co-worker who was promoted to a supervisor. They was close friends of mine which I had lunch with regularly when I was working. When I retired, we continued this practice. I get caught up with the office politics and I tell them what retirement is like. My wife opened a business which is a partnership with my wife and I plus a close friend. I tell them that my wife is more knowledgeable in a small business than I am and it has been successful so I have a lot of small business stories to tell them.

I am also in contact with my former supervisor who changed job 500 miles away but I keep in touch via social media. About 15 years ago, I was stationed in Afghanistan as a civilian engineer and a civilian co-worker still see me when he is in California since he is now stationed in Europe. Our relationship was due to the fact that we were both ex-military so we appreciate each other’s military experiences. Other co-workers I do not see because we did not have the chemistry to maintain a close relationship.

I am now an unpaid volunteer at a city’s recreational center so I am making new relationships with younger people and they appreciate my experiences. For example, I tell them that I still surf in Hawaii at age 70 and tell them who are the good surfing instructors in Waikiki.

 

[frances]

I have two former colleagues that were friends at work that I have kept in contact with since leaving the same company we all worked for in 1998. I stopped working due to massive lay-offs in my industry in 2002 and decided (with blessings from my spouse) to retire then. A couple of other former work colleges occasionally check-in with me, but mostly it's me reaching out.
As most everyone else has said, you'll need to to decide that life going forward after work will be that - going forward, making new friends and having new adventures.
Do it before you have time to change your mind, get too old, and become immobile!!!

 

[prudent_one]

I like a lot of my coworkers and professional contacts but when I retire I can't imagine staying in touch with them. All the social interactions with them was work-related in some way - work lunches, after-work happy hours, conferences, professional org events - so that was the common thread. Once I'm out I know I won't have any interest in hearing about work-related things.

 

[PointBreeze]

Welcoming to retirement. I've not had much success with keeping in contact with my co-workers and colleagues. Started by exchanging email and occasional phone calls but, wained over time as did my relevancy in the field. Hope you have better results.

+1

A few Zooms during the lockdown to make sure everyone was okay, maybe an email once/year, but that’s it. It’s because what we had most in common was the work we were engaged in. Turns out those friendships (with 1-2 exceptions) weren’t based on anything more.

On the plus side, I have a lot more time for my non-work friendships, and a few of them have gotten much stronger and deeper. And I’ve made new friends from engaging in my retirement hobbies of botanical art and pickleball.